Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
PreMarital Counsling?
by K1990, Aug 22, 2008 11:26PM
My fiance and I aren't getting married for over a year and I was wondering who thinks premarital counsling is a good idea? I know a preist can do this but I think that is such a joke since they have never been married and have no idea what it should be like, plus I am not religious. Open fourm, would love any opinions.
Related discussions
-
what would you do if your fiance dramatically changed? (12 replies):I have been with my fiance for about three years now. I ...[more]
-
should I stay or leave my husband (59 replies):Okay, my husband mentally abuses me. He criticizes me, ...[more]
-
Pre-Marital counseling?? (10 replies):So the pastor that is marrying my fiance and I is an old...[more]
-
Attracted to another manHi, My family and I started attending this church over ...[more]
Post Comment
Related Communities
Recent Videos
Related Expert Forums
Recent Activity
Most Popular Trackers
RSS
Expert Activity
Community Members
Popular Groups
It was really great. I think it was 6 evenings of 3 hours each - one was finances, one was extended family, one was goals, one was fighting fair/problem solving, etc. There were about 30 couples when we started and by the end about 10 of them had dropped out and decided not to get married. The church doesn't tell you whether you're doing "well" in the class or whether you "pass" - you just learn about each other on a deep enough level that many couples realize they aren't a match.
One of the best exercises we did was the holding hands exercise. You have to hold hands and stay together for this. The leader announces questions, and as a couple, you have to go together as a couple to your answer station. SO, the first question was "Your First Christmas". Would you spend it alone, with her family or with his? You had to go TOGETHER to the station that was your answer pick. I swear, I think that was the lightbulb moment of the whole seminar. So many couples were stuck in limbo and couldn't agree on that one. Another question was do you want no children, 1-2 children, 3-4 children, or more than 4.
By the end you really realize the things you will have to decide, and should have in common.
I think it's a great idea - best wishes finding a program as good as this if you're not Catholic.
But then again...I don't know the whole situation between you and your fiance.
Hope this helped!
I may be misremembering, but I don't remember much religion in my precana session. It was ALL relationship stuff with the lead couples giving very practical advice that wasn't Christian based, but experience based.
Suggestion: Both of you make time to go somewhere like Borders and find one that better suits your relationship. By doing so, you are allowing your fiance to take part in choosing the book instead of you telling him which book was referred to you. A lot more intimate that way, don't you think?
Btw, glad you two are doing great! And I believe that you are already taking the first steps in "doing it yourself."
Cheers! ^_^
Everyone else~ Thank you so much for all of your help and ideas, last night we went and looked at books together and it was fun! We came home and talked until like 3 in the morning! Yey, I am so glad everything is going so well right now!
One of the things they do teach is how to fight fair. In marriage you will have arguments and the success of a marriage can as simple as learning how to disagree with civility.
Marriage is simple if you face adversity together you will grow together if you face adversity apart you will grow apart and you will have adversity.
Let's just put it this way:
Pre-Marital or Marital Counseling is REALLY for those who have serious problems. For example: Abuse - Verbal, physical or mental, one person being driven to want to commit suicide because of lack of attention from her husband or even if there is absolutely no point in trying to communicate with the other person.
Hope all goes well with you.
God bless
It's not just for people who shouldn't be getting married, as in your examples of couples with serious problems. They ought not be getting married.
You aren't afraid that a priest will try to talk you out of marriage (perhaps view you as taking one of their parishioners?) or make one of you have second thoughts, are you? If you are mature and truly secure in your relationship, you should be able to get value and benefit from the good it offers without being concerned with the few times they may ask you to bow your head at the end of a meeting.
I understand that you are a very strong-willed and determined (and sometimes hard-headed) girl and that can be a good thing, but don't cut off your nose to spite your face--don't throw out the baby with the bath water. Do some research on it. There are Catholic Engaged Encounter Weekends, but if you are hell bent on not having anything to do with the Catholic Church, you can go on the weekend through the Methodist church and they don't require you to be a particular religion to attend. Here's a site that explains their Engaged Encounter Weekend:
http://www.encounter.org/ee.htm
(Read the first two sections at least. You can search for EE weekends near you if you plan to go.)
I'm not trying to talk you into any program in particular, but I have never heard of a totally secular pre-marriage counseling program--mainly, I believe, because marriage in general is viewed to be a religious union by most people. Maybe someone else can offer a suggestion if you are still adamantly opposed to considering anything being held by any religion, regardless of the contents of the program and potential benefits.
Regardless, it's not just a priest or minister who "tells you about a marriage"--there are three other couples involved in the weekend who are married and have gone through extensive training in the program (that information is in the link I posted), but you obviously have an aversion to anything with any connection to any religion, so I'll leave it at that and hope you get the answer you are looking for.
All the best to you.
The counselor that I send my probationers to is a sex offender therapist. She's good at her job, but she's not a *********. Thankfully, that's not a prerequisite.
Here it is you can read it now - http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/625064
I lost my password which is why I had to change my name.
Sara
By the way I do go to counselling - I have two due to multiple issues - but thanks for your concern :-(
My main issue is turning to substances to treat my mood swings and depression, for example drinking too much and/or abusing prescription medication.
This has been an issue in my life for about 10 years (I am 30 now). It has cost me so much - my wonderful relationship with a great guy, good jobs, I've upset family and friends, money wasted etc. All the usual things addicts do I guess.
So, after lots of relapes this year I am going into long term rehab - to a farm!!
It's a rehab in a rural setting with animals and vegatables you have to look after - I don't know about this - I am a city girl!!
I will so anything to fix this though. I may be there 6 months! Shorter rehabs have not worked for me in the past.
At the farm you have group, one on one, meditation, and they teach relapse prevention etc. You help look after the farm too - it's supposed to be theraputic.
I am going in in 2 weeks, still feels a bit unreal.
Sara