Aa
Relationship advice
How far is too far?
I have a boyfriend of 4 years, I have 1 child and he has 2. He wont listen to my feelings about how his 1 daughter is interfering with out relationship and he wont even consider it.
A) Our kids were at a summer day camp together. His kid came home and she told him some story about my child. I said " I don't think that's what happened maybe she misheard or maybe shes exaggerating" He said " if your calling her a liar w wont last another day" and things escalated from there into a break up.
B) She sleeps with him at his house almost every night. There then became a problem of resentment. One night I called him and wanted to stay the night and he sounded like something was weird like he didn't really want me to and he said " Shes already sleeping in my bed, I 'want to move her to her bed and her wonder why shes there and resent you for it."
C) I can never be by him EVER if shes there. While my kid wants to play. she is only concerned with laying her legs and arms and hands all over her dad. I have seen her lay on him like I would. like a grown women would. I have seen her caress his face, hair, and ears. we lived together at one time but I called the engagement off and moved out because I could never sit by him on the couch or lay with him. It got so excessive. The other couch was mine. he sleeps with her in the middle of the day on the couch and they cuddle the whole day watching movies. she follows him and I could never have any private time with him at all. she would turn down my kid to playing because she would say she was tired 24/7.
D) If I got a calendar and marked every time I was by him and she suddenly doesn't feel good. and he babies her and I get pushed to the side some1 would be blown away. It is no exaggeration to say it is almost every single time. So much that I actually told him wow. maybe you should take her to the doctor. She plays him like a fiddle. and hes completely blind to it all and wont listen to me. I'm afraid that there is no hope for our futer and this makes me sick. I have seriously only began to skim the surface of this all. The post said my post was too long and I had to re write it. He treats her with all these special privileges and treats her like a wife, nothing sexual. I'm sure of that. its just some excessive emotional issue. I see she gets away with way more than my child. and she has the upper hand over our whole relationship. HELP. I'm still keeping so much inside. Every time I bring this kind of things up to him it gets brushed off by him like im seeing things thats not there. every time they are at my house she says " when are we going home" and not long after they leave. Its so bad that I want to find a new relationship bc I can never see him when he has his kid. my friends and family have said theses same things that they have noticed.
I have a boyfriend of 4 years, I have 1 child and he has 2. He wont listen to my feelings about how his 1 daughter is interfering with out relationship and he wont even consider it.
A) Our kids were at a summer day camp together. His kid came home and she told him some story about my child. I said " I don't think that's what happened maybe she misheard or maybe shes exaggerating" He said " if your calling her a liar w wont last another day" and things escalated from there into a break up.
B) She sleeps with him at his house almost every night. There then became a problem of resentment. One night I called him and wanted to stay the night and he sounded like something was weird like he didn't really want me to and he said " Shes already sleeping in my bed, I 'want to move her to her bed and her wonder why shes there and resent you for it."
C) I can never be by him EVER if shes there. While my kid wants to play. she is only concerned with laying her legs and arms and hands all over her dad. I have seen her lay on him like I would. like a grown women would. I have seen her caress his face, hair, and ears. we lived together at one time but I called the engagement off and moved out because I could never sit by him on the couch or lay with him. It got so excessive. The other couch was mine. he sleeps with her in the middle of the day on the couch and they cuddle the whole day watching movies. she follows him and I could never have any private time with him at all. she would turn down my kid to playing because she would say she was tired 24/7.
D) If I got a calendar and marked every time I was by him and she suddenly doesn't feel good. and he babies her and I get pushed to the side some1 would be blown away. It is no exaggeration to say it is almost every single time. So much that I actually told him wow. maybe you should take her to the doctor. She plays him like a fiddle. and hes completely blind to it all and wont listen to me. I'm afraid that there is no hope for our futer and this makes me sick. I have seriously only began to skim the surface of this all. The post said my post was too long and I had to re write it. He treats her with all these special privileges and treats her like a wife, nothing sexual. I'm sure of that. its just some excessive emotional issue. I see she gets away with way more than my child. and she has the upper hand over our whole relationship. HELP. I'm still keeping so much inside. Every time I bring this kind of things up to him it gets brushed off by him like im seeing things thats not there. every time they are at my house she says " when are we going home" and not long after they leave. Its so bad that I want to find a new relationship bc I can never see him when he has his kid. my friends and family have said theses same things that they have noticed.
These situations are so common and to be quite honest it has more to do with the bf then the children. The father condones the behavior so the child continues to do it.......his parenting style, so it is HIM not HER who is the culprit.
He is the ONE not validating your feelings. He is the ONE who could care less about what you say. He is the ONE that sees no problem with his interaction between him and his daughter. He is the ONE who is pretty much telling you no one is going to be above his children. He won't change and there is nothing to be done about that.
The only thing you can change is YOUR involvement with him. Find some who will validate your feelings and concerns because this man isn't.
He is the ONE not validating your feelings. He is the ONE who could care less about what you say. He is the ONE that sees no problem with his interaction between him and his daughter. He is the ONE who is pretty much telling you no one is going to be above his children. He won't change and there is nothing to be done about that.
The only thing you can change is YOUR involvement with him. Find some who will validate your feelings and concerns because this man isn't.
You said:
"Its so bad that I want to find a new relationship bc I can never see him when he has his kid"
Do that. That's great insight you had, and great advice for yourself.
"Its so bad that I want to find a new relationship bc I can never see him when he has his kid"
Do that. That's great insight you had, and great advice for yourself.
COMMUNITY LEADER
My advice remains the same. This relationship probably will not make it long term due to these issues. NOT HER. But that your boyfriend really isn't interested in how you feel about it. good luck
If You think something inappropriate is going on You need to report it.
If You don't think something inappropriate is going on You still need to move on. You and He obviously conflict on this and the 3 Children involved don't need to be caught up in this contention between the two of You.
You don't like it, You can't change it, so You should leave it.
If You don't think something inappropriate is going on You still need to move on. You and He obviously conflict on this and the 3 Children involved don't need to be caught up in this contention between the two of You.
You don't like it, You can't change it, so You should leave it.
oh and he isnt like this with his other daughter, trust me. I have no problem with kids. and I see none of these weird things with him n his other kid. so I woud think that If it was me just being picky then I would think that about both children. and I do not. The other daughter is well behaved and gets treated fair when it needs to be.
What You See Is What You Get
This is a G I A N T Red Flag
You don't like Their interaction. It's a thorn to You. You didn't like it before and You don't like it now and He won't change it - nor should He
I don't suggest His interaction with His daughter is right or wrong, I don't suggest Your feeling about it is right or wrong but I DO suggest this is the wrong relationship for Him and for You as You don't see eye-to-eye on this issue and there can O N L Y be more trouble ahead.
This is a G I A N T Red Flag
You don't like Their interaction. It's a thorn to You. You didn't like it before and You don't like it now and He won't change it - nor should He
I don't suggest His interaction with His daughter is right or wrong, I don't suggest Your feeling about it is right or wrong but I DO suggest this is the wrong relationship for Him and for You as You don't see eye-to-eye on this issue and there can O N L Y be more trouble ahead.
This is to bad..I have read things like this before on here..I have to agree with specialmom..Move on..Then maybe if it is meant to be he will finally see the light on what you have been trying to tell him. The age of his daughter is what I would like to know..And I am wondering if he sees something in his daughter that reminds him of his X..Sorry but this ALL just does not sound right to me. I wish you the Best and you need Love now not later when the daughter is way up in age.
Bless
Bless
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hello. Ah, the age old problem of girlfriend has issue with daughter and daughter has issue with girlfriend. It's a tale as old as time . . . Okay, maybe not that old but rather an outpouring of so many couples with kids breaking up and getting new partners which seems to be prevalent these days. I don't know if it helps to know that this is a common of women that enter into relationships with men that have kids and it seems especially daughters.
The deal is this--- if you feel like her behavior is inappropriate and have brought it to his attention and he disagrees------- that's it. There is your answer. he's cool with her and is not concerned that you have a problem with it. To me, that is a good reason to break it off with someone.
That's my best advice. Whether he is right or wrong for his feelings about his daughter, he is clear---- he's not changing her or his treatment of her because you want him to. So, save yourself some heartache and move on to find someone that does not have such complications to a relationship in his life. good luck
The deal is this--- if you feel like her behavior is inappropriate and have brought it to his attention and he disagrees------- that's it. There is your answer. he's cool with her and is not concerned that you have a problem with it. To me, that is a good reason to break it off with someone.
That's my best advice. Whether he is right or wrong for his feelings about his daughter, he is clear---- he's not changing her or his treatment of her because you want him to. So, save yourself some heartache and move on to find someone that does not have such complications to a relationship in his life. good luck
Also..
E)
One time I had both the kids mine and his daughter. Later he calls me after he picked his kid up and started saying who's Steve. I said I don't know. He claimed his daughter asked him who Steve was and said I kept saying that name on the phone. I had to rack my brain real hard and my boyfriend was getting suspicious and unpatient. I said I was only on the phone with my girlfriend and she was talking about her husband and I remember asking why would cj do that. So point being. she misheard. I asked him nicely to have a talk with her about making sure she hears the right stuff if shes going to talk about it. He said no. I was shocked. I said Im not asking you to punish her. just have a talk with her about the importance of making sure you heard what you heard if your going to talk about it. *** to me is a good life long rule **** and he said No Im not going to do that because then I don't want her to be scared to come to me and tell me things.
E)
One time I had both the kids mine and his daughter. Later he calls me after he picked his kid up and started saying who's Steve. I said I don't know. He claimed his daughter asked him who Steve was and said I kept saying that name on the phone. I had to rack my brain real hard and my boyfriend was getting suspicious and unpatient. I said I was only on the phone with my girlfriend and she was talking about her husband and I remember asking why would cj do that. So point being. she misheard. I asked him nicely to have a talk with her about making sure she hears the right stuff if shes going to talk about it. He said no. I was shocked. I said Im not asking you to punish her. just have a talk with her about the importance of making sure you heard what you heard if your going to talk about it. *** to me is a good life long rule **** and he said No Im not going to do that because then I don't want her to be scared to come to me and tell me things.
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