So kinda sad.

I had some homework to do tonight my boyfriend did all his for school but mine is for my behavioral therapy i finally got excited because he started reading the book , i thought that he was into it i was on the computer so i looked over at him and still reading for like an hour i was like YES he cares, and then i look back over at him and i'm like how is it, he doesnt respond, i'm like heeyyy how is it, and he was asleep. WOW shows he cares right? He's that into it. lol I just get really mad when someone you love and have been with Struggles with such an illness i think you should help them and support them in every step just as i do for him. But falling asleep to it is like a slap in the face. I mean i already struggle from emotionally abuse from him, but this kinda hurts even worse, now i sort of start to wonder. Seems everything is all about him. I'm really upset right now. He's sleeping on the couch guess i'll just go take a bath and go to bed. I also asked him to take a bath with me , said he wanted to go to bed work tomorrow. Yey. I can't stand selfishness. I have always stuck through this relationship no matter what but tonight really hurt me.

[RainLover71]

Your a human being dear and you need love and attention and he is not giving you that and you have tried your best to make this happen.It,s not you it,s him and i don,t think he realizes what he has with you like alot of men do.They take their girlfriends or wives for granted and assume they are going to be around forever.Don,t be hard on yourself because you have done nothing wrong.He,s the one who is not there for you.It is a shame that you can,t afford your own place because i think you would be alot happier.Take care.

[Londres70]

Does your therapist recommend you stay in this relationship?  I would think not.  

I would recommend increasing your interaction with your therapy.  

[vix8]

I commented on your other post, and reading this is just another incident of how you boyfriend treats you. How can someone possibly help and encourage you when they act like this, forcing you to over think situations like this?

[mandapanda928]

No she doesn't she wants me to get out of it. But she knows the situation i'm in is really complicated because really the only other option i have is staying at my moms house which is a very abusive house hold. So i'm not sure what to do at this point. And vix8 I know i'm just confused about what to do last night he said "well you should be glad i stayed up to read it that just shows i care" this was after i told him that it hurt my feelings. And he totally twisted the entire thing around :( idk what to do anymore

[Londres70]

Is there a need to live with this man?  Can you afford your own place or move in with another friend (who is stable of course)?  

Are you doing anything for you besides worrying about how your bf is not doing anything for you or how he is not paying attention to you?  School?  Work?

I find it difficult to believe the therapist said to stay in this relationship with this man.  You are bouncing from one abusive situation to another to live in.  It is apparent this man doesn't care about you trying to get "healthy" in fact I don't think he cares about you at all.  

I would suggest getting more independent so you will not have to be stuck in these abusive situations because you are too dependent.

Kuddos on trying to get healthy mentally.

[mandapanda928]

Yes i don't have any money, my mothers house hold is abusive all my friends are either living with there boyfriends or there parents.  I can't afford my own place, i wish i could or i would be out. And no I'm not in school and i do not have a job a license or a car. I gave my car to my little sister to get money to move into the apartment with him. No she said to not stay in the relationship but she says that since it's even worse at my moms house and those are my only options she said which one would be better, well there both not good but i chose emotional abuse over physical especially since my 4 year old little sister lives at my moms and sees the stuff that is going on it makes me sick to my stomach because it reminds me of when i was little.

[TTinKKerBBell]

The only thing You are saying here is that He fell asleep after spending an HOUR reading Your book - maybe, just maybe, He fell asleep cuz He was tired (reading always makes me sleepy). You seem to be focused on His falling asleep rather than focused on His spending an HOUR reading it.  It seems sensitive/caring/interested that He spent that amount of time reading Your book.  Maybe, just maybe, He felt defensive when You asked Him about it - maybe, just maybe, He does feel spending the time reading it shows He cares.  This doesn't really sound selfish to me - is there something more than THIS incident that makes You feel He doesn't care?

[mandapanda928]

No that hour i thought he was reading it he was asleep lol. And oh yeah theres a lot more then this incident like him telling me i should kill myself. Maybe just maybe that might be a sign too. ?

[mandapanda928]

Its people like you who are so quick to judge and so sudden to be a smart *** that make people feel how they do. Maybe you should have read the entire thing before assuming . Yes, he was tired but sure stayed up to do his homework and it's not like i've ever asked him to help me with mine before so yes, i think that it might be just a little bit selfish but maybe not.? maybe. idk.If you would like to know more of the incidents i could sure let you know. Then maybe your opinion might change maybe. :D

[RainLover71]

Your a human being dear and you need love and attention and he is not giving you that and you have tried your best to make this happen.It,s not you it,s him and i don,t think he realizes what he has with you like alot of men do.They take their girlfriends or wives for granted and assume they are going to be around forever.Don,t be hard on yourself because you have done nothing wrong.He,s the one who is not there for you.It is a shame that you can,t afford your own place because i think you would be alot happier.Take care.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't think I was  "judging"   You.  

I don't think I was   "sudden to be a smart ***"  

but considering Your very first post and considering Your response to me it seems You ARE being sensitive.  You may have a legitimate reason to feel   "slapped in the face"   by Your bf  but I assure You that You shouldn't take my OBSERVATION so personally - it was just that - SIMPLY an observation - I assure You, I meant nothing personal as I hardly know You.

Don't we come here to listen to other points of view? even when a view doesn't match our own?  Aren't we here to ponder? to consider other thoughts? opinions? ideas?  And aren't we then still free to decide for ourselves how we will handle our given situation?

Regards,
Tink

[TTinKKerBBell]

P.S.
Yes, telling You to kill YourSelf might be a good sign - but - You didn't mention that before I made my observation

[mandapanda928]

Yes but i just don't like it when someone doesn't know the entire story and says something negative but you are right i understand it was your opinion off of what you read and maybe i should have explained myself a little bit clearer on the situation my apology. I'm just in a really hard spot right now and need some good advice so i don' t feel so alone that's all. .. And no i didn't mention that, but it was said. So now everyone know s :(

[sweetpea03]

You need to find someone else to live with... a relative, friend, neighbor, or even at a shelter. Don't stay in an abusive relationship that you don't want to be in just because it's a place to live. Now is the time to take control of your life and pick yourself up. Move out, start looking for a job, and start trying to get your life in order. I'm not trying to be hard on you and I am sorry if I come across as harsh, but you can't keep living with a guy who does not care for you. Don't waste your time staying with him, and start looking for ways to create the life you want.

[Londres70]

In regards to your 4 year old sister, if abuse is going on in your mother's house, this need to be investigated by CPS if it hasn't already.  

I think you should put your energies into job hunting, get yourself some money together and move out and stop making this bf who doesn't care about you the center of your universe.  Plus he know he can treat you badly because you AREN'T independent; you depend on him.  I am assuming he is taking care of you financially.   I am sure your therapist told you this.  

I am not exactly sure why you aren't working or going to school.  Seems like you are spending or wasting time concentrated on this bf all day.  Don't you have any life ambitions or goals?  

[TTinKKerBBell]

You are so absolutely right in that I do not know the whole story (none of us do!!)   You took my words to be harsh (judgemental) when that was not my intent!!  I wasn't quick to think You should leave Him based on what You posted and although others have thought You should leave You sound reluctant to do so.  What kind of advice are You looking for?? to leave?? or to stay??  or validation for having hurt feelings??  
I'm didn't suggest You leave OR stay - I simply suggested maybe He wasn't being intentionally mean to fall asleep while reading.
If there had been more to Your intial story, I might have said something entirely different.  Please don't be offended by what I said.  I was not "judging" You as "JUDGEMENT" never enters my mind.  

That being said, I TOTALLY agree with others here regarding ANY kind of abuse and I would add if there is a 4 year old being abused it is Your DUTY to report this.  You CAN remove YourSelf from an abusive situation but this child needs to be rescued!!

[mandapanda928]

Thank you and i've talked to my therapist about my 4 year old sister, and the only thing is that i'm really scared , i don't  want her to be taken away she is the light of my life and i love her more then anything in this entire world, and i protect her. And knowing that my mom says that her and her husband are not "abusive anymore" which i'm not sure if i believe that but even though i don't live there anymore i feel like  i'm her protector if cps came and took her i would be devastated . She seems happy most of the time, but she doesn't always tell me the truth about things when i ask her. She protects, both mom and her dad. So i don't know what to do with that either.

[TTinKKerBBell]

OMGolly!! mandapanda928, that IS WHAT CHILDREN DO!!  THEY PROTECT THEIR OFFENDER!!  Don't ask me why they do this but I KNOW that they do!!  I understand how You would feel if She were to be taken away but this TRULY is NOT about YOUR devastion, but about HERS!!  Abuse scars (devastates) a child for life.  You MUST do something!!  You really MUST!!
Can You bring Her to live with You on the threat of exposing Her mom and dad?
You HAVE to figure this out!!  Save that little Girl!!  PLEASE!!
I'm surprised Your therapist didn't do something as She's bound by law to report abuse of a Child

[Ashelen]

I agree with all who said it's time to walk away from this relationship. Get a job, find a place to live, get your ducks in a row, and go. He's bad news.

But I had to comment..... Please. do something for your sister. I was sexually and verbally abused as a child by family (sexually by a cousin, verbally by my parents) and neglected the majority of my life...I'm 26, married, 2 kids with one on the way, and it takes a battle EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life TO THIS DAY to overcome the damage that was done to me, and no one ever helped me. other family members, friends, a lot of people saw what was going on and no one helped.

Sure would have been nice if someone had been there for me...like you can be for your sister. no excuses. Call CPS, they'll decide if the mom and dad are "no longer abusive" or not. and of course she "seems happy"..kids are amazingly resilient creatures and can overcome a LOT...but they shouldn't have to.

if the abuse is verbal, they'll get anger management and child rearing therapy, if the abuse is physical, your sister will be removed until your parents prove themselves fit and capable, and most likely she'll be returned, if the abuse is (god forbid) sexual, she will most likely be removed and not returned. but of those 3 types of abuses, and potential outcomes, every single outcome is better than leaving her there and letting her continue, OK? please do something...if you see abuse and don't report it, you are contributing to it. I know you love her.

[vix8]

I think you should call the cops... it's only going to get worse for your sister. And maybe when your able to support her as well, you can take her in with you.

[mandapanda928]

Yes my sister is my life and almost every time i look at her i get really sad because i know exactly how she feels same way i did when i was little same things happen to me. I see her pretty little smile and know that theres tears behind them, and it is the hardest thing for me to sit back and let this all happen, i do want to do something about it, but what if i don't have enough to go on? My mom has been considered by the court several times an unfit mother, so maybe that may help. I feel bad because i love my mom , but on the other hand i have warned her if i see it again that i would report it, so far i have not seen anything, but all her husband does is drink and yell, he very rarely has his good moments so at the point i'm at a loss of words and things to do. Cause if she was ever out of my life i would die. I would no longer want to live.

[Londres70]

If you love your mother and sister you will REPORT this to CPS if this kind of abuse is going on for their own good.  

Let them investigate; they aren't just going to take your word and not investigate.  If they see nothing of concern, then so be it.  I don't know what your rights would be as far as seeing her IF she is taken from the home temporarily.

Meanwhile, you need to get yourself strong and independent for yourself first and secondly for this younger sister of yours; for her support.  

I HIGHLY recommend you discuss this with your therapist if you haven't already; AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  

[vix8]

Just a thought... do you believe you developed mental disorders because of your childhood? If so, your sister may be at risk.

[mandapanda928]

Yeah mine started when i was 6 or 7 but i got beat for the first time when i was 3 or 4. It's crazy i still remember it, but just so everyone isn't worried, my sister is like my child she is my life, and i will do whatever it takes to protect her. And if that means involving CPS then that is what i will do, but on the other side i don't wan to traumatize her more, so since everything is seeming more peaceful at my moms house because i do go check, and her dad is in anger management, I'm trying to do the best thing for HER AND THAT'S IT. THAT IS WHAT MATTERS TO ME MOST. So if they are really getting the help they say there getting I'll see how it goes, but if it turns back into the same routine i will involve cps. And my therapist knows and used to work for cps, so we'll see what happens.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This Little Girl is already traumatized by the abuse and AGAIN because no one is coming to Her aid

You say You will do whatever it takes to protect Her  but You are not doing that.  Going over there to "check" is not enough.  People don't usually abuse children in front of witnesses.  You need to rescue Your Little Sister.  Your therapist isn't doing her job either.  A professional is bound by law to report even "suspected" abuse.  Everyone else (you) should be bound by doing the right thing.

[mandapanda928]

I always go to her aid , always trust me. It got to the point where i was getting depressed and could barely get out of bed anymore, I've done so much for her, and I am the only person she feels safe with when she cries i will sit there with her and hold her until she stops, I'd do absolutely anything for her. And my therapist is doing her job she is a really good therapist she herself used to work for cps. So she's met my mom and knows a lot about the situation maybe she just doesn't feel like right now for her that would be the best thing. My mom is a very loving mother, and her father is good to her, but I've seen a lot and witnessed a lot that i don't know what to do about. But i will protect her.

[teddybears4ever2]

In regards to the situation with your sister. If she gets removed you could see if you can get visitation with her.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This is the last thing I have to say  - You are NOT!!  listening!!

You keep making EXCUSES!!   for why You're not doing something to get that Little Girl out of there!!  THIS IS INEXCUSABLE!!

holding Her until She stops crying is NOT!!  protecting Her!!

PROTECTING!!  Her is to REMOVE!!  Her from the abuse!!  

by not reporting this You are CONTRIBUTING!!  to Her abuse!!

and I repeat:  That therapist is not doing Her job!!  She's bound by LAW!!  to report even SUSPECTED!!  abuse!!

[TTinKKerBBell]

HAVE YOU RESCUED YOUR ITTY, BITTY, BABY SISTER YET???????

[mandapanda928]

I'm listening she is not being abused, has she seen abuse yes, but she hasn't been abused, i know that just seeing it is enough to put in a red flag but it's not reason to take her away from her mother and father that she loves very much and her sisters that love her more than life, and her entire family. I have moved into my moms house so i will know what is going on at all times, i am here to protect her and that is why I'm here. Does it put a lot of weight on my shoulders, yes, but I'm her big sister and i love her , and I'll always protect her AND SO WILL HER MOM. So stop judging and assuming. She is OK and I will NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER. EVER. I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A COUPLE DAYS NOW AND HAVE SEEN NO ABUSE . BUT IF IT DOES HAPPEN THEN I WILL DO SOMETHING. BUT THERE IS NO ABUSE. SO SHE IS HAPPY AND LAUGHING AND DOING GREAT. <3 MANDA.

[TTinKKerBBell]

You and I are in conflict here but let me remind You - YOU are the one who spoke of abuse against YourSelf when You were only 3 years old AND abuse against Your Little Sister who's only 4!!  I am not the only one who thought You should involve CPS but You seem to be focused on me, calling me  "judgemental" as if that were the issue!!  Perhaps I AM being judgemental but that STILL isn't the issue!!   If You are going to speak about such things as Child Abuse, You may not always hear what You want to hear.  We are all anonomous here - so it shouldn't matter to You on a PERSONAL level what I think!!   That being said - You don't have to take my advice, anyway.
Regards,
Tink  

[overopiates]

                 Tink she ISNT taking urs or anyone elses advice about her sister.U can not just say Ive been here2days and she is happy so no abuse exsists.She CLEARLY has SOMETHING going on or u wouldnt have to comfort her while she cries and deep down-u know something is going on or u wouldnt feel this need to protect her in her n her own home and thats obvious to the rest of us.Just so u know her witnessing abuse IS a form of abuse.I can still remember my mom being beat on when I was a kid its affected me and all my siblings.ur not a proffesional and not equipped to access this child,her level of trauma or what she has gone through

[mandapanda928]

Because i don't need to be bashed about my little sister . I've told my therapist things that go on over there, and i don't know what else i can do besides protecting her, you guys have no idea what I've went through I'm the oldest of 4 girls and ever since they were little I've tried to protect them all , this is very hard on me. Don't blame me for her abuse, if anything blame my mom or the actual abuser. I am the the one abusive, I am the one trying to stop it and trying to help. With all this other stuff going on i'm also trying to work on myself because i have borderline personality disorder. WHICH i just found out a couple months ago and this is the hardest time in my life. I've been scared to death and trying to juggle everything is very very hard, especially because i am very very sensitive so please try to help me and not hurt me, is there any other advice any of you have besides calling cps?

[mandapanda928]

I meant I AM "NOT" the abusive one. I am the one abused also. so are my other sisters. It's very hard on all of us.I've talked to my mom about leaving him because she tends to go with abusive men and has always her entire life. This has been very hard on all of her daughters, now she has been saying she is contemplating a divorce with her husband i get confused because my mom would never abuse us she just puts us through it which in my mind is about the same thing, I'm just having a really hard time and need help not that I'm trying to avoid anyone help or advice I'm just trying to do the best thing i can.

[RainLover71]

It really is a sad story and i think some answerers have NOT been listening to you properly,your a victim of abuse aswell and I,m 100% sure that you are doing everything you can for your sisters and being there for them.It is a very sad situation for your mother that she attracts abusive men in her life.Don,t be hard on yourself,from what i,ve read you are doing the best you can and dealing with your own problems aswell.If you want to protect your sisters you might have to get child welfare involved,that,s who the police would contact anyway.Your not to blame here,it,s your mother that should leave this man and take your sisters away from the abuse or better yet,tell him to go.A divorce would be a good idea if it will stop the abuse for good.The eldest child always has to deal with all the pressure.Follow your instinct and do everything you can to get your sisters out of that situation.Take care.

[mandapanda928]

Thank you very much for understanding not a lot of people know how hard it really is , especially on my little sister, but also on me too. I am trying my best, and i always will. And when i say that i protect her I literally protect her, i would never let anything happen to her or any of my other sisters, i know how to deal with this I've been dealing with it since i was little and thank you for taking the time to try and understand my side i really appreciate it. And thank you for your advice.