Please help!?

[DirtyBlonde95]

So I am currently married and pregnant and my husband always has his computer locked so I never knew what he had on his desktop. Until this evening when he accidentally forgot to log off and fell asleep so I decided to snoop to see what he's hiding what I saw broke my heart. He told me im the only woman he has pictures off and when I clicked on the pics folder I saw so many naked women and some pics looked like they weren't download from the Internet and I looked at the date it said it was this year. It absolutely broke my heart that he lied to me and he lost all my trust now the part that hurts so bad is those females were so unattractive I'm sick to my stomach if I confront him about it I would have looked like a moron for snooping on his laptop if I don't then it'll eat me up inside!  What do I do??

[specialmom]

that's terrific.  I'm glad to hear it.  Keep on track with that as poor communication has ended many a relationship.  good luck and peace

[DirtyBlonde95]

My husband and I worked it out. He said he mentioned the woman because I brought up my own sexual experience and at first I didn't tell him that it hurt me and disgusted me but when I did he said he feels the same way if I talk about my past and he said that she "too tight" in a painful not pleasureful way whether that's true or not I don't know but it was a random hook up many years ago and not an ex girlfriend I'm not jealous of his ex girlfriends or think he has feelings for any of them as he told me they never really got along and broke up because of their differences. He doesn't have them on his fb or contacts and the girls i saw were porn pics that he apologized for many times and deleted them immediately he knew he hurt me and he was really sorry so i forgave him and moved on. We are getting better at the whole communication thing lol :)

[specialmom]

Well, that is not a great sign.  NOT cheating.  But then again, hurtful.  I think you are going to have to talk to him about this even though it is hard because of the way you found out.

You can tell him he left the computer open, you were curious/wondered and wa la . . .   there they were.  

I think that you need to up the communication level with your husband.  Talk about what you are okay with and not.  I'd really be firm about It so that there is no grey area.  And tell him why . . .   because it HURTS your feelings.

I'd talk to him about one of his jobs as your husband is to be careful not to hurt you.  To be gentle and considerate of you.  And then talk about that tight comment as well as his keeping naked pictures of an ex.  (some kind of file or had he recently been looking at them?)

You are a married couple.  Try to work this out through communication.  It's NOT cheating.  And maybe you can move past this.   they are ex's for a reason.  How long were they broken up when you came into the picture?  He chose to marry you which is a big step indicating he loves you.  So, try not to let this ex continue to haunt you.  And if HE is doing that, tell him to knock it off.

The only other alternative is that he wants to be back with her.  And you do need to figure out if that is the case.  but from what you've written, that is questionable.  but you do need to know.

So, this is a time to get closer to him by communicating.  Don't hold it inside and allow it to cause you to feel like you are competing with this ex.  YOU are his wife.  Talk to him.  good luck and let me know how it goes.  

[Kermit the Hermit]

ok lets get this straight once and for all

looking is lust desiring another woman christian or non christian its a life fact

if you want to allow smut and disrespect to you special mom or ops then more power i wont bother you

a man has lost interest when he starts looking talking flirting

disrespectful dishonoring vows

passwords you have every right to them its bloody marriage open no secrets

my wife knows mine i know heres

i read my wifes texts when it goes off and shes sleeping i dont go through the phone no need

she know i wont cheat mentally physically or of the heart

and i know the same

im done i wont harass or say anymore

i just say values trust and love not just religious reasons

like disorders to each there own they run how they want

as fo me its close to a year i refuse to look or anything just wait for her

i ask what kind of marriage it it if we have locks and secrets

there's boundarys i respect hers she respects mine never lock outs

good luck despite sound wasn't meant as fight my opinions

[DirtyBlonde95]

I understand your point and some days I do want to pack my bags and get the hell out. I would never want my daughter to be treated like this I also don't want her to ever find out I'm praying or hoping he changes but honestly I don't believe he will it's also unfortunate that we're newlyweds he never treated me like this while we were dating or engaged I don't know if he just thinks he can get away with whatever now that we're official and I told him my stance on divorce.

[DirtyBlonde95]

These pictures aren't just random porn images I wouldn't care much if they were however they are from his exs I believe because I seen his things in the background and he previously swore to me he deleted all pictures and threw everything away then I see naked pictures that were taken by someone of the woman. And when he got a new phone he transfered those pics to his computer the worst part is the date he transferred them was when I was in basic training in the army. I'm scared to confront him because I'm so angry and hurt if I let it out I know our relationship will be done for good.

[EllaMari]

I think this is a character issue on his part and I'm not sure this is something that can be fixed. His track record for lying and saying horrible things is pretty apparent. I would ask myself if I wanted my daughter to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior from a husband.

[specialmom]

By the way, I do not feel that looking at naked pictures is cheating on someone.  That's a bit over the top to suggest.  If the pics were sent FROM a woman he knows, that is different.  That's a major red flag not to be ignored.  good luck

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I still have a very hard time with any man saying that to the woman he is with.  That comment is way beyond out of line and brings out my retaliation side in which I want to say something regarding his being much smaller than your last boyfriend.  Don't do it . . .   but it is that kind of low blow he took at you.

Now, onto this issue.  What made you want to snoop?  Was he guarding his computer?  My own computer, like my phone, shuts down to a screen that only I have the code word for.  To me it is no big deal that these things lock but then I wonder what the behavior is that makes one want to snoop.  

Obviously he's giving off signals to you that you can't trust him.

These naked pictures . . .  porn images or something women have sent to him?  Big difference.  Where do you stand on porn?  

men are very visual, I will say that and some do look at erotic or naked pictures and it is really meaningless in terms of how they feel about their partner.  Like looking through a playboy.  

Don't let his desire to look at a pic at times bother you.  Although, it is not great if he has files of them and if they are anything like a picture someone sent him . . .    well. Obviously, that isn't good.

You are in a conundrum since you did come upon this info by snooping.  Up to you if you want to broach the subject with him but you'll have to reveal you've snooped.  So, it depends how much it bothers you.

good luck  (PS:  I'd be much more bothered by his rude comment).  

[Kermit the Hermit]

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything."

-- Mary Hemingway

[Kermit the Hermit]

im christian no church or bible bashing but i believe and have beliefs and rules

he cheated

his hear and mind lusted for another woman we won mention the sticky keyboard

my eyes he broke the vows

my wife is polycystic and could care less if its a lifetime between doing things crap close to a year now

i refuse i wont break what i promised god and here

its your turn your move live with it deal with it

or ignore and let fester

i say confront i say lets see help

im very old school death means death

my current wife believes the same

mine comes from watching a mother with some disorder never diagnosed

throwing plates and hitting dad with those plates

all kinds of crap that man just stood there

they tought me so much i believe in trying before tearing that paper up

make sure he understands he cheated he did well uhh to the pic of another woman not thoughts of you

if that dont work you have tough decisions

funny thing my exwife screwed everything on me

i offered forgiveness

her boyfriend and 5 guys beat me with a steel bar

ok man you could have just said no ouch

[DirtyBlonde95]

Yes he's the ******* husband who told me that. I'm scared where this is all headed and I feel like I lost all self respect constantly looking the other way or forgiving and trying so hard to make this marriage work for my soon to be daughter. Growing up without a dad made me wish my children would never have to but the way things are going I don't even know. Once I lose trust in someone it's never the same again.

[Londres70]

Is he the one who was telling you how "tight" one of his exs was?  If so...........I am so sorry to tell you that he is up to NO good.  He should feel like a "moron" for telling you what he told you.

I would say CONFRONT him and tell him what you've told us.  He can't argue his way out of this one...........you have proof.  

I don't really condone "snooping," however, given your marriage seems to be in trouble this is to be expected.