Ref: to husband doesn't think about sex

Question

Yes my husband has never thought about sex, even when first married. I found this out on our wedding night. I dressed in something scanty and frilly and got no reaction from him. I was hopping that he would come to bed naked , well he dressed in flannel PJs. We did have sex that night but that lasted maybe 10 minutes and then he got up and slept in a big chair in our hotel room.Thats the last time I wore some thing frilly and never will again. Our wedding night 45 years ago was the last time we had sex, or any intimate feelings. He moved to the basement and worked the midnight shift all hia life. I've lived my life on anti-depressants and my shrink. Our marriage was for better or worse and I got stuck with worse. To this day he won't talk to me or even be in the same place as I.

This discussion is related to my husband don't think about sex.

Londres70 · Answer

Not sure what exactly you are looking for here.  Is this more of a vent?

The situation sounds pitiful and sad IMO.

RockRose · Answer

This has become an odd puzzle.  According to your profile,  both of you are virgins (totally contradicts what you say here) and you've lived apart for 43 years and only see each other at "tax time".  

I hope otherwise you've lived a fruitful,  and joyful life despite being married to a man who lives somewhere else all your adult life.

specialmom · Answer

Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Oh goodness, you do sound miserable.  Your husband isn't a sexual person.  I'll be honest--  plenty of marriages do operate that way.  You aren't the only couple out there that are companions much more so than lovers.  

After 45 years, I find it odd you are complaining now.   You've made a life with him and from what you've said, it has always been this way.  Hopefully other things in your marriage have been happy.

I'm sorry you have had a sexless marriage as that is clearly not what you wanted.  Funny how life works out sometimes.  But have you been happy in other ways over the 45 years?

RockRose · Answer

what a sad story.

Do you realize,  Corvette,  that even the Catholic church would sanction an annulment in your marriage?  A marriage contract isn't a suicide pact - if your partner is wholly unwilling to have a relationship with you,  you are not bound by God or law to stay married.

Too late to tell you that now,  I guess.  :(

TTinKKerBBell · Answer

Please, Let me understand.
Are You telling us that You have not had sex with Your Husband since Your wedding night - 45 years ago??!!  Do I understand?? that this is what You say????
and for 45 years this was okay? and now it is not?
I don't understand what You see is Your issue at this point.
Please explain further.

Life360_Dave · Answer

Hi Corvette and welcome, well thats quite a story and shows the love you have for him and how you take your vows. But i do think you compromised something to be with him. Usually women can get men to come around about issues using different techniques, even falling back on a mother son relationship and you treat him like a bad boy for him to change.

To be honest, i believe the for better or worse means that the worse will improve through communication and such. I dont belive its is a blanket statement that you have to stay if what you have is not real. I think if you read the entire marriage vows again there are other vows mentioned that go hand in hand with the worse and actually defines what the worse is.

If your happy with your security thats one thing, but if you feel that your vows were not put forth by hubby and want a change, its never to late to be famous.