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Tormenting Issues
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Tormenting Issues

I am 17 and I lived a lie for 4 years. In the aftermath, I get depressed whenever some major part of those years is brought up. There was an abusive cycle with my manipulative friend, and I also acted out emotionally in a way that leaves me vulnerable... scared is a better word for it.
I'm getting close to being a year free from this person I fell in love with. (yay me!)

Currently there is a boy that I like and he likes me. A lot apparently. When we're around each other, people joke that we'll get married. He and I will both be serving a religious service mission within the next year or so and return in about 6 months of each other. Either he'll go off to school and disappear or we might form a more serious relationship. So u tip then it should be easy to keep a friendly friendship, right?

I wish! Slowly, I am getting over the past few years. But because I was convinced at those times that I was an adult and in love.... I keep regressing. I feel tormented. I wish I could reclaim those years and not worry about horomones and pheromones and all of that! My obsessive texting is back, I am constantly convincing myself I don't love him. I'm too young to know what Love really means, and I know it. It's hard to stop texting him when he wants to talk to me (we don't go to the same school and barely see each other)  and it all comes back. I regress to texting these crazy emotional texts that only make sense to me. If it continues I might send one that my dad says he can use to get me hospitalized if he wanted to. I feel depressed daily. I'm torn between wanting to text him and trying to stay sane. If I saw him normally this wouldn't be a problem either.

But it is. My only soultion that I can think of is to delete his number and do everything I can to not text him. Get rid of him from my life. Today's day one. I had my little brother hid my phone for me after keeping it home while at school. This is all I can think to do if I want to be sane and happy. But I don't want to hurt and lose him. What else can I do? Can anyone suggest something else?
3 Comments Post a Comment
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13167_tn?1327197724
Gelise,  you speak in riddles.

It's hard to know what the "lie" you lived for four years was,  and how your behavior has left you vulnerable.

It's also unclear why your father is looking for evidence to put you in a mental institution.  If he believes you are unstable,  it's hard to believe he'd willingly send you on a 6 month mission.
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3604491_tn?1360717329
Thank you for making me aware of that. I do speak in a peculiar way.
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Avatar_f_tn
hi..can i also just say how young you are...your 17 and its been going on for 4 yrs..that is nearly all your hormonal..adolescent puberty tantrem obsessive thinking you know everything years.......,some rebel..some become goths..and the list goes on..dont put yourself down too much...dont let these years define you...we have all been in our hormonal teenage years and made some bad decisions..its what you do now with your life that counts...moving on and away is the first step...good luck to you
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