Utilityman......please reread this older post of yours. Can't you see a pattern here?
Do you have a problem being alone? You're jumping from one relationship to another too soon.
Seems as if every woman you date must be rescued from this and that and is dysfunctional.
Some soul-searching is in order.
I am going to fully agree. Why, for the sake of a new girl, are you bringing an addict into your home when you have an old girlfriend that you miss?? What you have with the new girl isn't love. Couldn't possibly be under the circumstances you describe. i"m sorry you are in this situation because I am sure you will now feel very guilty getting yourself out of it. The reality is that you can not save everyone and tying your life to dysfunction just means YOU have a dysfunctional life. Strive for better. Seek healthy people. Seek healthy relationships.
I don't, in all honesty, think you should be with anyone. I think you need to be alone for a bit of time to evaluate life and what you want from it.
good luck
Ditto AnnieBrooke
Ditto Londres70
Ditto Londres70
To add: I just read your other post in regards to this new gf. You need to have her consult a PROFESSIONAL, i.e. physician, therapist, etc. to help her sort her drug issue. Trying to detox on your own at home is not prudent nor is it safe. She is WAY beyond your scope of help unless you are a professional that deals with substance abuse.
I am seeing a common thread here......you are drawn to relationship full of drama and dysfunction. This is something you should further explore by yourself in my opinion, in other words WITHOUT a girlfriend. Sounds like you are gravitating to Codependent relationships.
Secondly, you aren't responsible for anyone else's well-being in this situation or their happiness.
You need to muster up the courage and strength and tell BOTH girls the truth of the matter and let the cards fall where they may. If you keep things "status quo" you will ONLY be living a lie and it really isn't fair to these girls to not tell them the truth. If the ex doesn't want to speak to you anymore or this other girl relapses with Heroin use after you tell them the truth then that's that. IMO neither really sound like anything positive.
"I wish I could just openly tell both girls the situation but they will both be devastated and that would be the last of my intentions."......You shouldn't be "wishing" this, but doing this. You OWE them the truth.
No matter how much you like the role, sometimes being a rescuer is not workable. The drug user needs to be strong enough to stay out of the life, and you need to understand that you cannot make this happen nfor her, hard as you try.
I'd break it off with the recent drug user, and gently or not so gently encourage her to move on, back in with family or with friends or even her grandparents, while she finds her feet. Then I'd sit a bit without anyone -- without the old girlfriend or the new one or anyone -- and just have some time to find yourself. It sounds like you could stand to know who you are without an overly dramatic relationship going on full of bad communications, or an overly dramatic rescue relationship. Tell your longer-term girlfriend that you care but want to have some time to just sit.