The glass wall

[32feeling62]

I have had a slight crush on a coworker for a while. We hang out after work a lot and I have been in a position to show her how I feel but, I freeze up and can't make the move. This intense fear of rejection just turns me into stone. Looking back, I found that I have had this problem before. The girls that I really like, that I know would work, I can't make the right moves. I've been with many women, some relationships and others friends with benefits. Not all I had to make the moves on, some made them on me. But, in 3 cases that I know of, all the stars aligned and I blew it. I froze up. It seems as if the ones that I know won't work out in the end, I have no problem with. I am also 2 years out of a relationship that got further than any, although it didn't last as long as most. In that relationship, we moved in together and she just got "tired" of me but, to be fair, I think I subconsciously made it hard for her to love me. But, then I was really depressed and missing her. Sometimes I blame the glass wall on the fact that whatever my ex found wrong with me (in which she would never elaborate on) the next one will see as well. I also think I may have a problem with being happy in general. I don't equate happiness with relationships but, I generally find it in watching my sport teams, substance abuse, and in some art work. I can't come by it naturally. Sometimes those things don't do the trick either.   I don't know what's going on in my head but, I do know that I'm 33 and lonely as hell. And can't seem to do anything about it. If someone could just give some friendly advise or anything that may let me know that I'm not alone.

[32feeling62]

I am a male, I just didn't set up my profile correctly. It should be fixed now.
Thank you for the advise though. It was still very helpful. And yes to all your questions. I think I have a fear of commitment because of my parents. They were in a loveless marriage and still are to this day. One of my fears is being trapped like my father was. He worked his whole life to feed us and she never worked. I know that relationships fail with me if I see a girl getting too comfortable with not working and living off of me. That's where my last relationship began to unravel. But, that doesn't explain why this intense fear of rejection comes over me when trying to start a relationship. I also notice that when in a relationship I have these same fears about her finding someone else. Not cheating, mind you, just finding someone else that she wants to be with. That has happened to me twice. And I wonder if I'm pushing them off. But, I can usually tell when she looks at someone the way she looks or used to look at me.  I was right the first time, the second time I could tell it wasn't me but I couldn't tell who it was. Sometimes, I will wait until well into the relationship to introduce her to my friends so that she wont meet them and say 'wow I wish I would have met him first'. I really just have come to a point where I don't fight it anymore. When my ex told me she didn't want to see me anymore, I didn't fight her over it, I just let her go.

[sammy73]

First of all - your profile states you are female.  Is that right?  Not that it is an issue for me either way, and it probably doesn't really change the situation, but it may affect who can give you the best advice here.

I thing you may need to trust your own feelings a bit more.  To get things going with someone (the co-worker, or anyone else), you need to say to yourself "F*** it, what's the worst that could happen?" and just go for it (which I appreciate is a bit rich coming from me, I'm FAR from the most confident and go-getting sort of man, particularly with girls - but at least I'm familiar with the problem and recognise what may help!).  Within a relationhship, let yourself go in it, commit to it, bathe in it, enjoy it.

You say you have blown 3 relationships that had good potential.  I'm sure the details were different in each case, but maybe there's a common theme behind the scenes.  Is there a fear of commitment?  Do you back out if you feel your emotions or happiness are too dependant on another person?  Did you have a bad experience early on in your love life, or did your parents have relationship problems, that are echoing back through your love life ever since?

[treazzure007]

maybe you just haven't met 'the one'.  she will change how you feel, you'll want to change how you act, and if you do wrong or mess up here and there, you'll want to change those things too- for the right person.  when you finally hook up with the woman you are enthralled with, things will be different and feel different.  maybe, you should begin to search in different places than your usual meeting/stomping grounds or explore other options in meeting women and certainly leave out some of your usual that you did in past relationships.  whatever made them not work out/end