Sleeping

[Steeny1992]

Hi me 22 and my boyfriend 20 have been together for 3 years and I have been living at his parents house with him this whole time. He will not sleep in the bedroom with me and it makes me feels sad and unloved, we have discussed this but he doesn't see what the big deal is and he feels just happy on the couch. I feel like he doesn't care about my feelings on this at all. He says he will think about it but he is full of ****. I love him with my whole heart and I just want him to hold me at night and just b there. Idk what to do....  He has slept on a couch since he was little and will not make any effort at all to change that even though he knows how I feel . It's upsetting. I need advice. Help!

[nursegirl6572]

Perhaps part of the reason is out of respect that you two are living under his parents' roof, young and unmarried?  Personally, there's no way I would be comfortable with that kind of arrangement with my own children.  It would have to be temporary at best.  I still at times feel funny on family vacations going up to bed with my hubby, lol, and we've been married for over 15 years.

I agree that more info would be helpful.

Are you two working towards getting a place of your own?

[Londres70]

Dear, if he has been doing this for the THREE years you all have been together I doubt he is going to change now.

Does he watch TV at night before he goes to bed and/or do some type of activity in the room where the couch is?  Is the bed small?

If he has already told you it's no big deal and he is making really no effort to change there are only two things you can do:  Stay and put up with this OR leave and find a guy who will sleep in a bed with you.

I don't know any young men who would rather sleep on the couch vs, in a bed with his gf or a young woman.  Strange indeed.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This time I ditto Chima7.  I also would like to know answers to AnnieBrookes' questions.  You said in Your original post that You had already discussed this issue with Him but:

"He doesn't see what the big deal is and He feels just happy on the couch"

[Chima7]

Can you answer Annie's questions? Your story is hard to understand without those details.

[Steeny1992]

Thank u all for your advice and I will deff inanely try to discuss this issue with him. Maybe there is something deeper. Idk though.

[TTinKKerBBell]

AnnieBrooke,  SpecialMom, me too; same questions

[specialmom]

I think AnnieBrooke has great questions that really are important to understand.  He's so young and is doing what he feels is his bed time routine because he has never known any different.  But Anniebrooke's questions are the same that I'm wondering about.  

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the story.  You have lived with him three years and he is 20, in other words, you moved in with a 17-year-old and his family when you were 19?  And, is the relationship sexual?  And was it since he was 17?  And if so, he does not want to sleep in the same bed as you?  How big is the bed?  You say he has slept on a couch since he was little, how did you wind up with a bed?  Do you think he is feeling crowded, physically or emotionally?

[thatquietgirl]

Definitely talk to him about it and ask him why he refuses to change.  Is it a comfort issue?  something he could learn to work around?  Is it something like a deal he made with his parents for you to live there?

[Medhope]

Hi Steeny:

Maybe you should have a serious conversation about this issue with him - since it makes you feel unloved and sad. Maybe try to find out why he has been sleeping on the couch instead of his bed - there might be a deeper reason?

Anyway, Hope you feel better.. :)