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Son's ex-girlfriend claims she is pregnant with his child. Need advice please!

This is a tough one for me.
My son's ex girl friend claims she is pregnant with his child.  He says no way.  He said he wore 2 condoms and pulled out. When he mentioned that he will seek a paternity test she got nervous.

My son is in a wonderful relationship with a girl and now this is hanging over his head!

If he wore 2 condoms and pulled out before climaxing, how can she be pregnant?  She claims she is 6 months pregnant.

She is known to lie about things in the past.  She doesn't want child support she is just afraid that he will come after the child.  My son shows no interest in this girl or her baby because he knows it cannot be his.  But, what if it is.  I will have a grandchild out there and not know it?

Please give some advice!  Should he mention this to his girlfriend now or not tell her?
26 Responses
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136956 tn?1688675680
i just still dont get the two condoms and than pulling out business!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Been there, now have to pay child support for a child that DNA proves is not mine. He should definetly get a DNA test because most states (44 I think) will make you pay child support if you sign the paper. 18 years of support but hte child will never know who his dad is. Sad story
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143952 tn?1237864541
she may say today that she's not interested in child support.  it may be true, it may be a lie, or she could simply change her mind after the baby is born.  he needs to get the paternity test, even if it means getting a court order to do so.  if he cannot afford an attorney, check to see if you have a legal aid office nearby.



Helpful - 0
164559 tn?1233708018
First of all, you play you pay.  His one night stand could attach him to this woman forever.

Your son is a grown man.  You should not call this woman or be involved.  He needs to work this all out.

Yes, he can get a paternity test, but it will have to be a court order if the mother does not grant permission.

No, he cannot contact her doctor, there is patient confidentiality.

And how about a little compassion for this woman, do you not think she is confused and scared?  She may be lying or she may be up the creek and in need of your help in the future.  

Not all young women who find themselves unespectedly pregnant are manipulative, schemeing shrews.

Your son did not behave well either.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
1 plus 1 = 2.
Red and Yellow = orange.
C  A  T   spells CAT.
Let's make this simple.
In today's world - we are BLESSED with what technology and chemistry can do for us.

Let's NOT MAKE THIS COMPLICATED - get the dna done - deal with it then - which DOESN'T MEAN he has to be with her.  He can stop the cycle of her being ALLOWED to lie. Yes - she decides to lie - but you all are allowing her to do it by continuing to accept it or not accept it but allowing her to be in your life.

She will be in your son's life - and your's - if she has his child.  However - I am a perfect example of having a child with an unhealthy person - I got STRONG, left him - and NOW - he is a healthy adult, involved in my daughter's life - with limits - I don't let him intrude his unhealthy, selfish behaviors on me and her!  PERIOD.  I do have a choice.  Your son - he needs to be brave.  I don't care if he wore 5 condoms - the bottom line here isn't the cause - it's what's happening.

He needs to let her know what he will be doing - if she's pregnant and it's proven so - he will be a responsible father - away from her.  If he wants a HEALTHY child - he needs to have a social worker type mediator sit down with him and the mother and SET IT STRAIGHT what he will move forward with.  Stop her selfishness BEFORE the baby is born!

If she is NOT pregnant - he needs to get away from her.  He needs to RETHINK about his sexual needs without women he truly love - and yes - think - what if she gets pregnant?  Do the condom - withdraw - etc.  Whatever it takes.

Children are innocent  - be giving and think about other people.

I feel for you.  I've been through all of this with my niece- she treated her boyfriend terrible!   They had the child - she left them - she cons the boyfriend - she sees her son one or two times a year - when she gets a motherly instinct.  NOW:  She's pregnant again - and is giving it up for adoption.  She is so selfish.  

Stop this woman's cycle of playing on people's emotions!

Take care!!!  My heart goes out to you!
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
Some women to lie about being preggo because the want to get back with their man.  She may think it will bring him running back to her.  Tell her she must have the test done.  Put you mind at rest and try to not worry.  You will know soon enough.  I hope for your sake and his that she agrees.

Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
Fist, a thyroid problem can cause peorid problems.  I know because I have thyroid issue and have for many years.  She not be telling the truth or she could.  Some men get scared when they find out maybe they will be a father.  I have a BF and we planned a child and now he has changed his mind - just like that.  He claims maybe it is not his.  He is scared now and putting it all on me.  Make plans to take the test, try to have an open mind, and work through it.  I think the most important person in this is the baby and it's right to know who it's father is.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hippa protects the patient from outside forces. you cant contact the dr. i understand your feelings, but he is 24. he is a grown man, even when we dont want to see it haha. he admits to having sex, but who knows if the condom(s)broke or whatever happened. he needs to take care of this, not have you do it for him. you need to not get involved other than an ear. i know that sounds bad, but like i said he is a man now. and if by chance she is pg with his baby, its not the end of the world. he can be involved, he can pay child support, and he can still stay with his loving new girlfriend. when my sis started dating her hubby, it was a month into the relationship when he got the call. a friend that he had sex with was pg. it turned out to be his. it was hard, but they now share custody of this little girl. he pays a ton of child support, but you know, that is why you have to be responsible with sex.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you!  I needed to hear that.  I feel better now that someone said what I wanted to.
Thanks again!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My son is 24 and his ex is 22.

He told me that the 3 years that they were together, he never wore a condom.  And yes, he wore 2 condoms.  It was a one night fling before she took off to another state.  Now she is back with this news.

I think like some of you have said that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.  We will pay for a paternity test if we have to.  that has never been an issue.  It is just that my son is so happy now and falling in love with his girlfriend.  Now this news!

She just had her first appt with the doctor last monday. Yes, the first prenatal visit.  She thought she had a thyroid problem all these months which caused her to not have her period.  Now, how stupid was that.  I want to call and speak to her myself about this but I don't want to get a bigger problem going.  should I call her or not?   What a mess!
Thank you to all your responses as this is very upsetting for all of us.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
dont call her. it will just cause more conflict. i understand . in due time my dear! i hope its not true and she is just lying.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If your son is 24, I'd say advise him to get the test right away the minute it's possible, a test showing she is pregnant right now and a test for paternity. If it turns out it's his, advise him to get legal counsel, otherwise keep out of this. I know it's hard to not want to "help" but this is really his deal not his Mother's and he needs to handle it with both the current girlfriend and the one who says she is pregnant.

Her story sounds a bit fishy but then again so does your son's story, what's with the two condoms? That sounds fishy. She could be pregnant by someone else, I'd not lose sleep over it, maybe she's lying, maybe not, until he sees the test he won't know. I would not call her, bad idea. Let him sort it out, it's his business.

If it upsets the applecart with his new girl, she wasn't right for him anyway if she can't accept his foibles and flaws.



Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
O.K.  I will not call her.

My concern is that my son has got it in his head that he is NOT the father and is going on with his life.  It is just the unknown that bothers me.

I don't mention it to him because he doesn't want to talk about it.

The 2 condom thing he told me was for real.  My son would never lie to me as he would have no reason to.  He did say that if it was his, he would take care of it.  He is not trying to get away from his responsibilities, but has tunnel vision now.  All the focus is on his new love.

Now, can he get in contact with the doctor where she went and tell him that he wants the paternity test right after the baby is born?  Won't this make the doctor think it is his baby?  Or maybe he should call and tell him that she is trying to say that it is his and he is requesting a test?

How should he go about this?

Thank you!
Helpful - 0
173939 tn?1333217850
I would let her know that no paternity test = end of story. No more phone calls to any of you guys unless nothing but the facts are known. I am sure you have no time for mind games, neither does your son.
Helpful - 0
173939 tn?1333217850
I was puzzled, too. Why would she inform him he is the father but does not want child support nor any of his involvement? It can only be a psychological thing to make him feel bad in his new relationship or to test his eagerness to get back with her. Would be good to get the facts via peternity test.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Exactly what I am thinking!

Now you know my concerns!  I am trying not to make a big deal out of this.  If I was the parent to this girl don't you think I wouldn't be calling the fathers parents and finding out what he plans to do to help her.

And if it were me and I knew for a fact that he was the father, I would be trying to get all the financial help and support that I could.  

So, if the mother doesn't consent to a paternity test, then my son cannot get one?  I heard her say that she did not want any support and could not afford a paternity test.  My son said he would get one and pay for it.  she got off the phone really quick.

Now you know why this is all too confusing.

what would you do?
Thanks
Helpful - 0
172023 tn?1334672284
If the girl does not agree to a test, I imagine he'll have to go to court to get a court order.  He can't get one by calling her doctor.  

Part of the test involves testing the baby, so if the mother does not give consent, the court must order it.  If he pisses this girl off enough, she'll refuse and he'll have to get a lawyer and the whole nine yards.

He should be civil to the girl, and say he'll take care of his responisibilites but just wants a test to protect all concerned.  She might agree.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
why would he wear two condoms?  That's even more risky than wearing just one.  And if he was wearing protection, why would he pull out?  Have him go to court and get a paternity test when the baby is born so that she can chase after him for child support later in life, or put his name on the birth certificate.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
my ex bil was told a child was his. he helped financially and emotionally. after a few years a paternity test proved he wasnt the father. maybe she is lying, maybe not. at this point in time follow the legal steps. have the paternity test done right after the baby is born. if not his, well end of story and maybe you can discuss how this shows you need to be mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. if it is his, well he will have to pay child support. i know it will be along wait. 3 months can seem forever. how old is your son? how old is this girl? hopefully her parents dont go after him for statutory rape. even if both are underage, he could find himself in trouble. im not trying to scare you, but rather give you more info to share with him in making proper choices. good luck, my son is 8 and i cant imagine being in your situation.
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Avatar universal
imagine it is his baby? maybe the girl is actually being honest out this and has enough pride to say she doesnt need anythin from this guy if he doesnt wanna contribute...

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172715 tn?1285494490
The truth is always somewhere in the middle.  Your son will have to save a min. of $600.00 for a paternity test for after the baby is born.  She might fight this test saying that it is now someone elses.  She is probably saying it is his right now because she knows he is now in a happy relationship. He should not give her any money or time until he knows for sure if this is his child. You only have a few months to wait for the birth but it might take some time to legally have her petitioned to allow the test to be done before the baby and she leaves the hospital or A.S.A.P. Call around or speak to your lawyer about this and grandparents rights just in case. I know that I would have a major problem with knowing a grandchild is out there and that I couldn't have visitation.  I really hope for your sake that it is not his because she sounds abit loopy and there would be too many problems for all concerned. I mostly feel bad for the baby. Hope all turns out well.
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172023 tn?1334672284
I agree w/Rock.  Why would she make these claims if she weren't out for something? The only course of action anyone can reasonably do is to get a paternity test.  He should own up to the girlfriend now, b/c she's going to find out regardless, and be all the more angry if he tries to hush it up.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I don't understand the details of this story.

If she doesn't want child support,  and she's in fear that he will come after the baby,  why is she saying it's his?  

I don't understand why she would say that,  if she clearly wants your son out of the picture of her child.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It sounds like she might be lying, maybe she is jealous of his current gf,why did they break up? Because that might be one way of getting back with ur son. I would definetly do a paternity test. Because ur right that, what if the baby is ur sons. I know paternity tests r expensive but it will be worth it. GoodLuck!
Helpful - 0
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