She needs time to think?

[2407422]

My girlfriend of 7 months said that she needs time to think. She said she loves me as a person but is not in love with me since I don't see her all the time. I have a job that I work nights and weekends at times. I asked her if that she just wants to break up but said she didn't and was crying the entire time. She said she loves spending time with me but does not know what to do. She said she had a reason to break up with other men she dated but does not have a reason to break up with me. I told her during her thinking time we should not contact each other until she figures it out. 20 minutes after I left her place she started to text me. I have no idea on what to think or do. I'm not going to contact her until she contacts me. Any advice would be good.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, your making the right decision but even if she contacts you i dont see her changing. You either love someone or you dont.

[TTinKKerBBell]

From what You have said it doesn't sound like She is asking You to change Your job (nor should You) - it sounds like She just wants time to be 'sure'.

I'm a bit confused because You say the issue is She is not in love with You "yet"
AND
You say You "don't love Her but care about Her but don't want to leave 'cuz You're not in love yet "

huh ??  I don't know what You are asking - or seeking here ??  could You be more clear ??

[2407422]

With my job I work nights every other week usually and work weekends for one month, every third month. With my job my hours can change. I am on the swat team for a large city so if we are needed we have to go in if possible. She said that she should love me after 6 months but i don't agree with that. She said she loves me as a person but not in love with me yet. I don't love her but care about her but I don't want to leave cause I'm not in love yet. what she texted me is:

I just wanted to say that I hope you made it home ok. I've been upset since you left. I feel that I have hurt you and that's the last thing I want. You really are a great guy and an amazing friend to me and I don't take that for granted. Hopefully time will make things clearer for me. I'm so sorry

[Nighthawk61]

Hi there, glad you came back with this new development.  Sorry about what's happening, it's hard to deal with when someone is constantly harping about the way that we're making an honest living. It's not easy to up and change what you're doing, because you are dating someone who has different hours of work than yourself. And whether it feels like 3 months, or 6 or 7 , the fact is that it is early in the life, of your relationship to up and change something as significant as the resume you are building. I'm sure that you want to be able to state on your resume that you were at this job, for x amount of years, and don't feel you have the luxury of up and ditching your plans, for someone you are getting to know, and care for.

This girl has said that she doesn't know if she "loves" you or not, because she hasn't spent enough time with you to be able to tell? I don't buy it. and I would be worried frankly, if you are being intimate and she is saying from what she knows of you, and the intimate time that she and you have spent, that as of today, she doesn't know if she "loves" you or not.   People know if they love someone, that they are being intimate with and spend nights together, before life is made to revolve around the relationship, all the time. i think that she's trying to manipulate you with tears and such to do what she wants, and that is for you to quit your job, and get another one, that she approves of.

You are supposed to move mountains, so that that this girl can graduate to "loving you"  ?. That's the reason for the "time to think" . This time is not time for her to think, this is time for you to think about how you can fix the problem of your job. .

2nd to the fact it's too early for you to arrange your job around your date, the thing here is... this girl has been out of her last bad relationship for 2 years. and in your last post , she has given you reason to believe, that whether you change your job up for her or not,  "she may not be able to progress in the relationship, because of her (not you)"

My question to is this. Do you find it arrogant at all, that this girl is wanting you to change jobs, when she herself has said that she "might be the reason why the relationship might not progress" ?

Incidentally, you've said you work nights, and some weekends. Does that mean you never get a night off, ? so you are only able to see her every 2nd weekend?

When you told her that you shouldn't contact each other until she's though about it, and within the hour she was texting you, do you mind telling us what she texted you ?

glad you're back buddy :

[TTinKKerBBell]

You said in Your earlier post that since You work such odd hours and  sometimes weekends that You basically have only had the equivalent of 3 months together - that is not very long to know if this is/could be a serious relationship.  It sounds as though You are both able to communicate Your feelings with one another and that's of course good !!  Maybe You can work Your schedule so You can spend more time together.  I'm not sure it's a great idea to have such high expectations in only 3 months of spending time with one another.  At 3 months You should only know if You DO want to spend more time and see where things go - and it sounds like She still wants to see You, but just doesn't know for 'sure' yet if She 'loves' You.  She's being strait forward and honest

Of course, if this is not satisfactory to You, You should move on.  But still, personally, I would be wary of anyone who decided on 'the rest of my life' in only 3 months.  

You don't 'meet' Your Soul Mate, rather You 'become' Soul Mates when Your 'roots' have become so 'entwined' together that it is inconceivable that You should ever part.  THAT is what love is - and it THAT doesn't happen in three months (or 6 or 7 months)

GoodLuck

[specialmom]

Hi there.  On one hand she is being honest with you.  She has doubts.  That's pretty normal as this is still a newer relationship.  However, on the other hand, she's telling you that after 7 months she just can't figure out in her mind if this is right.

So, that makes it a risk to be with her.

It's up to you if you stay or go, but I'd evaluate the relationship in such a way factoring in if you want someone to be totally IN when it comes to you or wobbling back and forth about it.

good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

It does not seem unreasonable to me that She is 'unsure',  - that She needs "more time to think"  She's being realistic and more practical than most people are in new relationships.  Seven months compared to a lifetime is a drop in the bucket.  Everyone should be so wise as She not to 'rush in'.  If everyone gave themselves more than 7 months 'to think' there would probably be less failed marriages and fewer Children from 'broken' homes.

I see no reason to have no contact.  How is She, or You for that matter, can come to know if You want a more serious commitment? unless You spend the time together to be sure.

GoodLuck