Aa
Want to know how men think & feel
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now and our sex life is not even close to what it use to be. We use to have a very healthy sex life and then it all slowly just died. We have gone through a few life crisis which I understand which will hinder our sex life.
My question to the men out there who are married for several years and if you have gone through this or feeling this I would like some inside thoughts about if my husband and i are not having sex anymore and once in a blue moon i will find him watching a porno movie what does that exactly mean? We both have put on some weight and we are working on loosing it now together but I just can't understand if he doesnt feel like having sex with me regardless of our weight how can he be in the mood to watch a porno? I know my husband loves me but I am missing that feeling of feeling loved sexually and feel special in his eyes.
If anyone has any answers or input I would be greatful.
Thanks
My question to the men out there who are married for several years and if you have gone through this or feeling this I would like some inside thoughts about if my husband and i are not having sex anymore and once in a blue moon i will find him watching a porno movie what does that exactly mean? We both have put on some weight and we are working on loosing it now together but I just can't understand if he doesnt feel like having sex with me regardless of our weight how can he be in the mood to watch a porno? I know my husband loves me but I am missing that feeling of feeling loved sexually and feel special in his eyes.
If anyone has any answers or input I would be greatful.
Thanks
I am fine and we are walking together, We have a cute dog so we try to do the walks together. We both joined the health club again and our goal is to be healthy for 2008. I am not offened I just wanted to see how the male brain thinks.
My husband is very loving and caring.
Happy Holidays to all and Happy New Year!
My husband is very loving and caring.
Happy Holidays to all and Happy New Year!
waringblender...My only point to make is to tell you if you know about the persons/person's/persons' grammatical errors, then leave it alone... OMG. I agree with sugarpea013....Get over yourself already. My sister does the SAME thing you do. Always focusing on the errors and English(there, I capitalized it for you..:) ). I have an idea: Why don't you come here and Volunteer to help peoples' correct English (there it goes again..), just a few hours a week. Then I think you either might fit in, or people are going to give it all to ya, verbally and vocally. SO....That is my only point to you, ok? We are here to HELP, not correct their English. Are you telling all of us that you are actually embarrassed for OTHER people not being perfect and correct in how they say/type something..?? Who Cares. The TRUE lack of respect comes when a person intends ill-will towards somebody, NOT in spelling. For the most part, what people MEAN comes from their heart and mind, so it is WELL-intended. We are all friends on here to each other. At least I am hoping so. Thank you, sugarpea013. I appreciate you backing me up on this. Letts have yu und i goh an studi the diktionari tuhgethur. :) By The way, mayflowers, "open" means open to everyone, as in people.. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to all! I hope you are doing well, Jenny2899! :)
You don't say whether you have kids so I'm going to suggest as if you don't. First of all your both out of shape? Start walks TOGETHER. People who walk together tend to talk to gether and that can help intimacy. Get a sex manual, Susan Hooper does some decent ones, and go through it with your husband.
Basically try to get in shape together, communicate, maybe look for a porno that meets the interests of both of you guys and watch it together. The chances are high that you'll rarel watch it all the time together.
Other thoughts? In warm weather go fly kites, cold weather build snowmen. Sexual relationships are a microcosm of the relationship as a whole. Try to do some, but not all things together.
Basically try to get in shape together, communicate, maybe look for a porno that meets the interests of both of you guys and watch it together. The chances are high that you'll rarel watch it all the time together.
Other thoughts? In warm weather go fly kites, cold weather build snowmen. Sexual relationships are a microcosm of the relationship as a whole. Try to do some, but not all things together.
I just thought these forums were to help others. Granted there are some posts that really tweak me off...and I say something. But it's always related to the problem at hand. I think it's ridiculous to start criticizing and correcting someones grammar.
I'm a college grad myself and still make mistakes. I know spellcheck has ruined me for spelling correctly. I used to be really good at it. With some people, you can tell that English isn't their first language but other's, I don't know, maybe it is some sort of disability.
Sometimes it makes reading posts difficult, but I also realize that maybe English is their second language...or maybe education isn't available to them...or MAYBE they are similar to my father, an absolute genious when it comes to math and science but for some reason is completely dyslexic when it comes to reading and writing.
I hardly ever proofread my posts. I KNOW I make grammatical errors. It doesn't take away the fact I am a college graduate.
I hardly ever proofread my posts. I KNOW I make grammatical errors. It doesn't take away the fact I am a college graduate.
awww come on sugarpea....you have to admit that there have been times when you had to read something twice or couldn't understand what a person was saying. Education only plays a small part of this problem. The other part is laziness.
Well unfortunately not everyone has your level of education obviously. Maybe we should have seperate forums for those who are less fortunate. Or better yet, maybe you and waring can find a forum that suits your level of intelligence.
Yes I agree...waring made some good comments, but there was no need for the personal attack at the beginning. It was uncalled for. Off too go studi tha diktionari.
Yes I agree...waring made some good comments, but there was no need for the personal attack at the beginning. It was uncalled for. Off too go studi tha diktionari.
I do have to agree that sometimes the poor spelling and bad grammar gets in my way of understanding what someone is asking. I like waringblenders posts....she knows what she is talking about.
Get over yourself already. Just because somebodies English skills aren't up to your standards doesn't give them any less of a right to post on here. NOR does it make their posts an less important.
You shouldn't begin a sentence with a conjunction either. :-)
"And if you harbor resentment about porn, or any other issue in the relationship, that's going to hamper your ability to open up to him sexually. "
"And if you harbor resentment about porn, or any other issue in the relationship, that's going to hamper your ability to open up to him sexually. "
Frito_joe, I agree with you that communication is important. Why is it less important in an on-line forum? Sorry, but poor grammar and spelling show a lack of respect for the reader. It also decreases the legitimacy of the poster. I've read posts on here that were close to unintelligible. How would that be helpful to the poster in trying to find a solution to their problem? Wouldn't you appreciate knowing that you were making common (and egregious) spelling errors and grammatical faux pas? It's embarrassing to me that so many posters seem completely clueless about what, as you say, should be basic third-grade English skills.
If you had read my first post here, you would see that I did address the poster's issue with a solution.
BTW, "English" is capitalized. :)
wblender
If you had read my first post here, you would see that I did address the poster's issue with a solution.
BTW, "English" is capitalized. :)
wblender
Hiya Jenny..! I am not married, but us guys are very visual people. I have heard lots about trying to spice up the sex life up... Watch the porn with him...maybe that might help with a new position, too. becks and waringblender nailed it pretty good, and I would say to do the same that they suggested..! I mean good luck to you. Remember, communication is important!!
Wow, waringblender....I would please focus on the solution (as close to it as possible) and NOT spellings of some words... if you know the word, then move on! This is a Health Forum, not 3rd grade english class.. Thanks.
I agree that you should talk to your husband about this at a neutral time- although I don't see anything wrong with having an issue with porn. Good luck.
I wouldn't take the porn as an insult if it's only once in awhile. I mean it's a lot easier to just pleasure yourself. Let me tell you what my boyfriend and I did - after 3 years together our sex life has definately dropped off, and for awhile it really bothered me. I thought it was me etc. and then I started losing the desire because it just wasn't happening so I thought "what's the point in trying". Well that's definately not the mentality you want to get into. We had a serious talk. It was at a totally neutral time ie not laying in bed after deciding not to have sex. I just expressed how I felt and asked if there was something bothering him or if something was wrong. He honestly had no idea I was hurt by the lack of sex. And after that talk things improved to a more regular pace.
Look all relationships go through the ups and downs and waringblender is right, communication is the key to a good sex life. If you can't express yourself to him and how it makes you feel how can you expect him to work to change that aspect. Sometimes life just gets in the way, you have errands to run you both work all day, life is stressful and when you only have evenings and weekends together sometimes as a couple you choose to do other things that are necessary besides sex. So I would talk to him calmly and express it in a way that "you feel" not "you don't want me" if you see what i mean?
And once that talk has taken place - attempt morning sex on a saturday! By the time your days get going, ecspecially if there are kids involved, often one or both are just too darn tired by the end of the day!
Go and talk to your husband.
Look all relationships go through the ups and downs and waringblender is right, communication is the key to a good sex life. If you can't express yourself to him and how it makes you feel how can you expect him to work to change that aspect. Sometimes life just gets in the way, you have errands to run you both work all day, life is stressful and when you only have evenings and weekends together sometimes as a couple you choose to do other things that are necessary besides sex. So I would talk to him calmly and express it in a way that "you feel" not "you don't want me" if you see what i mean?
And once that talk has taken place - attempt morning sex on a saturday! By the time your days get going, ecspecially if there are kids involved, often one or both are just too darn tired by the end of the day!
Go and talk to your husband.
Wow, the spelling throughout this thread is atrocious. "Loose" weight? It's "lose." "Partney?" It's "partner." Try some "knew" things? It's "new." "Greatful?" It's "grateful."
The infatuation stage of sex can't last forever. If it did, nobody would ever get anything else done. We are biologically hard-wired to have a slowdown in chemical releases once familiarity sets in.
You should talk to your husband about it. Ask him about the porn. If you can't talk to your husband about your sex life, you really had no business getting married. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. Marriage is not always a bed of roses or a hot roll in the hay. It takes excellent communication skills, the ability to be a good listener, the ability to express yourself in a way that doesn't threaten your partner, and the ability to compromise and find ways to make difficult situations work for both of you.
Keeping things hot sexually boils down to a deep and satisfying love for your partner, and excellent communication skills. The biggest sex organ in the body is your brain. You guys have a communication breakdown. And if you harbor resentment about porn, or any other issue in the relationship, that's going to hamper your ability to open up to him sexually.
The infatuation stage of sex can't last forever. If it did, nobody would ever get anything else done. We are biologically hard-wired to have a slowdown in chemical releases once familiarity sets in.
You should talk to your husband about it. Ask him about the porn. If you can't talk to your husband about your sex life, you really had no business getting married. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. Marriage is not always a bed of roses or a hot roll in the hay. It takes excellent communication skills, the ability to be a good listener, the ability to express yourself in a way that doesn't threaten your partner, and the ability to compromise and find ways to make difficult situations work for both of you.
Keeping things hot sexually boils down to a deep and satisfying love for your partner, and excellent communication skills. The biggest sex organ in the body is your brain. You guys have a communication breakdown. And if you harbor resentment about porn, or any other issue in the relationship, that's going to hamper your ability to open up to him sexually.
I say enjoy the porn with him. Guys are stimulated by visal things so I would just jump right in with him and enjoy the ride. Porn can assist men to become really horny because it a fantasy to them, so get in on the fun and maybe you will learn some knew things to make both of you happy.
Sorry I am not a man, just thought I would jump in with a little advice.
Sorry I am not a man, just thought I would jump in with a little advice.
jenny, don't feel threatened by the porn UNLESS you really feel that he is choosing it over you. If that's the case, then talk to him about it and let him know how important it is to you to rebuild your sexual relationship.
I just wouldn't come down too hard on the porn. When you're already feeling unattractive and tired and frustrated, sometimes it's nice to unwind and pleasure yourself solo. Porn sometimes is just a vice people use to reach that point. Figure out if it's really a problem first before getting too worked up about it. Good luck!
I just wouldn't come down too hard on the porn. When you're already feeling unattractive and tired and frustrated, sometimes it's nice to unwind and pleasure yourself solo. Porn sometimes is just a vice people use to reach that point. Figure out if it's really a problem first before getting too worked up about it. Good luck!
Uh yep, if I hear what you're saying sadral, you are a woman and he's a man right? And, if that is true, your partner is saying 'steven' while taking you from behind?
Yep, that would have me scratchin' my head that's for sure.
Yep, that would have me scratchin' my head that's for sure.
as a sexually experienced male, I wondered if you could help me with some advice on something that has been bothering me. Me and my partner have always had a very healthy, albeit rather loud sexlife. Latefly however I have heard (though he denies it) my partney shouting out the name of 'steven' before coming to an utterly anticlimatic halt.He does this moreso when he is taking me from behind, and now often suggests the light be turned off. Should I be concerned?
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