Relationship Decision

[Beautiful202]

My boyfriend and I of 4 yrs on and off lives next door, which is how we met. My 4 children and I lives with my dad and stepmom. My bf lives with his mom. We have a 20 month old together. We've moved out twice and had to move bck in with our parents. We started as a fling and decided to start a relationship spontaneosly. I got pregnant and keep in ming he's 23  and I'm 26. When we first met he started coming over everyday allday unannounced eventually start consuming all my time. He wanted sex all the time and still do, says because im good in bed. My dad warned me he could come over but couldnt spend the night and I was fine with that. I started sneakin him thru my bd room window lettin him spend the night he got so comfortable he would stay every night get high eat eat up alot of our food take showers there. My dad started questioning whr the food was goin I would lie, my dad  start catchin on to what was goin on I was so ashamed everytime he would ask did he spend the night. I talk to my bf about how this makes me feel  and how could he be so comfortable he would say it wnt happen again. I let him come over he constantly initiate sex wants to go in my room and he would invite me to his moms and ask me to cme lay with him in his lil sisters room to watch tv instead we end up having sex I almost never want to dnt know y I do. My dad just took my door off my bf claims he felt bad wheb it happen but wants to have sex in my room and tries to stay the night. I had to leave in the middle of the night to stay with my brother bcuss I tried to break up with him and didnt want to listen to him talk so he climbed thru the livingroom window came to the bathroom and told me to cme outside to talk I felt forced to when I got outside he started cursing and pushin my head aI called the police they didnt take him to jail there was no evidents so after the cops left he came bck knockin on the livingroom window begging me to talk to him I was scared thinkin he would bust a window or sum so I called my brother to get me. I noved left my two boys with my dad found a job was doin fine at first I wanted no contact with my bf. Eventually we started talking on the phn he said he was ok with being friends. I moved frm my brothers and moved with a female coworker and lost my job. The lights got cut off so my bf offered to cme get me and my daughter and took us bck to my dad. Everything was cool no pressure comin frm him we were friends he offered to help no strings I let him being  he's my childs father. I was talkin to other guys at the time on the phn so me and my bf started hangin just walkin the track together stuff like that and we discussed stuff about our different dating life. One day I was laying on the couch he just walked up and kissed me. He started askin where this was headed the following couple weeks I was alone with him and kinda scared to say nowhere so I told him lets take it one day at a time. I feel stuck and pretending to love him Ive told him several times I dont but ge doesnt seem to care this situation is Very stressful help please...

[Beautiful202]

Yes I totally agree I did use him and I feel very guilty. Thats what keeps me hangin around I feel I owe him for wasting his time. I believe he knows I just used him and is trying to hurt me as he's hurt right now. Men has been a big focus of my life and yes I do need to be bymyself and focus on my children and I. I take full responsibility for the life Iv'e made. Thank you guys So much...

[TTinKKerBBell]

I hope You will take SpecialMom's advice to heart.

also
I agree that You set this life up for YourSelf and now it's Yours to deal with.  You have four Children that You are Obligated to and Responsible for.  You should make Them priority.  Also, You are SO fortunate to have Your Father and StepMother helping You out in this way.  Don't disrespect Them and Their Generosity by sneaking guys into Your bedroom in the middle of the night.  Where would You and Your Babies be if Your Parents were to un-open Their Home to You because of Your disrespect?  Take advantage of Their Generosity to educate YourSelf in such a way that You can take care of the Family You created.

Good Luck.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Wecome to the forum. Here is where I think your head needs to be.  Working, job training, college or trade school.  You have a lot of kids and have to live with your parents.  I'm sure you hate that and that isn't any parents dream to have their adut child move back in with all their kids.  You need to get stable.  I'd get yourself on full time, always gonna work around the clock birth control.

In reality, this relationship doesn't sound like it has any foundation.  That is the reality.  I think it is right to leave it and start focusing on getting your life where you want it to be.

Men aren't the answer.  They are a nice addition to your life when they are solid, upstanding (don't have to live with their parents) kind of men.  But I'm guessing that men have been a big focus for you thus far.  We shoud never HAVE to be with a guy and we should view what they bring into our lives very very critically when we have kids.  So, while this might not be what you want to hear, I think it is best to not date for a while.  For a long while that is.  you need to be on your own, spending all your free time caring for your kids, and working the rest of the time.  It's hard, I know.  But you set this life up for yourself.  

I think you sound smart and articulate.  You are young and have the whole world ahead of you.  You can carve out the life you want for you and your kids but you need to get on the right path to do it.  

And some guy that just wants sex isn't  it.  Let him see his child you have together as in visitation but don't try to be in a relationship with him.  I'm picturing having sex in my parents home that I live in with 4 kids.  I have no idea how you would do that logistically and think you may be putting an unfair burden on your parents to live this way.  

So, you can do it sweetie.  I wish you all the best.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Beautiful, Well you kind of got yourself in a spot. You made love to him many times and when a woman does this the man thinks the woman likes them. Men generally will have sex with most any girl they meet but women will not. Since you did this with him and now you tell him you dont love him, he feels you used him and is upset. Men dont like to be used. (as do women).
Just tell him you dont love him and not to contact you anymore. There will be repercusions from this as using a person can cause them to want to get back at your.