I have been with my gf for two years and most of the time we have a pretty good relationship. However, at points where she feels she does not have control, she does crazy things. One time when I plagiarized love letters to her, she went crazy and started to drink excessively and she finally stopped after she was caught drinking and driving. However, later when I told her I decided to have a different religious view from her, she started smoking weed..
And she would smoke with her "friends" and one time when she went to smoke at a male "friend" house, he sexually assaulted her when she was high.. I got an std because of this.. And I don't know what to do.. She has had a past of sexual abuse in her youth so that may be the reason she turns to drinking and/or smoking and her psych diagnosed her with depression and she take meds for depression but she refused out of fear that it may change her.. But I don't know what to do here..I'm not sure if I should stay because she acts crazy when she feels she does not have control..
Hi there and welcome. Well, I'm going to be completely frank with you. Some very unhealthy things going on on both your parts. First, it is by no means your fault when she drinks or does drugs. Everyone has differences of opinion and that is life. Your opinions should not cause her to implode and do self destructive things. Copying some letters that expressed how you were feeling about her causes her to go on a drinking binge? I think not. Please please see that she has troubles and this is totally seperate from you. You don't cause someone to lose it or be an addict/alcoholic or depressed.
Second, I also am not quite sure of her story about the sexual assault. With her behavior, I'd be highly suspect of that. But if she was, yes that is sad.
And yet, she STILL drinks and does drugs, I"m sure. she will not learn from the bad things that happen to her.
I honestly believe that we date for a specific reason. To find out if we are a match with someone or if there is enough there to move the relationship to the next level. We are NOT supposed to end up with everyone we date. We are supposed to leave bad situations.
this is a bad situation. You are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache to continue seeing her. Just being honest with you. There has yet to be any acknowledgement on her part that SHE SHE SHE is messing up. It has nothing to do with you. She won't get better unless she addresses her problems herself and OWNS them for what they are.
Depression is often present in addiction. I'm not one of those people that says you stay with someone forever if they suffer depression since it is an illness. I believe that in a relationship, we have a responsibility to do what has to be done to be our best self. Including getting treatment for something like depression. We can not hold our partners hostage with our moods. You ask someone to address it, give them time to do so, but if they refuse and it is a dating situation------------ you move on. When married, someone has taken a vow and the effort to help someone intensifies but when dating, one needs to move on at some point when the relationship and person is dysfunctional and showing no signs of really improving.
I do wish you luck. but you need to take care of you. At the very least, start attending al anon meetings. good luck
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