Too complicated

[bluebabygirl124]

Hello the reason I do not have a healthy sex life with my boyfriend is because he likes to masturbate and watch porn most of the time. On the weekends he gets up early and takes the viagra goes to his computer room and watches porn. I do not have a regular sex life and it is ruining my relationship. He lies and denies the fact that he watches porn. I know for a fact that he does that, when I am away, in the shower, sleeping etc. He said that he has ED and he needs to take the blue pill, but why does he takes the pill if sex is horrible and he just do it one time. The rest of the day he watches porn and masturbates. Any suggestions. Lorena

[bluebabygirl124]

I understand your point. But if you watch porn with your husband or boyfriend is different when they just want to do it alone. Plus my relationship is a new is not like we being married for 20 years. Have a great day !

[bluebabygirl124]

Thank you very good explanation. I asked him before about seeing a therapist and he gets mad, he denies his addiction to porn. I am missing a lot in my sex life and is not healthy for me. I feel so frustrated. Other than that he is a good guy with a big heart. But he lies all the time. I do not trust him. I think that I have to move on this relationship is not going anywhere. Thank you so much for your suggestions. and have a wonderful day.

[bluebabygirl124]

Thanks for your advice. It is a bad situation. I talked to him so many times about this subject and all I get is ............."is your fault, you give me a lot of pressure" "if we didn't fight so much, things could be different".
But all I want to know the truth. i love him and he is a good guy. But i guess he has other preferences.
Thanks you again and have a great day !

[bluebabygirl124]

Thank you for your advice. I do understand your point. Instead of having sex with me, he prefers to chat and watch some other girl. I will never cheat on him even though for almost four years we are dealing with this matter. But I will move on. Thanks for your advice and have a great day !

[bluebabygirl124]

I do hate porn too. I feel like he is cheating I feel bad. Is sad.

[bluebabygirl124]

Hello there! I agree and I am in love with this guy. But I don't trust him. Every time I leave, he cleans the computer history, takes a shower, hides all the evidence and the reason that i get so mad and frustrated is he takes viagra in order to have sex, the sex is bad and we have only one time so what he does the rest of the day ? guess what ............ yes he masturbates. You are right it hurts, I thought I found the love of my life. Thanks for your advice and take care. .

[bluebabygirl124]

Hello there! I agree. I love this guy and I am trying. But I am so frustrated We fight a lot and I do not trust him. He is a good guy. But he also drinks and gambles. I suggest him therapy will be good for you and me. He is in denial. You are right I can not believe that I am just wasting my time. Take care and thanks for the advice. ......Loren

[LaDonnaF]

my mistake for saying "all"  :-)

I merely didn't want anyone to be reading this and then thinking there is something wrong with them because they watch porn and/or masterbate.

[specialmom]

Hi, the reason that porn/sex can be an addiction is it provides a high.  This high is brain based and the chemicals of the brain actually change when engaged in the activity.  Shopping can do it too.  Gambling can do it.  It becomes an escape, a way for someone to mask emotion,  often it keeps them disconnected to people.  Often someone will have depression and anxiety and this vicious cycle develops in which they use the source of their high and then they are more depressed.  It interferes with having a normal life and there are repercussions for it.  But someone can not give it up---  even when they want to.  That is an addiction.  

So, I agree that we should look at someone that we with realistically and decide if they are a good long term partner.  If the rest of the relationship is great and you are not missing a normal sex life or a partner that views sex in a way that you do (love making)----  then you could continue this relationship.  If you want more, then something has to change.

You can ask him to see a therapist and start uncovering what this daily issue with porn/masturbation is about for him.  Ask him to work on it and see if he will.  If he won't, then you'll have an important decision to make. good luck

[RockRose]

I like your title to your post.

I agree,  this is extremely complicated.  

He has ED (which sounds probably psychological rather than physical) and he gets up on weekends,  he plans to get up early,  take viagra and masturbate all day.  

I can't imagine unraveling what that's all about,  I'm sure it's layers and layers.

I'd be out of there.

Best wishes.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't know if this will be of help to You but here goes:

I have a different thought about porn "addiction".  I have difficulty understanding how this can be an "addiction" rather than an"obsession", and when a guy is in a relationship, I wonder how much of that "obsessive porn watching" is also about "control".  Watching porn is not like when the body becomes ADDICTED to a substance that the body then becomes "dependent" on, i.e., smoking, drugs, alcohol,  You get my point.  He's got a real, live woman to have his orgasm with - why does he make it about a picture and a hand??  I suspect we should look at "control"  

On the other hand, I have never been with/dealt with  a man who was "obsessed" with porn so I've never had a conversation with a guy about this.
So, there's much I don't know about it but from the outside looking in, I sure do question a guy making it a problem in his relationship.  AND if he's not willing to make changes here then maybe it's in Your best interest to make Your own changes.

[Londres70]

Personally, I hate porn and my husband isn't a fan either.  Never watched it and never will.  

[LaDonnaF]

I agree with Londres.

If he prefers to watch porn and masterbate to having intercourse with you/spending time with you than I don't understand why you would remain in the relationship. You didn't mention that you're in love with him or anything like that... maybe it is time to move on?

Good luck!

P.S. All guys (probably alot of girls too) masterbate and watch porn. I wouldn't say that is unhealthy. But his porn/masterbation activities seem obsessive and that is unhealthy.

[Londres70]

Is the rest of your relationship healthy in any way?  Does he have any positive characteristics?  

I am just trying to figure out why you would stay in a relationship with this man especially since he can't be honest about watching porn.  It is obvious he has a porn addiction.  I would suggest therapy for him, but if he can't see a problem or admit what he is doing then therapy can't be a suggestion.