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Too much Too soon?
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Too much Too soon?

hey everyone, i would appreciate any advice cuz i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to right now... so me and my bf have been dating for 1 year and a half, everything has been good i suppose, we;ve had our problems but who doesn't, but latley we've had the hugest fight about our relationship how often we have been fighting has increased, and today he was talking about how if there ever was an oppurtunity  to go somewhere around the world for a year would i (me) not take it and i said well what about us? and he was freaked out by it and he said well you should do i for your're own personal self, dont worry about me, which branched into him sayin all this crazy stuff about us that he feels tied down and that he's not sure about us anymore ("no time for this fighting") and comparin me to his 5 year relationship ex gf saying that they were never like this fighting, she had more in common with him :s (she watches hockey with him and smokes weed as i dont, the weed i mean) and he said im too sensitive and insecure (which i probably am) and that we're seeing too much of eachother, and he never spends the nght alone in his bed, whidh that we agreed apon a little.. I hate being at home with the rents so much, i get ligitly stressed out, i feel like coming to his house is an escape/vacation, so i basically take any oppertunity to get go to his house.... but is that too much? should i give him space or will that hurt the relationship even more?  or do u guys think it will help? maybe thats the reason we're fighting so much, im being too clingy :s ... thanks for listening..
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and welcome and sorry about your frustration. Getting back to the begining when you met. When people meet and there is an attraction and a need and both might not be the same. I have had girlfriends where, even after 3 years, i wanted to be with them every single moment, and others i needed my space. I think that with the space girls (no pun intended) i was compromising  the attitude and personal habits of what i really wanted but could not find at the time. None the less had made a commitment and that person had just enough of the qualities i wanted  to keep me in love with them.
In the relationships where i was head over heals, i was somewhat on the defensive trying to get the love response i had for them and with the space girls i was the opposite.
Bottom line is that relationships take time, work and sacrifice to make them work. If you need to listen to him and try to understand his needs, then the same must come back to you or you will be constantly chasing a dream.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Well, I think he is being pretty clear that he'd like space.  Yes, I think you need to give it to him.  I would go ahead and take any trip that comes up and not give it up for him at this point as he is verbalizing complaints about you (sorry about that) that might be too difficult to overcome.  You are who you are.  If you are a sensitive soul---  that is just who you are.  goodl uck
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and welcome and sorry about your frustration. Getting back to the begining when you met. When people meet and there is an attraction and a need and both might not be the same. I have had girlfriends where, even after 3 years, i wanted to be with them every single moment, and others i needed my space. I think that with the space girls (no pun intended) i was compromising  the attitude and personal habits of what i really wanted but could not find at the time. None the less had made a commitment and that person had just enough of the qualities i wanted  to keep me in love with them.
In the relationships where i was head over heals, i was somewhat on the defensive trying to get the love response i had for them and with the space girls i was the opposite.
Bottom line is that relationships take time, work and sacrifice to make them work. If you need to listen to him and try to understand his needs, then the same must come back to you or you will be constantly chasing a dream.
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Avatar_f_tn
i agree i am who i am im quite sensitive and i defenantly cant change that, wish i cud lol, but i agree i shud defenantly take advantage of anything that comes my way, yolo

well said life 360.. i defenanlt dont want be chasing something that may not be there in the future and could lead to a dead end..

i dont want to waste anyones time in this relationsip but i still wanna gve it a go and try to fix it.. i hope i dont end up hurting in the end... it hurts when we fight.. when he compares me and one time he kept laughing while i was upset and mad at hime, and that made me lose it, which mad me look even crazier which made him push farther away..
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3149845_tn?1386354841
If a person could marry themself, it would be the most fun and loving relationship in the world. Talk about honesty, trust and caring for ones needs, it would be unmatched!!!!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Life, that would be so dull.  I'd know everything they were gonna say, I'd never try anything new, I'd not learn how to compromise!  :>)
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Your funny!
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480448_tn?1403547723
I don't agree that you can't change that you're sensitive.  To some extent, yes, you are who you are.  But, you can certainly learn how to be more independent, more confident, less clingy and sensitive.  Sure, it takes time and some work, but you can make some small changes, by finding some hobbies, expanding your friend circle, find ways to enhance your life so that it doesn't have to revolve so much around him.  If you find your OWN things to do, and find some new hobbies, you'll feel so much better, so much more confident, and you'll have a new appreciation for yourself.

Your BF is actually communicating very clearly to you what his issues are in the relationship, which is a blessing.  Most people wish their partner could verbalize their concerns like that...it's one big guessing game, which doesn't always help the relationship.  Definitely keep listening to what he's saying...but don't bring up the same issues over and over.  Like, ignore the urge to ask him after 2 days, "Am I doing better?"  ;0)  That was kind of meant to make you smile, but I'm sure there's some truth in it too, right?  Once you start making some changes that will also benefit YOU, you have to give the relationship some time to adjust...him too.

Work on giving him some space, while at the same time discovering some things about yourself you may not have known.  While it's nice to be close to our partner, it also gets old and kind of boring.  I think you'll soon find that you enjoy your "you" time more than you thought you would.  Hope so anyway.

Best of luck to you!
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Give him the space.  Sounds like he needs it.  Some people need more space than others.

I don't see a problem with him verbalizing he needs time for himself, but I just don't see the need for him to be comparing his relationship with his ex with his current relationship with you.  Obviously, his previous relationship wasn't that great if he is no longer with this other woman.

Give him the space and see how things go.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with that so much, the other day I took a shift at work that's totally different than what I usually do and it pepped me right up, something new I liked, and if I keep taking more of those extra shifts I can give him the space, and I wont be seeing him constantly anymore

I see you're point to that its hard enough to get someone to express their feelings, and I guess I do appreciate him at least giving me heads up of what he's feeling.. it was just too much all at once to hear, he did apologize that he even compared me too..

after all this fighting sometimes I look at him and all I can see in him is that rage he showed me when we had that fight, I feel weird about it, like it might happen again, or we fought too much, it's too late but then other times im back being happy with him.. its scary lol

im gunna try all those things tho, thanks so much :)
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