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Pregnant and hating my husband
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Pregnant and hating my husband

Help!  I am 9 months pregant and through my pregnancy my husband hasn't been a big help.  I already have two kids from a previous relationship and didn't want anymore but he begged so I gave in.  I have back probs and being pregnant has made them worse and my husband doesn't really seem to care.  He thinks I should b happy 24/7.  I feel like a have three children bc I have to do everything for him too.  He is never around he works then everyday spends 3 hrs at the gym, when he is not working he spends his time with his dad going to NA meetings.  Yeah he is a month clean off cocaine too.  During his 4 month splurge with that I think he cheated on me and sometimes I think he still might be.  I don't remember the last time he looked at me naked let alone had sex with me.  He has no license so I have to drive him everywhere and the kids.  Bc I am in so much pain I only get about 4 hrs of sleep at night and I am running all day and cleaning too.  I get no rest time.  He gives me no support.  He denies it all and just yells at me anytime I bring anything up that is bothering me about us.  Blames it on my hormones bc I am pregnant.  If this is how he is now I dont think he is gonna be much help with the baby and I am scared.  I love this man with all my heart but I don't think he feels the same anymore.   Is this all in my head and hormones or what?  Can anyone give me advice?  I would leave but I know how hard it was with two children couldn't imagine how hard it would b with three.
Tags: husband, no support, Pregnancy
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Avatar_f_tn
Sounds like you have your hands full!  It could be partially hormonal but your situation is also very stressful.  I hope some more women with husbands & children chime in here, but I would suggest getting into therapy of some sort.  You need to vent to someone who can really give you good advice.  It does sound like your husband could help you out a lot more than he does.  He wanted this baby as much as you so he needs to help you with the house & kids.  Hope things work out for you!
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Avatar_f_tn
It has nothing to do with hormones that your husband is not helping you around the house and such. Tell him in a very calm and soft voice that you need help from him. If he yells talk even lower, a yelling match never helps.

Dove
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146191_tn?1236881412
i agree that he needs to help you more. my husband needs to help me more too and he is slowly getting better at it, but if i never spoke up and told him he needed to help me more, god bless him, i don't think he would have ever known i needed help. men are hard to deal with. either they pretend like they don't know or they just really don't know. sometimes its hard to tell. like my husband knew i was stressed after we had our son and i had to go back to work, but i had to have at least 4 or 5 arguments with him and spell out the fact that i needed him to get off his butt and do some things for me before i lost my mind. so, maybe a good talking to will help your husband to see that maybe for now he needs to spend less time at then gym and more time with you. grantedm the other two children are not his, but by making the choice to be with you, he is accepting all that comes with you, including the stress of your two other children. plus, like you said, if he's this useless now, just think of how awful you'll feel once the baby is here and you're doing everything yourself.

as far as his drug problem, its good that he is sober and getting help, so i suppose you can't bash him for going to NA meetings. be careful with that though as im sure you know, thats a problem that never goes away and is with you always, even when he's sober. if you really think he cheated on you in the past and possibly still is, then why are you with him? i had some crazy irrational thoughts when i was pregnant and i HATED my husband when i was pregnant also. he would go out for a beer after work or out with a friend here or there and even ehrn he went to work, i was mad. i just hated him being anywhere without me, doing anything remotely fun, because i was miserable. and i have to admit i would make up some outrageous stories in my head of what i "thought" he was doing wrong when he was out, but i will tell you that if i honestly felt in my heart he had cheated on me, i would get to the bottom of it and find out for sure. if you really feel somethings up, in your gut, you need to put that to rest, otherwise you will never be able to move forward completely. it will always be in the back of your mind. my husband didnt have sex with me while i was pregnant either. once i started to get somewhat big, it was like pulling teeth to get him to do it. he would always say it made him feel "weird" or he was scared he would hurt the baby, but i didnt believe any excuse he gave me. like you, i felt terrible about myself. fat, ugly, unhappy....thats all normal pregnancy stuff i guess. although my husband isn't 100% perfect and far from it, he's getting better a little at a time. just be straightforward and honest with him about the way you feel and see where that gets you. seriously - i KNOW how you feel! i was there not too long ago. except, i dont have two other kids to run around after. i give you credit for that! good luck and congrats on the little one. don't stress too much over anything also - b/c thats not good for the baby! :o)
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298817_tn?1229893582
I can't say much for not helping or not showing you physical attention . If he is one month clean , the time in the jym will help his anxiety from detox .
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298817_tn?1229893582
Addiction is a selfish disease , You're at a time when you need him to be their and be emotionally supportive . I would like to suggest posting your question on the " addiction community  forum  " Probably you can find someone who went through exactly what you dealing with.
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Avatar_f_tn
i think you said your husband had been on cocaine if he was on it when you met him that would have made him a drug addict correct me if i am wrong i do feel for you but why would you take a chance on someone that takes drugs  just asking  i do hope things work out    luck jo
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