Unhappy living situation with inlaws

[Unhappilymarried84]

I have been married for almost two years and been unhappy with my living situation. I had a long distance relationship with my husband prior to marriage and also being naive I agreed to live with his parents. After 6 months of marriage I really started to not able to tolerate it and started to discuss with my husband about how unhappy I was with the living situation and wanted to get a seperate place nearby but he would just get really upset and remind me I agreed to the living situation and that wherever we move his parents will move with us. I have told him marriage is about compromise and not everything is set in stone and he is putting his parents first over me but he is nit understanding. I have tried speaking to his parents and his sister that I want my own place close by but they get angry and emotional. My relationship with my parents has really gone downhill esp since his parents Can be very rude sometimes and selfish. E.g. My husband and his parents shouted and yelled at my parents in the hospital in my room after I was recovering from a difficult C section with my son in the NICU. They were upset my parents don't stay in the house when they visit and instead stay with my fathers sister because they don't feel comfortable staying in my Inlaws house for a week at a time. His father also watched my 9 month old son on the days I work and I once asked him to send my updates on how my son was doing and he starts yelling "I know how to take care of my grandson and you think your number one." I could keep going on..
I'm overall unhappy and very depressed with the living situation and want my own place and privacy where I feel I can raise a family and feel in control and not under the noses of others. his father is home all day as he was laid off several years ago and his mother apparently will be retiring soon despite she is still young at 58 years old.... so basically will have a lot less privacy. I am 4months pregnant and worried I am stuck in this hellish living situation and I am becoming depressed. I try to keep my emotions under bay however there are days where I'm upset and so sad I start crying.  My husband is not understanding and is more worried about his parents that me... esp since his parents blackmail him that their health is poor (which it is really not as I am a physician and have a mother would has colon cancer so I know better). I am seriously considering moving out but need advice how to tackle my situation.

[specialmom]

Ugh, what a hard situation.  Did you indeed realize that moving in with his parents early on meant forever?  Was he clear about that?  This is difficult because it does sound like a cultural thing.  Personally, I would not want to live with my husband's parents (or mine----  as in I want to be an adult couple who has my own life and home) but that is my culture.  Can you compromise and live nearby and see them/help them often?  I think your own happiness should matter. But I am not sure what to tell you if your husband is unwilling to make any changes to this subject.  So sorry I'm not of more help.  

[AnnieBrooke]

I hope I'm not seeming impolite to ask, but is this an Indian family?  The son choosing his parents over his wife is something seen on this site in letters from women in India and Pakistan and Muslim countries but not so much from women in Europe or the U.S.  I ask because there are such big cultural differences that any advice I might give to someone in the U.S. would not apply at all to a woman in India.

I would seek out a female therapist and talk over the situation, and a female lawyer who handles divorces to talk about unexpected consequences (you don't want to get sued for abandonment).  If the therapist is in your own hospital all the better, as you will be able to see her often.  If leaving is in the cards (and you are fortunate that your job will allow you to support the children, so many women in your position can't leave) you should check with your lawyer to see if there is any way to clearly leave the door open for your husband to come too, to establish that you aren't abandoning him, just the uncomfortable living situation.  (And perhaps he will decide to come for good, since your home will be peaceful and serene and his home with his parents will not be so much.)  If you are in India, there are those extreme stories that one hears about how in-laws harm their daughters-in-law, this is one of the reasons you should have a counselor (one psychological, one legal) to talk over all the possible ramifications of your actions before you do anything.