I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years and he was divorced by 3 years and had 4 sons. Long story short, we clicked and everything was perfect! I met the ex wife, had exchanged numbers, and both helped out with picking and dropping off kids when the boyfriend couldn't. Well, as of a month ago, the ex wife no longer wants me alone with the boys or even eating school lunch with them what so ever. She even called the school and talked to the teacher and principal about this matter and called the boyfriend irrate! She lied and told him the school called concerned cause I was there and so he took it upon himself to make an appearance at the school to talk to them himself. Well, the physcho was the one that called and we busted her in a lie! Nothing new lol... I haven't even talked to the woman about this cause my breath is precious and I don't want to waste my time using it on her. The boyfriend and I crack jokes all the time about how crazy she has gotten. The oldest admitted that his mom "hates me" but the boyfriend said well if you feel the same you don't need to come to my home anymore because this is my new life and you nor your mother have a say so get over it or stay home... I am so proud of my dude for having my back, but still stunned as to what I ever did to **** her off where I am where I am with her. Talk about an ego boost I guess... :D I can only imagine her face when she sees or hears that we are pregnant when that time comes. Guess I have a couple months before we try so that should soften the water a little? Any advice?!
And You're thinking about making a Baby with this guy????!! !! !! !! !!
What if one day He leaves YOU and then tells YOUR Child to accept His new girlfriend or stay away????? If this "man" is not more committed to His Children than that You would be foolish - very, very foolish to make a Baby with him. This is one of the biggest RED FLAGS I have ever seen!! !! !! !! !!
I totally agree with Tink. Your man has chosen girlfriend over his child. I can see saying that to an adult son, but not a child. This poor little soul is stuck in the middle between two immature adults who can't put the child's needs first, and a girlfriend thrown in for good measure who seems to get perverse pleasure from calling the child's mother crazy.
I'm not proud of him at all for "having your back". He probably did more damage than you can imagine by making it clear to his child that the father's love is conditional, and now this poor boy has to find a way to placate BOTH crazy parents to get along. That's very hard work, even for an adult. For a child, it's impossible.
I look into the crystal ball and see his future, and it's not pretty.
I just read Your other post which is just as DISTRESSING as this one!!
This is a recipe for DISASTER for a "potential" Child when there is already emotional abuse of the two innocent Children who are already here!! An alcoholic who puts his "girlfriend" before his own Children?? ?? ?? ??
What are You thinking?? ?? ?? ??
When you call your boyfriend's ex wife bipolar, does she have a true mental health diagnosis? Otherwise, please don't use this terminology about someone just because you are angry. Not fair to all who really suffer this condition.
So, clearly she feels you have overstepped your bounds. I can tell you that school is a sacred place for me and it might be hard to have the girlfriend of my kids father going there outside of any custody agreement. As she started off being 'okay' with you, what has changed?
Perhaps she is aware of the alcohol issue within your relationship and home life??? I'm sure she knows that you were a heavy drinker. Those that have fights in bars and with family members often get a reputation. Now that you are trying to get sober, one of the things to realize that there are still consequences for past actions. That is why when someone goes through actual rehabilitation at a facility, there is a whole week in which family comes in and tells the alcoholic how they wronged them face to face. Painful to hear but necessary. Family is also instructed on how to not be codependent. Perhaps his ex is choosing not to be codependent.
Your boyfriend did a great disservice in the way he handled things with his child. Many kids feel like it is THEIR fault that parents divorce. What they want to hear is that they are loved and matter to their parents. Yes, they need to be respectful to those in their parent's life, for sure. But dad could have done that witout threatening the child. The kid may NEVER like you but does have to be respectful. AND what is sad, the kid doesn't sound like they did anything but got caught in the middle of mom verses you. So, dad might want to rethink that.
So, I read that you'd like to have a child. Not here in this post but as in trying to understand the full picture. With dad not willing to give up his booze and you being tempted by it and fighting the urge and a history of having a relationship that was heavy in the drinking and started out as bar/drinking buddies . . . baby would be a horrible idea. Horrible.
In all seriousness, if you are serious about your sobriety, you need to break up with this 'dude' and be on your own. You will have a lifetime of trying to remain sober as all alcoholics do. And if your own home isn't safe, you won't make it. And I cringe at the thought of bringing an innocent baby into that.
Find a 12 step program/support group to join. good luck
I can understand dealing with someone's ex and the children situation can be a difficult situation because I am a stepmother, but this all is a bit much. Are you two even thinking about the children?
For starts, if you are on the "sobriety" path it isn't a great idea to be involved or stay involved with someone who isn't.
I think you and your bf are making the ex the main issue when she really isn't; sounds like your addiction is. This probably played a part in the reason the ex changed her mind about your involvement with the children.
Sounds like something was said or done to make the ex change her mind about your involvement with the school situation. I can't imagine her changing her mind "out of the blue" after she allowed it without a good reason. Just because she is not seeing things your way or doing what you want her to do doesn't make her "bipolar" or "crazy." Even if she was, you and your bf have issues too; with alcohol. She has the right to make these decisions in regards to her children; keep in mind they are HER children.
"The boyfriend and I crack jokes all the time about how crazy she has gotten. The oldest admitted that his mom "hates me" but the boyfriend said well if you feel the same you don't need to come to my home anymore because this is my new life and you nor your mother have a say so get over it or stay home... I am so proud of my dude for having my back, but still stunned as to what I ever did to **** her off where I am." I mean, who would say this to their child? He would have to have been drunk to say something so cruel to his son. You think this is ok for him to talk to his son this way? Are you talking bad about the children's mother in front of them?
I wouldn't be trying to have a baby by this man for obvious reasons and DEFINITELY not for revenge against their mother making it a "*** for tat" or "payback" situation. Please don't.
I think you should keep your involvement limited here in regards to the children and let the two ACTUAL parents work though all this.
You REALLY need to rethink this senario; not good for you in regards to sticking it out with someone who is NOT sober and plus the children don't NEED all this unnecessary drama between you and their mother.
How old are you? What gives you and your boyfriend the right to call the mother a psycho? I hope you don't say that in front of those children!! And then the "father" tells his child that he can leave his home when all the child said that the mother hated you.. he is putting you before his own children! That is sickening, and you totally support that? What kind of woman are you? I don't blame the mother at all!! And you two are talking about having a baby? Are you kidding me? It sounds like you only want a baby to upset the ex wife. There are so many women in the world who would love to have a child who can't and you are talking about having a baby just to see the reaction from the ex wife. You and your BF are pathetic! Those poor children!! You two really should be ashamed of yourselves, especially the father... you're babies ALWAYS come first!
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