Aa
Seems like sex is a burden to my wife...but I want it all the time.
My wife and I have been married for 28 years and are both in our early 50's. I have a sex drive that won't quit and she never seems to want it. I beg and plead and sometimes...sometimes get it. I have gone over a year at a time without. When (On the rare occasion) we do make love....she complains about everything and I do everything in my power to make sure she gets plenty of foreplay and massaging and attention. It's been so long since we have made love, I hate to admit that I am seriously thinking about finding a sexual partner to accommodate my 'needs'. I love her but it seems she just doesn't care about my needs. She does have some physical ailments and such but so do I and I don't ask her to do anything special either....but I just feel as though I am this fiend wanting sex all the time...when I would be happy with a couple of times a week. Sigh....She is going through menopause as well...and I am sure that has a factor in what is happening but this has been going on long long before that ever started....so one sided...and I have discussed this with her time and time again to no avail. Masturbation is NOT sex! Sex is so much more satisfying and intent...and I love the contact with her. She doesn't even like to cuddle or for me to be near her that much when we are just relaxing...she seems to thing everything is going to turn into sex...even though I have told her that it doesn't. Am I just screwed? I love her but just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want another woman...but my sexual hunger is a very overwhelming thing. A hunger in which only sex can satisfy. What should I do?
Regardless of being a man or a woman we all can relate to dilemmas and trying to find the best solution or solutions to solve an unfortunate situation. Furthermore the solution shouldn't ideally be temporary. Confronting issues have more to do with you as a person and not whether you are a woman or a man.
All people have needs, i.e. food, water, sleep, sex, etc. Yes, that includes sex for us women. Women are just as much sexual beings as men.
Sounds like you have exhausted all avenues with this problem while trying to keep your marriage whole and I think the next step is to consider a trial separation. Maybe that will jumpstart her into a direction and make her truly realize you need your needs meant or you are moving on. I don't think that would be selfish of you at all. I am all for giving, but not to the point where you find very little or NONE of your needs are being fulfilled by another in a relationship. The exchange should be MUTUAL. I know I am not only here to "serve" my husband nor should the situation be like that for anyone.
All people have needs, i.e. food, water, sleep, sex, etc. Yes, that includes sex for us women. Women are just as much sexual beings as men.
Sounds like you have exhausted all avenues with this problem while trying to keep your marriage whole and I think the next step is to consider a trial separation. Maybe that will jumpstart her into a direction and make her truly realize you need your needs meant or you are moving on. I don't think that would be selfish of you at all. I am all for giving, but not to the point where you find very little or NONE of your needs are being fulfilled by another in a relationship. The exchange should be MUTUAL. I know I am not only here to "serve" my husband nor should the situation be like that for anyone.
"Its just a matter of time:"
Where open arms caressed with loving care
have now been replaced with empty air.
And the longing for their physical embrace
is left with only a picture in their place.
The tears that shared to relieve lifes load
have left these eyes to shed them alone.
God how i miss my love.
Where open arms caressed with loving care
have now been replaced with empty air.
And the longing for their physical embrace
is left with only a picture in their place.
The tears that shared to relieve lifes load
have left these eyes to shed them alone.
God how i miss my love.
No to worry. As nursey mentions that we dont know you and can only reply from what your write. Even in your question you mention only your concerns, you say "MY" wife and but "I" want it.
We are suspossed to be there for THEM as they are not here for us. Till death do us part.
I would suggest you put your sexual concerns into some perspective where having an orgasim is not the end product as you could be going through this as a test of your faithfulness. I dont know if your spiritual at all but most of those with convictions believe life is a test.
We are not made alone but God created other people to be on the same planet at the same time. So any self interests we have should take into account this fact.
Hold your wife tight and tell her you love her and what ever it takes to make her life full and exciting, you will be there for her. Things can change in the blink of an eye where our every day mundane life becomes a living nightmare where the tragety we witness others going through now happens to us.
Live every day with her as its your last because soon enough that day will surely come.
We are suspossed to be there for THEM as they are not here for us. Till death do us part.
I would suggest you put your sexual concerns into some perspective where having an orgasim is not the end product as you could be going through this as a test of your faithfulness. I dont know if your spiritual at all but most of those with convictions believe life is a test.
We are not made alone but God created other people to be on the same planet at the same time. So any self interests we have should take into account this fact.
Hold your wife tight and tell her you love her and what ever it takes to make her life full and exciting, you will be there for her. Things can change in the blink of an eye where our every day mundane life becomes a living nightmare where the tragety we witness others going through now happens to us.
Live every day with her as its your last because soon enough that day will surely come.
Sometimes it is just hard for me to tell if anyone and I do appreciate all the advice given here. Sorry I came off a bit harsh..it's just ...I suppose I had, going into this marriage a preconceived notion as to what my life and wife were gonna be like once joined. I think when that world is not the one you picture, you sometimes do things that one would not normally do. I know I have made more then my share of mistakes in this marriage and maybe I should have used so much more restraint. Point taken. I agree that cheating would only make things worse and I don't want to. I won't, as a matter of fact. I only wish my wife would love me just a little more...would tell me that she is thinking of me when I am not here. She touches me in that loving way. She sends me a smile without so much as a word and I know...I know that she loves me and is thinking about me. I am starting to grow cold and disconnected and it gets tougher each day. She gives me a quick kiss but she will not tell me she loves me. Sorry nursegirl6572 and to all those I upset with my comments. I am thankful that you all took the time out of your busy days and commented on my situation. Again, I will take all of your comments to heart and try to form the best plan for addressing this issue as well as I can. I am at the end of my rope hanging on the the last little bit of hope. I just feel so defeated and I have shared so much with all of you that most never even know about my wife and me. She is a great mother and don't wish to leave her. I just wish there were some magic phrase I could say to make it all o.k. I know that is not true and there is no instant 'fix all' for my situation. I don't even know if there is a long term fix all for my situation. Maybe some of the advice given here in this forum may just open up a few of those closed doors. Thank you all and bless you all. Oh, and sorry to life360. Didn't mean any offense to you. You are a caring soul and usually I only get that from men....it's more harsh advice. I know some guys will take things to the extreme and I don't want that.
Again, thanks all. If nothing else...I have some caring ears to bend and some good advice givers. :)
Again, thanks all. If nothing else...I have some caring ears to bend and some good advice givers. :)
To add....I just reread all of the replies in your thread, and I think you got a GREAT array of advice, and I don't see ANY of it as judgemental in any way.
I think you're getting defensive out of frustration and reading tones and meanings into the replies that just aren't there.
Best of luck to you!
I think you're getting defensive out of frustration and reading tones and meanings into the replies that just aren't there.
Best of luck to you!
Actually, Life360 is a man, so you DO have a male perspective on this thread.
You have to understand that our replies aren't personal. We don't "know" you or your wife. You came to a public forum to get input, and that's exactly what you've gotten, real, honest input based on the info YOU have provided us (which is all we have to go on).
I don't think any one of us are discounting what you're going through. I think we would all agree that a sexless marriage is a problem. We're just trying to give you suggestions on why your wife is so "against" being intimate and close, and recommendations on how to fix that. It sounds like therapy really is warranted here, for both of you individually, as well as couple's therapy.
Thing is, your wife would have to be on board and willing to try. It doesn't sound like she is at this point, which leaves you what options? That's the hard part. If this is really something you cannot get past (understandably), then the next obvious solution would be to either separate or leave the marriage. Obviously, cheating isn't the answer, it would only greatly complicate the situation and add insult to injury in a big way...not to mention pretty much eliminate ANY chance you have for working through this with your wife.
If my hunch is correct that your wife is dealing with unresolved issues like depression, and poor self esteem, the very last thing she needs is to discover that you're stepping out on her, either physically, or via cyber sex. I totally understand you have needs, and that this is a difficult situation. It's tough to accept honest advice when it isn't always what we want to hear. Hopefully, you can try to take the "personal" feeling out of the replies, and just take the advice at face value, the way it was intended, to help you and give you unbiased 3rd party opinions of your situation.
Good luck to you.
You have to understand that our replies aren't personal. We don't "know" you or your wife. You came to a public forum to get input, and that's exactly what you've gotten, real, honest input based on the info YOU have provided us (which is all we have to go on).
I don't think any one of us are discounting what you're going through. I think we would all agree that a sexless marriage is a problem. We're just trying to give you suggestions on why your wife is so "against" being intimate and close, and recommendations on how to fix that. It sounds like therapy really is warranted here, for both of you individually, as well as couple's therapy.
Thing is, your wife would have to be on board and willing to try. It doesn't sound like she is at this point, which leaves you what options? That's the hard part. If this is really something you cannot get past (understandably), then the next obvious solution would be to either separate or leave the marriage. Obviously, cheating isn't the answer, it would only greatly complicate the situation and add insult to injury in a big way...not to mention pretty much eliminate ANY chance you have for working through this with your wife.
If my hunch is correct that your wife is dealing with unresolved issues like depression, and poor self esteem, the very last thing she needs is to discover that you're stepping out on her, either physically, or via cyber sex. I totally understand you have needs, and that this is a difficult situation. It's tough to accept honest advice when it isn't always what we want to hear. Hopefully, you can try to take the "personal" feeling out of the replies, and just take the advice at face value, the way it was intended, to help you and give you unbiased 3rd party opinions of your situation.
Good luck to you.
and and to comment on the work schedule from Londres70, I work full time 4 to midnight and my job is usaully stressful. I am a hard worker and hardly ever miss work. And we both share in taking care of the kids in which two of them are adults and take care of themselves for the most part.
Listen. My wife and I are middle aged and I don't expect miracles sexually. I understand the aches and pains of the daily grind. Yes, my wife works in retail and she is very good and committed to her job. She never misses work and has been at the same place for over 15 years. I have been at my present job for just over 5 years. I worked at my last place of employment for over 21 years until it got closed down and shipped out to another state. We both share the house chores but mainly have the kids do most of the harder chores to teach them responsibility. It also helps take some of the burden off of us seeing we both have full time jobs. She has had a bone spur in her shoulder and had it surgically removed as well as a hernia operation and four C sections.
My main physical ailment is migraines.
I had a male comment to me as to some help and it is much different then the women on here. I know you ladies know what you want and how the female mind works and I really do appreciate all your input. Here is the problem....I don't know how many of you understand fully the male mind though. We are simple but complex creatures..if that makes any sense. I suppose it boils down to men are from Mars and women are from Venus sort of thing. It is also hard to hash out a situation when you haven't been in either of our shoes for the last nearly 28 years. With all of that said, I try to keep an open mind as to what is told to me. If you have noticed, only women are commenting on this situation. I think it is because (like the one guy who privately wrote to me) are afraid that you won't like the male solution. There is where the women don't mesh with the male mind. We do think differently and I know a lot of what you are all saying is from a female stand point...I don't know if you get entirely how I feel. How my urges work or what it's like to be a guy. You all can only speculate and again...I understand. I am not taking anything away from you or downing your ideas. I am learning much from all of you. But please, don't kick me for every little indiscretion I have when all I ever wanted was my wife but it feels that I am not all she ever wanted. That hurts. That is why I do what I do. I don't want to but the urge for companionship is so strong in me..that it's like something takes over and I don't quite know how to control it. That is why I masturbate so often and I try to keep the wolves at bey. I would rather do myself then to cheat on my wife but masturbation is not physical contact and that is what I crave. I though when I got married that sex would never be an issue again but now it's a bigger one than ever. A lot of males think the same way I do. I have talked to many of my male friends and they have the same problems...their wives are always pushing them away from sexual advancements. It doesn't mean the woman doesn't love their guy..I understand that but it seems that they don't care what a man wants as long as the womens' needs are being filled. The man gets left out in the cold when we try to bend over backwards to keep the peace and maybe..just maybe expect some intemacy in return only to be turned down time and again. This is why a lot of men turn to the darker thoughts of cheating. Not that they or I do it..at least physically but we (men) have strong needs and when these needs aren't met...Not that we don't love our spouses but we do have needs and desires. I seem to be getting some flack for what I am telling all of you in this forum and o.k., that is what you would say or do if I was doing this to you. I understand but would you do this to me if you were my wife? Think about how I feel. I haven't had sex in almost over a year and half. I don't even get the hugs, gentle touches or the closeness either. That really REALLY hurts me. I don't know...maybe we have been cold or mistrusting to each other for so long now..there IS no way back and maybe this marriage can't be fixed. We have a home and four kids that still live with is. I have tried for years to see her side and I try to be as understanding as I can...even more so then most males I have talk to. So with all that being said...think long and hard about what I should do and putting me down and judging me before you comment because that is what it sounds like it's starting to turn in to. Also, as I have stated in the past posts...counselling has been done twice and I have also seen a Psychiatrist for my own mental state of mind. Why do I do what I do when I get caught time and time again? Maybe I want to get caught to get a rise or some kind of feeling from her. Maybe it's to see if she still actually loves me or just want me around for the paycheck because she don't want to have to go live with her mom. Maybe all I am is the better alternative to the other choice but I am one you can just keep stringing along. I am the fool. Maybe I don't understand women or maybe...maybe it's just one woman I don't understand..or maybe I understand her too well and this is just how it's gonna be. sigh
My main physical ailment is migraines.
I had a male comment to me as to some help and it is much different then the women on here. I know you ladies know what you want and how the female mind works and I really do appreciate all your input. Here is the problem....I don't know how many of you understand fully the male mind though. We are simple but complex creatures..if that makes any sense. I suppose it boils down to men are from Mars and women are from Venus sort of thing. It is also hard to hash out a situation when you haven't been in either of our shoes for the last nearly 28 years. With all of that said, I try to keep an open mind as to what is told to me. If you have noticed, only women are commenting on this situation. I think it is because (like the one guy who privately wrote to me) are afraid that you won't like the male solution. There is where the women don't mesh with the male mind. We do think differently and I know a lot of what you are all saying is from a female stand point...I don't know if you get entirely how I feel. How my urges work or what it's like to be a guy. You all can only speculate and again...I understand. I am not taking anything away from you or downing your ideas. I am learning much from all of you. But please, don't kick me for every little indiscretion I have when all I ever wanted was my wife but it feels that I am not all she ever wanted. That hurts. That is why I do what I do. I don't want to but the urge for companionship is so strong in me..that it's like something takes over and I don't quite know how to control it. That is why I masturbate so often and I try to keep the wolves at bey. I would rather do myself then to cheat on my wife but masturbation is not physical contact and that is what I crave. I though when I got married that sex would never be an issue again but now it's a bigger one than ever. A lot of males think the same way I do. I have talked to many of my male friends and they have the same problems...their wives are always pushing them away from sexual advancements. It doesn't mean the woman doesn't love their guy..I understand that but it seems that they don't care what a man wants as long as the womens' needs are being filled. The man gets left out in the cold when we try to bend over backwards to keep the peace and maybe..just maybe expect some intemacy in return only to be turned down time and again. This is why a lot of men turn to the darker thoughts of cheating. Not that they or I do it..at least physically but we (men) have strong needs and when these needs aren't met...Not that we don't love our spouses but we do have needs and desires. I seem to be getting some flack for what I am telling all of you in this forum and o.k., that is what you would say or do if I was doing this to you. I understand but would you do this to me if you were my wife? Think about how I feel. I haven't had sex in almost over a year and half. I don't even get the hugs, gentle touches or the closeness either. That really REALLY hurts me. I don't know...maybe we have been cold or mistrusting to each other for so long now..there IS no way back and maybe this marriage can't be fixed. We have a home and four kids that still live with is. I have tried for years to see her side and I try to be as understanding as I can...even more so then most males I have talk to. So with all that being said...think long and hard about what I should do and putting me down and judging me before you comment because that is what it sounds like it's starting to turn in to. Also, as I have stated in the past posts...counselling has been done twice and I have also seen a Psychiatrist for my own mental state of mind. Why do I do what I do when I get caught time and time again? Maybe I want to get caught to get a rise or some kind of feeling from her. Maybe it's to see if she still actually loves me or just want me around for the paycheck because she don't want to have to go live with her mom. Maybe all I am is the better alternative to the other choice but I am one you can just keep stringing along. I am the fool. Maybe I don't understand women or maybe...maybe it's just one woman I don't understand..or maybe I understand her too well and this is just how it's gonna be. sigh
"She does have some physical ailments and such but so do I and I don't ask her to do anything special either...."......What are these "physical ailments?"
Do you help with the children and around the house? Are you working?
What is her schedule like during the day? If she is attending to the house, dealing with the children and/or working outside the home and then she is expected to "fire up her engines" for you so to speak then there is going to be a problem.....compounded with the fact that you've been caught carrying on emotional affairs; this is a recipe for problems. The revelation of the emotional affairs is enough to destroy/errode a marriage.
Instead of turning to internet sites you should probably reconsult a therapist by yourself and get his/her opinion on what you should do in regards to your marriage. Internet sites got you into trouble before and I can't see how that is really an real solution to your situation other than giving you TEMPORARY physical gratification, but it still leaves you without any real solution to your deteriorating marriage. Give the internet sites a rest. If she catches you checking out porn it will make matters even worse.
Do you help with the children and around the house? Are you working?
What is her schedule like during the day? If she is attending to the house, dealing with the children and/or working outside the home and then she is expected to "fire up her engines" for you so to speak then there is going to be a problem.....compounded with the fact that you've been caught carrying on emotional affairs; this is a recipe for problems. The revelation of the emotional affairs is enough to destroy/errode a marriage.
Instead of turning to internet sites you should probably reconsult a therapist by yourself and get his/her opinion on what you should do in regards to your marriage. Internet sites got you into trouble before and I can't see how that is really an real solution to your situation other than giving you TEMPORARY physical gratification, but it still leaves you without any real solution to your deteriorating marriage. Give the internet sites a rest. If she catches you checking out porn it will make matters even worse.
Theres one thing missing from your posts and thats the issue of self control. Your mentioning mastubating 3-4 times a day, your on porn sites and now talking about cheating, and comparing sex to a drug high. Balance in life is very important and maybe some counceling would help.
I can't help You resolve this issue with Your Wife -
BUT
I DO KNOW absolutely !!!, positively!!!, without a doubt!!! that cheating on Her is NOT the solution - if You're ready to 'go there' well then, just end the marriage now - let Her deal with a divorce rather than deal with a cheating Husband. If You think You have problems now ???!!!! (sarcasm intended) just plan on complicating the issue with an affair. I PROMISE 'things' will get worse !!!
BUT
I DO KNOW absolutely !!!, positively!!!, without a doubt!!! that cheating on Her is NOT the solution - if You're ready to 'go there' well then, just end the marriage now - let Her deal with a divorce rather than deal with a cheating Husband. If You think You have problems now ???!!!! (sarcasm intended) just plan on complicating the issue with an affair. I PROMISE 'things' will get worse !!!
Thanks again for taking time to help me with my situation. Bless you all for taking time out of your busy day and giving some very good advice. I haven't been able to get back onto this site for a few days and wow, all the responses. Oh, and also to add to one of the questions above. No, my wife is not on any anti-depressants or really any other major medications. I have tried for years to keep a good attitude that maybe just hormones or lebido or me trying to stay fit to look good for her or complimenting her would turn things around....but I think a few of the things said above hold true....she needs her hormone level checked and maybe some therapy to pull her out of her state of mind. She has never been able to take a compliment without giving me a sarcastic , yeah...sure' or an eye roll as if I didn't mean it.
One of my other major issues with me is...and I have never been public with this is that I have this craving for sex almost all the time. Sex was so much fun and I get such a high from making love to my wife..but it seemed to get lesser and lesser as the months and years passed. Hell, there was even one year that I didn't get sex at all. Now...as of late..and I know this is because of my internet cheating, that I haven't had sex for nearly a year and a half..and still going, mind you. I go to porn sites to masturbate because my favorite memories of my wife and my sex life is fading in my mind. Sad but true and there are days I masturbate 3 or 4 times...and I see these websites for cheating...like Ashley Madison or other generic sites and start to thing....hmmmm...what if? I don't DON'T want to cheat on her but my sexual urges are so strong...I am starting to lose my mind and I hate the way I feel about it. That is why I feel I am such a bad husband. I swore for better of for worse and I have been contemplating cheating...real physical cheating... and not just of the cyber chat type. I don't know who I am going to offend with this but I just feel so lonely and this all has been discussed with my wife and in therapy. I know having kids around can take away from my advances...and I do understand that she needs her space...but how much space to you need? I just don't know how much longer I can hold out.
Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments. I will take each and everyone into deep consideration.
One of my other major issues with me is...and I have never been public with this is that I have this craving for sex almost all the time. Sex was so much fun and I get such a high from making love to my wife..but it seemed to get lesser and lesser as the months and years passed. Hell, there was even one year that I didn't get sex at all. Now...as of late..and I know this is because of my internet cheating, that I haven't had sex for nearly a year and a half..and still going, mind you. I go to porn sites to masturbate because my favorite memories of my wife and my sex life is fading in my mind. Sad but true and there are days I masturbate 3 or 4 times...and I see these websites for cheating...like Ashley Madison or other generic sites and start to thing....hmmmm...what if? I don't DON'T want to cheat on her but my sexual urges are so strong...I am starting to lose my mind and I hate the way I feel about it. That is why I feel I am such a bad husband. I swore for better of for worse and I have been contemplating cheating...real physical cheating... and not just of the cyber chat type. I don't know who I am going to offend with this but I just feel so lonely and this all has been discussed with my wife and in therapy. I know having kids around can take away from my advances...and I do understand that she needs her space...but how much space to you need? I just don't know how much longer I can hold out.
Again, thank you all for your thoughts and comments. I will take each and everyone into deep consideration.
Come across it very often.
UGGGG Sorry for the multiple post! I'm signing off for now because my phone is getting on my last nerve
UGGGG Sorry for the multiple post! I'm signing off for now because my phone is getting on my last nerve
Ohh I almost forgot, I will also provide a link to endorphin induced phobia's as well. It is a fascinating article and the medical research that has been conducted in some I the studies blew my mind and that's not an easy thing to do. When I first came across this a few years back I was skeptical and decided to add it to my studies and it has by far been one of my favorites. If nothing else when I upload the link to this one specific artificial please give it a read. I am always willing to discuss this topic because again, it is one of my favorites and since I currently work with children I do not c
Ok let me try this again. I am currently responding from my phone and I have had some issues with it as of late. I read my above post and now realize that some auto correct for my spelling was made and I did not catch the error due to the fact I did not proof read because I was in-between interviews. I am going to fix the errors in my post first thing tomorrow morning when I get to the office and power up my desktop. I am very sorry for the mistake and will definitely clarify my reasoning in the morning. I am currently in a Emergency Stag meeting with CPS and the Police in my home town concerning a student of mine and I do not believe I will make it back to the office this evening. Have a wonderful night.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, appears to not be the correct word. Oh well, anyway, Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We're all educated men and women here with our own life experience to offer what we feel may be helpful to someone.
I generally try to help couples stay together and remain faithful to their vows or commitment to one another unless someone is abusive to another which is a deal breaker.
Hope the poster and his partner can work this out.
I generally try to help couples stay together and remain faithful to their vows or commitment to one another unless someone is abusive to another which is a deal breaker.
Hope the poster and his partner can work this out.
I am currently posting from my phone and you are correct, some auto spelling changes were made and point did not c
" A WOmans Cytosis purely depends on the level of inadequacy she feels for herself in turn causing and endorphin produced phobia of trust for not just her partner in life but for anyone she holds value. Typically when Her cytosis is removed one of two things will happen; 1) she will relieZe being physically intimate may not be what she needs right now but it is human nature to receive intimacy on a regular basis therefor she doesn't see this as negotiate but a positive and helps the overall way she views herself as a woman. 2) More likley in this situation I would like to add, her endorphin levels and cytosis will rise at a rapid rate causing her to need, not want, physical intamacy therefor sparking those electrons in her brain that make you feel that "puppy love" once again."
With all due respect, none of the above makes any sense.
"cytosis
Type: Term
Pronunciation: sī-tō′sis
Definitions:
1. A condition in which there is more than the usual number of cells, as in the cytosis of spinal fluid in acute leptomeningitis.
2. Frequently used with a prefixed combining form as a means of describing certain features pertaining to cells; isocytosis, equality in size; polycytosis, abnormal increase in number."
http://www.medilexicon.com/medicaldictionary.php?t=22731
I've also never heard of endorphin produced phobia either.
I just don't see the correlation between your last post, and suggesting that the "answer" may be in an open sexual relationship?
With all due respect, none of the above makes any sense.
"cytosis
Type: Term
Pronunciation: sī-tō′sis
Definitions:
1. A condition in which there is more than the usual number of cells, as in the cytosis of spinal fluid in acute leptomeningitis.
2. Frequently used with a prefixed combining form as a means of describing certain features pertaining to cells; isocytosis, equality in size; polycytosis, abnormal increase in number."
http://www.medilexicon.com/medicaldictionary.php?t=22731
I've also never heard of endorphin produced phobia either.
I just don't see the correlation between your last post, and suggesting that the "answer" may be in an open sexual relationship?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Libido can control one's desire and libido is controlled by things such as hormone levels as well as depression and mental health issues. Often adjustments in hormone levels can raise a woman's libido.
By the way, is your wife on any medications? Antidepressants can also decrease libido.
I think it would be worthwhile to encourage your wife to see her doctor to discuss this. Best of luck to you.
By the way, is your wife on any medications? Antidepressants can also decrease libido.
I think it would be worthwhile to encourage your wife to see her doctor to discuss this. Best of luck to you.
I disagree. A WOmans Cytosis purely depends on the level of inadequacy she feels for herself in turn causing and endorphin produced phobia of trust for not just her partner in life but for anyone she holds value. Typically when Her cytosis is removed one of two things will happen; 1) she will relieZe being physically intimate may not be what she needs right now but it is human nature to receive intimacy on a regular basis therefor she doesn't see this as negotiate but a positive and helps the overall way she views herself as a woman. 2) More likley in this situation I would like to add, her endorphin levels and cytosis will rise at a rapid rate causing her to need, not want, physical intamacy therefor sparking those electrons in her brain that make you feel that "puppy love" once again. I absolutely love the way SM seems to have some sort of defiance to the Majority of my post but I would like to remind everyone my studies on Human behavior, not just children's, and the advice I give from it does not have to be taken by anyone who disagrees and I will discuss my reasoning behind them anytime.
OP's own words...
" I think at this point...she really doesn't trust me and I have told her that the reason I do what I do on the computer is because I am lonely and she thinks this is because I am weak."
I think in some (very rare) situations, an open marriage arrangement works, however I think offering that as advice in THIS situation where there are already trust issues due to the OP's infidelity just doesn't make sense. Him broaching that topic with his wife would be a sure fire way to put the final nail in the coffin where their marriage is concerned I'm sure.
Just my two cents.
" I think at this point...she really doesn't trust me and I have told her that the reason I do what I do on the computer is because I am lonely and she thinks this is because I am weak."
I think in some (very rare) situations, an open marriage arrangement works, however I think offering that as advice in THIS situation where there are already trust issues due to the OP's infidelity just doesn't make sense. Him broaching that topic with his wife would be a sure fire way to put the final nail in the coffin where their marriage is concerned I'm sure.
Just my two cents.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Some of the ladies have given really great advice here.
I was a little like rockrose. LIbido does come back.
I think we all know that our partner has needs but hormonal issues can make that difficult. My libido came back after I was done nursing my kids and even more as they got out of the toddler years. Something about giving it all to your babies makes it hard to feel sexy for your hubby.
I would consider having her talk to her doctor to check hormones. Also, if there is a chance she is depressed, that should be addressed.
And I'm a big fan of counseling for the both of you as a couple. Best of luck to you
I was a little like rockrose. LIbido does come back.
I think we all know that our partner has needs but hormonal issues can make that difficult. My libido came back after I was done nursing my kids and even more as they got out of the toddler years. Something about giving it all to your babies makes it hard to feel sexy for your hubby.
I would consider having her talk to her doctor to check hormones. Also, if there is a chance she is depressed, that should be addressed.
And I'm a big fan of counseling for the both of you as a couple. Best of luck to you
Have you thought about explaining to her your needs and how much you love her? From my experience in my line of work, many woman that are no longer interested in a physical relationship with their husbands have no problem with them filling that void somewhere else as long as boundaries and her security in the marriage isn't comprised, meaning she knows that y'all's life together can never be torn apart by any other woman. Sounds to me like you would rather have intimacy with her. Now I'm sure many people will comment on this and have a lot of negative feedback and they are correct in a since, it isn't for everyone but I know this "approach" has saved many marriages from total destruction. Good luck and God bless
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