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1698906 tn?1306876759

Sex life gone bad

I'm 20 years old and have been dating a girl for 2 years and a half. and  We have a child who is 2. The sex life has really gone bad. Some might say it's because of younger child, but we used to do it everyday, at night when the child slept and It would feel natural. But now for the last 4 months It's gone down the drain. I'll try spicing things up by sending pics of me naked and flirty texts, she would reply, get me excited but only to flop in the end. I have told her how I feel and tried to explain to her that it's like she is playing a game with my emotions because she will say and act like she really wants it sending me all these texts and pics stating how she can't wait to have my 8 inch penis etc and she would end up falling asleep time and time again Only to wake up next day say sorry and do it again the next day. Like I said earlier in the post I've told her how it makes me feel and that I am not wanting to **** I wanna make love and again using the same excuse "I'm Tired" I would totally understand if she worked everyday and was totally over run by our child, but no offence to her but she doesn't work and most of the she will be at home not doing anything physical or energy draining even after we spend time apart for days it will still be the same very frustrating .

I am not gonna lie but I love sex for all the right reasons, connection, intimacy, communication, love and obviously pleasure. I have a high sex drive but she had one aswell before and after our childs birth. I don't even know what do nomore coz I would think today would be the day and Boom erection gone to waste and that means satisfying myself which is nowhere near as good as intimacy and love making.

If we do, if feels scripted and repetitive and I do all of the work, theres no freaky action or love making it just feels like normal sex. I need some advice on what to do. Now Im starting to notice other girls and picture me making love to them due to this setback.  

Hope You lot could help

Best Answer
Avatar universal
I,ve read your post and its obvious that you have a much higher sex drive than her at the present time.You have communicated your wishes several times and also talked enough about this subject to her that you could have talked the legs off a chair.The reality is that you desire sex more than she does and the writings on the wall.Its not uncommon for this to occur in a relationship but hold the relationship together because you have a child together and seeking the company of other females or noticing them as you put it is a mistake and would only make the situation worse,you don,t want to do that bro because it might feel great for the moment but be a nightmare in the long run.Again you said this is just a setback and setbacks can be resolved.Hang in there,family is everything.All the best.
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1698906 tn?1306876759
thanks getitright. good resonse. I dont nag at her .Like i said I hate it when it is planned I don't like talking about ,I prefer for neither to say anything and for it too happend mutually. Thats why I am saying People need to read the full post, I hate asking or tlking bout us making love. its something that should happen sponteously but when she gives me the right signals I go buy them and it flops. for the record . 1. Ive already tried subtle and romantic gestures , 2. talking to her and waiting for her to comfortable for to approach me. I Totally agree with Getitright that I have a higher sex drive than , but the only problem is that her sex drive used to be as high as me couple months ago. Like I said I dont wanna be left in the dark but instead communicated with
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
As a woman if my husband was constantly nagging and b!tching about sex...I wouldn't do it. It's a huge turnoff to have someone who supposedly loves you doing nothing but talking about sex.

Try being romantic and get off her back about the sex. And if you do something romantic, don't expect her to jump in the sack either. Do it because you love her, not for sex.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have read the other posts and you didn't answer the question I asked for what her response was. If you have supposedly asked what I had written down as an example statement, then what was her response to that?

Women know when you are just looking/pushing for sex and it's not a turn on. If you want to get somewhere with her, then you need to be more understanding.
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
Its not I'm being snappy but its because I talk about it to her and I've read other experiences so i have tried different things and really have tried to respect her and wait. With the sleep she sleep all through the night. Im the person who wakes if the lil one has a lil figgit, but he sleeps very well throughout the night. I dont think she is resentful bcoz I have already talked to her and told her I feel she told me how she feels and I said to her that If she does feel tired I would love it if she just told me that she wasn't in the mood, coz I will totally understand, But Its just that I will try and communicate with her and really try to make things ok for her.

I know all relationships have problems but this lack of communication between us starting to drive me away from her physically and emotionally (little bit) But I do love her and care for her and if she told me that she didn't want to I would prefer that instead of being left in the dark of whats going to happen.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your last post perhaps indicates what the problem could be.

Now please don't get mad and jump down my throat, but if your that snappy with people who are taking time out of their day to try and help you, maybe you can be snappy and irratable with her and she is resentful, and she's showing it on how she behaves in the bedroom?

Just a thought....? If she was just plain saying she was too tired and not in the mood, thats one thing, then yeah it could low libido caused by depression or fatigue at constant broken sleep from a little one (or something else).

But since, as you say she is leading you on, then at the last minute saying no ('falling asleep'), maybe she is resentful about something and this is how she's showing it?

Do you get the sense she's resenful of something?
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
You lot really to read posts before replying I already said I already tried that several please read before you post .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What does she say for her reason as to why this happens? Have you asked her that? Maybe something like this: "Honey, I really miss being intimate with you. I feel like it doesn't happen much at all anymore and I also feel like you are leading me on and then it doesn't happen. Is something going on? What can I do to help you?" - something to that effect. Then just listen. Don't interrupt her, don't blame her, just let her talk.  
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
I would totally understand if she tells me that she is not in da mood and she tired but most of the time she gives me the green signal and then I only find out , when were about to get intimate and she falls asleep or the foreplay is just basically me doing all the work
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
Plus I hate and never ask for it, I likee letting it come natural and start it off by subtle kissing,caressing/touching as I thinks thats one of the most important things and sometimes Ill do that she will either fall asleep, or I'll feel like im doing it forever because Im getting no response or feed back from her , which results me losing me erection.  In Rare cases I would be tired or not in the mood and she would get annoyed . So I'll end up doing it , but it usually ends up in me liking it. but I'll  always communicate with so it's not like im leading her up to excitement and then dropping her coz i know how it feels.
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
Yep I've told her how I missed it and asked her why . When she goes out she will take our kid out coz she wants to . most of the time im not working as I only work part-time so she not always rushing of her feet and if you read my post properly it says most of the time she's relaxing and won't need to do much with the lil one as Im there or other family members, Were good N i respeect her. But when she goes out I offer to stay with the kid. so she could have time like I do, and I will tell her to even spend days where shes with her family and friends she will spend 1 day and she will beg me to come back, eventually I will say yes coz I do want her back. We get along and when it comes to talking were good at it. but when it comes to us getting intermate its really scripted and non-natural. Its like we plan it . N ihate that . I love her  and sometimes our kid will be over at my mums for a couple hours and outside the bedroom we will comminicate perfectly when in the bedroom. its either we start getting intimate and then she her actions will decline and the spark is gone, or i'll start with some foreplay we get into and then I'l feel like im doing everything , and thats a big turn off.

But it shouldn't be me always an effort to keep that spark up . It would be nice sometimes she would approach me, it seems that guys always have to "be nicer" and by presents just to show how much love he has for her but it shouldn't be like Love is between two people and although im not a romantic person sometimes I would send her text to let her the day I spent with her was nice or just approach her and hug. all Im saying is that most people say that the GUY has to make her feel loved . but what about us ,we have feelings to and its a two way R-ship. She would come to bed wearing sexy shorts showing her assets and stating she's wants it. couple minutes later she will fall asleep. I love being sublte with her and really love the touching and kissing. but Its just not working. N we do it I mostly do all the work ,theres no feedback  Ill try start it ..she will say a couple of things and then go quiet . It feels robotic
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Does she take care of the kid while you work?  That's tiring!  Children are full of energy at the age.  The child's starting to be able to get around and get into a lot more things.  He will be tiring to care for for the next several years.  She could full-heartedly mean her apology and really mean it when she says those things in the texts, but by the end of the day spent watching the kid, she could be exhausted.  It sounds like you need to sit down and ask her in a non-confrontational, non-accusational conversation why you never have sex.  Tell her you miss the closeness it makes you feel to her.  Tell her you miss the intimacy.  Offer to watch your child for a day while she just takes time to spend with the girls or with her family doing something she enjoys.  Suggest a weekend get-away, even if you just go to a nearby hotel or stay at home and leave your child with her family or yours for a few days and spending time unwinding.  If she agrees, don't expect it right away, but take care of her.  Give her a massage, cuddle, take walks...anything she likes that will help her relax.  Make her feel special during the time without your child and maybe you will find some intimacy with her again.

How's communication in general between you two?  Do you ever just sit and have talks and such?  If not, I'd suggest doing that.  Let her tell you about what's going on in her life even if it bores you.  Listen, if she mentions a problem and only offer advice if she asks for it.  A lot of intimacy for a woman is talking.  If you don't have good communication, the intimacy she gets from the sex will be next to nothing.  It might feel good, but in the end, it might just be scratching an itch from her, which may not be worth it to her.  So, if you're not talking, try that.

Maybe you've already tried that, but I figured it's an idea.

Also, RockRose's depression question could still wring true.  Because even if she does get out with friends and family, if the child is always there, it's never a completely relaxed time for her.  Does she spend time with these friends and her family alone while you watch the kid at all?  Even if she does, she could still be depressed.  People's lives can seem perfectly fine but still they end up depressed, and some people can hide it very well.  Don't ask her, "Are you depressed?" or anything, of course, but it's just a possibility to be aware of.
Helpful - 0
1698906 tn?1306876759
She goes out aswell with her friends and she will spend time with her family and we spend days apart ,and most of her friends have kids so she always communicating with them so that can't be it
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
First off,  your profile pic may be in violation of the terms of service for this board.

But to answer your question it sounds like she has no sex drive.  Is she on the pill?  It also sounds like she is depressed if all she does all day is spend all day at home not doing anything physical.  If she's not getting out every day with friends who also have kids,  and taking walks with the stroller,  her life sounds depressing.

Best wishes.
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