Just a few facts about me and my bf -
* Together for over 4 years.
* I am 25, bf is 35
* He has been married before. (a marriage that lasted for only over a year, but together with his ex wife for about 6 years)
I'm at a crossroad because I don't if I should wait for him to be ready to get married again... The discussion of being married and our future is an open topic i.e. we talk about having kids, what our wedding would be like....etc
I am at this stage where I'm ready to get married, but he has told me that he doesn't know when he'll be ready because his experience left him burnt... I try to understand it (but obviously I can't understand his feelings), but then I also think if I was that person he saw his life being with why would the negativeness of marriage cloud his thoughts on marriage...I don't know.... maybe I'm being selfish about it all....
I just don't want to be waiting for all these years and not head in that direction...
i have the same issue with my DF, we've both been married twice, and while now that i'm preggie, and we've been together 3 years, he acts like we'll never get married...don't get me wrong, to some extent i'm ok with that, but i'd always hoped that i'd get to marry my child's father.....
i think you should sit down and talk to him....he's old enough and been around enough that he seems mature enough to care about what you feel/think.....or, so as not to be "sit face to face direct", talk about having a spring wedding next year, or summer, and see how he reacts?! *sometimes* when a guy understands you're ready to discuss something, they're open to it, as long as it's not this private sit down and *we need to talk this out* kind of thing.....make light conversation at first, talking about how you think spring or summer would be awesome(or whenever depending on your location lol), and try to go into things you'd LOVE for you *2* to do around that time, and maybe the excitement will catch on.....otherwise, if he doesnt, i wouldnt move out next month, but i'd give it another 6months and if he doesnt show a true commitment to you guys being married, then you may want to revisit "this" and see what has or has not changed, and if it's worth being in this relationship.....good luck, and if you want you're more than welcome to PM me.....
4 years is plenty of time to decide if a partner is the right one for the long term. It seems that you both have different goals? As they say, "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free".
My opinion: tell him you love him and believe he is the one (be sure you feel this way - give this some deep thought first!). Tell him you want a commitment, but only if he feels the same and is ready. But tell him either you get a "ring and a date" or you need to move on.
I'm not saying you should be mean and threatening. Just say, hey, I am not willing to give up any more years of my life with someone that still doesn't trust me after 4 years. I mean, that's what he is saying by giving you the reason he's giving you.
I would first examine your self - what do you like (not love) about this man. Why do you think he would make a good life partner. Why, exactly, did his marriage end. Be sure you want the commitment, not just the fantasy about the wedding. If he is not the right one, now is the time to figure that out.
I do think you should look at your own motives. And your matruity. You are only 25 - and you have not even been single and on your own as an adult - or have you? Have you lived on your own? Have you paid your own bills. 25 is still pretty young to get married, unless you are especially mature and are really ready.
Just my opinion. Remember, I do not have all the details, which might sway me this way or that. But when I hear about a guy 35, divorced and free, with a 25 year old young woman, who won't commit after 4 years because of fear of "being burned" - that is a big red flag to me. Which brings me back to my first paragraph above, where I said "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".
I don't agree that 25 is too young to get married - fertility for women declines sharply around 30 years old - women who haven't had a first child by then are likely to have trouble conceiving and carrying a baby.
CGenn, I think you need to move on. At 31, he's way too old - if he had normal maturity - to have been interested in a 21 year old. You two should have been light years apart. But the fact that you weren't . . .you were a maturity match for him . . . doesn't speak well of his maturity.
From his track record even if you got married, it's likely he'd leave in a year.
Best wishes. Only you can make that decision, this is an outsider's point of view.
I agree that after 4 years - regardless of being married before - he should know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It sounds as if he doesn't but he likes having you around without the commitment.
Since you know what you want and you are not sure about him, it may be time to back away from this and start seeing other people. You shouldnt be tied to just one person in life when you're not married. Take time to meet other men that share your interests and goals and date each one separately (not telling them all of your business about dating this one and that one and not sleeping around either--that gets you nowhere)
You'll know when you have reached that feeling of closeness, bliss and harmony with the right man when the time comes. Women have to think ahead in terms of themselves, their futures, and getting what they want/deserve out of life.
Trust me, you dont want to waste much more time with this. It's already been 4 yrs. In 4 more yrs. you could meet prince charming, date, marry, and have a family. Determine how you want your time and effort spent. More women have to begin thinking ahead in terms of themselves, their futures, and getting what they want/deserve out of life.
It sounds like he has been using you.4 tears, and he is still not ready, I do not think he will ever be ready, You need to move on with you life .I knew this woman that waited 6 years, for marriage, then he met another woman., and was married within a month.
It is your choice luck jo
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