Shouls Lap dancing be allowed?

Question

So my partner has been told he needs his Passport for a stag do abroad this year - it's his brothers. Only they are going to be going to Lap Dancing clubs etc. The problem is I am against this sort of thing. --- Sexual stimulation by, and lust for, other women --- we've already had a major argument about it. I know I can't ask him to not to go because it's his brothers stag, but I just can't help but feel horrified by the prospect of my man having another woman dancing on his crotch. I can't accept that is a normal part of a relationship - something I should be ok with. Surely I am not alone in thinking it's like cheating -- getting sexual stimulation from elsewhere. I'm also convinced that he would not say no, if offered a lap dance, because he has very little ability to tell people straight and say no!! So I'm left thinking that even though I want to look forward to a New Year, my man is going to be lusting over, and doing whatever, in some seedy club in some country, with other women, in a few months time, and I wont even know about it coz I can't be there, I wouldn't want to for that matter. I'm hust against the whole idea. Am I being unreasonable to be against this so much?

babypooh · Answer

I agree with g27 gear and think that if you feel so strongly about something, he needs to consider that. I also think that lap dances are completely unacceptable and think you should talk to him. Don't tell him not to go, obviously, because it's his brother, but do make clear that he will get ABSOLUTELY NO LAP DANCES and make sure he agrees. There is no way you'll know if he lies to you so it's a matter of trust. Would his brother understand if he didn't go? I don't understand why those kind of parties need to end up at strip joints and places like that. That really upsets me. Good luck.

g27gear · Answer

If he respects you and you have been clear that you don't want him doing this he should stay away from it. However; he sort of has an "obligation" to be there for his brother. It's not all that difficult to say no to a stripper though. I've been to plenty of clubs and in my younger years I got taken by a few strippers for a few handfuls of bills, but time maturity and a good wife keep me from wasting money now. 
I still end up at the clubs sometimes with friends. I do a lot of designated driving and don't mind a night out sometimes. I don't really care for the clubs though and it's just a matter of sticking to the plan and not letting them (the stripper/lap dance provider) lure you in. How much do you trust you man? How much does he respect you? There are deeper issues in your marriage if these two questions can't be answered with enough certainty to give you the security you desire in this situation.