So I have a really good “friend”. I’ve been in love with him for a while now (what ever love is) and can tell him any thing. We talk about the most random and personal things. [The kind of things you don’t even tell your parents, unless you have a really good relationship with them] We can fight like an old couple but then laugh about it a few seconds later. When one of us is down we always know just what to say. So…to put it bluntly, I found out that he isn’t every thing I thought he was, he’s a cross dresser. No, he isn’t gay and doesn’t want a sex change. I’m the type of person who supports people who are cross dressers, gay, lesbian, or BI, but it’s really hard for me to get over this. I feel like a total hypocrite. I still love him and want to be with him, but I don’t want to tell him that I’m ok with it, because I’m not. I don’t know what to do or think. Part of me wants to cry, another part wants to give him a big hug, and another part wants to yell at him for not telling me sooner. UGH! What am I going to do!?!?!
Hm. Well, I see that you are 16 and I think it is good you recognize that you still are learning what love is. You are currently friends with this guy but like him as more? Is that what you are say? And while you've always thought of yourself as open minded and encouraging of alternative lifestyle type of things---- you find yourself not really wanting a boyfriend that cross dresses?
Well, that is alright Learning what our boundaries are along the way is what we are suppose to do.
If you feel like you can talk to him so easily, tell him that you feel conflicted with this new information about him and a bit deceived that he didn't tell you sooner. See what he says but don't force yourself to get over that just because you feel like you are suppose to. It is okay to say that this is a turn off for you.
If he's not gay or bi or anything he's doing it because of the art. Think of it that way and try to understand that's why most cross desserts do it. For the ART. Just like people get tattoos and peircings, and some paint and sing and song write, for the love of the art. Don't take it the wrong way if you Truely love him. Also you are young, he could fairly grow out of it. But even if he doesnt, you should support him through his decissons if you do want to be with him and love him.
I have a firm boundary. I wouldn't date a man who cross dressed. It is a complete turn off to me. I don't mind others doing it--- I mean, what you do in your own life is your business, right? But I couldn't be attracted to a man that cross dressed. It is okay to be open to something and yet not find yourself wanting to be with someone that does it. You are okay if you really find you would rather not date a boy (as you are 16) that doesn't dress in girl's clothing. And you thought you were closer than that----- that you'd have some inkling that he was into it. Oh well. good luck
He is 19, I think there is a strong possibility that he would have grown out of it by now. Yes, I do like him as more, but I don’t want to destroy our friendship if any thing went wrong. It’s not that I care if he cross dresses, it’s the fact that I’ve never brought it into consideration. I’m fine with talking to him about it I just don’t know if my mind can take something so “unique” with out blurting something out that would make me sound selfish.
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