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Should I meet-up w/ this guy after all of this time or is not worth the effort?
Hi,
I'm flying to the UK next month, 30 days from today to be exact. I'm so stoked. This will be my 11th time to 2 out of the 5 cities I'm visiting.
However, 2 "problems" are approaching that, I'm finding a bit difficult to handle.
1) I used to LOVE this man from there for 4 years. I sent him b-day/Xmas gifts, called him, e-mailed him daily etc. We made plans to meet-up. However, about a month ago, his Mom passed. Of course, I contacted him. Then, I did not hear from him after that in 1 week. So, I looked in my FB account & I also received a phone call that, he is now in a relationship w/someone & they've been flirting about it all over FB! I was DEVASTATED b/c he even stated on there that, he hadn't had someone in his life & his heart was gone so long. Uh...hello? WTH? What have I been to him then, for the past 4 years? I mean, I made the calls. I made the e-mails. I contacted him. So, what I'm asking is....should I meet-up w/him or not? Plus, he has NOT contacted me via any form since his Mom passed. WTH? Should I even bother meeting him?
2) A 2nd man, who's only 24 & I'm 36 from the UK keeps contacting me. He claims he wants to meet-up w/ me a few days when I'm over. He's given me ALL of his information, DOB, address, family, job, etc. Yet, he has yet to give me his phone number for us to call & plan. Today, I e-mailed him asking him for his # again. I am just tired of waiting, I guess. Plus, he seems very flighty b/c some weeks, we're on Yahoo IM nightly then, he poofs....for another week. Yet, he's claiming how he likes me, thinks I'm easy to talk to, sexy, etc....he says he really wants to meet-up, see how it goes & where it'll lead. So, what's his problem then, w/ the phone number? Why won't he give it to me to call him? I do know he lives @ home, works & his address, etc. So, what's the big deal about his mobile #? Plus, should I even bother to meet him too? He's TOO young for me, IMHO but, that's just me.
I've explained both of these men & their "situations" to my friends & work colleagues. ALL of them stated to just wait for them to contact me & if they DON'T then, do NOT meet-up w/ them & they were both were never even my friends initially. So, what do you all think?
Should I contact them one last time or what? I fly over on October 7.
Thank you in advance for all of your help.
Cheers,
E.
I'm flying to the UK next month, 30 days from today to be exact. I'm so stoked. This will be my 11th time to 2 out of the 5 cities I'm visiting.
However, 2 "problems" are approaching that, I'm finding a bit difficult to handle.
1) I used to LOVE this man from there for 4 years. I sent him b-day/Xmas gifts, called him, e-mailed him daily etc. We made plans to meet-up. However, about a month ago, his Mom passed. Of course, I contacted him. Then, I did not hear from him after that in 1 week. So, I looked in my FB account & I also received a phone call that, he is now in a relationship w/someone & they've been flirting about it all over FB! I was DEVASTATED b/c he even stated on there that, he hadn't had someone in his life & his heart was gone so long. Uh...hello? WTH? What have I been to him then, for the past 4 years? I mean, I made the calls. I made the e-mails. I contacted him. So, what I'm asking is....should I meet-up w/him or not? Plus, he has NOT contacted me via any form since his Mom passed. WTH? Should I even bother meeting him?
2) A 2nd man, who's only 24 & I'm 36 from the UK keeps contacting me. He claims he wants to meet-up w/ me a few days when I'm over. He's given me ALL of his information, DOB, address, family, job, etc. Yet, he has yet to give me his phone number for us to call & plan. Today, I e-mailed him asking him for his # again. I am just tired of waiting, I guess. Plus, he seems very flighty b/c some weeks, we're on Yahoo IM nightly then, he poofs....for another week. Yet, he's claiming how he likes me, thinks I'm easy to talk to, sexy, etc....he says he really wants to meet-up, see how it goes & where it'll lead. So, what's his problem then, w/ the phone number? Why won't he give it to me to call him? I do know he lives @ home, works & his address, etc. So, what's the big deal about his mobile #? Plus, should I even bother to meet him too? He's TOO young for me, IMHO but, that's just me.
I've explained both of these men & their "situations" to my friends & work colleagues. ALL of them stated to just wait for them to contact me & if they DON'T then, do NOT meet-up w/ them & they were both were never even my friends initially. So, what do you all think?
Should I contact them one last time or what? I fly over on October 7.
Thank you in advance for all of your help.
Cheers,
E.
You can't judge yourself based on other's opinions. You need to have self confidence, self worth and respect for yourself. Perhaps they sense that about you and that's a turn off. Men love confident women. Why don't you get yourself a make over? Join a gym and get a trainer. Do things that will boost yourself up and that will create a higher sense of confidence. When someone is interested it will be obvious. Don't stress it so much.
As far as the guy who was your friend for 4 years...well you had a web friendship. He's not going to stop his life over a web friendship. He met someone and that was that.
Good luck.
As far as the guy who was your friend for 4 years...well you had a web friendship. He's not going to stop his life over a web friendship. He met someone and that was that.
Good luck.
Hi,
I did read & comprehend all of your responses.
Yet, I will admit, I did e-mail the 2nd man, one last time. That was it. As expected, no contact. I said in that last e-mail to him, basically asking him whether or not we're meeting up & what about calling? Nothing.
The 1st man, I did post on my FB concerning my upcoming trip & party. Basically, I felt I asked him in a subtle way. I did not contact him though & still from him, nothing. I am disgusted more on his behaviorisms since, we did talk on the phone, e-mail & send things for FOUR years.
Well, I guess that's it. I have to get it out of my mind about the 2nd man.
My trip's approaching & I'm working a lot & am in school now for my MA. Plus, I go to concerts on bands I adore. I don't have too much time then, to associate w/ people that don't care about me. I guess I needed to see & hear it totally more in order for clear realization.
The only part I need to work on now is....how will I know IF someone IS interested? See, I was engaged before. He passed away. Then, I dated a lot in college & high school but, no real serious romances. For the past several years now, I have had literally no dates & this includes sexual activities. I feel like I'm unattractive, unloved & unwanted.
Well, that's the next hurdle to overcome.
Cheers again.
I did read & comprehend all of your responses.
Yet, I will admit, I did e-mail the 2nd man, one last time. That was it. As expected, no contact. I said in that last e-mail to him, basically asking him whether or not we're meeting up & what about calling? Nothing.
The 1st man, I did post on my FB concerning my upcoming trip & party. Basically, I felt I asked him in a subtle way. I did not contact him though & still from him, nothing. I am disgusted more on his behaviorisms since, we did talk on the phone, e-mail & send things for FOUR years.
Well, I guess that's it. I have to get it out of my mind about the 2nd man.
My trip's approaching & I'm working a lot & am in school now for my MA. Plus, I go to concerts on bands I adore. I don't have too much time then, to associate w/ people that don't care about me. I guess I needed to see & hear it totally more in order for clear realization.
The only part I need to work on now is....how will I know IF someone IS interested? See, I was engaged before. He passed away. Then, I dated a lot in college & high school but, no real serious romances. For the past several years now, I have had literally no dates & this includes sexual activities. I feel like I'm unattractive, unloved & unwanted.
Well, that's the next hurdle to overcome.
Cheers again.
I second Mami. If you're not going to even read what we suggest why ask?
Contacting him again is nothing but a waste of his and your time. He's going to think you're crazy or an e-stalker. You're making yourself appear desperate, pathetic and sad. That's not attractive to men. Not at all.
Contacting him again is nothing but a waste of his and your time. He's going to think you're crazy or an e-stalker. You're making yourself appear desperate, pathetic and sad. That's not attractive to men. Not at all.
The thing that bothers me in your posts is all of this "I thought we were friends" stuff. 'Friends' online is not real friends like someone you know personally. He might be content to talk online, but he obviously does not want to get together personally. I wish you would understand this, you are too old to be this naive about the nature of the net.
Ok, I kind of feel like we wasted our time giving advice to you. Do you not see what we're saying to you? The 2nd man is not interested. When a man is interested, believe me you will know. They show it, he is not even responding to you. Do you not get it? Don't contact him anymore, you are making yourself look bad. If you can't trust in our opinions and kind of listen to what we are saying then there really is no point in asking us what we think.
I tried contacting the 2nd man but, again..no response.
I did though, receive a phone call from someone I've been IMing. He's from IL but, still, I'm disappointed in the 2nd man. I need to give him some space. Before the trip though, say about a week before, sorry but, I'm going to try one last time to e-mail him. I thought we're friends so, that's my excuse for contacting him. We'll see.
Thanks for your thoughts here though & if any other suggestions arise, please, let me know. This includes links to meeting a nice man from the UK too, cheap or free.
I did though, receive a phone call from someone I've been IMing. He's from IL but, still, I'm disappointed in the 2nd man. I need to give him some space. Before the trip though, say about a week before, sorry but, I'm going to try one last time to e-mail him. I thought we're friends so, that's my excuse for contacting him. We'll see.
Thanks for your thoughts here though & if any other suggestions arise, please, let me know. This includes links to meeting a nice man from the UK too, cheap or free.
Incidentally, if you want to meet men, in Anchorage, there are twice as many eligible men as women.
You try way too hard. I've given you a lot of advice in the past. It will be the same advice. I think you're coming off as way too desperate. Why can't you live your life and have fun and then if you meet a man it's a benefit or plus, rather than it being your life long goal?
As far as the guy who won't give you his number...who cares? Who cares why he doesn't. I'm not trying to sound harsh but you're wasting your time trying to figure out why. If a man didn't want me to have his number and reached out all nice to me every now and then, I would tell him to go annoy someone else. Why humor him? He's obviously weird, leave him alone. Meeting up with people who want to meet up with you is different. Asking to meet up with a man who is in a relationship and hasn't bothered with you since he's gotten in that relationship speaks volumes. He doesn't want it to affect his current relationship and isn't interested in you. Leave him alone. The other guy is clearly strange and so leave him alone. The fact that you put them in there knowing they haven't contacted you in awhile wreaks desperation. Sorry but you should just weed people out who don't really want to be there or care to be there. Then you won't be disappointed.
As far as the guy who won't give you his number...who cares? Who cares why he doesn't. I'm not trying to sound harsh but you're wasting your time trying to figure out why. If a man didn't want me to have his number and reached out all nice to me every now and then, I would tell him to go annoy someone else. Why humor him? He's obviously weird, leave him alone. Meeting up with people who want to meet up with you is different. Asking to meet up with a man who is in a relationship and hasn't bothered with you since he's gotten in that relationship speaks volumes. He doesn't want it to affect his current relationship and isn't interested in you. Leave him alone. The other guy is clearly strange and so leave him alone. The fact that you put them in there knowing they haven't contacted you in awhile wreaks desperation. Sorry but you should just weed people out who don't really want to be there or care to be there. Then you won't be disappointed.
twinkly, the second man has not given his number to you because you sound like you are reading too much onto an online relationship. I have some good friends on MedHelp, but if there was a get-together of MedHelp people in my town, I might be afraid to go. The mental image of all of these nice friends is very nice, the reality might be more disappointing, and I would rather keep the nice mental image. And these are not people who have been requesting my home phone number, talking about moving to my city, and insinuating they want to get married.
Please let it rest. You might meet someone real in your very own neighborhood.
ps -- if you want to meet someone, volunteer for political campaigns.
Please let it rest. You might meet someone real in your very own neighborhood.
ps -- if you want to meet someone, volunteer for political campaigns.
I would like to ask all of you too:
1) What am I clearly missing from this 2nd man & why he hasn't given me his #?
2) Why does he bother sometimes to contact me & he's all nicey-nicey about meeting up then, he just poofs?
3) What about meeting up w/ them as friends? My work colleagues stated if they clearly are my friends they would meet-up for my party thing. I believe that's true & that's why I put the word out to everyone about the party so, it would be an open invitation upon meeting & me not looking desperate e-mailing them each separately...
1) What am I clearly missing from this 2nd man & why he hasn't given me his #?
2) Why does he bother sometimes to contact me & he's all nicey-nicey about meeting up then, he just poofs?
3) What about meeting up w/ them as friends? My work colleagues stated if they clearly are my friends they would meet-up for my party thing. I believe that's true & that's why I put the word out to everyone about the party so, it would be an open invitation upon meeting & me not looking desperate e-mailing them each separately...
I all of your points & clearly understand.
Not to drag it out but, they both were my friends initially so, I just thought they'd want to meet-up as friends. That's why I was giving them both the benefit of the doubt, you know like one last attempt at meeting-up as friends b/c that's what I thought they were to me too.
Bottom line....
1) I don't have any single friends IRL. All of my work colleagues are married w/ kids & older. I don't have any single friends from college (I have 3 degrees currently pursuing my 4th) nor high school. So, I have NO-ONE in my life to go out w/ to meet men.
2) I live w/ a male roommate yet, he's a great FRIEND. No romanticism or interest there but, he's a big blessing in my life.
3) I USED to be on match, chemistry, eharmony, americansingles, etc. for meeting a nice man. I paid 3 times both too, to match & eharmony yet, here I'm single. I am though, really, really interested in links to meet a nice guy from the UK since, I really would like to relocate there, even if I did that though, by myself & met a man there.
4) While I was young & in college, I did the club, bar & shore scenes. They're not my thing. I like more intellectual activities moreso than hanging around a bar for a pick-up.
5) I work FT & OT too so, during the week, I usually NEVER go out at all b/c I'm too tired.
6) Weekends, I'm usually at gigs w/ my roommate or at shops buying things for our apartment.
7) I am so average looking, non-sexy & my body language is limited since I'm very shy/reserved/quiet IRL.
8) I went to several different church functions (I'm Roman Catholic) but, nothing pended from them. I even tried starting a group at my old church w/ my male roommate but, they (the church pastoral group) did not want something like that in our church. They instigated we were living in sin b/c we were unmarried so, I left that church & joined a new one. Yet, I am disappointed in the new church b/c there's no group either but, from my past disappointment I'm not starting a new group.
9) I am on meet-up.com too. I have not been to any meet-ups b/c of my career, schooling, timing & no single friends to go to places with.
10) I've prayed about it, sworn it all of & just lived my life & not thought about it but, I'm still single...
I am telling all of you this b/c I really would like some ideas then, what to do. I am NOT desperate but, it has been YEARS for me in any accord of the dating realm w/ dates/sex/meetings. This also stems b/c I'm full-figured, average looking & a casual dresser (b/c I'm very frugal w/my $ since I want to move to the UK someday, that's where my $ is being saved).
Thanks again for all of your thoughts & ideas but, if anyone does have any other forms of assistance after reading my post here, feel free to contact me.
Cheers.
Not to drag it out but, they both were my friends initially so, I just thought they'd want to meet-up as friends. That's why I was giving them both the benefit of the doubt, you know like one last attempt at meeting-up as friends b/c that's what I thought they were to me too.
Bottom line....
1) I don't have any single friends IRL. All of my work colleagues are married w/ kids & older. I don't have any single friends from college (I have 3 degrees currently pursuing my 4th) nor high school. So, I have NO-ONE in my life to go out w/ to meet men.
2) I live w/ a male roommate yet, he's a great FRIEND. No romanticism or interest there but, he's a big blessing in my life.
3) I USED to be on match, chemistry, eharmony, americansingles, etc. for meeting a nice man. I paid 3 times both too, to match & eharmony yet, here I'm single. I am though, really, really interested in links to meet a nice guy from the UK since, I really would like to relocate there, even if I did that though, by myself & met a man there.
4) While I was young & in college, I did the club, bar & shore scenes. They're not my thing. I like more intellectual activities moreso than hanging around a bar for a pick-up.
5) I work FT & OT too so, during the week, I usually NEVER go out at all b/c I'm too tired.
6) Weekends, I'm usually at gigs w/ my roommate or at shops buying things for our apartment.
7) I am so average looking, non-sexy & my body language is limited since I'm very shy/reserved/quiet IRL.
8) I went to several different church functions (I'm Roman Catholic) but, nothing pended from them. I even tried starting a group at my old church w/ my male roommate but, they (the church pastoral group) did not want something like that in our church. They instigated we were living in sin b/c we were unmarried so, I left that church & joined a new one. Yet, I am disappointed in the new church b/c there's no group either but, from my past disappointment I'm not starting a new group.
9) I am on meet-up.com too. I have not been to any meet-ups b/c of my career, schooling, timing & no single friends to go to places with.
10) I've prayed about it, sworn it all of & just lived my life & not thought about it but, I'm still single...
I am telling all of you this b/c I really would like some ideas then, what to do. I am NOT desperate but, it has been YEARS for me in any accord of the dating realm w/ dates/sex/meetings. This also stems b/c I'm full-figured, average looking & a casual dresser (b/c I'm very frugal w/my $ since I want to move to the UK someday, that's where my $ is being saved).
Thanks again for all of your thoughts & ideas but, if anyone does have any other forms of assistance after reading my post here, feel free to contact me.
Cheers.
I second Mami. Just don't. If the one guy is in a relationship why meet up with him? Feelings are going to come back and you'll be hurt all over again. And the other guy has obviously been avoiding giving you his number he doesn't really want to meet up.
Like Mami said you need to just let it go. And it does sound a bit crazy. Did the first man call you? Send you gifts? And if the second mam didn't give you his number the first time you asked...it should have been dropped then and there.
Just go on vacation and don't bother with men. Have fun and do not look online for love. It leads to nothing but misery in most cases.
Like Mami said you need to just let it go. And it does sound a bit crazy. Did the first man call you? Send you gifts? And if the second mam didn't give you his number the first time you asked...it should have been dropped then and there.
Just go on vacation and don't bother with men. Have fun and do not look online for love. It leads to nothing but misery in most cases.
twinkly I think you need to stop pursuing men that are clearly not interested. It comes off as a bit desperate and to a man, that is a huge turnoff. If they don't respond to you and keep consistent contact, then learn to let it go. Stop taking it personally and just know that they aren't worth your time.
As for man #1: I have still not heard from him yet, he is still a "friend" on my FB. I just posted on FB on this past Sunday, details on a party I'm having at a pub in Liverpool for my birthday. So, seriously, if he was still even my "friend", he should show-up, right?
As for man #2: Tonight, I am going to try to IM him. He has not answered any of my e-mails since last Tuesday. So, technically, a week has gone by. I did too, e-mail him personally, the details of my b-day party too, so, he'll have plenty of time to decide whether or not he's my friend & will or will not go.
I just hope I didn't make a clear a$$ of myself but, I thought I was just writing nicely & not stalking.
As for man #2: Tonight, I am going to try to IM him. He has not answered any of my e-mails since last Tuesday. So, technically, a week has gone by. I did too, e-mail him personally, the details of my b-day party too, so, he'll have plenty of time to decide whether or not he's my friend & will or will not go.
I just hope I didn't make a clear a$$ of myself but, I thought I was just writing nicely & not stalking.
Don't bother, neither is serious and one is taken.
Good luck, find yourself a real human being and not a chimera from the Internet.
Good luck, find yourself a real human being and not a chimera from the Internet.
No to both. Why meet up with a man who is in a relationship with someone else? He's not available so respect that. Its obvious he didn't look at you in the same light as you did him. Let it go. As for the other guy well perhaps he's not the type of person who likes talking on the phone. Maybe he's shy but in all honesty it is a bit odd either way. I just don't think meeting up with a man you don't know is the safest bet. But that's just MO.
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