Sex with my boyfriend is always the SAME

[Just_A_Girl2010]

My boyfriend lives a few states away.  We have been together over a year, but we didn't start sleeping with one another until this past summer.  At first our relationship inolved a lot of phone sex which he talked a good game.  However, once we were both ready to sleep together I was disappointed.  Sex is always the same. Theres no foreplay, it seems almost mechanical, lay down, insert, orgasm, and shower.  He lasts awhile thats not the issue and the first time was good, but everytime has been the same position the same "process"  Its even the same time of day.  He only wants to in the morning and never more than once a day.  He also loves oral sex, which I have no problem giving, but if he comes during oral, i know i won't be.  He never does oral on me and the minute he's done its time for a shower, no pillow talk or anything.  

Im not sure what to do.  With the exception of sex he's so amazing.  He helps makes me tea rubs my feet talks to me about my day.  I was diagnosed with diabetes he helps me stay on my meal plans and is crazy supportive of anything I do.  He's got his life together and I am crazy about him, but I know our relationship won't survive if the sex is this dull.  He says he's happy with it and I am great, but I know its not enough for me.  Im not sure how to approach the subject without making him feel insecure.  

I've tried buying massage oils and lingerie.  He loves seeing me in and touching me, but it always just stops there.  I don't know what to do.  

[boogiefly]

Hey I have a couple of ideas. You should try giving him oral for a few minutes, while he's laying down, then get on top of him. Also, try being playful when he asks for some oral and say, "ok, but its your turn to give me oral". Another thing u could do is get naked and tell him u want to try something kinky, if that's ok with him, and tell him what u want to try. U can buy a set of love dice and tell him u want to play a naughty game. Those dice are cool. One says things like "kiss" or "lick", and the other has body parts on them. Roll them, and foreplay city..lol. just some suggestions.

[Judy246]

He sounds like he's a great guy, BUT probably not too experienced and lacks passion in the bedroom. I also always advise that love, respect and communication is key to every relationship and you must discuss your concern with him and tell him that you love him, but want more sex and passion in the bedroom. I bet he is not even aware that you feel this way and if you were to approach him with your need, he will become aware and offer to show him how you want to be pleased. A good relationship can destroyed by dysfunction in the bedroom, so salvage your relationship and communicate what you want, what is lacking and how you both can experiment to please each other. Good luck.

[specialmom]

I think you give it a shot to attempt to get on the same page sexually.  Initiating and asking for what you need is very helpful as the others said.

But sometimes someone isn't compatible in this are.  So it would depend on what is important to you.  If you are faced with a lifetime of a great relationship but a mediocre sex life . . . does that sound like torture to you?  Would that be worth risking finding a different man that you may have a mediocre relatinship and a great sex life?  I guess that is the risk----  but wouldn't it be great to have both?

Dating is for finding things out.  Sex gets more and more familiar (a nice way of putting it) as one marries, spends years together, has children, etc.  So think about that long term.

I would hate to see a good relationship end over bedroom incompatabilities----  but it is for you to decide how important that is to you.  Hopefully you will be able to improve it through communication.  good luck

[younggrandmother]

We often get caught thinking we know what our partner likes and after a while it becomes the way it's done. Like xosmilexoxo said , COMMUNICATION is the key. Don't be shy, Talk about things you have not tried before. Then you each choose one suggestion. This would be a good way to break the ice with out directly telling him that you are board. You never know he may be feeling the same way,and does not wont to hurt your feelings. I think it is harder for a women, because you don't wont to come across as being loose or not a lady, but I think you will be very surprised at his reaction. If you just tell him what you like. By the way you described him he sounds very nice and supporting so just be honest with out insulting him.
Men are very visual, so the  lingerie is a good idea, dress up slipping out of  being yourself can give each other permission to behave differently.
Good Luck and communicate.

[xosmilexoxo]

Just talk to him, tell him how you feeel. If you don't tell him then he won't ever know how you're feeling. He prob thinks eveything is great. Communication is very important in a relationship!