Trust

[PassionFlower09]

How do you trust someone who lies to you? My husband, has been lying to me about  a relationship, supposedly platonic, he has been having with a female since Aug. Now he claims that he doesn't speak to her and that he is not lying anymore. Now he expects me to just not be upset and move on. But it is really hard. Some days for me  are good, others are bad. It seems like every other day I start to think about the lies he told , I get upset, and confront him.  So every other day, we argue because I mention the lies he has told, or I ask him if he has spoken to her or seen her. But It is just really hard to trust again Especially when he on so many occasions looked me in the eye and lied to me without blinking. Imagine you know that someone has been lying to you and when you confront them they call you crazy.Then you find out later that they really were lying. I just feel as if I have no more forgiveness to give- the well is dry. I gave him so many opportunities to tell me the truth.

It is just so stressful and heart breaking. I don't know if things will ever be the same.

[jesseesgirl]

I Feel so bad for any woman who has ever had this happen. Iv been thru all this sh** myself and it tore me up inside. When I first started dating my husband (3 years ago), I thought everything was great. After a few weeks, I noticed he would ALWAYS have his cell, and would guard it with his life. I finally asked him who he was always texting, and he said just some friends. These friends just happened to all be women he had met online. I was a little surprised, but I just thought whatever... Then one night I stayed at his house, and he forgot his phone at home when he left for work. He called me from work and said to turn it off so the battery didnt die. Ya, like im going to turn it off. I looked thru it and found tons of flirty messages to multiple girls. I wouldnt talk to him for days, and I finally told him... I was young and stupid I guess, cause I beleived him when he said he would stop. Well, he didnt stop. About 7 months ago, I was looking at our phone bill, and saw like 10 pages of texts to one number. I text the number, and it was a girl about 20 miles from where we live. I asked her who she was, and she said she met him on a live phone chat line. I was furrious, and threatened to leave him... to this day I still dont trust him. Was I stupid to marry him? maybe.

[godisgood59]

All I know is God is good. God can see this all hurting. One day every person will pay off by God. I always pray to God to come every marriage. Specially people are not fitfully. I been this situation but I believe every thing has expiration date. I am awaiting God. I strongly believe God know inside every single person. One day is God day no one stands on that day. God is good all the time. My dear sister looks your children and be a module when they grown up they will know what kind of mother or father they have. I read every single word posted. It is so hard to deal and to trust but God know and again I would like to say strongly nothing is hide from God eye. Be faithful to your husband and again God has a way to pay back. I know God will punsh how every doing wrong.    God bless you God is with you all the time do not worry. You can handle by grace of God

[PassionFlower09]

Do you think I was correct in blocking these women from calling my husband?

I blocked the women who have been calling my husband- the same ones who he has lied about to me. Do you think that was the correct action?I have never told them not to call. I just think that they know what they are doing when they call and that I don't like them. On Christmas Eve I just got fed up and answered my husbands phone when the daughter called. Suddenly she had nothing to say- to me. She wished me a merry Christmas; when I wished her a happy New year, she responded, "New Years is not until next week". I said happy new year anyway" She doesn't celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving- so why does she have to call?

I am trying to heal. Sometimes it is hard- especially when I think how this girl's mother told my husband that her husband doesn't touch her anymore,l and she needs help finding a divorce lawyer and  that she will divorce her husband (later she told her daughter that she is not going to divorce her husband; the daughter told my husband).It is also hard when this girl says things to my husband  like, "what is she (referring to me) doing her"? My husband told me all of this. I can deal with these women; It is just hard to deal with my husband lying to me.

I don't want to appear to be the jealous wife, but the mother-B***** already said something to my husband about it. She asked him when she called once, if he could talk (she was having an affair in her warped , materialistic,little mind). She, I think she was just trying to play a games (make me look bad and herself like the poor innocent woman with the sick daughter). I think she just wanted to find a rich man who could pay for her life, and dump her current husband.

I really feel disrespected. I feel that one of them ( the mother ) wanted to steal my husband, but was unsuccessful.

I just think I was taken advantage of, and I was too tolerant. -What could I do really, I was lied to . I did the best I could- I think....

I don't want them to call. I don't like them, and my husband won't tell me if they call-even though he does not answer their calls.

Thanks

[bigblues101]

Did you ever think of leaving him. If I were you I would kick him out of the house and have full ownership and he would get nothing.

[PassionFlower09]

Hi Mami,

HOw are you?

This line is also used for business purposes. We both, at the moment, have given this number to others as contact info. As of today, it  would be a hassle to change. Maybe in  a few months.

So I blocked them; they will hear " this user is unable to receive your call". If he tries to call them, he won't be able to.

[mami1323]

Can I ask why your husband doesn't just change his phone number to avoid these women contacting him?

[PassionFlower09]

My husband thinks I am his father confessor. He told me that one of the b********'s called, but he did not answer. she called last week and the week before. When I asked him why he did not tell me; He said he did not think I could handle it  ( I think) either that or I would be upset. I told him that I am not going to call him or come home ( I travel for work) until he learns how to tell the truth. I told him to call me when he learns. I am not going to be the same PassionFlower.  I blocked those b********'s telephone number from calling our telephones.

My husband suddenly decided that he does not want to communicate with these women. He suddenly changed his "secrete" phone number's number.  

He doesn't want to take their numbers out of his phone- he wants to know who calls- I guess he doesn't have their numbers memorized. I do....


I am just not going to talk to my husband. I think it is best. I am really very angry.
I am just afraid that I will never be able to trust him, and I will have to end our 10 year relationship. I feel a little sad.

[PassionFlower09]

I understand how you feel. It is hard. But always remember that you deserve an honest, truthful mate.

I do sometimes want him to feel what I feel. But it is so painful. that I don't want to wish it on anyone. It is hard- I completely agree with you. Actually, I believe that what you do to others will happen to you in an even larger degree: that said, these men and the B*itche*s involved should and will experience this- only worse.  I don't want to lose the one I  Iove, but I am damn not going to settle for anything less. I told my husband that if I find out that he is still communicating with these ******/scanks in any form, I will leave regardless of when it happens- one hour from now or 200 years from now.  

I am pissed and not going take this any more. People will be held accountable. Including those two B*itche*s - who suddenly stopped calling my house or my husbands cell after I answered the phone one day. IF I find anything out, I am gone.

[lovemykids465]

Just  been catching up here. I so know how you are feeling. It has been almost 6months for me and my husband is still sticking to his story. Maybe he is being honest but like you I caught him in so many lies in the beginning that it is hard to know what to believe. I have tried tricking him into giving me info but the answers are always the same. I look at it this way at times. I love my husband and am angry and hurt that he did this to me, to us.Yes, in some ways things are better but why couldn't we have gotten there without this! Because like you, it is always there to remind me I was not enough, not good enough, not pretty enough whatever. So I can let my anger eat at me and let it destroy our marriage, end it and watch him move on and be happy eventually with some one else and wallow in my anger and bitterness and be miserable and un trusting the rest of my life which would probably hinder me in any future relationship or I can choose to work through the hurt and pain, not easy, and really be with the person I truly love and build an even better relationship then we had before. I know how you feel. I tell my husband , I wish I would have an accident that would cause me to forget the past then I could be happy but he said then I would forget why we fell in love to begin with.

Try to talk to him about seeing a councilor. You may find out he is hurting too. If your like me you will want him to hurt! It really helped us.My husband gets annoyed when I bring it up and that I still let it eat at me but when he really thinks about it he understands. I still check up on him and ask him questions.It bugs him but oh well. He said last night when I mentioned that maybe I needed to go back to council b/c I was just am having a hard time and should be moving on, that he did not think I did but if I want to that was ok. But that it was still only 6 months and it takes time. His parents died when he was 12 and he said it took a long time to heal from that and that even though someone did not die that part of our relationship did,my trust for him and my security. We have our good days and bad days but talking them out helps.

[mami1323]

It means you can send me a Private Message.  Up to your top right hand side you have an inbox, you can send messages back and forth without people seeing.  I will send you a message and you can reply back.

I understand how you feel, your trust has been broken.  That takes time to repair and it only gets rebuilt if the party who broke the trust is willing to do whatever it takes to fix what was ruined.  I still have days where I doubt my fiance but in order to continue in the relationship and to try to make it work, you have to also try.  You have to let go a little and just have faith.  If he messes up again then you know what you have to do.  You can't live in misery.

[PassionFlower09]

I know Mami. It is just so hard. I am also afraid to trust him. I feel like if I trust him now or go with trusting instincts that the underlined issue will be diminished. I want him  to understand that lying is wrong-sometimes I don 't think he gets it. I told him that  I don't trust him. I think he is just tired of my complaining or tired of me asking if he has spoken to  these two *******. I told him that everything that he does I will do  too-he did not like that too much.  It is almost a joke now: every time he tells me something related to this issue I think " you're a ****** Liar ( pardon my language), and a part of me laughs at the absurdity of the situation.

Anyway, How are you Mami. Previously you mentioned that I could pm you. What does that mean? How do you message on this site? Is it possible?

Hi lovemykids465. How are you?

PassionFlower

[mami1323]

It will feel that way for awhile.

[PassionFlower09]

I agree Mami. I have not  asked him to go. I am still angry with him. I  still don't trust him. Every time  I start to trust him, I think that he could be lying to me.

[mami1323]

Well if he wants to work it out with you he will do whatever it takes. That's how you know if someone is serious or not.

[PassionFlower09]

I would, but I don't know about him.

[mami1323]

Would you both consider going to counseling?

[PassionFlower09]

Thanks,
I am just so sad- especially when the afternoon comes, I know I have to come home.  I just feel like such a stranger now. I just cry every night. It is really difficult.

He thinks the mean justifies the end. So hurting me is ok.

He doesn't understand. probably doesn't care.

[Judy246]

I would have reacted the very same way. You are not at fault and let him know that you are on to his every move. You don't have to prove anything to him, let him prove that he has "earned" your trust.

[mami1323]

Of course you are trust takes time to rebuild and so it will be awhile before he can prove himself to you. You will never trust him the way you used to buy if he keeps trying you may be able to work through the issues.

[PassionFlower09]

My husband is trying to be honest-but ....
I am still wary. He claims to be honest about the same things he was "honest" about before. In reality he was lying.  He does however, report about his whereabouts, and it seems like he wants to make things better ( or maybe he is tired of my complaining). But I am still untrusting . It is very hard.

[mami1323]

That is very true.  

[PassionFlower09]

Thank u both. I am alright. It is just hard to trust someone who has or  is lying straight into your face.

[lovemykids465]

Hey, is everything alright. If you need to talk you can message anyone of us.

[mami1323]

Are you ok?  Would you like to talk?  You can pm me if you don't wish to write it on this post.