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Pornography & couples

Pornography often has unrealistic ideals and I was talking to a couple of ladies and guys I know regarding this and I thought I would get other peoples opinions.

Given the diverse amount of adult oriented materials, should or shouldn't someone who is in a long range relationship try to get only materials that reflect the somatype and appearance of their partners.

The idea is that by doing this you are reinforcing sexual attractions and the role of your partner in sexual attraction and fantasies.  Thic conversation was brought on by a lady saying that she only watched pornography in which the male resembled ideals of her current partner at the time.

What are other people's perspectives on this?
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Avatar universal
Hi, folks,

Since this thread is old and the original participants are no longer taking part, we'll close it now.  If you'd like to ask a question or start a new thread, please click the "Post a Question" button near the top of this page.  Thanks!

Claire
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Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
Very interesting topic...I think that it only makes SENSE if you look at porn with people representing your significant other, because after all...aren't you looking at vids/pics of people you find attractive, and shouldn't you, then, be attracted to the person you're with?

I have a slightly unique perspective on this whole argument (all of the o/t stuff) because from the age of 2-7 I was sexually molested (pretty regularly) by a guy who used porn as a part of his molestation technique. For years I was scarred by it, and refused to allow it to any part of my relationships. Much to my shock, I found out a few years ago that my husband was looking at it behind my back and I was DEVASTATED. Not only did we have an incredibly active sex life, but he did it while I was napping (ew, LOL) in the same room. Sigh, LOL. Anyway....after a long time of blaming, and bad memories being dredged up for me, we came to an agreement that he would refrain. Later, I found out that he was doing it AGAIN. Finally I said look...you know what my history is with this, it has GOT to stop. He admitted he had a problem...not a porn problem, oddly enough, but a masturbation addiction. I jokingly told him that instead of using porn he should come to me every time he needed something. Needless to say I got sick of that after about a month. A few months later after the whole porn issue kept coming between us and causing fights (regarding trust and honesty) I finally decided I was going to give it a try....we watched porn together. He was so weirded out that I got way more from it than he did, but now he knows that when he wants to look at porn what I need from him is honesty, not porn-abstinence. Yes it took a long number of years to get over the mental scarring I had (yes, I DO have memories from that period of my life) but it took years not to associate his porn-watching with insecurities on my part. Now we're healing, and porn is no longer the big issue it used to be. I'm still not a supporter, but I think calling it evil is waaay too far. Sinful, yes, but Jesus died to save us from the sins he knew we would commit. Committing a sin because we're weak humans is a far cry from committing evil, which is what some people seem to think is one and the same

Did I mention that I'm Catholic? Yes, we're all "sin and hellfire" but in a modern age where people don't conform to our traditionalist ideals, we have to make adjustments or be forever left behind by society. I didn't give up my ideals and morals, but I refused to believe that God wants me miserable and unable to trust my husband...yes the obvious answer would be for him to just stop looking at porn so I could trust him, but it works both ways and I think we met in the middle.
Helpful - 0
1102123 tn?1325703562
hahaha some intresting answers i must say...
i do believe that if u made that change in ur live its hard to turn back.
i have many friends loving the porn life and friends that have many problems like he/she is cheating on me with porn.
There is a diff. between enjoying porn and wanting to be that male or female in the porn film.. if u and your partner enjoy living the ''porn life'' then so be it, who am i to talk into something else, but if u are in a dark room all by urself and watching porn and getting a turn on by helping urself atleast 3 times a day and u have a partner ,i would say u have a problem and its cheating cause u are on ur way of seeking something else.
Porn can make and break u and ur partner so be carefull when u do want to turn up ur love life.... toys could do that kind of job just as good..
well in my point of view i would say its a 50/50.

thanx for bringing this up..

enjoy!
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412
I would suggest (I'm not a woman) that you show your boyfriend the door...if you have voiced your opinion to him more than once and it means nothing to him and he is trying to act out wht he sees on porn...and you are not too crazy about it..it's time to say adios..you are not his "porn star" or "sex object"

Most people will say that "porn teaches us new positions" and all that sort of rot but all it is is an abuse of women and a man getting off with the "money shot"..if it's new positions you want, there are plenty of books you can look at together, discover each other's bodies together and you don't need porn to do that.  Think of it...at some point the women in porn are eventually tossed out in the street and we frequently read of their drug problems and suicides, while the male continues to make $$ with his big Penis.  Many former porn stars have gone out on the road discouraging porn..

sorry...I haven't read all of the messages here, but that's my feeling on the subject...the female body is a beautiful creation to be loved and cherished and not experimented on..
I believe it's far better to be in love, discover each other's bodies and what pleases each other...and my own OPINION on anal sex is that it is not meant to be.  If it was a natural sexual act there would be no need for artificial lubrication, enemas and danger of internal damage and disease...no matter how "clean" there's bacteria there..it's an "exit" spot on the body..

Good luck and I hope I didn't offend you

Jim
Helpful - 0
1097249 tn?1257377627
Not one responce from a woman !!!
I do not need your advise.  Porn or no porn I like men better.  Women are way to competitive.  
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1097249 tn?1257377627
Please Please someone give me advise.  My boyfriend called me an old ***** ! I looked at the computer and found teen porn
We just got a computer 4 months ago and have never had the Internet before.  We had been together for 2 years.  Everything was great.  He treated me great.  3 months ago he wanted anal sex for the first time. It seems weird but I did it.  Last week he kept looking at 15 and16 year old girls in front of me in the grocery store.  Last night he called me an old menopausal whor-  I am to young for menopause and not a *whor-.  I got on the computer and saw that he has been looking at lots of teen porn sites.  Does anything know if something like that might be causing his bad behavior?  I have been crying all day. I have A.D.D. and anxiety. I have fibroids. I take Ritalin and Zoloft.


Please Please someone give me advise.  My boyfriend called me an old ***** ! I looked at the computer and found teen porn
We just got a computer 4 months ago and have never had the Internet before.  We had been together for 2 years.  Everything was great.  He treated me great.  3 months ago he wanted anal sex for the first time. It seems weird but I did it.  Last week he kept looking at 15 and16 year old girls in front of me in the grocery store.  Last night he called me an old menopausal whor-  I am to young for menopause and not a *whor-.  I got on the computer and saw that he has been looking at lots of teen porn sites.  Does anything know if something like that might be causing his bad behavior?  I have been crying all day.  
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Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If anyone's read my comments on other topics they know where I stand on some issues. Porn is a big 1 for me, 1st let me say if you watch it more pwr to you 2nd I would like to put something out there. Apparently the gov can't do anything about porn of any kind as the industry uses the 1st ammendment as a crutch,  The gov can throw a teacher in jail for 30 yrs for showing porn in a classroom as the classroom is considered a learning institute there it's against the law. The largest learning institute in the world right now is the internet, yet of the 40 million web sites online 12% is porn. As I said there are over 250,000 pictures of children ages 6/15 downloaded every day. They use vertual imaging to make young adults look 13/16 and who do they do this for? My question is if the gov won't allow learning institutes to show porn, why can't the gov pass a law that the internet is a legal learning institute there by putting anyone that puts childporn of any type in jail. That will leave all the other porn out there for those of you that apparently need it or should I say enjoy it? Just a thought
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Avatar universal
LOL if it matters I worked some rather rough jobs to get my education.

Whatever makes you feel more yourself is fine.
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Avatar universal
I could not agree with you more!  I do think how you feel inside reflects on how you look on the outside.  
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Avatar universal
Let me rephrase that. I spent too much time in my youth in fights that might have involved knives and have one or two cuts that I might have preferred had not happened too be at ease enough to let someone willingly cut my body.  If other people want too that fine I have a couple of close friends that are in the body mod business and that's their choice but not on my body. lol
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Avatar universal
sam the idea of surgery would never be for my dh (i do love him dont get me wrong) it would be for me.  you would have to be a woman to actually understand.  we are subjected to this idea of what a beautiful woman is.  now i am happy with who i am, but i could be happier should i not have a backache daily.  its all about wrinkles, sag, are our butts too flat?  too round?  do i have kankles or am i bird legged?  will anyone notice that hair growing on my chin or can they see my grey strands in the mix of the blond highlights i use to cover them up?  lol see what we have to deal with?  not that men dont, but its pushed on us much more.  

im now 37 yrs old and i am starting to see some lines and sun spots thanks to the california sun (ok minus sunscreen).  im totally ok with who i am.  i can go out without make up and my hair thrown in a pony tail and i can feel sexy about it.  you know its amazing how  you can take two women.  one is beautiful.  but has low self esteem.  to others she may seem less attractive or even non existent.  you can take a woman that is mediocre and if she feels sexy and good about herself people notice her!  
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Avatar universal
For any type of surgery, that is....
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Avatar universal
Personally I would have to be too sick to fight someone off to let them come near me with knives.
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Avatar universal
Actually I resigned myself some time ago.  Actually I'm more of a nipple or butt person affianado myself.  Lol  I've never seen much reason why a person would tamper with nature though.  If you love a woman she'll look beautiful, if she loves you her beauty will maintain in your eyes and if she loves herself she'll never question you when you say shes the most beautiful woman in the world.

And you know what, she will be.
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Avatar universal
i dont feel vavoom.  i have perm indents on my shoulders.  my back hurts most of the time.  i cant find a bra that fits very well and when i do i bust the wires.  maybe implants feel different, but i would never encourage anyone to go larger than their frame permits.  back in my younger years when i was dating i found that men were interested in the girls not me.  i recieved attention from both sexes and i hated it most of the time.  girls call you a bi.tch and men hope you are a hoochie lol.  i think god should have made the boobs more elastic haha.  

serious sam dont you love we took over your thread? lol.  
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Avatar universal
Mine were rock hard and sat high on my chest before I got pregnant with Ava.  After I had her, and began breastfeeding they dropped, and so my torso looks shorter.  :(  Like Perty said it is hard finding shirts that look right on me.  I wear alot of longer shirts now, mostly ones that cover part of my fanny too.  :)  It makes my torso look longer.
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640829 tn?1230996060
Va va voom on the boobies there.
Dd-DDds wow, do you have a lot of back backs though? and do you need to get really expensive bras?
I only wanted to go up to a C , I think..if I did it.

Do you find guys aren't looking you in the eyes as much when your cheat is bigger?
And that they see you as more sexual because of them?
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Avatar universal
i hate my big boobs.  natural and now sagging :(.   id love to have them lifted, but i dont know that id ever want to go through that kind of surgery. one thing to consider, and im sure baby has to deal with it, some shirts just dont fit right when your chi chis are a larger size.  right now im about a 36DD-DDD and while dh loves it, id love to be a C cup.  in my younger years i thought it was great.  now id like to have people talk to me not the girls lol.

(you do however get doors opened and free drinks if you are single haha.)
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640829 tn?1230996060
Thank you... I wasn't sure if getting implants I could breast feed normally, I even wondered if I got a nipple piercing if I could. I mean to be honest as vain as I can be at times, I want to breast feed my baby when ever I have one more..and have that bonding.

I was even worried about Lupus and implants?

My bf doesn't care if I do or not really, he said it's your body honey, I love you as is.
And I never do it for him, only for me, even though I love him.
Thought of surgeries terrify me a lot.. I watched some of those shows on tv..and I was all cringing at it. I love the round full bouncey look, you know the type I mean and thats why I'd want them... But I don't know if like you said its worth it.
What you said certainly got me thinking, *hugs*
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Avatar universal
Honestly, I would not recommend getting them to anyone.  Given the opportunity again, I would have never gone through with the surgery.  I used to look at big breasted women with envy, now I look at natural women with envy.  The only thing they are good for is a pillow for my baby.
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Avatar universal
I've also heard that with breast implants, you need to get them re-done every 10-15 yrs.  I've known two women that developed hard lumps and needed to get new ones.  That's about $15k.  Just a thought for anyone considering breast implants.
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Avatar universal
I wanted to add that bigger is not alway better.  I went in with a 32A cup, and came out of surgery wearing a 32D, and the pain was TERRRRIIIIIBBBBLLLLEEEE!!  I chose 525cc.  Bad mistake!  They looked nice, and still do, but like I said above you will be maintaining them for the rest of your life.

I could not even take a poopie without being in massive PAIN!  You will not be able to do ANYTHING on your own for a LONG time.    
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Avatar universal
Yes, you can breastfeed with implants.  I have them under the muscles, and have had absolutely no problem breastfeedin my 5 month old daughter.  She has been eating like a champ from day one.  

I had flashbacks of my a**hole ex-husband who pulled out a porn magazine to show me what HE wanted my breasts to look like.  That will never leave my head.  Make sure it is what YOU want, and that you are not altering your body for the visual pleasure of some butthole like I did.  If I could go back in time, I would have NEVER had the operation.  You wil have to maintain them for the rest of your life.

Google plastic surgeons in your area, pull up their websites, and do reasearch on them and view their work BEFORE deciding on "the" doctor.  Trust me, it's not an easy decision, I made mine way too quickly.
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640829 tn?1230996060
Lol, I considered it was a joke, but still wanted her to know it exists if she wanted to try it.

I am secure in my body, but I am also very vain  and my meds caused weight gain, which made my breasts fuller, both myself and my bf like that aspect. Since going off meds, weight (hopefully) will go too, and then sadly the bigger breasts.
So we were checking sizes we liked for fun, mostly out of boredom then.

I never said we looked at porn mags, you assumed that on your own :P
Why pay for a magazine when its all free online.
And I would never step into a drs office and fork over a consultation fee while I am still in the not sure stage. Was something to distract me from feeling all my body pain hell right now...and it worked, him and I laughed a lot..
I want to have kiddies and I'm not sure if implants make it difficult to breast feed? or if you even can with them?
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