We dont have sex!

Ok the problem i have, i have been with my boyfriend for 5 months, hes 9 yrs younger than me, when we started seeing each other everything was ok, but about 6 weeks into the relationship, his mum was diagnosed with cancer.  We still seemed to be ok, until just before his mum started chemo treatment, he became snappy and we stopped having sex, we dont live together, he lives with his parents, so i understand that he wanted to be there for his mum etc, but as time has gone on, we just dont have sex at all...in fact it has been once in 6 weeks!! When i tried to talk to him he just said he has alot on his mind with his mum being ill, i dont feel he is seeing anyone else etc, but i feel its because he is more complacent in the relationship, he has put on weight over the last couple of months and has become really lazy with no 'get up and go' his dad is exactly the same as him, so im wondering if its me?? or because of his mum?? or because he feels TOO relaxed with me, that he just cant be bothered?? i asked him about 2 months ago why he never holds hands etc..and he said its just like him to do that, yet hes talking about holidays for us next year etc...im so confused cos i cant talk to him, but i think the world of him, what do i do???

[Judy246]

Hi...after carefully reading your post this is what I get from it ... You don't state your age and he told you why he is behaving in a manner that is troublesome to you.

* His mother has been diagnoses with "cancer'. The entire family is in crisis at
  this point in time. Cancer is life threatening and there is alot ahead for his
  mother and you need to be supportive and sympathetic to him at this point
  (putting your needs aside to support him during this life changing crisis)!
* You are concerned about you and your sexual and emotional needs, BUT
   it is not that he does not want to respond to you, he is in crisis and sex
  is the last thing in his mind right now and you need to be understanding.
* He told you the problem! "He has a lot on his mind with his ill mother"!!!!
* Not a good time to be finding physical faults with the guy, "weight gain, Lazy"..
  give the guy a break here.
* It is his mother's illness...you have a mom, put yourself in his shoes if
  it were your mom. How would you react....it's crisis.
* You are emotionally needy right now (need affection).

You need to be sensitive, compassionate, understanding and supportive towards your b/f  during this life threatening crisis. His mother can die!  My mother died 2 yrs ago and when the entire family is a life threatening crisis, sex is the last thing on someone's mind. This is the time for you to show him how much you love him by reassuring him that you are there to support him through this ordear and it is a hugh ordeal and step back and he will respond to you, but do not pressure him, nag him or complaint about him not meeting your needs, because you will come out looking as you are only thinking of your self and your needs. Everything will fall into at the right time, just step back with your needs, support him and he will come around...naturally.  Judy

[megochick101]

I'm sorry, but you just sound extremely selfish right now! His mother is seriously sick and has cancer and all you care about is that he is gaining weight and won't have sex with you!!! His WORLD is probably crashing down on him right now! OF COURSE he isn't thinking about sex, he is immersed in trying to be there for HIS MOTHER while she is seriously ill! I'm sorry but you are a horrible girlfriend if you cannot see his pain in his time of need. You need to be there and support him, not worry about sex at a time like this!