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Still miss my Ex after 2 years.
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Still miss my Ex after 2 years.

I broke up with my Ex boyfreind 2 years ago because i felt he wasnt giving me enough attention. i didnt feel his heart was into the relationship, like i was just wasting my time. the night we broke up was very emotionnal, obviously. he swore he would change, he owns his own business and worked 7 days a week for like 12 hours a day and would be too tiered to do anything after cept for maybe going to the bar for a beer... whatever i wanted to do was not a priority.
we did also have some absolutly amazing times, but at the time i felt the bad outweighed the good.

it was very hard to walk away from that relationship because he was honestly my best friend. we got along much better then i have ever felt with anyone. i dont like using the term, but for lack of a better way of putting it; if i believed in soul mates, he, hands down would be mine.

we kept in contact after we broke up. i started dating someone else, who im still with. i cut contact with my ex about a year ago because my feelings for him were interfeering with my curent bf. when i told my ex that i wanted to cut contact we got into it. it was a huge fight and we both walked away very mad at each other. a year later, i still miss him. if i drive by him, i get butterflies, if we run into him when we're out i blush and get all flustered. i dream about him all the time, like 4 or 5 nights in a row, then not for a few, then itll start again.

i love my boyfriend very much. we have a much more mature relationship then ive ever had with anyone. we get along great and im sure if id never dated my ex my current relationship would be a1 but there feels like there is something missing. although we do tons of fun things together its as if there is no spark in our bond. with my ex no matter what we were doing we were laughing and having fun, even if it was just while working.

i want to be over my ex but i dont know what else to do. it ***** because i havent seen or talked to him in a year and still miss him so much.

its not a question of who i should be with because i dont waant to break up with my boyfreind and even if i did my ex by now if probably with someone else. i just want to stop thinking about him and missing him. im so fed up and i just want closure.
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21 Comments Post a Comment
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887361_tn?1255542273
I know exactly how you feel...you love your boyfriend, and i'ts not a question about who you want to be with, but you ex  just fills a void. I just lost my BF because of keeping in contact with my ex, at least you were stong enough to see that it was getting in the way of you relationship. mind you, i was not in contact often, but he ws still there. I miss my bf riend very much and I hope he can forgive me and work it out. For you, I think you just have to appreciated your ex for who he is and let him go. I guess it will get better, I am waiting on a reply for my situation also. Good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
we have almost the same situation, but it was my ex who broke up with me since
i left him and moved to another place with my family. i promised him i will keep communicating with him and we should never break up since we were madly inlove with each other. he was also my bestfriend. but then, he doesnt want long distance relationship and i was his first girlfriend. he broke up with me for the reason that he is scared to find out one day, that i will be with someone else and his insecurities are eating him since he was unemployed while i was working in a good company, he is the aloof type, i socialize, he is a homebuddy, i am a party animal. he doesnt have much friends, i have tons. he is my 5th boyfriend. but then even if we were exactly opposits, we had chemistry, we clicked, we jived, he was not even my type and i was not either his type physically but then we fell. fell in love. but good things never last,.

for 2 yrs, i was single. he was too. i dated, i mingled, i flirted but i nver committed. he was always in my mind. it was hard since we were far apart. i was used to being always around him then abruptly, i lost the person who was already in my system. i had to adjust. everytime i meet someone, that i like, i always end up comparing them to my ex. that my ex is always waaay better than them ( which was wrong)..

everyday, i think of him no matter what i do. we communicated for 2 yrs til now, we are bestfriends, he is still single but me, i met this guy here in my new place. we are not committed but the feelings are mutual, we act like lovers. but then, im still affected everytime i hear my exes name, if i see someting that reminds me of him, if i receive a text message from him, i still have butterflies.

we both cant get our ex out of our system since they will always be a part of our lives no matter what. we will always miss them especially when we had more good memories rather than bad. for me there is no such thing as "moving on "..its more of, "letting go"
never try to forget or erase your ex or cut the contact b/c it will be harder. you will miss him more and think of him more. sinne you loved him once.. if you want a closure, sitdown and talk to him, face him, and set rules for the both of you. you have to be open and matured and honest with each other. dont walk away with anger if you he doesnt
want to compromise. its his problem not yours. have a mindset that he will always be " a brother " to you. in that way, u will always care and love him uncondtionally like a family and can move forward and focus on ur present boyfriend.

dont force it. dont make it hard for yourself to forget your ex. rather, keep the communication open until you are immuned. until the day comes, that you just love and care for him as a brother. think about it. be honest to urself. if you still have feelings for him even if you are committed right now, then what i all said are useless. but if your firm and decided to be moving to another chapter in your life with your new bf, then so be it.

ive been there..and it works.
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Avatar_f_tn
you described it exactly how i feel. my ex fills a void. everything was just so effortless, so smooth with him. we clicked and im kicking myself for not realising it while we were together, it just struck me as the way things are.. but now looking back things have never been like that with anyone else. i was more open, more comfortable with him, terrible things didnt seem that bad as long as we walked out of it together. But of course, i'm only focussing on the good times. thank you for letting me know im not alone, good luck with your situation.
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Avatar_f_tn
i wish i could keep in touch with him becuase im sure it would make everything easier. i wouldnt only remember the good times but i would also have reminders of why we arent together. when we were in touch, i still noticed that we clicked better then i have with anyone else but i was so 'obsessive' over him. even im finding this a bit much. my current bf though has told me many times that it makes him uncomfortable and what it boils down to is that if i stay in contact with my ex, i loose my bf. im considering that though, because i dont think that whats going on is any better for my bf.

i dont know if i should try to explain this to my boyfriend or if it would be better if i keep him in the dark. we are commited, we live together. but thoughts of my ex are always hangning over my head. the worst part is, im sure he sees it but just hasnt said anything to me.
your advice is wonderful and thinking about it, im sure it would work very well. in my situation though it would come down to loosing my bf just to talk to my ex, im not ready to do that just yet. mind you, in time im sure it will come down to that because i need to let go, you're right.  its not fair to my bf for me to be thinking of someone else and i need to put my mind to ease with my ex.
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902602_tn?1252748215
Thank u for posting this. I thought i was crazy for having feelings for my ex i broke up with 2 years ago...i have dreams about him all the time......its horrible im engaged and still....am thinking of him and have texted him and called him before ugh... i just want you to know that ur not alone...
    jaynebeth
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686059_tn?1293837427
This one is simple and I am in the same situation a you. What does your heart tell you? Who are you in love with?  My ex broke up with me, because he was scared to get too involved or serious and I'm not one to kiss anyones a**. I didn't call him once and did not hear from him in one year and guess what? Yes, he called to see how I was doing and I completely was welcoming (didn't complain on where the hell he has been in 1 yr. or what he has been doing).  He invited me out for a drink and be began very slowly. I still had hard feelings, but my love for the man was much stronger than my anger and decided to forgive the past and just start with the now.  He is gorgeous and calls me, invites out and I don't know what the future holds, but I'm very glad that the one who broke up with me, came back.

Judy
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176495_tn?1301284012
I ended a relationship (that never should have begun) some 10 years ago and to this day I miss her and think of her daily.  WE 'connected' like no one else I'd ever been with, she was truly my best friend, we enjoyed the same things..unfortunately it was the product of an affair that resulted in the end of my marriage and she is still with the guy she was with back then, as far as I know...if she were to call me today, much as I still think of her, and say.."let's get together"  No way..never.


Jim
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887361_tn?1255542273
Well, I am still in the situation, we  talked about it, he was very angry, then he calmed down. but he is holding on to the hurt so much...I really hurt his ego. I tried to let him know that my ex was a habit that we had a good friendship, but he still can't get over the words of love I expessed in my e-mails, I don't blame him, I know he needs time, but I wish he could just let it be the past. I miss him sooo much. It has been a month and I still cry everyday. I spoke to my ex once since this all happened and he told me to take my time and heal or fight for what I want.....he said he will always be there.
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686059_tn?1293837427
Don't be too hard on yourself. Give it time. If it's meant to be it will happen regardless, reassure him that you do love him and you are there for him. Good luck! Judy
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887361_tn?1255542273
Thanks...I have already did that and I am just giving him space.....you know the funny thing is when things like this happen you realizse how the little thing made you so happy...you just was not seeing it then. I am trying not to be hard on myself. I never thought that I would feel this way...actually this is the first time I have felt this way. It has also open up alot about myself also....made me look at me as a person. I think I am literally greiving..and I don't want it to consume me. I am working out at the gym and I am trying to do just as you said...Give it time and know that if its meant ot be ,it will. thanks for all your support. Sometimes when I pray i asked myself why am I feling this way...Its just one human...man.....ther are so muh more out there ...and possible better....Love sure is strange...and you never stop learning.
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285927_tn?1380802356
Ya know, I have heard others say "Love should not hurt".  And you know what, that is not true.  The only ones that hurt us and that we hurt are the ones that love us and those that we love.  Love is an emotion, with all the consequences that go with it.  You are grieving.  You lost someone pemanantly. Maybe they did not physically die, but they may as well have because they are not in your life anymore. It will take time to get over him, and even then when you think about him it will be with a fondness and a wonder of what if?  Just keep doing what your doing and time will heal you.
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770895_tn?1235089248
I still miss my ex, he broke up with me, we had dated for 2 years... I loved him so much i've loved him since i was 13, he started dating at 18 and broke up when i turned 20..i've known him forever and i've always loved him and took care of him, I love him still. He did horrible things to me like after work he'd go out and dirnk with his buddies and not come back all night and made me worry, but you know what? i looked past that, I knew he was messed and was addicted to alcohol and partying, i didn't mind, I was always there for him and there was nothing that would change that, we were in eachothers lives since the begining it wasn't going to be that measely night that would change that fact, that i would do ANYTHING to take care of him, and he just got uninterested and said he wanted to see other people, it crushed me, I had gotten pregnant by him, got an abortion, then when he broke up with me I was 3 months pregnant, we both didn't know ( I was really sick and my periods were messed)... I found out and had to get another abortion that ruined my body now i'm really sick down there... it really *****, every day its a reminder of how much I would do anything for him, and he wont talk to me, he won't acknowledge im alive, seeing as we have common friends it makes it hard for me to be in the same room as him, because you know what? I think i'd still do whatever it took to make him okay if he was in trouble... I'm stupid, but he's going through a phase, i've seen this guy do this and it wont stop, we're now 22.... its just terrible that I'm with this guy now that treats me like a queen who loves me no matter what, but my ex will always be in my head and in my heart, and the reason why i am in so much pain today physically and mentally...love hurts.
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303824_tn?1294875001
A lot of times we miss our ex because we seem to forget the bad and choose to only remember the good we had with them.

I just wanted to throw that out there...this post is old and the OP probably hasn't come back to check this post so I won't go into any more than this...LOL!
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Avatar_m_tn
love does hurt. i have the same problem, but with two ex's. i even have dreams about them proposing to me. then when i hear from my friends that he asked about me, i  seriously feel like going insane. my boyfriends is amazing and i love him so much, and would never leave him, its just i dont konw what to do sometimes.
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Avatar_f_tn
It really *****... First love is always first, in a way act it turns last... Wit womsoever v r then, wat ever n how much lov v gt, but its imposs to gt over ex... N it s d unavoidable ridiculous part f life.. it has been 2.5 yrs my bf brok wit me, bt still i dream of him almost everyday, n its always dat he s back... Its gt me crazy then... I more i try to get rid, mote he comes closure... M jus fed up bt also thr s no solution... Ll hav to liv wit dis ... Truly said, its betr to flirt than to fall in love ...
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Avatar_m_tn
I see this thread is old, but if anyone comes across it through a search perhaps it will  spark more discussion. I am in a similar situation to many of you. My bf broke up with me 4 years ago. I still think about him and just contacted him by email. I have a new bf now of 2 years. My ex wrote back to me and said he was happy for me (told him about the new relationship), and basically said that things were the same for him, meaning he was still single. I still have feeling for him and maybe we need to talk and have some real closure because it is getting in the way of my relationship with my new bf. Although, he has no idea about my feeling for my ex. I wish my ex told me he had no feeling for me. Instead he broke up with me for reasons that have nothing to do with me as a person, but circumstances. I will not go into that all here. It's too long to explain. He wanted kids and I can't have children. I wish he would have told me that he didn't love me anymore- it would have made things much easier. That is the short version! it sux!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  The best way to get responses to your situation is to post your own question.  Often when you tag your comment to the end of an old thread, no one reads it but me.  :>)  Your own thread will get more responses.  

As to your situation.  Well, I always recommend that when someone's life goals aren't the same, that they are not a good match.  You couldn't have kids, he wanted kids.  His desire for kids was greater than his desire to be with you.  That's really all you need to know to understand where he was at with you.  I still love many ex's deep down but am thankful I am not with them.

You're with someone new.  Your ex is moving on too and when he broke up, he made a very responsible decision by breaking up for things that are more important than just love.  We love many in our lifetime typically.  Love doesn't conquer all or make for a foundation for a happy life.  It's an emotion we feel and that is all.  Important?  Definately but not enough to make a long lasting relationship.

Hope this helps.  I'd just move on.  peace and luck
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Avatar_f_tn
you say it in the first couples lines: he was my soulmate... HELLO::: If that is how you feel/look at it you are never going to stop wondering what if. it sounds like you broke up in the hope he would maybe magically change and want you back but that didnt work it seems.  start tryibg to see him as somebody that you use to know.

ps: your relationship with ur current bf sounds like a waste of time. be alone for a while. its not so scary
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Avatar_m_tn
Being in contact with your ex is not easy for you current guy. I'm currently in a relationship and my girl still keeps in contact with her ex . It's hard on me to the point where I'm not sure I want to be with her. She promises me that she wants nothing to do with him but states she won't turn her back on no one. Some say it's ok to talk to your ex but I disagree, if it bothers him and you care enough fight to get him back and make sure you never contact the ex, it's respect really.
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Avatar_m_tn
this is from a males perspective of the same situation.  I dated a girl for 6 years and from the moment I met her in florida, I knew she was the one I was going to marry.  and I still to day feel like we should be together.  however, two years ago we were engaged and getting ready to be married.  we moved to texas together and I was in a miserable job and working a lot.  you could say that I wasn't emotionally available for her.  well she left me 3 weeks before our wedding for another guy that she met in the town that we moved too.  I was devastated and furious to say the least.  my whole world was turned upside down for the past two years.  still to this day though, I love her and feel like she is the one for me.  I have dreams about her all the time and not a day goes by where I don't wish we could just start fresh now.  she is still with her boyfriend and I have a new girlfriend.  its just not the same.  

If I could get one point across its that maybe if you feel that you are soul mates then maybe you are, too many times now a days people just find it easier to leave a person "in the moment".  Do I know if she has feelings for me still, who knows.  but I do know she also used to think we were sole mates.  so maybe she thinks the same things I do, but neither of us have the courage to confront the other and start over.  what I wouldn't give for her to come back into my life.  I changed for the better despite all the negative.

so maybe ladies if you still have those feelings then maybe you should tell him and see what happens.  maybe you are soul mates and if you don't say something then you are just going to spend your entire life with a great person , but the wrong person.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Me too in the same situation..i and my ex dated for 3years more then we broke up until now already 1 year more didnt contact and see each others..but sometime i stil wil stalk on his fb profile i think i am crazy..now i already got the current bf..i now i should not think again my ex but i just cant control my mind i also dont knw why..tonight i suddenly thinking about ex again and go listen all the songss last time we had together listen..this feeling is very bad, is like myself also dont knw what i want..but i wont contact my ex this is for sure...i am now got my current bf and he too got a new gf..he got want to add me back my fb but i block him until now..i really dont want to lost control and go to contact him anymore so i block him...i dont feel want to contact him but stil want to knw how is he now..sometime i can see his photo with his current gf few minutes, i just got feel abit sad but i also happy that he can found a good one, which is better than me...sometime i think i just really dont love my ex anymore but i stil wil thinking of him..i love my current for now he treat me very good very patient on me...i just dont want to think anything about my ex again..sometime i stil hate him but sometime stil worry and want to knw how is he...i am just like a crazy women...is very complicated relationship between me, my ex and my current bf...we all knw each others 8 years more..but i knw my ex 1st when i am 13 years old...just a very weird feeling...a good freind or a good relationship ppl suddenly just go away...8 years he keep contact me but suddenly gone...all gone...but i am stil the lucky one i stil got the current one who love me...i wil promise myself stay with my current always and not to make the past history happen again..i wil slowly lost all the memory about my ex...i knw i will...i willl...you also will...good luck to you all who stil cant stop thinking about ur ex...
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