Understanding

[alyana]

We've been together for almost 4 years now and we already have a 1 year old baby. Just recently (started early January), we have been fighting over small things. He's a good father to our baby and I know he's a good man. The thing is that I don't like him going out with his friend at night drinking. Though he does not do that everynight (once a week or once every other week). My father is an alcoholic and I dont want him to be like my dad.. I know how my mom suffered because of this. Just yesterday, I was doing the laundry ( we have agreed that he can play basketball after church) no one could look over our baby and he was really mad. I was thinking that he would understand but he didnt. I dont know why he's so inconsiderate about it..

I also have this feeling that he might be cheating on me. He never cheated on me before but why am I feeling this way? Is there something wrong with me? Am I too possesive? I am no longer happy with this. Its affecting my work and I can't concentrate. I think its no longer working for us. Should I leave? were not married.



I feel like I'm bursting that is why I have decided to share this to you guys to seek some help.

[alyana]

just found out today that he's cheating on me.

[thatquietgirl]

I think you should have a serious journaling session with yourself followed by a conversation with your husband where you discuss the whole drinking thing.  There is nothing wrong with going out once a week or once every other week with the guys for a drink.  Alcoholism will look a lot different.  You've seen it first hand.  I understand the fear.  Many people who have had an alcoholic parent live with this inherent hatred of drinking and alcohol in general.  Unfortunately, it's a little irrational unless you see signs of alcoholism showing (drinking more often, can't go without drinking, etc., would set off my alarm bells).  Not everyone who has a drink here or there or even once a week will become an alcoholic.

He probably didn't have the same experience as you growing up, so he probably thinks you're overreacting.  Have you explained this without being overly emotional?  Just point blank said what happened without trying to compare him to your dad?  It might be wise to sit and converse rationally and come to a compromise, which is where the journaling before talking will help.  It will help you figure out what that compromise that would make you feel a little more comfortable would be.  Maybe he could explain why he likes going out with friends once a week/every other week to have a drink and reassure you about his drinking habits.  But keep in mind, if you hound him rather than have a calm conversation with him, it could lead to behaviors like hiding that he's going out drinking.

As far as the asking him to skip out on basketball with his friends?  No, that was not outlandish for you to ask.  It's completely understandable, and he should be reasonable enough so long as you're not interrupting his activities every time.  Once in a while?  That's perfectly fine and he should understand.  Relationships are about compromise to make each other happy.

[whiteness]

I don't think your wrong..he should have skipped on his friends to watch his baby..if he expects you to do the laundry ect he should atleast be able to skip on his friends once to help you..if my husband were to get mad because i needed him to watch our son id be like fine..you won't have any clean clothes or hot dinner.

[alyana]

Im sorry if it's confusing RockRose. :D I am from the Philippines and our way of doing the laundry is different from yours.

You're right.. "guys need guy time". I know I need to understand this but I don't know how.. I tried..

[RockRose]

I'm having a little bit of a hard time understanding your post.

You agreed that he could play basketball after church with his friends,  but since you had to do laundry you made him stay home to take care of the baby?  (Sorry,  I may have completely misunderstood).

If that's the case,  I really think you should rethink this.  Guys need guy time,  just like women need girl time,  and basketball is a fabulous activity.  You can do laundry and take care of a baby at the same time.