Stole money from bf

[noemi88]

My boyfriend comes from a well off family. He met me as independent, strong willed woman. Things doesnt come easily in my life. During our 5th month of relationship he had left me money to make him a savings acct because he was impressed on how i live alone and handle money. At that time unfortunately i was left off my job so all my savings were used up paying for my car and rent. I had to pay my bills because i was living alone, my parents are separated, had ask my sister and some relatives for help unfortunately they could not lend me. I had used almost half the money my bf had given me to make the bank acct with intention to pay it eventually. 1 month later guilty still looking for a job but having a hard time to find one, had asked my sister who was working abroad if i could borrow money to replace the money i used before he would find out so that if i could find a job i would be paying my sister instead. On the 7th month i was sleeping at home with my bf when i felt like he was distant, i looked at his phone and had found out that 1mo before the month i used his money he had already known about it because he had seen the messages i had sent my sister. He was angry i had stolen money and had seen conversation between him and a friend how his friend told him he was careless and had allowed me to handle his money and i had lied to him. I cried and woke him up said sorry that i was ashamed i used his money that he was rich that i thought he would look down on me because i have money problems. He also cried he said he had been good to me how i could do it. All i could say was sorry please understand my situation i have every intention of paying. Since then i felt our relationship became strained. Like everyday i have to double my efforts in the relationship i would cook, wash his clothes make packed lynch when he goes to work, plan for our dates to be more fun but until on the 11th month we could not connect anymore learned he was texting & seeing a girl for a month then we broke up. This girl is younger, and on a 6 yrs relationship with anither guy. The girl broke up with her bf to get together with my ex. I know its  my fault i had pushed him awat, had learned my lesson but still heartbroken i want to move on because still i love him..hes now happy posting on fb of new gf & how proud he is..any advise?

[Nighthawk61]

At that time unfortunately i was left off my job so all my savings were used up paying for my car and rent.,,, first of all, he should be asking if you need help or were in trouble financially AND you should have told him that you were struggling financially (was you packing his lunches with your food that you couldn't afford)? There's a communication problem here. AND he stayed with you, sleeping with you, not telling you he knew that you misappropriated his funds...There's a communication problem here.

He finds out about you by researching your private correspondence (with your sister) behind your back, , and you find out about him by searching his (with his friend) behind his back.? There are mutual communication problems here.

this is confusing to me, are you saying he was aware you were looking for financial aid one month prior to you using his excess funds he was looking to put into a savings account? If this is an elaborate test of his, to find a women  in financial hardship and see if they would take his money to pay their bills without asking... instead of him offering his support the moment he found out you were trying to get help or even after you used his money. A helpful man would look at your trying to find money to replace his money you used as a GOOD THING, A THING IN YOUR FAVOUR.  

" i looked at his phone and had found out that 1mo before the month i used his money he had already known about it because he had seen the messages i had sent my sister...."

The type of relationship this man has, seems to depend on whether you need him to help pay for his way... after all, he was sleeping at your place, having you make his lunches, etc. Most men would ask to help out and pay their way. In fact, many couples get together because they no longer Can afford to live in two places. Seems like if this was a man that was less rich, and more in tuned to helping their friends out that are experiencing financial hardship, you'd be getting yourself a better boyfriend.

When it come to money and power, and those that live from one paycheck to the next,, there can be much conflict and misunderstanding. How could he know you were in need, sleep with you, and not try to help? i think that is more grievous than your borrowing a bit of spare cash he had, with proof of you trying desperately to replace it  before he knew it was missing. It all depends on how you look at it.

How should you look at it.? You had a rich boyfriend that used your home and your body, without caring about your personal hardships. Be glad you got rid of him. Learn your own lessons about borrowing money up front, and be glad this heel didn't call the authorities and have you put in jail.

But mostly learn that you need to project open communication and always talk about what's on your mind, including not being able to pay your bills. instead of sleeping with him, and making his lunches you might as well have been concentrating all your efforts in finding work.

Incidentally, how you are doing now financially? Did you get a job, ? Can you go to welfare to get help until on your feet. Do you need to go back to college for job security.? Can you get a student loan to do so? (this is the least of what he should have said when he realized you were broke).

Onwards and Upwards girl. Learn from this. and raise your expectations in men. You need to be able to communicate with a man openly, otherwise the relationship and all you put in will be useless to you when the going get's tough.

[Chima7]

I agree with Rose on this. Banks wouldn't let you open an account for someone else in their name. It would have to be an account in your name only. You would need ID, proof of residence, etc.

How do you know he didn't deliberately set you up, knowing that you need money and hoping you'd steal it so he could have an excuse to break up with you? If he started dating the other girl so quickly then how do you know he wasn't with her before he broke up with you?

You never know these days. There are all kinds of yahoos out there doing all kinds of crazy stuff nowadays. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a deliberate setup so he could be with that other girl free and clear.

[RockRose]

I think he's kind of odd.

Since he comes from a well-off family (not sure what the definition there is exactly) he should know how to set up savings and checking accounts.  He would also know he can't give you a pile of money and have you do it for him.

Was he trying to see if you would steal it?  He would have known you couldn't have created an account,  and would have been expecting to have you say "honey,  I tried but I can't set up an account for you I learned today".    When that didn't happen,  he must have known you hadn't deposited the money.

Also,  I don't think he left you over this.  I think he was just ready to end the relationship.

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry for the situation---  that's a hard one.  It's a pretty big breech of trust to take someone's money.  I'm sure this is about more than just the money to him but also about the dishonesty.  What if you had told him of your predicament and asked him to officially loan you the money?  He very likely would have.  But you were deceitful  I sure can understand that.  I really can.  But you can probably see why this is a big red flag to him.  To have someone you trust steal from you hurts.  

There is also the part of how he respected how you handle money.  Well, unfortunately, you showed him another side.  He may feel duped and like your skills you displayed are a façade for the truth.  He may wonder if you steal from others.  Ya know?  You have left him with much doubt.

This is so painful.  He has decided that your doing this was a deal breaker.  It hurts and I'm so sorry!  We have hard things happen and they are life lessons.  I am certain you will never do this again and will instead be more up front with someone.  

But in the mean time, I think you just need to let this go.  It most likely won't end up in his coming back.  That does occasionally happen but more often in movies than rea life.  Try to stay very busy.  Don't beat yourself up.  You were desperate at the time.  Hopefully you've gotten back on your feet.  Focus on that!  Focus on never being in that position again.  Go to school at night, find a stable employer, work hard----  I am sending you virtual hugs.  I'm very sorry for your loss and pain hon.  peace