Aa
Strange thing!
My husband and I had serious issues last week and we didn't speak with each other for more than 5 days. And by the way it didn't happen for the first time. It happens after every 2 to 3 weeks. But what I saw last night sounds strange to me. I found that he was sleeping in another room and was putting my inner garments over his chest. It made me shocked. Why did he do that? Why did he not come to the room where I was sleeping! I don't know if he does that every time when we've fight or that was the first time...but please let me know if it's something serious or what!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree, I think he was thinking about you and I wouldn't ask him about it. Sincerely, give the man some dignity. :>) What would be the problem with it? He wasn't wearing them and dancing to Chaka Kahn or anything! He was feeling disconnected from you most likely and this made him feel closer.
As t the silent treatment, nothing will ultimately kill a relationship more than the deathly quiet of the silent treatment. What the silent treatment says is you don't matter enough to work this out and I can freeze you out and you don't exist to me when I'm mad. That this happens frequently and you both do it is very damaging to your relationship. Talk to him about that and ask if you could try some different things. Yes as anniebrooke says, a counselor would be great to guide other conflict resolution options. If you don't do that, then talk to him about what you BOTH could do differently. A stubborn match of wills giving each other the silent treatment ends with everyone losing.
And this comes from someone with great ability to put the freeze on if I'm ticked off. If it is for an hour while I get myself together so I don't fully blow a gasket, fine. But longer, then I'm using it as a weapon to hurt. And I'm hurt by my partner if he's playing along and also walking by me like I'm a ghost. It's not worth it. We want to be a couple so we have to fight like we want to be together, not like we could care less about each other. So, talk about what other things you could do. You could have a brief cool down period when mad and then a meeting where each takes turns LISTENING (yes, listening and putting yourself in their shoes without trying to think of what you will say next while they are talking) and sharing your thoughts also. Rephrasing what they say with "If I am hearing you correctly, you are saying . . . X". This helps them feel heard while making sure you aren't misunderstanding.
So, hang in there and just work on these communication problems during troubled times. And blow off the undies on his chest. A little odd but not something worth embarrassing him over. good luck
As t the silent treatment, nothing will ultimately kill a relationship more than the deathly quiet of the silent treatment. What the silent treatment says is you don't matter enough to work this out and I can freeze you out and you don't exist to me when I'm mad. That this happens frequently and you both do it is very damaging to your relationship. Talk to him about that and ask if you could try some different things. Yes as anniebrooke says, a counselor would be great to guide other conflict resolution options. If you don't do that, then talk to him about what you BOTH could do differently. A stubborn match of wills giving each other the silent treatment ends with everyone losing.
And this comes from someone with great ability to put the freeze on if I'm ticked off. If it is for an hour while I get myself together so I don't fully blow a gasket, fine. But longer, then I'm using it as a weapon to hurt. And I'm hurt by my partner if he's playing along and also walking by me like I'm a ghost. It's not worth it. We want to be a couple so we have to fight like we want to be together, not like we could care less about each other. So, talk about what other things you could do. You could have a brief cool down period when mad and then a meeting where each takes turns LISTENING (yes, listening and putting yourself in their shoes without trying to think of what you will say next while they are talking) and sharing your thoughts also. Rephrasing what they say with "If I am hearing you correctly, you are saying . . . X". This helps them feel heard while making sure you aren't misunderstanding.
So, hang in there and just work on these communication problems during troubled times. And blow off the undies on his chest. A little odd but not something worth embarrassing him over. good luck
I've no idea but can ask him. ..should I?
1 Comments
What I suggested was to ask him if the two of you are OK, and if he says yes, then ask it he'd like to talk about your continuing pattern as a couple of not talking after a fight, and ask him if he would like to change that. If you're genuinely curious and don't sound like you are being blamey, he will probably tell you whether or not he would like to change that pattern. If he says he likes the pattern (of silence after a fight) then you could possibly ask him (if the conversation has been friendly so far) if there is something about it that turns him on. But you'd have to be having this talk in an interested, curious, non-critical way. If he thinks he's about to get his head bitten off if he says what might be happening for him, don't even go into it. Especially if you *are* going to bite his head off.
If my husband were to have a fight and I came in and found him holding my undies, I'd ask him what the draw is. But he and I have a whole history of a lot of openness and not much fighting. If your history together includes a lot of fighting, it might just be something to go to the counselor about. There are other ways to handle conflict.
If my husband were to have a fight and I came in and found him holding my undies, I'd ask him what the draw is. But he and I have a whole history of a lot of openness and not much fighting. If your history together includes a lot of fighting, it might just be something to go to the counselor about. There are other ways to handle conflict.
It sounds like he was fantasizing about you, which is kind of nice actually. At least he wasn't fantasizing about someone in a porn movie. Does this not-talking thing happen as a part of something more kinky? (Like, do you think he picks fights so he can fantasize about some sexual aspect in which you feature?)
Sometimes people just like satiny things, they are comforting. When a pal of mine was a little boy, he loved to hold the satin edge of the blanket, pretending it was a pet cat. Maybe your husband has a thing like that. Or maybe it's more kinky.
I'd ask him if the two of you are OK, and if he says yes, then ask to talk about the continuing pattern of not talking after a fight, and if he would like to change that. If so, see a counselor and talk about how the two of you fight. There are a lot of ways to deal with disagreements and issues, the silent treatment is not a very useful one. (Unless, as I said, he does it on purpose, for reasons of his own.)
Sometimes people just like satiny things, they are comforting. When a pal of mine was a little boy, he loved to hold the satin edge of the blanket, pretending it was a pet cat. Maybe your husband has a thing like that. Or maybe it's more kinky.
I'd ask him if the two of you are OK, and if he says yes, then ask to talk about the continuing pattern of not talking after a fight, and if he would like to change that. If so, see a counselor and talk about how the two of you fight. There are a lot of ways to deal with disagreements and issues, the silent treatment is not a very useful one. (Unless, as I said, he does it on purpose, for reasons of his own.)
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