Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Should i stay for the sake of my child

Hi,ok,here it goes. My husband and i have been married for 8 and a half years.  We have a 2 yr old daughter who adores and loves both of us. My husband has a problem with getting it up without having a  fantasy of either looking at porn or taking nude pics of me,or watching some guy look at my pics with him on the computer.  My husband and i are like best friends but we have no sex. Its been 2 years and no foreplay,nothing, just a cuddle and a peck good night. So, last year i suggested if i could see a woman to have some sex. He agreed with it and it was fine but i know he did get jealous. Anyways,im not with that woman anymore and im thinking of separating from him. I've told my Parents and sister about it and they totally hate him now. So i feel im stuck in the middle of my family and him. He did offer to have an open relationship and say i can have a girlfriend, but it seems that i want more with a woman. The whole relationship ,monogamist thing. My family knows this too and they are supportive with coming out.
But i hate the fact that my little girl wouldn't see her father everyday and run to him at the door when he comes home.I love also seeing his face.  You see , i do love him but there is no sex and i need it. Can anyone give me some advice. Thank you dearly.
18 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Thank you ladies...Amen!
Helpful - 0
458072 tn?1291415186
I think mami hit it on the head. "please give advice the way you see fit and allow others to give advice the way they see fit"

Do you see me or any of the other Christians telling you not to give your advice because it is not coming from a Christian perspective? I didn't think so. I think it is very egotistical of you to think that your line of advise is the only one that should be considered.

I am a Christian. I am also entitled to give my thoughts because, in spite of what have you. In fact, if we followed Christs advice, not man's, there would be a lot less of the above issues going on in the world.

As far as "judging" goes, when someone doesn't like the thoughts that someone gave, it is very PC to through out the "judging" comment. However, the way I see it, going by your line of thoughts you were judging us for giving Christian based advice.

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I always appreciate people that give advice from the heart-----  and that is Judy.  She doesn't stir up confrontation or come off confrontational but gives her opinion and advice as she feels would be most helpful to someone.  I completely respect that.  In fact, isn't that what a public forum is all about?  Posters sometimes don't like to hear what others think of their issue---- but maybe it helps them sort things out in a way they hadn't thought of before.  
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
It is a public forum and therefore any poster should be aware that they may be "judged" for what they say.  Some of us do believe in "tough love", they do not feel the need to sugar coat anything.  Everyone can state their own opinion, wheter it is like or disliked.  Plus, Judy mentioned that a priest can help or even a marriage counselor.  Some people can't afford counseling and often turn towards a priest for help.  Doesn't mean they are extremely religious.  So she is offering advice and didn't mean to offend anyone who isn't Christian.  Heck, I'm not Christian and wasn't offended by that.  coolas you give really good advice, please continue to give your advice the way you see fit and allow others to give their advice the way they see fit.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OMG (literally)...Using bible quotes...hum?  Interesting.  I do agree that being mean and judgemental is completely unexceptable and not very helpful, but your comments towards Christian was unexceptable also and judgemental. I'm proud to live in a country where I have the freedom and right of expression and religious belief. I don't empose it on anyone AND she is married legally and by chuch taking sacred vows. She definately is confused and has issues and I gave her very good advice as I always do and always will and no apology here on my advice or being Christian.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think whether you are Christian or not, morals still stand and this poster---  if it is even to believed to be true----   has a LOT of issues.  That may be judgemental . . . but posting on a public forum asking for opinions means you will get people's opinions.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, everybody has a right to express their opinions.. I just thought this was a forum where people wrote with problems and others tried to help.  I simply don't see where the judging and bashing will help this poor woman who is at a difficult place in her life.  But hey ho, it's a free country, so post what you want!  

And I am sure there are many many many people who use the expression OMG without meaning it literally.

Isn't 'Do unto others as you would have done to you' something from the bible?  Would you want to be judged in the way you are judging this woman?  We typically all struggle through life doing the best we can and while this woman's situation isn't enviable, being mean and judgmental doesn't help - does it?

A-
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
AND "OMG" does stand for "Oh my GOD".... things that make you say, hum when you don't believe in Him...hum, interesting!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am with you on that Judy this is a public forum, and all have the right to express their opinions, if one does not like an answer they can always ignore it, so can the others  jo
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You advise was just as effect and similar to other posters and OMG, yes, there are Christian and non-christian in all the forums, so everyone has the right to their express their opinion as you did and as you judged also.

When someone post, they risk having opinions that they might or might not agree with and many people are regulars that have been on board for years, so anyone who post risk advice that they might not agree with.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OMG - is this a christian site or a forum to help people?  Please stop preaching god and priests - we are not all Christians here, you know.. This woman is at a cross roads in her life and doesn't know what to do - I doubt the judgment from all these posts will help her one bit.

To Babyface; your husband clearly has some sexual issues that need to be addressed - would he be willing to get into therapy with you?  Maybe a sexual therapist would be a good idea?

When you say you would like a relationship with a woman, do you think that is because you believe yourself to be gay or because you are very hurt from the rejection of this relationship and have lost trust in men?

I do understand why you would not want to continue with your marriage under these circumstances; and I think open relationships are tricky and definitely not for everyone, most women want a monogamous, fulfilling relationship, whether that be with a man or a woman; but one where you are best friends AND lovers - that is what really distinguishes the love relationship from friendships and platonic love.

It is always better for the child to have two parents who live together and love each other, but unfortunately that is not always possible.  If your sex life with your husband cannot be revived then staying with him would be costly in terms of your personal happiness.  I think marriage counseling is your best option because even if you decide to split, it will help you both stay on course with being co-parents.

A-


Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ok, I have to break down this post...maybe seeing from someone elses perspective might help:

* 8 Yr. marriage with a 2 yr. child
* 2 yr. not sex, intimacy problem and dysfuncition (Red flag)
* Husband must look at porn, take nude picture or share your nude photo's with other
  men on computer (Red flag & yes! adultery). Sharing your nude photo's is
  unexceptable behavior.
* Bisexual tendencies, experimentation, open relationship within a marriage and
  if married by church....adultery (BIG Red warning flag). Open relationships within a
  marriage results in unecessary jelousy, mistrust, disrespect, risk for continued
  infidelities and high risk for STDs,  immoral, sexual experimentation that are poison
  and  distructive to the very core of family values and poor example for your child (Red  
  flag).
* Negative information given to family, which results in ruining his reputation within
  the family and causing unecessary family interference and tension (Red flag).
* You feel that you are in the middle of your family and hubby squabbles...you
   caused this negative situation with your husband by telling your family.
* He gave you permission to experiment, but you could have said no, so you both
  are at fault.
* You want to continue a relationship with a woman, BUT you are legally married right?
   (Red Flag).
* You are confused on what you really want: concern on the effects on your daughter
  and you enjoy seeing him....hum?
* The real problem! You love him, but no intimacy, but you stated that you want to
  continue a relationship with a woman?....you are very confused on what you want
  and what you are doing.

The foundation of every relationship is love, trust and communication. Open relationship will only open the door to mistrust, jelousy, adultery and everything else that is destructive to the core and foundation of a relationship. You do have choices. Either get a divorce, seek a relationship with a woman, try explainaing that to your child or have a talk with your husband and tell him that you are unhappy with your marriage and his lack of response in the bedroom is destroying the marriage, although you both are at fault for accepting experimentation in your relationship and risking each other for STDS.
You can make an appointment with a marriage counselor or priest who are trained to get down to the real problems within the marriage and how best to work through them. The choice is yours.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Unbelievable! I'm with penswriter on this one...therapy for everyone.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
therapy would be good for everyone all around.
Helpful - 0
684030 tn?1415612323
There's so many layers of personal issues going on in this relationship.
Does counseling seem like an option to either one of you? Because I think that's what you're going to need if you both decide to stay together... if not for yourselves; then, for your little girl.
Helpful - 0
458072 tn?1291415186
People are like animals. No morals, do it with anything, anytime, anywhere.  And then people wonder what is wrong with the world. huh, go figure.... And the kids today, no wonder they are so messed up.  Look at what they see growing up. Their moral compass is really askew....

The things that God designed can not be improved upon and when we alter them, wonder why the end result is as it is.  

Consequences come to all of us because of our behavior.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am speechless, i have never heard of such a thing and the post makes no sense at all does any one there have any morals at all and do eithier one of you think of the child. if you want a woman go get her and get a divorce  and when your daughter asks why you two are in bed together you explain just how life goes  i would not let my husband take a pic of me naked let alone show it to other men, i do not believe this post is for real  jo
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Part of me says, is this for real?  I guess I have to assume it is . . . If it is indeed your life story . . . yikes.  Double yikes.

I guess you had sex with your spouse up until the birth of your child?  Since the birth your husband only wants to take pictures of you and look at them on the computer with his friends?  And because you were dissatisfied----  you asked your husband for permission to cheat on him and he okayed it.  And it was with a woman and now you are wanting a fulltime girlfriend.  And your family thinks it is good.

That is my summery of what you've said.  Really?  You have a child.  Focus on that for a bit.  I'm thinking something is wrong with both you and your husband.  Not trying to be ugly----  but your priorities are a mess.

Intimacy is a barrometer to a relationship.  Many couples stop having sex because their relationship has issues.  It does often happen at the same time young children are present.  When the relationship is stronger, as in a couple decides to strengthen that ----  intimacy may return.  What do you think?  If you strengthened your relationship with your husband and worked on intimacy between the two of you----  would you find it necessary to be with someone else?  

And why would your family be angry with your husband?  Is it your assumption that he drove you to cheating?  That he drove you to a woman?  Those were your choices.  What an unusual reaction for a family.  

So, I don't know if you should stay or go.  I just hope that while you sort it out, your child isn't involved.  Again, not trying to be harsh and just giving my opinion.  Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.