Urgent!! affair happening

Hi my mum has been divorced with my dad for 2 years and my mum has been dating other men and she has been recently dating her boyfriend for a year , my mum is 40 years old and her boyfriend is 43. For the past 3 months It's been really weird because whenever he sleeps at our house and he and my mum are in their room his son who is 19  comes into my room and starts taking to me and I feel that his trying to flirt I think this is getting to far because he tried to kiss me and seduce me into having sex with him the other day and he grabbed my boobs and ***. I'm. 18 by the way and I've got a boyfriend what do I do please help!

[Londres70]

Well.......it is obvious boundaries are in order here.  

Have you talked with your mother about this?  You need to let her know IMMEDIATELY.  

[Becky_94]

Hi.. Yeah I've spoken to my mum about it but she never really understands me she thinks I'm lying because I hate the fact she has a boyfriend and she's been divorced for 2 years. I don't know what else to do  I don't want them in the house because I don't want my relationship with my boyfriend to come to an end because of my mum and her immature boyfriend  and son!

[Londres70]

Well....does this boy's father know about what his son did to you at all?

[Londres70]

Well....hon, sorry, I do feel for you, but you can put demands on your mother about who can and can't be in her house.  Plus, you are 18 years of age which means you are really legal to live on your own.  

Is there any other family you can stay with?  i.e. your father?

[Londres70]

sorry, can is supposed to be can't

[Becky_94]

Yep.. He does and it feels like his trying to encourage him to do it. My mum will never understand me she's too in love! It's annoying and I don't want them to get married! So the only option I have is live at my boyfriends house.

[Becky_94]

Thank you for your help by the way I might consider living with my dad.
I appreciate your help honestly thank you!  

[Londres70]

Have you tried locking your bedroom door?  Talked with this guy seriously telling him you are not interested?

[Londres70]

You're welcome dear.

Dear.....well, I would seriously consider moving in with your dad.  

I know all this is difficult and you don't want your mother to do "this and that,"  but it is what it is even if you don't like it.  You can't run your mother's life.  

These men don't sound decent to me.  

[Londres70]

BTW:  I wouldn't recommend moving in with your bf; you are too young for that.

[Becky_94]

Yep I understand what your trying to say and I thank you
These men aren't the ideal people for a family but I can't change anything at all.

[Londres70]

Speaking as a mother, it is unfortunate that your mother doesn't take your concerns seriously.  This is not good.  

Talk with your father and see if you can move in with him.  

To repeat.....don't move in with your bf to excape living at your mother's.

[Londres70]

Maybe if you told your mother you were considering moving out she might listen to what you are saying?

I feel bad for you dear.

[Becky_94]

yeah thank you for understanding me, i might have to tell my mum im moving out to live with dad... your right she might understand me and listen to me or she would just continue to ignore me... My life has never been as great since the divorce!

[Londres70]

Well, it's unfortunate, but divorce happens; situations occur in our lives that we have to work through whether they are ideal or not or whether we like it or not as live can be unpredictable.  

Sounds like this divorce has taken a toll on your emotions.  Have you ever talked with a therapist about all this?  I am feeling angst and anger from you in regards to the divorce.  

[Becky_94]

i understand that relationships don't always work out and some people do seek divorce and I'm aware of the different situations to why couples divorce as my parents split up... I'm just so confused with all that's happening....Ive seen a psychologist who has helped me get rid of anxiety and stress but that's all who i have to express how i feel.

[specialmom]

Ya know what?  I'd walk out of your room and go to your mother's room every single time.  Walk in on her and her boyfriend and say "your son is bugging me again.  Can you please ask him to stay out of my room?"  Every single time.

And yes, move in with your dad if that is a better arrangement.  

Let me tell you this, my parents divorced when I was in college.  It IS really hard.  I remember when my mom started dating.  Frankly, I was a little grossed out by it.  I get it now, she was a woman (she's passed away now) and not just a mom.  Sometimes they aren't thinking very straight----  I can't imagine why your mom would choose to ignore your telling her that this 19 year old is coming into your room unwanted and grabbing your private parts.  That's pretty outrageous if true.  All I can say is that sometimes after a divorce, some people get very desperate for relationships and become a little on the selfish side.  

The good news, you are an adult.  You hopefully are working on your own financial independence through school or job training so you can at some point not depend on either parent and make your own life.  goodluck

[Londres70]

It is completely understandable that this is a confusing time for you.  I have actually been through divorce myself and now I am a stepmother.  You can't change time and change the fact that your parents are divorced, so you do have to find a way to move through this anger and confusion the best way you can and don't let it consume you and keep you from enjoying the good things about life.  Do keep working with the therapist.  What did the therapist tell you to do?  Don't let this pull you into a "black hole."

My parents are still together after 56 years of marriage and LOATHE each other most of the time.  As I got older, I realized they probably should have been divorced years ago.  I just feel they both deserved happiness and they never had this in their marriage. The stayed together for the sake of their children and I would have preferred they didn't.  As a child, I witnessed two people trapped in a MISERABLE marriage on the account they had children.  I just don't think that was right for them or right for me to witness.  

I am not sure what the dialogue has been like between you and your parents in particular your mother since the divorce especially if she is choosing to not to believe you about her bf's son.  Why your mother has made this choice to be with this guy......I am not sure.  

Well.... talk to her seriously about this again and let her know you don't feel comfortable living in her house and having to deal with the son of her bf .  Talk to your dad as well.  

BTW:  Why does the 19 year son have to come with his dad when the dad is staying over at your mother's home? Can't he stay at his dad's house?

I guess I am not getting why your mother is tuning you out. Have you been arguing with your mother and/or this bf?  

Well....I have learned in life that you just can't change people or make them do and be who you want them to be, HOWEVER, you can always change and control you and your situation and control how you respond to difficult situations.    

Are you working or going to school dear?  I would encourage you to stay busy with positive activities.  Any good friends?  

[specialmom]

Oh  my goodness.  Londres just asked a question that is so important--  why the heck is a 19 year old having to go stay at his dad's girlfriends with him when he spends the night?  He's not 9.  That is very odd.  

[pitbullmom]

i hav an idea. i think the dad may be asking the son to come over to keep you busy. so he has alone time with ur mom. some people like to play match maker lol u said he was kinda encouraging it they hav probly talked about it b4. i would get a lock on ur door and use it and if he touches u agian scream! that way every1 knows what is going on. some men think ur just palying hard to get. like every woman wants them. he sounds like a di**. if all else fails go to ur dads

[Nighthawk61]

This sounds so sick, and so hurtful that you're mom isn't taking this seriously. The first thing I'd do is talk to my father and ask if you need to , can you stay with him. It sounds to me like it's convenient for you to be at your mom's house right? Try talking to her again, about him grabbing your breasts. I agree, put a lock on your door immediately. Have you told your boyfriend? Can you call him to come over when this jerk is there? I too cannot find any reason for him to be there at all, and can't understand why your mother doesn't get what's going on? Does your mom drink? or do drugs? at all.

Honestly, the best thing that could happen would be for you to call 911 and have a couple of beefy police officers talk to this guy and his father about what is leaning towards RAPE.