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Avatar universal

To forgive & forget... or just move on??

My fieance' and I have been together for 2yrs now. We have had alot of ups and downs. The most recient happened the day after my birthday. A group of his friends and their wifes and us all went out to see a band that night. We all had been drinking etc. My fieance' didn't realize that I was just a few people in front of him, because it was so crowded. Something inside me said to find him, and when I turned around I found him open his arms to his friends wife and give her a very affectionate open mouth kiss, that seemed to go on forever. Later when we got home I confronted him in regards to it ( FLIPED OUT!! In other words!). His first reaction to all of it (of which he didn't denie) was to say I'm insecure etc. he tried to turn it around on me. Also that night called me by mistake, his exwife's name!

I since have given him back his ring and told him I absolutley could not marry him. It has been 3 weeks. We still are seeing each other, I told him that we are in "dating " mode. He says he is so sorry and wants to fix it. I want to believe him. Last night he then was wondering how long is it going to take for me to get over this, wich made me angry angain. He also sugested that I go to counseling, I told him I felt that he is the one who needs to go..

How do I move on, do I forgive and forget... or just move on without him?? I feel very frozen in time right now...
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for all of your kind words. Nothing came back that I didn't expect to hear, It's just nice to hear it from others not in your circle. I know what I need to do. Thanks again!
Helpful - 0
541150 tn?1306033843
Chances are he's cheated on you before. It's not that somebody told you. You saw him deliberately kissing another woman. I would not even be dating this guy. It does require a lot of will power to end up with someone you truly love, but it's totally worth it if that person isn’t going to make us happy. He will only bring suffering and chaos to your life. You certainly don't need that.

Let him go. I agree with Cootos 100%.
You have to be black or white with this type of men. You cannot be in between thinking they might change. You're "dating" him, so you're in a place where you think you're in control, but you're not. Be in control and let that go. It's for your own good.

Good Luck and I hope things work out for ya.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with catie207, you could have slapped him (he deserved it) but you probaly would have gotten arrested.

You can't even trust this guy when you go to the bathroom. He is old enough to know better. Why did he get a divorce the first time? I just wonder if he has a history of being Stupid.

Does he have children? How is he with your children?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
"Something inside me said to find him, and when I turned around I found him open his arms to his friends wife and give her a very affectionate open mouth kiss, that seemed to go on forever."
Maybe this was God giving you a warning so you would not waste anymore time on this guy. Wow, don't you wonder how long this has been going on? If you can't trust him when you are there, how will you ever trust him when you're not?

"It was his reaction afterword that makes me sick and angry. He smiled and gave his buddy a big high five after."  
So, do you mean that his buddy knows about him and his wife?

Please don't go through with your wedding. Divorces are expensive.  
Helpful - 0
575741 tn?1235669754
An open mouth kiss?? Toungue too?? That's considered cheating in my books whether or not it's one of my friends parteners...that almost makes it more disturbing...don't let yourself think it's just a "stupid kiss" because it's not, its a form of betrayal.... This situation wont get any better either unless he understands that it was really wrong..if he's just saying sorry because it hurt you to see this but he doesn't find anything wrong with the situation then something is just not right....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He has asked me now twice to marry him. We had a date and everything already planed for this spring, we have been living together since he asked me the first time in May. I have the dress and everything, down to little details planed. He asked me the second time after he kissed her.
How am I to know if he will stay true, there really is never an ansewer to that, only his word. I'm scared and hurt, and yes I have told him this. I told him it feels like he just wants this to be swept under the rug and forgot about, like it's not a big deal. Every time I think about what I saw, my stomach turns upside down and I want to puke. I go back and forth with being angry, I think that is what he senses between us. But it was his actions that put that wedge there in the first place. I know it's just a stupid kiss, but that's not what bothers me the most. It was his reaction afterword that makes me sick and angry. He smiled and gave his buddy a big high five after. He is 43yrs old.  How do I believe his stupidity?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Has he asked you to marry him, or just to live with him, that is the question, if he has will he stay true  luck  jo
Helpful - 0
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