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This theory definetly applies, right?
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This theory definetly applies, right?

Who here seen the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"? I swear, that movie's perspectives & insights totally apply to the following situation. I'll be as brief as possible. What do you all think though, do those premises apply?

Ok, you know I met a man from Brussels on FB. He started contacting me  ALOT but...I didn't do so much, I never told him my business, I was "brief" w/ him.

Then, we agreed to phone each other. I called him more now than he's called me. We had a sort-of mix-up where he didn't answer the phone upon agreement of 1 call yet, he called me back to apologize.

Yet, here's now, a week gone by & I have not heard from him. No e-mail, no calls, no FB wall posts. So, what should I do now? Like I stated in earlier posts....I swore off love/marriage, etc. but, I still would even like him as a friend.

See, maybe it's all timing. Maybe it's my upbringing. My folks told me no matter what, I should not contact a man. That standard applies literally to that movie I spoke about. They instructed me in old-fashioned values & strict morals so, maybe that's why I'm still inclined to follow those ways.

What do you all think? Do you think I should contact him or just wait, keep living & doing my own thing? See, I do like him a bit but, I'm not totally in-love or infatuated by him.

Is those rules in this book:'s_Just_Not_That_into_You & the movie then, applied IRL?
Are those kind of old-fashioned values appropriate & still instilled?

I feel kind of stupid b/c I want to contact him but, I just feel it'll look as desperation or literally "scratching" after his butt (to coin a phrase of a family member).

They (family) all SWEAR 3 rules to me ALL of the time:

1) Never, ever settle for someone just b/c you don't want to be alone.
2) Never scratch after someone, friend, man or anyone.
3) Leave men alone & see what happens. If someone is THAT into me, he'll find a way to contact me.

What do you all think?  Bottom line, should I contact him or not? I only want to keep in touch w/ him b/c of our friendship & interests in common. Plus, he even suggested he visit me in Liverpool next month when I fly over to see a band but, he has not arranged anything nor put plans in stone as I normally do. So, I don't even know what to do about his flightiness....and contrary to what you're all thinking, I'm NOT looking for his love. I'm looking for a man where I FEEL the love more!


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6 Comments Post a Comment
303824 tn?1294875001
I don't think you should contact him again unless he contacts you. I agree with your family members on the "rules." When a man is interested, he will move heaven and earth to get in touch one way or another. I have seen the movie you are talking about and I found it to be pretty accurate from my own experiences with the opposite sex. I guess that is why I liked the movie so much.

My guess is the reason you aren't hearing back from him is because of the distance between you two. Same with the others. You already know to be weary of people on the net. They can sit behind a computer screen and be absolutely anyone. My advice is to go on with your life and don't let things like this get in your way of your happiness. Don't waste your nights sitting around for phone calls that aren't going to come in.
Avatar m tn
This is not the Victorian era any more, if you are interested in someone then let you can contact them.  Why should the men do all the chasing?

Some guys are more shy, some guys aren't too self-confident themselves, he may well be sitting there wishing you'd contact him and wondering why you haven't all week and thinking that maybe you aren't into him as much as he thought.

There's nothing wrong with a girl taking the initiative (the first date of any sort I went on with my wife, she asked me!).  If it turns out he isn't that into you after all, well, you've lost absolutely nothing by trying.

From some of your other posts, it seems you sometimes struggle between some rather old-fashioned ideas about what other people (such as your family) think you should be, and the person YOU really want to be.  Time to put yourself first and worry less about what others might think of you (particularly if they don't even know what you're doing)!

BTW, I haven't seen the movie, so I can't really comment on the relevance there...
145992 tn?1341348674
sammy I think this is the guy that she called and he didn't pick up and then she sent him a message and he didn't answer.  So I think this is someone who showed interest and then all of a sudden didn't.  So I think in that type of situation, she should not contact him again.  I think if a man or a woman is interested, they will pursue it.  I know I went out with my fiance after he asked me but the second date was left up in the air and I was the one to contact him and ask him out the second time.  So there are no rules but in a case where a woman has shown interest and the man just doesn't continue the pursuit, there is not point in continuing with him.
968908 tn?1274874715
erm, sorry to be the barer of bad news but maybe this guy lost interest because he found out you wern't 'THAT' type of woman, sadly alot of guys on the net are just,looking for a cheap thrill and will 'come and go'..... if u get what i mean.  Maybe he was hoping for something like this with u and when he didn't get it he was off faster than than a rocket.

Your family are right in that u should let the guy do most of the chasing, and make ur intensions clear from the beginning to him what u want and what u don't.....this way if he is after just a shag then he know's he is wasting ur time and his.

Shame it wasn't Mr Right, he is out there for u somewhere, when it's right it will happen.
968908 tn?1274874715
Plus if he was just after a shag then trust me u dont want him as a mate either....
Avatar f tn

I did an experiment with time as per his interest all of last week.

What I did was just leave him alone to see if whether or not he would respond (even though, as I've stated previously, am not interested nor even thinking about love & marriage b/c I swore it ALL off). I waited & did NOT contact him on MSN IM, Facebook or telephone.

Guess what? He did not contact me in any of those parameters either. Therefore, seriously, this proves to me him & other men on Facebook are clearly not interested even as "friends" either.

So, it's so firmly DONE. It's all over. Finished. If I am meant for marriage/to be loved, it'll happen. If not...ces la vie & I'm living my OWN life doing what I want to do.

Cheers to all of you again who responded w/ your thoughts & advice.
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