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1222076 tn?1423031349
The heart wants what it wants
Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now. My boyfriend is good to me but I dont see a future with him. I just dont feel like hes the one for me. I have told him this before and have tried to break up with him but he just thought I was just mad and didnt mean it. I do have love for him since hes good to me and does nice things for me but Im just bored with my relationship and I know Im not in love with him like I should be I should be wanting to marry him by now but I dont feel that way. I dont want to hurt him because I know hes a good man but I know I will eventually have to. Im scared of change I have gotten use to him being around and just have settled. Im also in love with someone I met about a year before I met my boyfriend. We we're suppose to be together a few years ago but he lives in another state so distance and lack of money got in the way. I tried to explain to my current boyfriend the situation before he got in a relationship with me and that I wasnt ready for a relationship because I was going to wait but he still stayed around trying to get me to be with him and my friend gave up over it and started dating another woman. After he started dating the other women thats when I got in a relationship with my boyfriend except my friends gf ended up cheating on him a few months later so they didnt last long. My friend and I have talked off and on since and get closer everytime. Even if we arent talking hes always in the back of my mind regardless. I really want to be with him but I know I would have to hurt my bf and Im scared of the distance I dont know how long it would take for him to be able to move here If I do decide to be with him. Our personalitys just click I feel like hes more of a match for me and he makes me happy I can see a future with him. Its been over 3 years we have both tried to move on but couldnt. Im just scared of taking a risk. I feel like Im stuck and dont know what to do.
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Avatar universal
Your BoyFriend deserves a committed Partner and apparently that isn't You.  I understand He will be hurt if You end the Relationship but He will be hurt in the long run anyway if You are not in love with Him.  You should end this Relationship and give Him the opportunity to meet SomeOne who will love Him as much in return.  I'm sure You are a very nice person, it's okay if You are not "in love" with Him but it's not okay if You stay when You are not in love with Him.  You both deserve a relationship that is "right" for BOTH of You.

Regards,
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1268057 tn?1452268753
How old are you btw?  You sound extremely young and very confused.

You aren't stuck; you just need to make a decision and stick with it.

The heart might want what it wants, but what is really NEEDED here?

I would use rational thought here and not just go with your heart to figure this out.  I am not so sure this other guy you are pinning for will pan out.  Distance and money got in the way the first time, so you are pretty much repeating a pattern.  I surely wouldn't recommend moving to another state/city solely for a man.  Not ideal.

Don't keep stringing this other guy along just to have someone.  Break it completely off and DO NOT backpedal.  

If you want to pursue this other guy think LONG and HARD before uprooting your life where you are just to be with him.  You should have a plan B if things don't work out.  Make sure you are financially independent and are able to support yourself in this new town.  That will come in handy if things don't work out between you two.  Don't go there, move in and become dependent on him.  Tread lightly with this guy.
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1268057 tn?1452268753
Hon...........I just read your profile.   Hmmm, you state this present bf is good to you and your son?  Why would you uproot yourself from this situation?  It sounds ideal.  I wouldn't recommend moving a child all over the place to be with another man because you are bored with the one you are with.

Sounds like you are just bored and are looking for excitement with this other guy.

THINK about your CHILD.  Plus, I would suggest you take a break from relationships and be by yourself for a while and focus on your child and you.

Are you independent?  Is this current bf taking care of you?
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1268057 tn?1452268753
Curly, read MJOHANNA1204's post.  She uprooted herself for a man and now she sitting in trouble.
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1222076 tn?1423031349
Hey sorry I just now seen my replies to this. No Im not going to move away from my family over this other guy. He was wanting to move here to be with me but neither one of us are financially stable enough to do that at the moment. My bf is good to me but I dont get to see him a whole lot and I just dont think hes the one for me. I know he loves me but it seems like he has no plans for our future. Its been 3 years and he still lives an hour away with his dad and dosent plan on moving down here even though he works in my city. I wont move in with any man until I get married and I wont get married until I know for sure their the one for me and good to my son. I really care about the out of state man but theirs still a lot of things im unsure about thats why i have settled with my boyfriend. I know settling isent the same as being happy but I make him happy and I cant say Im unhappy Im just very confused.
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1268057 tn?1452268753
Curly, hon............neither one of these men sound like ideal matches.  Why not just focus on you and your child for now?  The "out of state" guy needs to work on himself, e.g.  his finances, as he can't offer you and your child nothing at the moment.  In fact, both of you really need to work on your independence.

You don't have to be with a man for the sake of being with a man especially with one who has no future plans for you two.  Be by yourself and work on your independence.  A guy isn't a necessity.

"I know settling isent the same as being happy but I make him happy and I cant say Im unhappy Im just very confused.".............That's nice that he is happy, but you can't say what you are because you are so confused.  

Uncomplicate things and be by yourself for a while.
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1222076 tn?1423031349
Yeah I know the out of state guy is more of a match personality wise but after talking to him he has a lot to work on just like i do myself so for now Im not going to worry about it anymore. If its right then it will happen eventually but stressing myself out over it isent going to solve anything. My bf does a lot for me but I don't know what his plans are for our future he dont seem like he has any. So when I feel im ready I will talk to him about things again and probably be single for a while to figure out whats best for me and my son. I know theirs plenty of men out there and I don't need one to make me happy. It would just be nice to have a family of my own that I can fully be happy with and be with a man i want to marry. Unfortunately I haven't fully found that yet and I have been hurt by the one I thought i did in the past. Maybe someday I will until then Im going to stop stressing its not worth it.
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1222076 tn?1423031349
Thanks for your reply and I know your right. I just have tried to break up with him in the past and it broke his heart i had sympathy so I couldn't go thru with it because I do have love for him just don't see myself marrying him someday or know if he really has any plans for our future. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and when I feel the time is right I will talk to him about things and decide what I want to do. I might be better off being single for a while and hopefully eventually find the one for me and that would be good to my son as well.
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