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Sexuality issues
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Sexuality issues

I have a question regarding sexuality.  A family member has been speaking to me about issues with her sexuality, though, she is in a situation where she cannot decide what her sexuality is.  I've watched her go from relationship to relationship with men, she's had dozens, and the reason for her break ups with these men is because she doesn't like sex with men.  She confessed to me that she thought that there was something wrong with her and asked if I or anyone else in the family knew of anything where something might have happened to her that she didn't remember, there is nothing we can think of.

She is also separated from her husband whom she barely had a sexual relationship with.  She does however had a baby to him and he has threatened to take full custody of their child if she has relationships with women.  

She is in her late twenties, she has her own business and her own house.  She has always considered herself bisexual as she has had relationships with women before, though they have not worked either but for other reasons, like her fear of telling people about herself etc...  

But she has also told me that she cannot find men sexually attractive at all and that she can develop feelings for them personality wise, but once the clothes come off she is not interested.

Can anyone give me some advice to give her because I don't know how to help.  I've tried asking on allexperts etc... and I didn't get a response.  I know her mother is quite religious but her father is very open minded about most things, I know it would upset her mother a lot though.

Any advice would be appreciated.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sounds to me like she's gay.  My advice would be to put your arm around her, tell her that her sexual preference makes no difference to you (which it sounds like is true), and tell her you'll be there to support her in any way possible.

Gay people suffer terribly from the feeling of being "abnormal" and spending years and years trying to "become okay".  That's laudible but not very productive, few gay people "become okay" because homosexuality is not a shirt you pick out of the closet and can hang back up when you tire of it.

I'm not gay but certainly had some great friends (men and women) who were.  It's a genetic component and not a choice.  Now, clearly some people make the choice to engage in sexual deviance but those people are as likely to call themselves heterosexual as homosexual.

Sounds like you're doing what you can for your friend but the fact is she is probably a lesbian and just hasn't quite come to that 100% conclusion.  She needs to and then needs to tell her parents so that she can come out and start figuring out how to raise her child in this homophobic society.

Be there for her is my advice.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been bi since I was twenty, its not that i don't enjoy sex with men its that I have a different bond with women. I have been physically abused by men in my past and ran to women for shelter. i have a five year old boy whose dad tried to take him from me and lost miserably. i have made the decision now to turn my back on woman for my childs sake. So I am engaged now to a wonderful man. Its hard to have both feet on each sidee of the fence but if your family loves you then they will be glad that you found happens on whatever side you land on. My parents supported me through my learning.
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I would say that your friend is either gay or bi. I would lean more towards gay as she has never enjoyed sex with a male partner. I know that having a child with someone can make you feel like you are stuck in a bad situation, but that is just not true. If indeed your friend is gay she should embrace it and make a happy life for herself and her child. Being gay is no reason to have your children taken away. He ex would have to prove she is an unfit mother and that does not include sexuality as long as she keeps that part of her sexuality away from her child. Now saying that, does not in no way means that she can not have a happy and fulfilling relationship with a mate of the same sex, it just means that she must deal with it in a very careful manor with the child. I would also say that you do not burden children with adult issues so if she deals with it in a careful manor, everyone can live a very happy and wonderful life.
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