Really frustrated with Fiance

[lilmummy]

Ok ladies I want to know how you would deal been in the situation I have been in a for a while, I'm finally getting to my whits end's with the way my Fiance plays hes computer games.

Im due to be induced Thursday night.

I want to know how you would tell your partner you either chose me pr the game and were done?

To be honest i left him a while back and he did change for a few weeks then he was to playing hes game.

I already have a 3 year old and most the time i feel like a solo mum, doing everything myself including house work and cooking tea, he doesn't work as no one would hire him due to me been pregnant.

Please someone help me, before I have this baby.

Ive tried talking to him and it just turns into one big arguement. I even said that he didn't have to stop playing completly but to cut back to a couple of hours a day.

Playing the game is the first thing he does in the morning until sometimes 3am in the morning, i feel like i get no attention from him, the only time he stops is when we go out but the minute we come back he jumps straight back on.


Please im in real need of your help =(

[specialmom]

Yes, I feel frustrated just reading about it!  I'm sorry he has gotten progressively worse.  I hope you have some support elsewhere besides just him.  Do you have family near by?  

I worry that his issue with gaming (and I didn't realize it was via computer as I thought it might be some sort of gaming system) is in avoidance to something else.  Can you think of anything this might be?  Is he depressed by any chance?  

It stinks he will not do counseling.  Many are afraid of it.  I always tell people to phrase it as NOT we need to do this counseling because of this problem or that problem but to say, can we do counseling to make us a happier couple?   Say I want you to be happier in our relationship with me and maybe a therapist could help us.  The idea is to get him there and to open up.  His situation with gaming/computer time though makes me think he has a very big issue.  He is pretty extreme, as you know.

I agree with the wise cheshchesh that you still need to talk to him.  I'd try to do it in a way so that he doesn't get defensive.  Tell him you are worried about him.  Tell him you are feeling disconnected from him.  Keep it to I statements rather than you statements.  (I am worried about you.  I feel disconnected from you.)  Then it is perfectly appropriate for you to set some boundaries.  He must spend X amount of time each week working (whether the odd job or looking for a job), he must spend X amount of time with child who is 3 and he can X amount of time for his games.  Maybe an hour a day I'd say.  He may be resistent but I think you'll just have to work something out with this if you are wanting to stay married to him.  

Relationships are such hard work, aren't they?  I wish these Men knew how much we try to do for the sake of keeping the relationship going!  I wish they'd do their share--------- it would be so much easier that way.  May your guy wake up and treat his family right!!  Peace

[cheshchesh819]

I bet it do,and i feel for you,why dont you wait until you have had your baby and try to speak to him then,because you will need all his time and help with a new born and a 3 year old,and if he still puts the computor first then you have your answer.

[lilmummy]

Hey, Well he wasn't as bad when we had our first just over time he has gotten worse.

He can work, just when he goes into a work interview he says that Im currently pregnant, Ive also got alot of health problems.

Yea the gaming is a massive issue, mainly because he zones out, sometimes he dont even hear me when i talk to him. Most the time its me dealing with our 3year old, Yea i currently receive and benifit because my little born was born with a problem.

I want to get rid of it trust me, but i also use it (computer).

I'm not married yet, and i don't really want to leave him because hes the love of my life, but i feel like i come 2nd in this relationship and the computer comes first.

He wont do counselling.

I'm so frustrated talking to him bout it, he thinks im controlling when i ask him to cut down on playing, im coming to the end of the line, i really dont want to talk to him bout the situation as i really need hes support when i go into labour sometime this week.

Breaks my heart thinking bout it.

[specialmom]

Well, congrats on the baby.  Babies are wonderful even for all the work they create for us.  But I must say that if you knew what your man was like after you had your older child, I'm not sure if baby number two was wise.  Oh well, water under the bridge now and you just have to make the best of it I suppose.

I will say that I do not get that he can't work because you are pregnant.  I actually worked while I as in me as in I was pregnant let alone my husband.  How do you pay your bills?  Even if you get assistance/aid----------  I would want my partner to work.  Has he always been this way?  Ugh.  

And clearly the gaming is in the avenue of being an obsession/addiction and is a real problem. People with this usually can not just cut back and have to stop completely.  Honestly, I'd chuck the system.  Yep, I would.  Sell it and tell him that since he is not working, you needed the money for bills.  

Okay, wait a minute before you do that.  I don't know if he has an anger problem and if this would get you in so much trouble with him it wouldn't be worth it.  But . . .  he's got some significant problems.

I am not a fan of divorce and think once you have kids that you should stay together usually.  You have been with him a while and he was this way when you had your first kid and now your second.  You knew the situation as you grew your family.  But . . .  that doesn't help you.  I could tell you this is what it is and you now just have to deal with that.   But . . . I just can't tell you that.  I don't want you to be miserable and I'd surely be miserable in this situation.  However, I think it is going to take something drastic to change this situation.  What does he avoid with the games?  He needs to face whatever that is.  He also knows that you won't hang around forever while he lives like a man child and you raise the kids.  So, I'd talk about getting rid of the gaming system, I'd figure out what your back up plan is if he is unwilling to such as where you'd live and how you'd make it financially, and I'd just tell him this HAS to change.  Sometimes a counselor can help you through that process as well.  Ugh------------ good luck dear.  This is hard in my opinion.

[cheshchesh819]

So he plays his game from morning til early hours the next morning,when did he find the time to concieve this child you are carrying,so not only does he show you no time but nothing for your 3 year old either,well i am sorry to be blunt here but it is time he grew up faced the fact that he has one child and one due on thursday,i would tell him straight get a job step up to the mark or go play your games else where,and mean it this time you have given birth to one child so far not 2,i  wish you every luck in the world.