WOW, this is a tuff one. So I've known my wife for over ten years. We dated briefly in the beginnig but as young relationships do it fizzled out. We managed to be friends on the other hand. I've always loved this girl and she has my heart. We've both lived very full lives in this time we've known each other and have been through much. Just not been through much together until now.
I moved away to NY and things were going "ok". Better in some areas than others. I was dating a girl who at the time I believe to have had an abortion behind my back. Out of the blue do do several # changes on my part, I recieve a phone call from my current wife who helped me through all of this. I made a trip to AZ and one evening she tells me she loves me. Im taken bake because i've always felt that for her and I tell her "those are big words" kind of brushing it off. She presist in telling my that i've offended her which baffles me.
I return to NY and we stay in touch every day so I flew her out. The courtship begins. I realize our feelings for one another are not only strong but incredably real. We aloped shortly after.
The problem was that she had to situate things in AZ and I had to go back to work in NY. We remain seperate from each other for nearly a month. In this time I worked every day and in our industry(service) its common to go out more often than not. Well, that was the case. I was in married mode and she continued having her fun. We found out we were pregnant and she felt she wasnt ready. That cuased conflict however i wanted this marriage to work and decided to respect her dicission. She then decided to keep it in any case we ended up miscaring. She felt it was her fault from the partying(she didnt know at the time she was pregnant).
I let my frustration build and build(partying and and so forth). When I flew out to see her in hopes of getting her ready for NY as I had just landed us a wonderful apt.. she hadn't packed a thing. You have to understand that shes never lived outside of AZ and moving to the big apple can be intimadating. My mood was fowl and as could be expected we argued quite a bit. One night we had much to drink and I really went off and said alot of hurtful things and did so in a verbally abusive manner.
I hadnt seen her in nearly 3 weeks at that point and I wanted some sort of affection. Keep in mind that we just miscarried and me as a guy wanted affection but above all sex. Well i got none of the above. STONE COLD! in hindsite trying to have sex was plain stupid realizing her hormones were outta whack. A few days later i looked in her phone in hopes of figuring out what was going on. Also keep in mind i've never been this vulnerable before so i was super insecure at the moment. I found pictures of another mans genatalia with text attatched(Im sure you can figure out the text w/out me going into it). these texts were from that very day.
She said it was a defense mechanism. She grew up in an abusive home and that i brought it all back to life that night that i lost it. She never made it to NY and ive since been crushed. Its been nearly two months since then and ive recently moved to AZ. I know what your prob thinking...stalker. Well, Weve talked a few times since ive returned over a week ago. Nothing logistical just as friends. Although i know shes been w/ the guy in the pictures since who lives in another state. We are seperated so these things are to be expected as ive recently had a one night stand. Of course id rather it be w/ her any day.
I know her and love her w/ everything i have. I moved to AZ to be here for her as I wasnt when she needed me most. It appears to be to late but her happiness is my priority! We both have much to figure out though i hope in time we can be on the same page. Were completely compadable we just lost our connection.
Some days are better than others and then there are days that im lost w/out her. This would be one of those days.
(thank you for listening and i apologise for the gramatical era's)
Being apart form your spouse is extremely hard, in any situation, I know it's very easy to lose that connection and feel lonely and of course to need affection from the person you love. I was separated for 6 months from my husband(former army wife talking here lol) when he was overseas and it was extremely hard for both of us, so i understand how it is.
Have you guys tried couple's counseling? it will most likely help to patch your relationship if you have an unbiased person helping you out.(never tired it but have heard many many good things about it) Of course you AND your wife both have to be willing to work for the marriage. And I would definitely suggest not having any more one night stands if you are trying to get back together, don't want to mess things up more lol
If i were you i would try to go to couples counseling and try and work things out and see what happens from there if you love her the way you say and im sure she does as well talk to her in person and tell her how you feel what you told us and see ehat her response is and see if you can get counseling together and then if all else fails maybe it wasnt meant to be. But atleast you no you gave it your all and you tried.
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