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Relationship Question
by K1990, Oct 01, 2007 01:29AM
Back in June my boyfriend and I had a miscarriage and it has been pretty hard on the both of us. Lately I feel like there is some tention between us or when something happens we get more upset with eachother than we would before. I honestly think that it is because we are having a hard time greiveing over our lose and not really knowing how to help each other and feeling bad about that. Do you think this is becuase of losing our baby or something else?
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I am with Barbarella and I hope that you are more careful with birth control.
I don't know if you truly get how hard it is mentally and physically when being a parent. I was in my middle 20's and married before we had our first child, and let me tell you it was really really really hard to do.
I saw one of your other posts that you said you want to try again, I really don't feel that you should purposly do that. Unless you can answer these questions with a yes. Do you have your own place away from your parents, do you have a steady job that you can buy diapers and formula, does your boyfriend have a steady job, would you be able to support a child without your boyfriend, are you done with highschool? At 17 you are young and able to go have fun with friends, don't put the stress of having a more then full-time job of taking care of a baby ontop of everything else in your life.
I am sorry that you had a miscarriage, but now you have the opportunity to better your life. Have you thought about going to college? I'll tell you it is hard for a female to get a good paying job these days without a college degree, and since you don't have anything to tie you down why don't you try it out and see.
My advice is concentrate on building a great life for yourself. Get into college, start a career, babies and boys should be put on hold.
I have a 16 year old daughter and I would be so sad if she was trying to have a baby at her age with a boyfriend. You only get to be a teenager once, embrace it, enjoy it. You have many, many years to have babies.
My aunt married at the age of 17 and got pregnant right away. My uncle had to go off to war and she had the baby by herself. She had to graduate in her graduation gown with a huge belly and said she cried because people judged her even though she was married. You know what? Yes, it was hard, but she's one of the best mom's I've ever seen. Her boys knew they were loved. She just died a few years ago. She was my favorite aunt. Her boys were so tender to her. They would always check up on her well into their adult years. The love and respect I saw in that family touched me deeply. Was she young? Sure. Did she struggle? Yes, she didn't have an easy life. But she loved her kids fiercly and her marraige to my uncle lasted till the day he died of a stroke at the age of 53. That's a lot of years, especially in this day and age of divorce. Their story will always touch me. So don't let people judge you for your age. Everybody's different on their maturity level. I've seen some very immature 30 year old people and very mature 17 year olds. It depends on the person.
You have the right to grieve. You and your boyfriend lost your child. It's only natural to grieve. Give yourself some time. Make a memory book for your little angel or anything else that could help you. And please consider finding a support group. It would really help talking to othes who are going through the same thing you are going through. I wish you well. God bless.
Maybe she has different priorities, maybe not being married, not doing college, and only 17 yrs old, maybe that doesn't concern her. I arrest my case.
If people post on a public forum they have to get ready to take the feedback. What is cruel to some people is a "wake up call" to others. If people are that sensitive on a message board then I suggest they should go to a counselor, minister or a teacher, and tell them their story. Of course if the responses are extremely abusive and inflammatory then the poster needs to be reported.
Barbarella, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even believe a nurse could be so callous.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I was just trying to help this girl.
I am truely in love with my boyfriend and couldn't imagine my life without him! We talk about it all the time and our relationship is still so wonderful. There are just times when we get upset with each other and I talked to him about it last night and think that missing the baby has a lot to do with us getting over emotional. I do not need the you shouldnt be a mom at 17 speach, that is not what I am here for. I will be a better mother at 19 when we will try again than most on this site. I am with babies 5 days a week, 10 hours a day. I take care of twins and a 2 year old... I GET that it is hard! So please keep your opinions about teen mothers too yourself because I am getting very tired of hearing that! Right now I would be a better mom than most here, and more mature and know more than some moms on here as well.
Babies aren't easy, and they cost alot of money and time. You say you want to start trying again when you get your AA, well here is one thing with that. If you have a job have you considered that you might not have insurance the first 90 days your employed, or that if you end up pregnant before you find a job, that it will be that much harder to get employed because many employers won't hire pregnant ladies.
Age does mean something, because in the last 12 years since I was your age, I am a totally different person, and the one thing that i do miss is my alone time with my husband. Don't get me wrong I love my kids to death, but my husband and I didn't get a chance to be married and just get used to eachother. See three months after we got married a doc put me on predizone and didn't tell me it messed up the pill, and I got pregnant. Our daughter was due on our 1 year ann.
It was really hard trying to get use to living with a new husband and now a new baby added to that.
You state that you will be a better mom then most on here, well don't include me on that. Because my daughters are well taken care of and I go without so my daughters won't have to. I stay at home with my girls even though I have a college education, and that is because they need their mother.
You state that you are around babies 5 days a week 10 hours a day, well I would kill for that kind of mothering job. See a mother never has that much time to herself, and doesn't get to relax when she gets off of work. You don't know tired and wore out until you are a mother. Again, I am not saying this to be mean, but you can ask any lady on here how hard it is and they will tell you. So, I am sorry but you have no idea what it is like to take care of a child 24/7, because I didn't either until I had my first child.
You are getting upset because the ladies on here think you are too young, but what has your mother told you? These ladies are mothers and most are probably great mothers, and therefore they are going to tell you to wait till you have experienced life. At 17 you really haven't experienced much of anything. Trust me, and that isn't meant to be mean toward you, but 17 years old is young, at 17 you have only been able to drive for 1 year.
I understand you are upset about loosing your child, and you are entitled to do that. Just give yourself some time to grow up, get out of school, get a good job, get married, then have a baby.
You can say I know nothing and whatever else, but what I do know is what it is like to raise two little girls that require all my attention, and I wouldn't wish that kind-of stress on any young girl.
By the way YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND what it is like to raise a baby. Being a babysitter or sister or cousin or whatever else doesn't even come close to what it means to be a mother. No woman knows till months after they have a child.
I never stated for you to go out partying I stated that you are only 17 and my dear you have no idea what lies ahead of you. We only told you this stuff because you have posted a couple of other times wondering about how soon you can start trying to have another baby.
My mother also said I would make a good mother, but not at 17
I read you other post and you said that you don't have a good relationship with your mother or father, and that you have had it hard. Why not rest and relax and travel with your boyfriend and find happiness first, so that your child will have a happy mother. PPD is another issue, because if you are already feeling alone and depressed, then you are more likely to suffer from PPD. Which that gives me another idea. How far along were you when you lost your baby? Seriously because you may be having PPD right now. You don't have to carry a baby full term to suffer from PPD.
I think the reason people here worry about your age is you come accross in your posts as immature, which is fine because you are 17 and at 17 we are all still reaching emotional maturity. For example saying "I will be a better mom than most here" is extremely immature because you do not know these people, you have no idea what kind of mothers they are. And you say you know what its like to have a child because you work with them - i'm sure it would give you a better understanding but even I, who don't have children yet - can see what a MASSIVE difference it is to have one than work with them - both emotionally and the 24 hour work involved. So this is why people, who have been 17 themselves and know, that age actually does matter - as you yourself will when your older.
I think it's great you have planned to wail a couple of years. Good luck, and I also think professional councelling for you both is a fantastic idea.
Good luck.
I am 29 years old, and I have 4 gray hairs already that I have found hehehehe. Don't worry I highlite my hair so no one knows anything about them but me hehehehe I learned that trick from my mother. Heck I have earned my 4 gray hairs. One gray for my 5 year old, one gray for my 2.5 year old, and 1 gray for my husband, and 1 gray for my evil witch mother-in-law. hehehe
Do you mind me asking how long you and your boyfriend have been dating?
For some reason that feeling of "in love" feels permanent and there is no telling a teenage girl that it isn't permanent - no one believes it. But, it isn't. It's fleeting and it sounds from your description that your boyfriend is starting the break up process.
You may feel mature for your age, but in fact you are very immature. Mature girls have the discipline to put off immediate desires, and the wisdom to know they aren't capable of mothering at the age of 17, and they have the desire to wait and spread their wings and grow into adulthood before becoming a parent. At this time in your life you're only beginning to blossom and you should be thinking about what you want to do for your life's work.
I think you're misremembering what your mother said to you. I don't believe she gave her blessing for you to go and get pregnant again - you've said just the opposite about your family - they weren't supportive of your pregnancy and aren't supportive of your grief.
When you say you'd give your world to your baby, you don't have a world yet. You aren't even grown up. What you could give your baby isn't enough, even if you gave your body and soul. Wanting to "give your world" to a baby and actually having a world to give are two different things.
Do you notice we're all saying the same thing? You should take it to heart.
And I think it's a great idea to talk this out with your doctor. Hopefully your doctor is one of those doctors who has the courage and guts to lay it out straight for you and tell you it would be foolish to get pregnant again. And maybe you can get some help with the baby cravings.
First thing is first you must come to terms with your life for the past 17 years and heal whatever has caused you pain. You must see a psych doc to get your life straightened out.
The baby and marriage thing, not a good idea. You can't bring the baggage of your life into a new marriage because you will cause your marriage to fail. You shouldn't have a baby if you are having issues with depression, because you will be more likely then most to suffer from PPD, this has been proven.
You should not even talk about marriage or children until you straighten up what has gone on in your life. You can't heal what has hurt you from before by starting a family. Just like an acholic can't go into a bar, you can't start a family and think that you are going to be a good wife and mother if you haven't been brought up that way. With help you can make a great mother and a great wife, but with the way you are now, that shouldn't even be an option. I am stating this because I read your other post on here and you state that you feel like you should just end things because you feel so alone.
Or that you wish your baby would've lived and you die because then your boyfriend would have his child.
Here's the thing, that statement proves that you don't have alot of value for yourself as a person. You need to begin to love yourself and to be able to feel comfortable with yourself as an individual and yes, maybe alone. Before you can even expect to have a healthy relationship with a man and a child.
I believe that you were wanting to fill a void in your life with having a child, and you know many people believe that will happen, but you don't want to put that much pressure on a child.
If it were me and I was so depressed about things in my life, I would step back and take time for myself and not worry about another person at that point. You boyfriend may be the greatest guy and may love you to death, but he will only be able to handle so much for so long. What is going on with the two of you is he is withdrawling, and this happens to people that have been married for years and have a miscarriage. But, this may be too much too soon with your relationship, and it may end up pushing it over the edge. I know that you are going to tell me that you have the perfect relationship with your boyfriend, but if that were true, wouldn't you be able to get through this already with him? If it were true you wouldn't feel so alone like you stated.
I don't know what your life is or what you have gone through, but I am concerned that I don't understand how you are 17 years old and out of highschool and in college and will graduate next year when you state that you work 5 days a week 10 hour shifts? I mean that just doesn't seem possible to get 63 credit hours for your ***. in Business in exactly 2 years when you are pulling such a load with work. I don't get how you are out of high school and still 17 years old. We are already in October, and people that graduated high school last year are turning 19 now. Some thing just doesn't add up on that end of it. If you really graduated high school last year you would have already turned 18. Even if you were 17 when you graduated, you would now be 18. I am getting the feeling that you are actually still in high school, which I know that you aren't going to admit to, and you will probably say you graduated a year early or something. Just gotta say something seems weird about this, and if I were a betting person I would bet that you were still a senior in high school.
Laura~ I can show you the record of my getting my GED if you can't seem to believe me. Just becuase you have a problem and think everyone online lies... well they don't. I have been honest this whole time
BTW, you can dish it out, but can't take it in return. You sure tried to tell mothers on here how to raise their kids just because you are around kids, but if one of us mothers try to tell you what we think of unmarried Teen pregnancy, and birth control you can't take it.
I wish you good luck, as you need it. I hope you and your boyfriend have the money and income to raise this "large family" . You said earlier that you plan on going to college, college costs a lot of money, combine that with "lots of kids", these college tutions need to be paid off eventually. Once the "lots of kids" come into this world its hard to work 2-3 jobs AND go to college or to pay off your tution, unless you are Superwoman. But you have all the answers, I'm sure you will figure it out. Having "lots of kids" also means needing good health insurance for these kids which requires a good paying job to buy this health insurance, but hey there is always welfare for which we taxpayers for it.
GROW UP! You've no clue what you are talking about!
Yet you've stated repeatedly in your replies that you are thinking about having a baby. Have you ever tried reading what you write?
"nothing any one of you has said shows me I shouldn't be a mom"
No one has said that you shouldn't be a mom. People have said you should consider waiting before becoming a mom - that's not the same as telling you *no*.
"As time passes you have a harder time to get pregnant, I want to be alive by the time my children have children."
I guess those of us who waited must be idiots, since we're going to be on walkers by the time we're giving birth! Hope my hips don't crack.
"I honestly think that it is because we are having a hard time greiving over our lose and not really knowing how to help each other and feeling bad about that. Do you think this is becuase of losing our baby or something else?"
You already stated what you think the problem is, so what can anyone answer correctly without simply re-writing what you've said you wanted to hear.
K1990, whenever you post you have always responded defensively and combatively to people's suggestions. At least have the courtesy to respect that other people took the time to think about your post, rather than slam down everyone as being less qualified than you to make any life decisions. You seem to post to brag about what you've gone thru and how people should admire you. That seems to be the only "advice" you're looking for.
If you bring a child into this world the way you are, then you are cruising for problems. You have stated more then once on other forums that you think about taking your life. Case closed.
If you got your GED good for you, but that doesn't change the fact that you are 17! Children raising children.................
You are right, you are very much entitled to ruin your life. So go ahead.
By the way we are talking about the man that you have only been dating this year right?
I wish you luck.
You sure live a big dream, and I hope your boyfriend feels the way you say he does because from what you state that you are feeling alone, that isn't a good sign.
You asked for advice. You received it. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. Actually, there wasn't anything bad here. But it does show maturity when you can listen to something that you might not agree on and think about it and ask yourself "Is there anything to what these people say?" Recently, I had one of my best friends over. We've known each other several years so we tend to be honest and upfront with each other. We both were talking and realized how we've picked up some bad habits from our mom's. Boy, I didn't want to hear that! But it did get me to thinking. I think we all need that sometimes. None of us are perfect.
I think it's great that you want a big family. In this day and age you don't see that much anymore. Mostly because of cost! Can you imagine what it would cost to put several kids through college??!! But I know it's been done and if you're determined to make it work, then I'm sure it will work for you. I wish you well.
I know you from the Heart Forum, and you always have been very polite as you were to this "child". I remember now and can see that you responded "directly" to her post, and you even thought that some of us were harsh (don't remember the exact words, and don't feel like reading it again), you then apologized to everybody on this board "in case you have offended somebody" I then told you that you did not offend me.
You see what you get for being nice? If people have to walk on eggs afraid to "offend" somebody if that person does not get to hear what she/he wants to hear then this person shouldn't post on a public forum if she/he can't take the feedback. People are people. I said it many times that medhelp is very tame compared to some message boards.
So I stand by what I said regarding that she shouldn't even be having unprotected sex with a man that she has only been dating for a year or less. I am sorry she lost her child, but she should use this as a wake up call.
I just feel like we have such a short time on this earth, we shouldn't waste it fighting or being unkind to others. I do try to follow the golden rule and treat others as I would want to be treated.
Let me tell you, my little brothers girl friend graduated from high school last year and in her class 18 girls were either mothers or pregnant. BIG PROBLEM. That is why I will forever tell a young girl not to do this stuff and mess up their life. It isn't mean it is being there for young girls so that they know they are better then that. Heck many of these girls hear nothing more then their boyfriend telling them stuff like "If a guy pulls out you can't get pregnant" Or if you love me you will do it.
I actually left another forum because it made me so mad that some of these ladies on there were telling these 13-17 year old girls to go get a pregnancy test and to use protection.
HEY what ever happen to telling kids NOT TO HAVE SEX!
There's my view.
Okay so right now I just would like to tell you ladies what my plan is because I see that it has come across that I want to try for a baby tomorrow and that isn't the case. I am 17 years old right now and I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and am madly in love with him. I will be going to Mexico for Christmas with him and that is when he plans on popping the question. We are planning on a wedding next summer sometime (probably like August) and will start trying for a baby next October. I'm moving in with him in May and he doesn't live in the same down as I do so I will find a job there in May as well. My boyfriend makes over $15 an hour and works quite a few hours and will be getting a promotion here in the next six months. I currently make decent money nannying for two different familys and have been saving every penny I can. So money definatly wont be an issue when the time comes to get married and have a baby. Marraige does mean a lot to me and it is important. Our first baby was purly a love baby and losing her was very hard but had I not lost her my parents would have paid everything we couldn't and I would have hated that. I could have loved my baby but I wouldn't have been able to provide for her and so in that sense it was a good thing that god gave me another chance to get my life on track, but she by no means was a mistake!
I also didn't mean to come of as a witch in any way, I just have heard a lot about teen mothers and it just kind of hits me the wrong way because I know I would have been a good mother to my baby. I feel like a lot of you ladies haven't shown me much support or respect just because I am only 17 and because I'm not making the choices you would. I feel like I am not like most teens because I have been through a great deal in my life, mainly medical and it has made me grow up fast and has shown me that life is short and that is why I don't want to waste my time here on earth... I want to have the life I always dreamed and have a family. I nearly died about 8 months ago and it really showed me what is important in life and to me that is a family, that is children and a husband! My illness came fast and was very unexpected and that is a huge reason I don't want to waste any time. Thank you for listening and responding!
K1990: "I am 17 years old right now and I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and am madly in love with him."
4EVERDK: "I was hospitalized and very sick for over 4 months about 8 months ago and it was then that I really realized that life wont go on without him..."
K1990: "I nearly died about 8 months ago and it really showed me what is important in life and to me that is a family, that is children and a husband!"
4EVERDK: "We are going to Mexico for Christmas this year..."
K1990: "I will be going to Mexico for Christmas with him and that is when he plans on popping the question."
4EVERDK: "... and we wont be able to go back for a while because we will be starting a family soon..."
K1990: "We are planning on a wedding next summer sometime (probably like August) and will start trying for a baby next October"
Hmmm... though there are a couple discrepancies, there are certainly the same combative replies to all posters' advice.
You are already seing dollar signs what your boyfriend will make yet he hasn't even got his master s degree yet, but is "trying" to get it. He already will have a job in your dreams paying $100.000 - $250.000, the latter only in your dreams. Some doctors, M.D.'s don't even make that kind of money starting out.
You still have a lot to learn, stop making a fool out of yourself, and it looks like you are posting under different names. Sooner or later people catch on to people like you.
I am sorry, but you really have no idea about life in general and the real world. You are claiming that your boyfriend will make 100,000.00-250,000.00 a year when he graduated college? Come on, you obviously don't understand that new hires do not make that much money at first.
I actually did some searches on the internet regarding positions for lab research jobs, and no where did I find pay being 100,000.00-250,000.00. All of them were 35,000-50,000. I mean I dug deep into it to find peoples pay. I know now you are going to say well he will have his masters........so I am copying a job opening for lab research that requires a person have a masters or PH.D
Date Posted: 01-OCT-2007
Job Title: Lab Research Associate
PIN Number: #19419
Responsible Account: Department of Physiology
Salary Range: $34,791.96 - $49,589.08
JOB SUMMARY: This position will perform angioplasty in small animals such as rats and mice, isolate arteries, make cryo-sections for immunohistochemical and fluorescence stainings. Conduct Matrigel plug angiogenesis in mice. Isolate arterial smooth muscle cells and maintain the primary cultures for cell culture experiments. REQUIREMENTS: Ph.D or MD; (3) years postdoctoral experience. This position requires the ability to perform RT-PCR, Western blotting, immunocomplex kinase assays. Analyze data make figures and write manuscripts. TRANSCRIPT REQUIRED
heres another
Date Posted: 20-SEP-2007
Job Title: RESEARCH SPECIALIST
PIN Number: #19401
Responsible Account: PREVENTIVE MEDICINE
Salary Range: $32,263.92 - $46,444.34
JOB SUMMARY: Position will implement and deliver the smoking cessation intervention to 400+ participants of a smoking cessation trial. REQUIREMENTS: Master's Degree in Psychology or related behavioral field; experience with behavior modification programs; OR Bachelor's Degree and 2 years experience with behavior modification programs; computer experience with proficiency with various word processing, spreadsheet, and database management software programs; ability to communicate clearly and effectively with a diverse group of participants, staff and faculty. THIS IS A GRANT FUNDED POSITION (TRANSCRIPT REQUIRED).
Plus I found many many many more and they all had the same pay rate, NONE of them stated that high of pay, and this is with a Master's Degree.
I guess your boyfriend may be stretching the truth to you BIG TIME!!
laura1977, I'll be lucky if I land something like that after my masters! It's better off than a lot of people, but by no means outrageously successful. This story would be more believable if she had said he was going into business management or something :S
I mean I researched some of the top companies for this field, and none made more then 60,000.00.
Good for you for going to college by the way. Very smart!!!!!! Study hard
Im done with you ladies b.s. I'm sorry but if I was married to any of you women I would kill myself of divorce your ***** in an instant... work on your attitudes and there is no need to be witches either, but looks like you have covered nicely!
And for the comment of our attitudes, listen here when you have been married as long as everyone on here then you can say something. You are only 17 years old!
We all read your post, and here's the thing we all posted back regarding that we were sorry for you miscarrying, but we suggested to you that you should be using birth control. Not too smart.
I don't have a bad attitude, actually I am one of the nicest people anyone will actually meet, and I have been told this numerous of times. What I don't like is that it seems like young females have no respect for themselves anymore. It's almost like most young females are purposely getting pregnant to trap their boyfriends into marriage. I'm not saying all of them but most.
Now you are stating that if you were married to any of us ladies you would kill yourself, haven't you already been telling everyone you want to kill yourself? Sorry, but if you are as happy as you claim, you wouldn't be so alone and want to die.
You my dear just have a problem handling adults telling you something that you don't like to hear. I think that might be some of your trouble with your mother. Heck that is another thing I don't get. The woman is paying your way through college and yet you say you don't have a good relationship with her. You should go hug your mother and thank her for forking out that kind-of money.
I stand beside my word that you have no business even being pregnant in the first place, you should go get on the pill and be responsible because my dear you are not acting responsible at all.
Laura..........Good job Im with ya..........
:)
I wouldn't kill myself if I were married to you. hehehehe
Since you are dreaming of having several kids just hope and pray that all of them don't say to you one day "the least you can do is pay for my college, I expect for you to do that", and hopefully you have the money to pay for their college. Oh yeah, I forgot your boyfriend who "hopes" to get his masters will make 250 thou, and believes what a counselor told him without checking into it himself. Very mature!
On the other hand, if you get yourself pregnant again in the next years I would completely cut you off - not one more dime - you can support yourself if you choose to continue making this mistake.
I wish you well. I hope you don't continue to ditch your life.
Also I still don't understand why you are now stating you have been dating your boyfriend for 3 years when you posted on your profile you have only been dating for less then a year?????
By the way, your parents don't OWE you college money............no parent owes their child college money, they do so out of love. Many kids work to pay for college or get loans and have loving parents. If my daughter came home pregnant, I sure as heck wouldn't still be paying for her school, so I would think twice about that you think your parents owe you that.
So, you are now stating that you started dating your boyfriend when you were 13 or 14? Since he is almost done with college and working toward his masters, then that would put him at least at 23-24. So he was 20 and he dated a 14 year old???????????
I have read your posts, but you seem to be stretching the truth. Here hold on a sec.
K1990
Age:17
Gender:Female
Location:Greeley - CO
A little about me:I am 17 years old and have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I have dated for alomst a year. He is the love of my life and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I will be getting my AA in Business by next summer and hopefully trying for another baby by then. I miscarried a few months ago and it has been really rough on me and my boyfriend.
So you stated right there that you have only been dating your boyfriend for almost a year.
RockRose~ I'm sorry but that baby was not a mistake at all, and no baby should ever be.
Now can you please explain to me how your boyfriend is only 20 and will be getting his BA next year? If a student takes classes full-time it takes at least 4 years, and most people it takes 5 years. I was just wondering because if he graduated high school at 18 years old, then you are stating this is the beginning of his 2nd year in college.
I was 24 and married when I had our first child, and I ended up having to stop working because my child had colic, and the doc said it was the worse she had seen. My daughter didn't sleep through the night till age 2 or so. So, remember you can't rely on saying your going to make so and so. The smart way of living is you only live off of one income because if you live off of two, you never know what happens, then you end up loosing everything you own because you only have one income and enough bills for two incomes. That is my advice to you. Live off your boyfriends income and use your income for play if possible because you never know your next child may have some kind of issue that forces you to stay home.
She lives in her own little world, and believes in her own unrealistic dreams. If she doesn't like the feedback on this public forum then I suggest she sees a counselor. To be rude in return and demand what we should answer her is very immature. Maybe medhelp should start a site for Teenagers maybe they would be more down her alley.
Laura1977-She is just trying to get all of us going but she will not WIN.....
So when a "child" comes on here and generalizes, and doesn't know what the hell she is talking about, acting at 17 like a 5 yr old I really have no patience for this nonsense. Correction: I think my kids at age 5 were more mature than her.
In life, we are owed nothing from our families but food on our table when we are a child and clothes on our back. A 17 year old sexually active girl that has gotten pregnant isn't considered a child anymore and should pay for her college. Isn't that what you are trying to get everyone to believe that you had a hard life growing up, and you are more mature because of it? Well my dear hate to tell you, your parents don't owe you that, they do so because they can and they want you to succeed in life. I would hug them if I were you.
Tomorrow is my test.....Cant wait...If it is something wrong Will they call right away? So nervous.You know how I am....
These kids who expect their parents to pay for their college how would they feel if their parents would expect them to pay for them when they are old?, or pay for their nursing homes especially once these kids have their own families and "lots" of kids as K1990 is dreaming of. I'd like to see how many would say to their parents "what did you do with your retirement savings"??
Our son went to college for 12 yrs to get his PhD. We wanted to help him pay for his college and he REFUSED, and said "I want you to enjoy life, and save some money for when you get older and are retired". He worked 3 part time jobs while he was going to college. He did it all on his own, and didn't want a penny from us. He went to school during the day, and worked the 3 jobs in the evening and at night. The third job was as a janitor. The other two were slinging hamburgers, and delivering Pizza.
Our daughter had the 4 ROTC scholarship, and we were blessed that she got her first 4 yrs of college for free. When she went for her MBA the hospital she works at paid for her college. But had that not been the case she too would have refused money from us.
We were willing to pay for our son's college, but he refused, but to say "its expected of a parent to do that, and that is the least a parent can do" is very spoiled, arrogant, and selfish.
Your parents raised you for the first 17/18 yrs after that you are an adult even if you don't act like one. If a parent/parents chooses/wants to pay for their kids college consider that a "gift", but don't ever demand of your parents that they "owe" you.
Many hospitals do this too, all you have to do is get a job as a nurses aid or something of that nature, and the hospital will pay for classes that have anything to do with a job at that company.
My little brother is in college right now, and he has kept saying that he can't work a full-time job and go to school. I kept telling him some of the smartest kids in college are able to hold down at least 1 full time job and full time school at the same time. Heck my husband works 50-60 hours a week and is able to hold full time school on the internet. It can be done, and you know if a parent has the extra resources to pay for college, great but no parent owes their child a free ride through college. A child should care about their parents future and learn to take care of themselves. Nothing is sadder then seeing these old people that have to go to work a min. wage job after retirement because they didn't have enough in savings.
Did you hear Hillary Clintons proposal about giving each child born a 5,000.00 savings bond? I wonder how far that will go?
Hows your morning? I emailed you
Okay ladies, think back when you all were a teen....................
Didn't you lash out and think your parents were the meanest on the face of the earth and the most unfair?
She states that her mother didn't talk about her pregnancy, well her mother probably didn't get enough time to stop being upset since she didn't carry it very long. I mean she is a teen that is unmarried so I would think her mother would be upset about it. She even stated on another post that her boyfriend was mad at her in the beginning of her pregnancy because she wasn't giving it up to him. (Nice boyfriend).
My point is I don't believe that her parents are as bad as she states because a parent that doesn't love their kids wouldn't be paying for their college.
It seems like she is still missing that part of her brain (which they have proven teens do not have yet) which refuses to listen to reason. That in part is why so many kids are difficult in their teen years.......... they can say they aren't all there yet, which is true.
have a good day everyone.
We are paying for our son's college, but he never would have dreamed of telling us that we OWE him. He is attending the local community college right now and living at home, and fortunately we can afford it for now. We've already told him that after he gets his AA degree and moves on to a bigger college that we're not sure we can afford that and that he may have to take over some or all of the payments.
When he started driving, we told him right off that we would not buy him a car. We couldn't afford it, of course, but even if we could I just don't think it's good for a kid to buy them a car. I think they appreciate it more if they have to buy it themselves. He had a lot of friends at his school whose parents were buying their kids a car, but he never complained. He got a part time job, saved every penny over the Summer before his senior year and used the $3000 he earned to buy himself a car. It wasn't a fancy car but he loved it and it was his. Our agreement was we would pay for his car insurance until he's 21 (if he's still living at home), and he pays for the gas, maintenence and whatever spending money he needs for going out. His first car was totalled (a lady hit him, wasn't his fault) and he went out and bought a better car. He had a little more money this time. He loved his cars! Typical boy!
We also asked him to pay for his college books each semester. We just couldn't do it. They were averaging around $300-$500 a semester. He's a good kid. He gets good grades, doesn't drink or do drugs, doesn't hang out with a bad crowd and he appreciates everything that we do for him.
We've already told our daughter she might want to consider going ahead and getting a part time job because we're not paying for a car for her! I just don't think it's good to just hand kids everything. I think they should pay for some things.
I don't know how long we can keep up with the college classes. Right now it's not too bad because it's a community college. I don't know how parents do it at these big universities! I also want to go back to college but don't feel I can afford two college tuitions. So we make sacrifices. Yes, that's what parents do, but they do it out of love, not because we OWE them. I don't owe my kids anything. According to the law, once they're 18 they're an adult and I don't have to be responsible for them anymore.
Are her parents going to continue to pay for her college after she gets married? My dad told me that he'd pay for my college but once I got married it was up to my husband! Unfortunately I didn't listen to my dad and dropped out of college and got pregnant and got married. Now I regret not getting my education first. It sure is a lot harder after you're married with kids.
It just makes me sad to see how kids are acting now days. Back in my grandmothers day, they respected authority and had manners. What's happened to our kids today? My grandmother lived through the depression and appreciated everything she had.
You hear over and over how people worked their way up, coming from the ghettos and working menial jobs, working their way through school, getting that dream job. Anybody ever see "The Pursuit of Happyness"? He worked his butt off, living in the streets, going without food because he had a dream and he pursued it until he got it. He's now a millionare. He never acted like anyone owed him anything. He knew what he wanted and he went after it. I recomment everyone see that movie. It's based on a true story and it's a real tear jerker. We need more people in the world like that.
Heck look at Oprah she had nothing growing up but now is a billionaire.
I think this is another reason I put my daughter in private school because the kids at her public school had no respect for anyone. I'm not saying that every kid is like that, but I guess that school was full of them.
My daughters are taught to say please and thank you, and to sit down when we are at doctors offices, and not to run in stores and to hold our hands.
I make sure my daughters call my grandmother, their great grandmother and talk to her each week to see how she is.
It is sad though to see how kids are becoming and I guess this is why this post upset me because 17 year old girls shouldn't even be doing this stuff.
She stated in another post that her boyfriend was mad at her because she didn't put out at the beginning of her pregnancy, and then after the first few weeks she couldn't keep her hands off of him. WHAT!
K1990~It is immature to act like you know everything. When you are more mature you will realize that you don't know everything.
Yeah I heard about the $5.000 brainstorm from Hillary. Who do you think is going to pay for it? We taxpayers, OR something else will be cut as in medicare for Senior Citizens or something like that.
bip,
That is very awsome about the college funds for your boys, and even more so that they can't touch it until they are 18. I'm sure they will use it for college. When they get older just tell them that you wish they'd use it for college, and I'm sure they wont disappoint you.
I think what is going on between her and her parents right now is her parents are probably really disappointed and upset, which many parents would be. I don't know too many parents that don't love their kids and yet will pay for thousands of dollars for college.
Many females that age that come from very very loving parents still act out this way. It's not fair to blame her parents for how she is. The reason behind this is you can have 20 children in one family, and they all could be different, one could be in jail, while one a preacher, one a doctor while one a mcdonalds employee, so to say she is like this is her parents fault isn't fair.
Many kids are good liers and can keep things hidden very well from their parents even if their parents are the best on the earth.
Plus if she were so upset with her parents, then why is she still living at home and mooching from them? I think this is a classic case of a teen girl getting herself in too deep with her boyfriend, and this is causing conflict with her parents. Happens all the time. Parents don't agree with boyfriend, and daughter gets mad at parents and then wants even more to do with boyfriend.
Something just doesn't add up at all.
She states she works 50 hours a week, and school full-time (college). Has anyone ever noticed she isn't on here that the time High School is in?
She states her boyfriend is only 20 years old and will have his BA next year? How many 21 year olds get their BA at that age?
She states she is 17 and will get Associates next year? That is what 63 credit hours????
Sounds like parents don't approve of boyfriend, and as a matter of fact I wouldn't blame them, after all he did get their underaged daughter pregnant.
Every little girl plans their marriage out and how many kids they want, so what she is doing is normal by mapping out her life.
This is probably her first boyfriend, and she is head over heals for him.
Is anyone forgetting that her parents probably had to fork out more money because she is on their health insurance?????? I mean OBGYN's aren't cheap.
Many kids want to live at home, get their parents money, but not live by the rules!
"No may parents really haven't been that great, my brother has always come first!"
"I have been lucky to have everything I have wanted, value and possessions wise... but what I lacked was the love I deserved and that is something that I have learned from and my parents have shown me how not to be as a parent"
What I am saying is that right or wrong she feels that her parents did not give her the love she needed. You can dispute many things but you can't tell someone that they aren't feeling what they say they are feeling.
No one can tell you that you aren't angry, sad, depressed or happy. They may say you have no right to feel those things but they can't deny you the feelings. Do you understand what I am saying?
Yes, we all plan out our lives. From early childhood we all have ideas and dreams about how we will be when we grow up. But this girl is going beyond planning, she is a doing, and it happens but it is still pretty rare for a well adjusted teenager to go this far.
I know when I was 17 I always would say my parents favored one of my brothers, but now looking back I don't think that they did at all, I think that was me being a brat and wanting my way.
You know there are alot of ladies on here that have teens that they love very very much, and I am sure that they would be the first to tell you that their teens would claim that they think their parents are unfair or favor one child over the next.
I stand behind what I said, if her at home life were so bad, she would be out of there and not putting up with it. She told us all she has a job that she works 50 hours a week, so there would be no reason why she couldn't leave.
Some kids just don't turn out, and has nothing to do with how their parents raised them.
I have four brothers, and I can tell you my parents were great Christan parents that bent over backwards to keep us safe and protected, but my oldest brother has many many issues. Not one of them has anything to do with how he was raised, because he was raised the same way the rest of us kids were. The one thing that differs from him and us is he thinks everyone owes him everything and that he doesn' t have to work for anything.........................sounds alot like this girl who thinks her parents OWE her college money.
This girl has never once said her parents have ever laid a finger on her, or that they are mean to her. All she states is she doesn't feel loved, and you know what I have seen how she is reacting to other ladies advice on here, so don't make me believe she isn't that hateful toward her parents when they try to do something she doesn't like.
As for parents: We loved and treated our two kids exactly the same, I can say that with 100% confidence and our kids would tell you the same yet they both felt like they had to compete with each other.
I know my mother loved me and my sister the same, but when I was little I was afraid she'd love my sister more because she was the baby, I was looking for things, looking to accuse her of loving my sister more. Why did I do that? To this day I don't know.
No parent is ever perfect and no children are perfect. But to have the attitude that your parents "owe" you once you are an adult is selfish, spoiled and arrogant in my book.
I'm sorry if I cannot feed into her wonderful dream of her boyfriend making between $100.000.00 - 250.000.00 when he is "hoping to get his masters degree", doesn't have it yet, and believes what some counselor tells him. Get your degree, go for the interview, get the job, and THEN tell us about it anything short of that is immature. I don't have patience for stuff like that. I live in the real world. I don't let anybody paint pictures for me I paint them myself. :)
I think all of us as kids thought that a parent favored one simbling over the next, I know I did, but now looking back I think differently and am grateful that my parents didn't hit me over the head for some of the stupid stuff I did. hehehe
And, I wasn't all that bad.
"All she states is she doesn't feel loved...", That seems like a pretty big deal to me and would explain a lot. I am not saying she is NOT responsible for her behavior or that her parents ARE, I am only saying that how she feels may explain how she acts. That's all.
I'm not trying to be rude or anything, and honestly this really doesn't even matter because as you stated this girl has deeper issues then anything that her mother probably could've caused.
I just think this is a young hormonal kid that blames everyone and everything for her actions except herself.
You know, honestly I can't say one way or the other regarding her mom, and personally I am not going to say anything mean about her mother because she may be the nicest most carrying mom on the earth, and the last thing she would need is a bunch of people giving her daughter more amo.
There is obviously something going on more then this girl is stating, and we won't know that.
Teen girls have a way of camoflauging their true feelings from their parents. I sure did a good job of it, and again I wasn't doing stuff like this girl was doing by all means.
Sometimes we have to give the parents the benefit of the doubt. I would expect nothing less.
I truly hope one day this girl gets her life straight, but honestly I really don't even believe she is telling the truth.
I really am not being rude with you, but I am not going to tell that girl her mom is mean or uncaring when we don't know that for sure. All we know is she seems to have a good at home life from what she has stated.
We know what she says, but so far what she has said hasn't added up to anyone.
I am so glad you have come around full circle, but you know make no mistakes teens are very much different then when you were a teen, heck even when I was a teen. But I am done arguing with you because there is no point.
Last time I checked I'm not the one on here saying anything except trying to get this girl to open her eyes. Wouldn't you expect us to do the same if it were your daughter on here saying the stuff this girl is saying? I sure as heck would. I wouldn't want anything but that from these ladies if my daughters were behaving the way she is behaving.
If you disagree with everyone stating that a 17 year old has no business having sex, then fine because that is what we are all stating, and we only stated that if she didn't like how she is treated at home then MOVE! Nothing else. Oh, and I also stated that she shouldn't be taking money from her parents if she feels this way regarding them.
Last year, one of my daughter's teachers said he really saw a change in kids in the last few years. The things that we were experiencing at 20 our kids are experiencing now at 14. They are way too sophisticated, know way too much and experience way too much when it comes to sex, etc.
Walk down a high school hall sometime. The language and body contact is something else! And remember what I said about MySpace, Laura? I had my eyes opened on that one too! I made my daughter shut her's down last year because I saw how the kids were talking and behaving. My daughter didn't do anything wrong, but the people getting on there and chatting and swapping pictures, WOW! I saw 13 and 14 year old girls posing in very sexy poses and a lot of sex talk, not to mention the filthy language. I was in shock! These were kids in her class at school. Kids who I never would have expected would act this way! I wondered how many other parents moniter their computers and watch what their kids do! It's scary! These kids want to be all grown up and act grown up but they don't have the maturity and understanding that adults do.
This girl didn't just up and get pregnant. The message our kids are getting anymore in school and from their peers (even some adults) is that everyone's doing it and for those who want to wait till marraige, they're nerds. Our kids have had sex thrown at them everywhere they turn, school,TV, music, advertising. Then we wonder why our kids are having sex. We have to talk to our kids, a lot! If we don't, someone else will. That's all we can do. Sometimes our kids still don't want to listen to us but we still have to talk to them a lot! And now I'll get off my soapbox! (LOL!) :D
What happened is you joined in on a conversation that has been going on, on and off the forum, so there is more to this then what is shown. Many people on here talk through email or through the message center on this forum. This girl has been posting on a bunch of the forums, and frankly she seems to be one of the ones that makes up stuff.
These ladies have been honest with her and I don't believe that is at all bad for a teen to hear when she is headed down a bad path.
Laura~ Yes, the first few weeks I was pregnant I felt like **** and didn’t want sex, once morning sickness was gone I was fine and loved it. You are one person who has been pregnant and it may not have been like that for you but yes it was for me! Why am I sitting at home if my parents suck, honestly to save all the money I can so in May when I move out I can afford to do so. My parent will also not allow me to move out until I am 18 because I am still their legal responsibility until Im 18 so I CAN’T move out yet. I work 50 hours a week and am taking 13 credits this semester and was going to take more but had leg surgery and couldn’t handle that much. I am a nanny for two different families so when the babies sleep I work on school work, it works great! I work Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 7:30-7:30 and Tuesday and Thursdays I have class from 8:00-10:25 and then have physical therapy between that and my other nanny job which is 12:30-7:30 on those two days, when I work, I actually work and don’t sit online, that is why you don’t see me. My AA will take up 60 hours unless you can test out of any classes. I tested high enough in math and writing to skip a class in both. I finished my math credits and writing credits already this summer. I took 13 credits in the summer as well. My parents actually love my boyfriend and think he is wonderful and hold nothing against him for getting me pregnant! I have also had several boyfriends, all worthless pigs! My primary doctor saw me when I was pregnant and delivered me and my brother so I didn’t have to see an OBGYN. He wanted me high risk but changed his mind for some reason. Laura I have noticed you like to push other buttons, if people don’t listen to what you want or think as you do, you don’t like it…
Happy2girls~ I was given anything I wanted material wise yes, because my parents had the money and chose to spend whatever on me just so they didn’t have to give me the attention and could send it my brother’s way. I have learned from that and my parents are a great example of how not to be when I have kids. I always came last to them and I didn’t care if I didn’t get any of the materials I did all I wanted was someone to love me and support me like they did with my brother, I never got that though.
And BTW, if your parents are that rich why do you come on this board? with this kind of cash flow you'd think you have several therapists and a shrink24/7.
You might fool others baby cakes but you aint fooling me. I smell a fake 10 miles away. So keep on bragging while all along you step in your own sh.. changing your story and words. You are one immature and spoiled brat. GROW UP! Obviously mommy and daddy's money aint doing it for you.
I don't think many of these ladies will agree with you that I am rude to any of them. We just get rude to people that have no idea about life, and are trying to get pregnant with a child and mess up a childs life. It is truly sad that you have no respect for yourself, and I am sorry but you don't.
I wasn't stating anything regarding you and your boyfriends sex drive at the beginning of your pregnancy except that from your post on the other forum your boyfriend didn't sound so happy to be with you. Here is the difference between you and me. I AM MARRIED and I am not 17, so you really need not say anything regarding me.
You know if you were my daughter I wouldn't be too happy with your decisions you have made so far. Nothing better then a teen getting pregnant, and loosing it and claiming she is going to try again. You got blessed that now you can have a baby the right way later in life, but you know what I DON"T CARE! I am sure we will see you on here in a few months crying because your boyfriend dumped your immature butt.
Kids!
well that is what we all decided to do, but then you kind-of started it again. I thought you posted it was your last post..........you promise. why not google some of the hateful stuff this girl has said to others all over the forums. it is quit interesting.
I understand you're upset to see cases like this where immature girls think they know it all when they don't. But what can you do about it? You can only give advices and whether they want to listen or not..that's their choice..you at least tried to help with your experience. Don't get angry with peopple who do not agree with you. It's not good for you. You take things too seriously and that's great but don't let it bother you. By the way, I'm bedtimestory. I forgot my password and had to sign up again. I'll log in with my original username on Monday. I hope you consider opening a new fun forum where we can all enjoy and laugh with everybody's posts. :)
Listen nothing against you, but i do not appreciate that happy2girls got on here brand new and started telling everone to ignore this girl because she is being immature, well we all stopped posting on here, but she had to come back on and start it up again.
K1990 listen my dear you should be lucky enough to have a family that loves you as much as my family loves me. I have a loving hard working husband and 2 beautiful daughters, and if you would like I would be more then happy to give you our myspace account so you can see for your own eyes. I don't care what you do with your life, what I don't like is you are wanting to bring a baby into this world on purpose at your age. That is where it is upsetting that you have no clue.
You know, and plus there are many stay at home moms on here that do the same thing. We get 5 min here or 5 min there and we jump on for a sec. BIG DEAL.
Personally I think you have chose this girl as your charity case because she probably reminds you of one of your daughters.
I am also a stay at home mom and I do the same thing Laura does I get on here 5 min every so often throughout the day. So what.
Laura has given good advice to people, and she happens to be nice to talk to about stuff. So, lay off would you. Go back to your cosmetics forum and talk about your balding head.
and happy2girls I do have a wonderful life, I have a wonderful husband whom I have been married to for almost 7 years, I have a beautiful 5 year old blue eyed blond haired little girl and a 2.5 year old blue eyed brown hair little girl whom are my life. Just snap on my profile and you will see them.
I think you are being out of line because you know good and well if your daughter came home pregnant you wouldn't be happy about it.
K1990- let me paste some of happy2girls posts about you and see if you think she was being so nice to you.
here they are:
I agree that it is not bad to tell a teen she is headed down the wrong path and that is what I did. I tried to get her to examine things on a deeper level but maybe I was wasting my time. I have no doubt she is making stuff up. I think a good number of people on here make stuff up. I just don't undertstand why if you feel that way you just don't stop responding and kiss the post goodbye. That is what I am doing. I said my peace and I am out of here.
I pity her children if she decides to go on with her plan at such a young age before she works out her own hurts inflicted by her parents. In her original post she wanted to know if her boyfriends distance was caused by the miscarriage, possibly, but maybe he isn't sure about her plans. I would bet on that. And I doubt she has any clue about how much a child changes a relationship, even a really strong relationship. It brings all kinds of stressors, good and bad into the marriage. And she clearly has doubts about her relationship otherwise she would not have posted.
Is it a reaction to this girl's rudeness and stubborness, sure it is but we are the adults, we should not stoop to her level
I have got a question. Why is it that you are doing this to yourself at 17? These are emotions that you shouldn't be dealing with. Your relationship probably has a strain on it due to the fact that you are so young, and you are having to go through this miscarriage. Heres the thing though, what is going on in your relationship could have nothing to do with your miscarriage, sometimes teen loves just don't work out all the time.
I am with Barbarella and I hope that you are more careful with birth control.
I don't know if you truly get how hard it is mentally and physically when being a parent. I was in my middle 20's and married before we had our first child, and let me tell you it was really really really hard to do.
I saw one of your other posts that you said you want to try again, I really don't feel that you should purposly do that. Unless you can answer these questions with a yes. Do you have your own place away from your parents, do you have a steady job that you can buy diapers and formula, does your boyfriend have a steady job, would you be able to support a child without your boyfriend, are you done with highschool? At 17 you are young and able to go have fun with friends, don't put the stress of having a more then full-time job of taking care of a baby ontop of everything else in your life.
I am sorry that you had a miscarriage, but now you have the opportunity to better your life. Have you thought about going to college? I'll tell you it is hard for a female to get a good paying job these days without a college degree, and since you don't have anything to tie you down why don't you try it out and see.
I am truely in love with my boyfriend and couldn't imagine my life without him! We talk about it all the time and our relationship is still so wonderful. There are just times when we get upset with each other and I talked to him about it last night and think that missing the baby has a lot to do with us getting over emotional. I do not need the you shouldnt be a mom at 17 speach, that is not what I am here for. I will be a better mother at 19 when we will try again than most on this site. I am with babies 5 days a week, 10 hours a day. I take care of twins and a 2 year old... I GET that it is hard! So please keep your opinions about teen mothers too yourself because I am getting very tired of hearing that! Right now I would be a better mom than most here, and more mature and know more than some moms on here as well.
I will be a better mother at 19 when we will try again than most on this site.