Aa
What do i do??
Hi all,
This is very hard for me to say but i need some help from outside parties here, its quite a long story so i apologise in advance
I met my ex partner in March 2005 and fell for him hard. Everything seemed perfect, and as my first boyfriend i had no idea how it felt to hurt.
I found out on my 18th birthday (a little after i had lost my virginity to him) that he had been sleeping with his ex partner for 3 months (which i should have guessed as she had been very abusive towards me since day 1)
Well this caused trust issues but we got over them and in 2006 we moved in together (his suggestion)
Everything was perfect and we couldnt have been more in love.
In Feb 2007 he came home and told me he didnt love me. Just like that. he said it had been playing on his mind. At this point in my life i was struggling with medical probs, work worries, familiy problems, and this just topped everything off.
I found out 3 weeks later that i was expecting and in march 2007 i miscarried. I told him and he told me he was sorry but it wasnt his problem. I was devastated. My best friend supported me through the ordeal and to show my gratitude i took out a loan and paid for her and i to go on a cruise of the med.
When back i carried on seeing my ex partner as i was so confused, i just wanted answers, and on every occassion we ended up in bed.
It gave me some hope, something to hold onto.
But again my world crumbled when in june he slept with another girl and gave me an infection. My family found out about this and humiliated and destroyed i sank more into my depression.
This was added to a week later when it was uncovered that back in april, 2 weeks after we broke up and when i was carrying his child, he had slept with my best friend who had seemingly supported me the whole time. At this point i was suicidal.
However....... i was adamant i would go on. I have cahanged my life for the better and have developed a new found self confidence i never knew was in me but i also know that deep down i still love my ex (who still comes round and stays on a weekly basis - and insists it is purely sexual) and would do anything i can to get him back.
He says he no longer cares for me but if this is the case, after so long, why does he keep coming back? My friends tell me its cos i make it easy for him but i cant help myself. I love him so much im willing to accept anything.
I just dont understand why he would want to hurt me? I know i dont have any other relationship experiance to compare it to but i do know how i feel.
I just want to know how do i get him back???
Does playing games really work?
This is very hard for me to say but i need some help from outside parties here, its quite a long story so i apologise in advance
I met my ex partner in March 2005 and fell for him hard. Everything seemed perfect, and as my first boyfriend i had no idea how it felt to hurt.
I found out on my 18th birthday (a little after i had lost my virginity to him) that he had been sleeping with his ex partner for 3 months (which i should have guessed as she had been very abusive towards me since day 1)
Well this caused trust issues but we got over them and in 2006 we moved in together (his suggestion)
Everything was perfect and we couldnt have been more in love.
In Feb 2007 he came home and told me he didnt love me. Just like that. he said it had been playing on his mind. At this point in my life i was struggling with medical probs, work worries, familiy problems, and this just topped everything off.
I found out 3 weeks later that i was expecting and in march 2007 i miscarried. I told him and he told me he was sorry but it wasnt his problem. I was devastated. My best friend supported me through the ordeal and to show my gratitude i took out a loan and paid for her and i to go on a cruise of the med.
When back i carried on seeing my ex partner as i was so confused, i just wanted answers, and on every occassion we ended up in bed.
It gave me some hope, something to hold onto.
But again my world crumbled when in june he slept with another girl and gave me an infection. My family found out about this and humiliated and destroyed i sank more into my depression.
This was added to a week later when it was uncovered that back in april, 2 weeks after we broke up and when i was carrying his child, he had slept with my best friend who had seemingly supported me the whole time. At this point i was suicidal.
However....... i was adamant i would go on. I have cahanged my life for the better and have developed a new found self confidence i never knew was in me but i also know that deep down i still love my ex (who still comes round and stays on a weekly basis - and insists it is purely sexual) and would do anything i can to get him back.
He says he no longer cares for me but if this is the case, after so long, why does he keep coming back? My friends tell me its cos i make it easy for him but i cant help myself. I love him so much im willing to accept anything.
I just dont understand why he would want to hurt me? I know i dont have any other relationship experiance to compare it to but i do know how i feel.
I just want to know how do i get him back???
Does playing games really work?
torn_and_confused, you've put this guy way up on a pedastel. In your heart he has no faults. Stop doubting yourself. Don't internalize all the negative things he and your friends have said about you. It is all to justify HIS carelessness and cruelty.
STOP listening to him. Every time he says something nice, it probably leads to sex (from the sounds of it). Does he only say "you're right" when he wants sex? Does he only agree with you just to make sure you'll say yes next time he asks for sex again?
Cheaters always cheat. Once you find one, never take him back. It's a sure deal. And I know you want him to realize what he's losing, but you can't force someone to open their eyes. If it makes him happier to ignore you and your feelings, then he will keep on doing it. Nobody is wonderful enough to go through what you've gone through. You're a loving, caring person with so much to give. Now it sounds like you're going to cut everyone off from your wonderful caring qualities just because of one person. You're letting one person ruin relationships for you forever.
Focus on your scholarship and YOU. YOU deserve that opportunity to create something wonderful out of yourself. Think about how in a few years when you come back educated, successful, and in control, everyone will recognize how stupid he was for treating you so badly (even if he's still to stubborn to open his eyes). Good luck!
STOP listening to him. Every time he says something nice, it probably leads to sex (from the sounds of it). Does he only say "you're right" when he wants sex? Does he only agree with you just to make sure you'll say yes next time he asks for sex again?
Cheaters always cheat. Once you find one, never take him back. It's a sure deal. And I know you want him to realize what he's losing, but you can't force someone to open their eyes. If it makes him happier to ignore you and your feelings, then he will keep on doing it. Nobody is wonderful enough to go through what you've gone through. You're a loving, caring person with so much to give. Now it sounds like you're going to cut everyone off from your wonderful caring qualities just because of one person. You're letting one person ruin relationships for you forever.
Focus on your scholarship and YOU. YOU deserve that opportunity to create something wonderful out of yourself. Think about how in a few years when you come back educated, successful, and in control, everyone will recognize how stupid he was for treating you so badly (even if he's still to stubborn to open his eyes). Good luck!
I think moving across state would be a fabulous thing. Out of sight out of mind. Don't answer his calls either.
You're right if he really wants you he'd fight for it, but I don't think you should hope for that - the dude is a cheater - he will just hurt you again. The reasons you broke up are valid ones and don't forget that. Otherwise you're just going to start a vicious cycle. I know you know in your heart you need to do this and I know how hard it is to actually follow through on when you are in love with someone. But he is not worthy of your love. I bet someone across the state is though :) Snap that oppertunity up and leave him and his baggage and emotional torture behind!
You're right if he really wants you he'd fight for it, but I don't think you should hope for that - the dude is a cheater - he will just hurt you again. The reasons you broke up are valid ones and don't forget that. Otherwise you're just going to start a vicious cycle. I know you know in your heart you need to do this and I know how hard it is to actually follow through on when you are in love with someone. But he is not worthy of your love. I bet someone across the state is though :) Snap that oppertunity up and leave him and his baggage and emotional torture behind!
I suppose y'all are right....... just as all my friends have told me.
Well i have the opportunity to move across state pretty soon for a scholarship so might have to head off into the sunset and get my head stright!
If he really wants me he can fight for me
Well i have the opportunity to move across state pretty soon for a scholarship so might have to head off into the sunset and get my head stright!
If he really wants me he can fight for me
First loves can be tough to get over but Jay is right you are obsessed and need to cut him out of your life completely.
HELLO He slept with your best friend, his ex while with you, DIDN'T CARE when you miscarried and now comes back for free sex.
He is a loser - a young immature loser. Get out now and cut him out completely. You've already done damage to your own self worth - how can you think so little of yourself to stick around hoping he will come around - how can you possibly want to be with him when he has REPEATEDLY hurt you. It isn't love you want the idea of it all. Go and see a psychologist to get yourself in line and leave him in the past. You're probably missing out on the best times of your life because of it. You deserve better than that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Come on girl smarten up.
HELLO He slept with your best friend, his ex while with you, DIDN'T CARE when you miscarried and now comes back for free sex.
He is a loser - a young immature loser. Get out now and cut him out completely. You've already done damage to your own self worth - how can you think so little of yourself to stick around hoping he will come around - how can you possibly want to be with him when he has REPEATEDLY hurt you. It isn't love you want the idea of it all. Go and see a psychologist to get yourself in line and leave him in the past. You're probably missing out on the best times of your life because of it. You deserve better than that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Come on girl smarten up.
This isn't love. It is obsession. Obsession causes us to make some bad decisions, and you know you have made some bad decisions. If you aren't strong enough to get away from this jerk, at least get yourself into a psychologist for some help. And no, you aren't crazy! Just young and mixed up and you need some help to sort through all the emotions so you can see things logically again.
Neither one of you is ready for a mature, adult relationship. Please take some time to work on yourself before sharing the best part of you with someone else.
Neither one of you is ready for a mature, adult relationship. Please take some time to work on yourself before sharing the best part of you with someone else.
Yes then of course if he is asking people etc.. or calls around the next day wondering about these other people of course he is interested in you, but you need to make up excuses like you will not be home, your going out on a date, your seeing someone, and tell him you aint like him cheating,then he will get the message at that stage ye will either cut all losses or reunite the proper way this time, and if ye do get back together leave the sex bit out, i know it's hard but he really needs to admit to you how he is feeling....? if you do move on and love some other guy, this guy your with now well kinda will always be alone he will never end up happy for cheating
I just saw Teko's post. She has a good point. He is probably coming over to your house as a back up when another "sure thing" doesn't work out. I'm sure when other girls he wanted said no, he called you and you were happy to oblige. You're his comfort lay....the one he can depend on, the one that will never say no.
I know we are being rough on you but you need to get this through your pretty head that this is all it is, nothing more. Print out this thread and read it everytime he tries to have sex with you again.
I know we are being rough on you but you need to get this through your pretty head that this is all it is, nothing more. Print out this thread and read it everytime he tries to have sex with you again.
You are being used pure and simple. This guy comes around for sex but isn't there for the rest of your life. He is wasting your time b/c as long as he is doing this, you won't move on to a better relationship. Listen to Happy2girls advice. It's very sound.
When i move on as in even talking to other guys he says he isnt bothered and feels nothing but you can guarantee the next day he'l eithere comes round, talk about it, asks people about me etc.
Its like he doesnt care but then why would he be bothered?
Its like he doesnt care but then why would he be bothered?
I think you just need to show him that you can move on with out him, but deep down you know and feel that you can't, try moving on and see how he reacts...
No one is telling you that you are stupid for loving him. Has he said he loves you? I have to give the guy credit for at least being honest when he says his intentions are purely sexual. It is not uncommon for exes to hop in bed again after the break-up but most times the guy will claim he is confused and still loves the ex. The thing is you can love him to the moon and stars and back again but if he doesn't feel the same then there is no relationship. Not the kind you seem to want anyway. And no amount of manipulation or game playing will change that. Take it from someone who knows.
I know what he's done and at times i have hated him more than anything in the world but i have forgiven him for this, everyone makes mistakes and i know i wasn't always perfect, i was a bit untrusting throughout our relationship but he didnt understand that this was just because i was still hurting.
I was naive when we me, 17 and vulnerable and i let him in completely, that itself has taught me a valuable lesson in learning not to trust people as easily.
He did hurt me and he did try to turn evryone against me but at the end of the day i think both of us ealise who was in the wrong. For the first time in 8 months we are not arguing and i feel so relieved about that.
I dont want it to turn into a slagging match against him, i dont need anyone to tell me how stupid i am for loving him, i know this myself.
I just want to know how to make him realise what he's losing????
I was naive when we me, 17 and vulnerable and i let him in completely, that itself has taught me a valuable lesson in learning not to trust people as easily.
He did hurt me and he did try to turn evryone against me but at the end of the day i think both of us ealise who was in the wrong. For the first time in 8 months we are not arguing and i feel so relieved about that.
I dont want it to turn into a slagging match against him, i dont need anyone to tell me how stupid i am for loving him, i know this myself.
I just want to know how to make him realise what he's losing????
I am sorry that I am going to be so blunt here but the reason your ex keeps coming back is for the free sex, plain and simple. He has told you as much...."(who still comes round and stays on a weekly basis - and insists it is purely sexual)", "He says he no longer cares for me". You are allowing him to take advantage of you and make a fool of you. The best thing that you can do is to lose him entirely from your life and examine why you would allow yourself to be involved with someone who seems to have nothing but contempt for you. You deserve much better than this and I suspect you already know that. Best of luck to you.
Yes playing games does really work, but you have to seriousally think about this do you want to end up with a guy like this for the rest of your life, a guy that you will never trust and wonder where is he what is he up too, who's he with tonight maybe ex Girlfriend maybe your best friend, if i was you, i would have no contact with him what so ever and try out another relationship with some body knew then you will realise what you have been missing out on, this guy is horrible to do these things to you, and you seem like a lovely person, and very very stronge in what you have been through, imagine if you did play games with him and got him right back where ye were first day and you did have a baby with this guy imagine your life then you would be always at home and he would be always out, you can do alot better than this, i always believe that its not the love you miss it's the habit.... and if you did give up all contact with this guy it will get easier i can promise you that, once a cheater always a cheater no matter what...........
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