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10069532 tn?1407594111

Random Rant/What would you do?

Okay. So, I am 29 weeks pregnant with my first child and I am 21.
My mom has been in my life from day one. We have had a lot of fall outs, a lot of anger and resentment, but she is still my mom. She married a really awesome guy that I consider to be my dad.
Well, my real dad hasn't been in my life. I can count the number of times I have seen him on my hand. I do, however, still have contact with his mom. Ever since I have found out I was pregnant, all of my family (mom included) has told me that I need to include him in my baby's life, even if it is supervised.
I have been let down time after time because of this man. I never get a 'happy birthday" or anything. When I was younger, I rebelled, called him nasty names, and told him that if he only wants to be a part time parent, I didn't want him to be a parent at all.
Now, everyone is trying to guilt trip me into letting him into the baby's life.
There are two outcomes that can come from this, and neither one is what I would like. I could let him into my baby's life, and watch him treat it the exact same way that I have been treated, or I can watch him love this baby and treat it better than he ever treated his daughter.
This is a constant internal battle and I have no where to turn. My family gets mad when it gets brought up, and my friends just don't really understand...
Has anybody else had this happen? Or what would you do in this predicament? I'm really lost and I have no idea what to do...
6 Responses
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10069532 tn?1407594111
Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and at least try. Hopefully if he decided to not have a relationship with the baby, he will decide it early instead of when the baby is older and understands more.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya know, this could really end up not being something you have to deal with at all . . .   because if he continues his pattern and history, HE won't be around when you have the baby.  You don't have to say anything to anyone . ..   just let this play out.  He isn't banging down your door to be part of your life.  Yes, his mom may arrange for him to meet your child but that doesn't mean he is going to turn into someone completely different than who he is and try to be a big part of your life.  

I'm sorry you got a crummy bio dad but absolutely thrilled you have such a wonderful step dad!!  That will be the grandfather to your child and your bio dad will give a moment of attention and then go on about his selfish ways and life,.  so, try not to stress about this.  I think your bio dad is not really interested in what all these people giving you a hard time about think he is.  good luck hon
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I understand 100% where you're coming from. The thing is this. He may try to make himself feel better by being a good grandpa and think little or at least not be able to communicate to you that he wished he had been a better dad, and he appreciates the fact that you are giving him another chance, at least to be a good grand dad. Grand kids are great for people like him. He can visit for awhile, and the kids always go home. He's not going to be fooling anyone, other than your child. For your child, he/she will know nothing (hopefully while they are kids at least) about how bad of a dad he was. They will only know that they have a Grand dad. So you have to weigh out the pros and cons. The pros being that your child has one more source of love and affection without any negativity attached. Your job will be to make sure there will be no negativity attached either by you or by him. m. A big order. If you can do that. do it for your child without any misgivings Power to you. If you can't, do that too with no misgivings. Let Go and Let God.
Helpful - 0
10069532 tn?1407594111
I ended up talking to my mom about it last night with her husband in the room. She has been the one pushing it, but she agreed with my step dad, or at least acted like it.
My step dad already knows that he is Pawpaw and nobody will ever change that. I just don't want to see the same hurt in my child's eyes... It would absolutely devastate me.
And everyone says that he wants to be a part of the baby's life, but he could take two seconds out of his day to wish me a happy birthday? Even if it was through his mom??? I'm just so frustrated and don't know what to do.
Helpful - 0
9267525 tn?1410816471
My father has never been in my life.  He saw me once when I was three months old. He refused to be in my life because of who my mom is. I hate him so much.  He is a father to his other two children but never gave me the time of day.  I live in Chicago and he lives in Texas and with no contact and no social media he has no idea I'm pregnant.  Not that he would care or even be pleased.  I'm 19 and he has never liked me being such a free spirit with my lifestyle and the way I dress,  wear my make up and have tattoos.  He called once to ***** me out about how much he didn't like who i was when I was 16 due to Facebook profile.  Hence why I don't have social media anymore.  Anyways I don't want him to have anything to do with my daughter and never want to see her.  Don't let your family bully you into letting a man who couldn't even do what he was suppose to do into your child's life. He's not worth it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I dislike my father as well. I think he knows his place though. My only advice is to not deny your baby love and affection.

I'm not going to let him babysit my son, but he can visit I guess. Bleh.

My father knows he is a ****** dad, and so should yours. He may be excited about his grandchild, but will he even attempt to be a grandpa? Probably not.

So my point is, do the right thing and let him in your baby's life. Most likely, he'll be a crappy grandpa and give up.
Helpful - 0
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