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Should I Keep My Other Love or Walk Away?
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Should I Keep My Other Love or Walk Away?

I am 46, and have been happily married for 25 years with 3 nearly grown kids; have been and still am, wildly in love with my husband.  A year ago, I met a man that I became friends with, then became attracted to.  I grew to love him dearly, and I am "in love" (romantically) with him.
My new man and I have a very deep and healthy, loving & sexual relationship, whereby communication is our first priority.  I cannot see myself without him.  My husband loves me dearly, we make each other very happy and we have an entire life together that I do not wish to change.  He does not know, nor suspect anything.  My other man and I are extremely discreet and sensitive to both our families/spouses.  My OM married young and does not not have a very happy nor fulfilling marriage (his is about 20 years).  He does not wish to leave his partner neither.  We have never been outside our marriages before, so this is no frivilous thing...nor is my question(s).
He and I are so alike, we have so much in common (that we do not have with our spouses) and have such simple, happy fun together.  
Can I honestly maintain this long term double life that we have committed ourselves to?  
Should I walk away from my wonderful OM because it's the "right thing to do", not because it's what makes us happy and complete?  
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51 Comments Post a Comment
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580755_tn?1357673215
Well I bet that this double life will not continue, someone will find out. It always happens that way. No matter how careful and discreet you are one half will find out some way.

You have to make a choice stay with your husband or convince this new guy to leave his family and be with you. Either way people are going to get hurt.

Think what you risk by leaving or having your husband find out? Marriage, house, cars, good lifestyle, family? If your kids found out that you were cheating on their father do you think they would accept it and have no resentment towards you?

Only you can decide what is the right thing to do. And from the sounds of it, you have made your choice already.
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82861_tn?1333457511
Your poor husband...

Communication is demonstrably not a priority with either you or your stud muffin.  If it were, you both would not be acting this way and lying to yourselves and your respective spouses.  Either cut this relationship off now, or end your marriage and wreck another one.  Nothing good will come of continuing this affair.  Apparently a vow means nothing to either one of you.
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184674_tn?1360864093
Why not put all the positive focus that you have with this other man into your own marriage if you're still "wildly in love with your husband?"
Sure, you can continue your affair if that's what you choose. Just keep in mind that leading a double life is never successful. Either your lies are found out or you're burdened with guilt and shame the rest of your life. Things may seem great now, and going discretely, but it won't last. It won't. That's a guarantee.
Then when the revelation is out in the open or you're feeling eaten alive by your secret double life, so many more people than just you and your lover are going to get hurt.
Why in the world would you want to risk 25 years of a happy marriage with a man you still claim to be wildly in love with and the respect of your own children and family?
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13167_tn?1327197724
I think you have to choose.  In my opinion (stares deeply into crystal ball) here are the plusses and minuses of continuing your relationship with this man:

Plus column - it's good sex,  and makes you feel attractive.

Minus column - eventually,  your husband WILL find out,  or more horrifically,  one of your kids will stumble onto this truth.  They will hate you,  (probably actually scream I hate you to your face),  your husband will sob and ask what happened to your marriage and also state that he hates you to your face,  your children will grow up further and you won't be invited to their weddings because Dad will be there,  and they will have children and you won't be invited to the first birthday parties of your grandbabies because Dad will be there.  And on and on and on.

Anyway,  read the plusses and minuses and decide -
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145992_tn?1341348674
This is absolutely horriffic.  I feel so sorry for not only your husband but your lovers wife.  You two belong together because you both are terribly selfish.  Do you not even think about the children involved?  Do you not think about the years that you have put into your marriages?  How would you both feel if your spouses were doing something like this to you?  You sound even proud of this affair, about how both of you can discreetely deceive the people in your lives that you made vows to, that you had children with.  I'm sorry but you both are so disgusting for even doing something like this.  I have no respect for people who only think about their own needs and not the ones of the people they suposedly love and care for.  How could you even let yourself get to the point where you were "in love" with this other man?  Do you not feel guilty?  I just could not live with myself if I were to do something like this to my family.  It is just astounding to me.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been with the plusses and minuses continually for the last months.  Logically, I must cut it off.  In my heart/soul I cannot.  From the beginning of my realization that I had incredible feelings for him (did not act upon any for quite some time) I contemplated the unbelievably horrible consequences.  It would be all that you are all saying...and worse.  So why move forward?  Same question I ask myself...I have it all.

Readers, if you read my intro perhaps you can see that I am not in the least bit silly, nor is this OM some 'stud muffin'...we're really two average people that could be in your social group.

I pose this to you.  Why is it that after a spouse dies, the remaining one can and often does, find a companion/lover that they also marry?  Is it possible, that I have found that person before I should have?
My OM and I discuss this at length often.  No, it is not just good sex.  (I have that with both.)  Without it, we would still want to be with each other.  I'd push his wheelchair.

I said I am "wildly" in love with my husband.  I WAS wildly in love with him.  Now I am still deeply in love with him.  He meets my most of my needs (since I realize now I have more than before), I believe I meet his.  I still "work" on our relationship.  He is just a different person than the other...no better no worse.
I was not looking for anything/anybody.  
I do not regret my friendship with my OM.  I just am unsure how to proceed...now that I'm here.

I am in love with 2 men.  I have never been happier nor more alive.  Weird huh?
I am loved by 2 men.  Weirder still.

You are the first I have revealed this all to.  I want to discuss with someone who hasn't prejudged me, or this entire thing, and could possibly help me sort it out more.
I appreciate the group listening.  Give me ****,... OK. It's not overly constructive.
How about discuss with me, so I can make sense of it all...I am not an evil person.  My "village" loves me for all that I am, and I have been there for them.  I am just unable to reach out to someone here...I may still see a councillor.

Thanks for listening.  

Ps.  I am attractive...have worked with men (white and blue collar) my whole life...have had attention paid to me, proposals made.  Only moderately flattered...I am not that gullible.  Neither of my men are gorgeous...I love their minds, their sense of life, the persons they are.  
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13167_tn?1327197724
nimble,  I don't think anyone thinks you are an "evil person" but in fact,  what you are doing is evil.  It's evil - not in the sense of demonic satanism,  evil in the sense that is completely devoid of good.  Completely.

You are standing on a railroad track,  the train is coming right at  you and you don't even see it.


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145992_tn?1341348674
Because your husband is not dead.  That's all I have to say.  I think what you are doing is disgusting.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Actually I have one more thing to say....you can try your hardest, the both of you to rationalize your affair so to not feel the guilt but what does that say about you as a person?  Sociopathic behavior to say the least.
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Avatar_m_tn
Your relationship with this other man feels so good, so right, that you feel that it can't be wrong, it can't be evil.  You don't think of yourself as a bad person, so what you are doing can't be bad.  You and this other guy work so well together, how could it be wrong to be with him?

Well, these are all justifications that you have made so you don't have to feel bad, or guilty, about what you are doing.  Be honest with yourself - if, a year ago, someone had described to you the situation you are now in, would you have approved?  Would you consider that behaviour reasonable?  Would you think it OK for someone to continue both their marriage and the affair like this?  Let's make it more personal - if the woman you were a year ago had heard that your husband had been doing something like this, how would you have felt?

What you are doing seems to be pretty common in people who have affairs (and however you would like to describe it, that's what this is).  No-one wants to think of themselves as a bad or selfish person.  So they adjust their values and beliefs to match their behaviour.  Lo and behold, that behaviour becomes OK!  I know this, because I've seen my (now separated) wife do exactly the same thing.  If she could have accepted that her behaviour was wrong, and had to stop, and she was sorry for it, I could have forgiven her and we might have been able to re-build our marriage.  But she still doesn't see anything wrong with what she did, even after I found out, the only thing she feels guilty about is the fact that it hurt me - and our marriage is irretrievably over.

Yes, people whose marriage ends, through death or divorce, do go on to find new partners.  The fairy tale that there is just one person out there who is perfect for us is b****cks, there must be thousands of people out there who could be a really good, compatible partner (if that wasn't the case, most of us would go our entire lives without finding someone special, and the human race would soon die out).  So, yes, it is entirely possible that there is someone out there who is potentially an even better fit for you than the person you married.  And, as you have found, it is quite possible for you to be in love with two different people, and for them to be in love with you.  The fact that it is possible to love two men at once, does not make it OK to do so.  You made a commitment to one man, you either have to stick to that or break it.

I hope you make the right choice.
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel for you. I have been very attracted to another man. Treats me like a 'queen'. But I WILL NOT have an affair with him. The pro and cons don't add up. My husband knows how this other man feels about me and how I am friends with him. He is able to help me past most of it. And remember, No marraige is perfect and you would only be trading one man for another 'unknown' You think it is simple and and fun together but that is because you don't have to make any major desitions together. No grocery shopping. No night after night the same man to look at and everything else that goes with a marraige. Plus 'the grass is always greener on the otherside.' You made a mistake when you let this friendship go to physical. That is a binding that is VERY hard to get over. When I get to feeling like my relationship is going someplace I don't want it to I STAY AWAY for awhile. You have yourself in a very hard spot that is going to take alot of work and forgiveness to both men in your life, to get over it. You will feel like your heart is being ripped out. Something new is very exciting. Something secret is even better. You need to do something to shake up your marraige. Try something new. Take chances at being 'caught' with your HUSBAND. No doubt he would like it! I give you my best and may you find you way through this dark tunnell called life.
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Avatar_m_tn
How are you concerned with the "the right thing" or are you guys sensititive to your spouses?  That part I don't quite understand?
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580755_tn?1357673215
I have read others comments and your most recent comment. You know why you got the responces you did? Well people on here are not going to take sympathy with you because you love 2 men. You married one of them and if you want to leave then just leave. Don't try to justify your affair because an affair is never good and never turns out good.

Why not just have both families live together? That way you can get everything you need, because it is clear you only thin about yourself.

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Avatar_f_tn
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

Woman, you are SICK!!
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184674_tn?1360864093
It all comes down to this: you could've restrained your emotions and physical actions, but you didn't. You let yourself go this far, you have made the choice to continue the affair, and you have made the choice to justify and continue it.
This affair will not continue in such bliss. This will come to a nasty, heartbreaking end. It may take awhile, years maybe, but ultimately, this little story is not going to have a happy ending.
I only hope for you that you'll be blessed enough to receive forgiveness and healing when this all comes crashing down.
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633757_tn?1280215065
First of all how can you say you are happy with your husband, if you were happily married and love your husband we would not do this to him,I don't think you care about his feelings or about your om wife's feelings, I can't believe you are trying to sugar coat it and TRYING to make it sound like you are not doing anything wrong, What kind of morals are you teaching your kid. All I have to say is what if your husband were doing it to you how would you feel. I feel so sorry for your husband
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Avatar_f_tn
There is no denying I would have been stunned and horrified by this type of behavior a year ago.  I often wondered how people get "there"...and let's face it...it happens all the time.
Am I justifying it?  Yup, I am.  Am I guilty as hell and feel it?  Every single day, and worsening.  Am I kidding myself?  I have been.  Have I woken up this morning with the train bearing down?  Yes...finally in it's fullness.

Sammy...I am sorry for the heartache you have endured.  I hope your life is improving.  I appreciate your words.  Your honesty and forthrightness has given me additional pause.  You are so right about being able to find others in life at any time to potentially make a life with.  I have made a wonderful life with my husband...and will continue that.  Thank you.

george73...i've come to this forum...the first time I've searched for a place to put my choices out loud...you've written all the little things that have been circling on the perhiphery of my mind...thank you for stating it in a linear way for me...and giving me a realistic view.  The most difficult thing I will ever do is get this changed, walk away from this other love and move past it (the dark tunnel).  I'll need support and strategy.

RockRose...you write to me in a way I get...(the crystal ball thing made me smile)...I am very sad today however...anyway, you have been very direct and clear, especially about our children.  Your plus column is not quite as short as you think, but it is shorter for sure than the other.

AJH84...I chose to let it get physical, it didn't "just happen", I take full responsibility...there are deeply repressed reasons I did this that I will not share with all on this forum, that I can see now.  And I too hope that I can heal the guilt and pain that that will undoubtedly escalate to extreme proportions... it is building as every hour (today) passes.  Living with the deception, the guilt, the work to make this decision prevail will be arduous.

Life is never as it seems.  People make mistakes, even if they know the eventual outcome.  I will endeavor to repair the tear I made in my marriage.  I will throw myself further into my families needs, my work and my art.  Forgiveness...that's another matter.  Thanks.  
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Avatar_f_tn
You are 46 and he is 20.. he will eventually get tired of the age difference and find a younger fling.
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184674_tn?1360864093
BH, I think the other man is her age and not 20. She said he's been in his marriage for 20 years.
"My OM married young and does not not have a very happy nor fulfilling marriage (his is about 20 years)."
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575741_tn?1235673354
You are a perfect example of a selfish BIOTCH wife that every man would ever dread to be with...Your poor husband....for his sake and your childrens I really hope you inform him of how much of a dirt-bag you really are. He deserves so much better and so does your secret lovers wife! Shame on both of you! I know this is a forum for help in situations but I cant help but say how discussed I am and how you and your secret lover dont deserve anyone else but yourselves...because guess what chicky when your husband finds out what your doing to him your gonna lose him, your children, your whole perfect married life...down the drain because of your selfishness. And the secret lover will just do the same thing to you as he is doing to his WIFE right now....but oh well you deserve the pain your putting everyone else through....
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177641_tn?1189759437
Your OM isn't completing you; he's providing an escape from the realities of life. That's why it feels happy and complete - because there's no real-life worries when you're with this guy. All the real-life worries are waiting for you at home, where your husband is.

All relationships (especially marriage) move in and out of love, in and out of attraction. A mature person recognizes boredom for what it is, even if it's in the form of an attractive man. That's the point when you should have made communication first priority with your husband - not this person. I'm sorry, but it's too late to seize back poor choices. This is just going to pass on the bad feelings you're escaping from to your kids.

Affairs are like time-bombs. Sooner or later either your husband or OM's wife will catch on. Then the affair won't be about the good vibes you two share; it'll be about your families and your spouses. How will they react? Will your husband want a divorce? How will this affect the kids? Will they blame you?

I think you owe honesty to your husband. Until he knows the truth, you're taking advantage of him (doesn't matter whether you love him, you're still choosing to lie and deceive him). If your husband is willing to say, "sure, I realize I'm not meeting all your needs, and if he makes you happy, and you still want to continue our marriage, then great!" then who here can complain about your choices? But until your husband is aware, it's just a lie.
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145992_tn?1341348674
slow-healer, that was so well put and right on the money.  I want to know why all of a sudden after posting this do you realize you were making a mistake?  When you come home and see your husband there with the kids, don't your eyes well up with tears?  You don't deserve your husband's love.  
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404138_tn?1308945256
mami's so right. You already know the deal, im not even going to waste my time. You got yourself into this mess, and it's up to you to do something about it, why would you risk something so good, for someone that's married, get out of your marriage if you continue with this other man. If you feel so guilty you would stop
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Avatar_f_tn
I hope your day is going o.k. It will be hard and I hope your husband will be understanding and help you through this. You need to share with him what has been missing in your life so he can help with that also. I'm here for you.
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Avatar_f_tn
I read your earlier post saying  " I am attractive.... have had attention paid to me.. proposals made...". It's clear that you are in age of  second puberty when meeting your OM, trying to proof that you are still attractive to other man but poor you , you got trapped in it and didnt pass successfully.
Right now, you were repeating your 'teen behaviour " -.falling in love ,ready to fight for it- ... but this time in the wrong situation, and with the wrong man .It is obvious that you dont care about you children's future life -having a happy grandparents for their children and as a happy big family in any celebrations. You trade your family's future with this man and you will live your old age alone without your family because they  hate you for what you did.
Wake up and be grown up as you should.
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Avatar_f_tn
George73, I appreciate your attempt to be understanding.  To get through something like this, will be unbelieveably hard...and I am prepared.  I am human and I will need support.  

The intense comments from the forum are mostly true and I hear them.  
I also I hear the hatred and I hear the condemnation.  This is exactly the best way to put someone(me) on the defensive, encourage them (me) to get angry back.  Wow, not the best way to show the "way".  That just drives people apart...I want assistance.

ok...we all have a voice and we have the right to use it.
Have a good weekend group.

ps.  fung...the "i am attractive" is in response to someone earlier mentioning that being with this guy is making me feel attractive...well, i meant to say that he hasn't made me feel suddenly attractive...I happened to be blessed with enough attractiveness through my lifetime that i didn't get all crazy because of that...
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Avatar_f_tn
i think you should follow your heart..  and make a desetion..and be happy with it.... good  luck
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Avatar_m_tn
She just needs to leave that poor man and any kids and just keep walking.  No way is that other guy going to REALLY leave his wife.
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Avatar_f_tn
well. i think your right about that.
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Avatar_m_tn
Some of the people posting here (especially Cootos, but others as well) - I can understand why you may feel disgusted at this behaviour.  But really, your ranting posts about how horrid or evil or selfish this woman is ARE NOT HELPING ANYONE!!!  Not her, also not her husband, or the family of this other man.

nimble_jac was honest enough to open up to us and tell us what was going on, something she has shared with no-one else.  She came here for help.  It's clear from her first post that she knew in her heart of hearts what she really needed to do, to end this affair and concentrate on her family, and if we can help and support her with doing this it is for her benefit, and for the benefit of her family.

Ranting and insulting her (however much you feel it is deserved) doesn't help anyone.  If you can't help, please, just button your lip.
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499376_tn?1300048556
being the ow to a man who has been married for 28 years i can understand the neg responses we get i did'nt go into this knowing he was married by the time i found out i was pregnant there's no way i was having an abortion so now i have my son ho's three months old the physical relationship i had with this man is over he still says he loves me and wants to be with me i cant get past the fact he's married i still love this man i struggle every day what to do he does come see his son and helps me financially but what about his wife she did nothing to deserve this i want to call her every day i have never seen her or talk to her as fsr as i know she has no reason to think theres anything wrong with her marriage this could really do some damage i'm afraid to hear this out of the blue may be to much for her i really dont know what to do either other than what i did but should i deny my son the time with his father and the support he provides us  i wish i knew what to do
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Avatar_m_tn
No one is perfect but give some posts are you saying let he who is without sin cast the first stone, or be the first stoned...  

LOL  I have suspicions given some of the posts but with yours I can never be sure.
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Avatar_m_tn
Know I donut nough hoo i m tocking 2.  Butte I feel asss clothes to as mi preest.

But yur thots arc valuables tomb me ent I wil in alter ways teasure them as if they *** from a lovr.

Bee blast mine frent!  No heart feelings?
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640829_tn?1230999660
I say be honest and take what may come from it. It's not fair to play both sides and not want to lose one of these men, decide who means the most to you, and chose them.
And be upfront with the other and then move on.
Can a divided heart feel true love?
Can a heart riddled with guilt be ever happy?

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Avatar_m_tn
I have never cheated on a partner but when I got married someone told me "always have an affair only with someone who is married, and has as much to lose as you do."

If you thnk about it you'll understand while an affair with married men is a bad idea.
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640829_tn?1230999660
Do you think the person who told you that was having an affair then? or had one beforehand.
You know why they said that, because they figure if you cheat with a married too, they won't cause you trouble and tell on you. You keep each others secrets. Two wrongs binded together.
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Avatar_f_tn
You will have enough trouble forgiving yourself enen if you end your affair. If you choose the other man, he may not choose you. Picture every holiday for your sons and grandchildren the rest of your life knowing you are the reason their Mom and Dad can not be together as a family. Romantic love always fades into friendship or something less appealing. That excited frantic  ,, I can not live without you,,, fades with time . Your body gets tired of being excited all the time and finds a more comfortable state. It usually last at the most two and one half years. Dont think your temporary hormonal release is worth more in your lifetime than your family.  Keep your family together at all cost. Generations will be affected in you do not. You will learn to resent your lover  and may blame him if your family falls apart. Dont think it will be congenial or easy. Divorce is horrible. Unless your spouse is physically or emotionally abusive. build on what you have. Make it wonderful. You will have a very hard time...trying to do this while being involved with someone else.  You have had your fun.. go home  and thank everyone here that tried to help you. Going through a divorce, can lead to major financial, medical, emtional problems that you never knew existed. It is harder on your physical well being that any other crisis. Just because you children are grown, does not mean they will not be effected. Every life passage..for the rest of their lives will be different. All that being said,,if you want the other person, explain it to your spouse and bring it out in the open and deal with it. Do whatever it takes to build your self esteem back up on your own. You do not need someone elses approval.. just your own.
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566175_tn?1278434072
Been there. done that.  Did not read above posts.  But i hope you find it in your heart sooner rather than later, and realize that a secret life is not a happy healthy way to live.  Make a decision that is best for you,,,  and stick to it no matter what...  i know it's hard.   Just trust your gutm make your decision and pray.  God will take care of the rest if you lean on Him.  Msg me if you want to talk.   Hang in there, you will get through this.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Maybe I was being harsh and maybe I was taking my situation and putting it on her but in the earlier posts she wasn't saying, I want to end my affair.  She was justifying her behavior.  That's why I was being so hard on her.  I just hope she realizes that her decisions don't just impact her only, it impacts her husband, this man's wife, the kids that are involved.  This seems like a mid life crisis to me and really needs to end before others get hurt.  
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611067_tn?1279065256
I came from a broken marriage as a child at 10.  My mother's best friend had an affair with my father.  It devastated me!!!  The problem for me here is that the adults are going about their merry way having these relationships without considering what will happen to the children when the house of cards comes falling down!  You have no idea unless you have been a child in that position!  Please, no matter how it makes you feel - the children MUST come first!  I am NOT going to judge you having what you need from both men - but it's his kids and your kids that will suffer the most.  It's selfish!  I'm sorry to say that, but if you had no kids, I'd say to each there own, but you chose to bring children into this world and you have a responsibility to them!

Whatever happens, I wish your children and his children the best and will keep them in my prayers!
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Avatar_f_tn
I know it's been over a month since the last post, but I discovered this site when I did a search on this topic because I am in the exact situation. Involved with a married man, (he's married 18 years, I'm 16 years into a marriage), however, we have not consummated the relationship.  

Nonetheless, I am shocked to see what started as an innocent friendship has turned into this very emotional affair with the same feelings nimble_jac described. Now, it has developed to the point where I'd rather have no sex than sleep with my husband and feel like a fraud. BTW, my husband  knew my OM and that we regularly meet once a week as friends. Last night, I confessed everything to my husband that I was confused about my feelings with this "friend" and this is why my libido has vanished. He was very understanding and appreciated my honesty. He says he will be patient until I decide what I want.

So thank you nimble_jac for being so brave and posting your problem.  After reading everyone's response, I have now decided that after doing this for now seven months, he, the OM & I, must end it before his wife finds out and completely ruin both of our marriages.  I write this, but the reality is, I don't know if I can really do it.  He has become an addiction to me...like someone wrote, a fantasy or escape from reality.

But we have  to decide something.  We just can't go on this way.  Actually, it will be good leaving this secret life. If these feelings we have for each other are real, then they will still be there once both of us make the decision to leave our spouses, if that even happens.  

Thanks to everybody who responded and were understanding of nimble_jac's and my situation.  Good luck nimble_jac! I hope you get the life and man you want!
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Avatar_f_tn
I know it's been over a month since the last post, but I discovered this site when I did a search on this topic because I am in the exact situation. Involved with a married man, (he's married 18 years, I'm 16 years into a marriage), however, we have not consummated the relationship.  

Nonetheless, I am shocked to see what started as an innocent friendship has turned into this very emotional affair with the same feelings nimble_jac described. Now, it has developed to the point where I'd rather have no sex than sleep with my husband and feel like a fraud. BTW, my husband  knew my OM and that we regularly meet once a week as friends. Last night, I confessed everything to my husband that I was confused about my feelings with this "friend" and this is why my libido has vanished. He was very understanding and appreciated my honesty. He says he will be patient until I decide what I want.

So thank you nimble_jac for being so brave and posting your problem.  After reading everyone's response, I have now decided that after doing this for now seven months, he, the OM & I, must end it before his wife finds out and completely ruin both of our marriages.  I write this, but the reality is, I don't know if I can really do it.  He has become an addiction to me...like someone wrote, a fantasy or escape from reality.

But we have  to decide something.  We just can't go on this way.  Actually, it will be good leaving this secret life. If these feelings we have for each other are real, then they will still be there once both of us make the decision to leave our spouses, if that even happens.  

Thanks to everybody who responded and were understanding of nimble_jac's and my situation.  Good luck nimble_jac! I hope you get the life and man you want!
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you are selfish and arogant. your behaviour is disbelieving. i feel sorry for your husband.
you DO NOT love your husband if you did you wouldnt have started this affair, no matter how strong the feelings. if you want this om in your life leave your husband and remember you are not only destroying your family but someone elses as well.
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If you are so in love with your husband and you make each other happy, why cheat and ruin a good thing?? Your husband will eventually find out, and since the "Other man" isn't willing to leave his family, you will find yourself lonely and broken hearted over a mess YOU created. I'm willing to bet that the other man's wife founds out and tells your husband. TWO families torn apart so you both can have your cake and eat it too. I know this post is from November, and hopefully it has stopped by now before you destroy innocent people because of your selfishness.
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Avatar_n_tn
i read your post and a lot of the responses,i want you to know that you are not alone.i havent actually had a physical relationship but i am having an emotional affair with a man who has been a dear friend for years.my husband of 34 years and i were seperated for a while last year and this man helped me thru a rough time in my life.my husband and i are back together and i care for him because we have been together for so long.we have 4 kids and he has for the most part been a good husband.but i have come to realize that i was so young when we got married(15) that i never really loved him like you should love a man.i have fallen head over heels for this other man but he is married too,so things are complicated.you dont have to be a bad person for things to happen. and ps sometimes your children, especially if they are older,understand.walking away is probably best but sometimes our hearts just wont let us do that.gool luck.
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Is it a completely foreign concept to end one relationship before beginning another and for thinking of other's that are involved before you follow your heart?  The lies and betrayal that come from emotional affairs are never forgotten and can leave such damage to a person that they will never be the same.  The wife of this man that you are in love with is in the dark and is the one who will be broken hearted.  It's so selfish and so thoughtless.  You can control yourself.  We have free will to make good decisions.  You choose not to make the best decision.  The one you make is what feels good to you without thinking of the ones you will be hurting.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Coming from one woman in your same situation. The only difference for me is, I'm no longer wildly nor deeply in love with my husband anymore, because of his past infidelities. I love him very much and in the midst of going through all of this hurt, I met a man which whom I have fallen in love with (he doesn't know it yet). Anyway, honestly you will have to make a hard choice eventually, just like I have to. And to be even more honest, these affairs can't and won't last forever. Like everyone here is saying. Either way, someone is gonna end up hurt, especially since you have fallen in love with someone else. My OM is single, which still doesn't make it right, but I don't have to worry about the guilt of breaking up someone elses family, but I do have to worry about breaking up my own. Like you said, it's not all about the sex....it's everything. So the only thing I can really say is I'll pray for your situation as I pray for my own. Let's just hope that God forgives us both.
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