Aa
To Be Cheated On!!
Hi All.
Im struggling with moving on!! Please help.
My husband and I have been married for over 6years now. We had a baby over a year ago. We've had a good relationship except for some bikering we constantly had / diffrence of opinions /etc etc. I felt like that was normal and deep down i always loved him. Ive had instances were he's been inappropriate with other woman on chats or tried to flirt with them. Ive found out about him and really made him see how wrong it is. He has apologised and promised not t odo it.
4 months after we had our baby, i found out through his phone that he was trying to conatct a prostitue. I was devastated and hurt to the core. I was mad, angry and frustrated. I confronted him and he admitted that he tried calling someone/scheduled time to meet etc but then realised it was wrong and stepped back. I was so hurt beyond words as i never ever expected him to do something like that. He is a good dad, loves being a dad etc . I was in a helpless situation and was pissed /upset and felt lke a fool. I wanted to leave. He begged/said he was extremly sorry and it was a mistake and ready to take counselling/ He went for individual counselling for two months and then we both went for couples counselling for few months.
Fast forward 10 months...we still have constant agruments, i am unable to let go of what he did to me, he makes me mad by not appreciating my efforts as a mom, says he is not doing anything wrong but at the same time i cant trust him 100%!!
What do i do!! Im not happy!! ATt he same time, i have to think about my son. I feel like im stuck...i dont know if im the one who is not letting it go and moving on or if he is not made efforts to make up fr wat he did and show remorse.
Im struggling with moving on!! Please help.
My husband and I have been married for over 6years now. We had a baby over a year ago. We've had a good relationship except for some bikering we constantly had / diffrence of opinions /etc etc. I felt like that was normal and deep down i always loved him. Ive had instances were he's been inappropriate with other woman on chats or tried to flirt with them. Ive found out about him and really made him see how wrong it is. He has apologised and promised not t odo it.
4 months after we had our baby, i found out through his phone that he was trying to conatct a prostitue. I was devastated and hurt to the core. I was mad, angry and frustrated. I confronted him and he admitted that he tried calling someone/scheduled time to meet etc but then realised it was wrong and stepped back. I was so hurt beyond words as i never ever expected him to do something like that. He is a good dad, loves being a dad etc . I was in a helpless situation and was pissed /upset and felt lke a fool. I wanted to leave. He begged/said he was extremly sorry and it was a mistake and ready to take counselling/ He went for individual counselling for two months and then we both went for couples counselling for few months.
Fast forward 10 months...we still have constant agruments, i am unable to let go of what he did to me, he makes me mad by not appreciating my efforts as a mom, says he is not doing anything wrong but at the same time i cant trust him 100%!!
What do i do!! Im not happy!! ATt he same time, i have to think about my son. I feel like im stuck...i dont know if im the one who is not letting it go and moving on or if he is not made efforts to make up fr wat he did and show remorse.
Dear, this is about him not you. Some people get very upset when this happens and others have the capacity to get to the bottom of why this happened and move on. Both men and women go through life dealing with tempting situations, some are only acting childish and are caught up in the heat of the moment, and some just cheap without batting an eye. If you feel this was a stupid childish act then have a good sitdown talk with him but if you feel youve lost all faith then move on as having things eat at our souls is not a good thing either.
Men are particularly childish when it comes to these affairs but most do grow out of this eventually.
Men are particularly childish when it comes to these affairs but most do grow out of this eventually.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, very sorry to hear. VERY sorry. I am going to say something to you that you might not like. I'm only trying to help. . . but this is also a wake up call for you. Were you providing him sex regularly? When we have babies, we often get all engrossed in that and neglect that part of our marital life. It's a wake up call that while he did something very wrong and horrible---- he also was unhappy in your marriage.
I think acknowledging that might help you understand that if things are to get better, you BOTH have to work on it. If you stay a victim, hurt, etc. forever----- it will never heal. I agree that he did something unfathomable. Well, almost. Do you believe he didn't follow through? Do you believe that was the only time?
If he is being contrite and you do indeed want to stay with him, then you have to do your part to work through it. This means truly being open to forgiving him.
Because your marriage WILL end soon if you don't. No one is going to stay forever in this situation (him included). Go back to counseling. Have some 'safe' dates in which you aren't allowed to talk about anything serious (self control here is necessary), and try to be intimate with him.
This wasn't the easiest thing to read, I'm sure. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help and give you an outside opinion so that you can get back on track. Some couples do grow closer after something like this because they have a better understanding. You need to understand why it happened in the first place in terms of his unhappiness and then work on it never happening again. And then work on rebuilding the love between you AND TRUST. good luck hon
I think acknowledging that might help you understand that if things are to get better, you BOTH have to work on it. If you stay a victim, hurt, etc. forever----- it will never heal. I agree that he did something unfathomable. Well, almost. Do you believe he didn't follow through? Do you believe that was the only time?
If he is being contrite and you do indeed want to stay with him, then you have to do your part to work through it. This means truly being open to forgiving him.
Because your marriage WILL end soon if you don't. No one is going to stay forever in this situation (him included). Go back to counseling. Have some 'safe' dates in which you aren't allowed to talk about anything serious (self control here is necessary), and try to be intimate with him.
This wasn't the easiest thing to read, I'm sure. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help and give you an outside opinion so that you can get back on track. Some couples do grow closer after something like this because they have a better understanding. You need to understand why it happened in the first place in terms of his unhappiness and then work on it never happening again. And then work on rebuilding the love between you AND TRUST. good luck hon
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