Aa
What ex is telling his new girlfriend
Soo say your in a relationship with a man who is expecting a child. He tells you everything was great in his relationship with the mother of his child aside from them arguing. And that she is still his bestfriend. And one day tells you he is surprised because she has not contacted him in a few days. Tells you he doesn't believe in getting back with exs so you have nothing to worry about. Then one day you two are making up situations together like a "what would you do?" and he says "what if I was stranded somewhere and your car broke down?" Your response is " I don't know how to catch the bus." And he says "well (exs name) would jump on the bus no questions asked."
How would you feel about the situation?
How would you feel about the situation?
"There is nothing I can do to change what he has done but I grew up with my parents not speaking and hating each other. My son deserves a chance to have his father and mother get along and be able to let go of the past. This has not been easy on me by any means but me being angry will only hurt my son. What goes around comes around it is not my responsibility to make him pay for what he has done to me"............
Nobody is telling you or saying that you should be angry towards him OR make him "pay" for anything. What we are trying to tell you is keep things strictly business between you and him if this is just about you wanting a connection between him and his son. It is possible two people who aren't a couple can have FRIENDLY interaction because they are thinking about their child and NOT unresolved isssues between them. In other words, they aren't thinking about themselves but the wellbeing of their child. That's what you should do.
I wouldn't worry about this other stuff with the new gf, etc. as that has NOTHING to do with the baby. Who cares what your ex is telling you about his new gf? Once again, that has NOTHING to do with the baby.
You calling your family to discuss what was posted on your ex bf's FB doesn't help matters at all. You are playing a part in keeping this going by doing these types of things.
Forget about what he is posting on FB, forget about what he is telling you about the new gf, etc. Be the more mature person here and keep things business and set boundaries IMMEDIATELY with this ex.
You weren't the best in the relationship and he isn't the best now.......this isn't what being best friends is about or what a relationship is about. You two need to just be there for your child and forget about being a couple.
Nobody is telling you or saying that you should be angry towards him OR make him "pay" for anything. What we are trying to tell you is keep things strictly business between you and him if this is just about you wanting a connection between him and his son. It is possible two people who aren't a couple can have FRIENDLY interaction because they are thinking about their child and NOT unresolved isssues between them. In other words, they aren't thinking about themselves but the wellbeing of their child. That's what you should do.
I wouldn't worry about this other stuff with the new gf, etc. as that has NOTHING to do with the baby. Who cares what your ex is telling you about his new gf? Once again, that has NOTHING to do with the baby.
You calling your family to discuss what was posted on your ex bf's FB doesn't help matters at all. You are playing a part in keeping this going by doing these types of things.
Forget about what he is posting on FB, forget about what he is telling you about the new gf, etc. Be the more mature person here and keep things business and set boundaries IMMEDIATELY with this ex.
You weren't the best in the relationship and he isn't the best now.......this isn't what being best friends is about or what a relationship is about. You two need to just be there for your child and forget about being a couple.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am going to be honest. I really believe you want to be with him and are hoping the baby will do that for you. I say that based on posts I've read. I don't think you are over him and I think the baby is the only thing keeping you two attached.
You have to really be clear on your feelings to yourself at least. Make your 'relationship' with him all business until you no longer have feelings for him or a desire to rekindle the relationship. He does not need to be telling you ANYTHING related to his personal life nor do you need to read his face book page or anything like that. You have to cut those ties. It's all about the baby and don't give him the satisfaction of having you as his side thing to stroke his ego or 'just in case' it doesn't work out with the other girl.
good luck
You have to really be clear on your feelings to yourself at least. Make your 'relationship' with him all business until you no longer have feelings for him or a desire to rekindle the relationship. He does not need to be telling you ANYTHING related to his personal life nor do you need to read his face book page or anything like that. You have to cut those ties. It's all about the baby and don't give him the satisfaction of having you as his side thing to stroke his ego or 'just in case' it doesn't work out with the other girl.
good luck
There is nothing I can do to change what he has done but I grew up with my parents not speaking and hating each other. My son deserves a chance to have his father and mother get along and be able to let go of the past. This has not been easy on me by any means but me being angry will only hurt my son. What goes around comes around it is not my responsibility to make him pay for what he has done to me.
He sounds like a slime. What kind of guy gets a girl pregnant, leaves while she is pregnant, finds a new gf and then causes all of this ridiculous and unnecessary drama? He left you while you are pregnant and has a new gf. Maybe my standards are just way higher than yours but if a guy did that to me I would not be being his best friend. I can't understand why you would be defending him and being all chummy with him. He's clearly a total deadbeat just like his dad was and he has severe commitment issues. You're better off being a single mom and not expecting anything out of that loser because I guarantee he won't be around much, if at all, to help with your kid.
I don't feel like the birth of our son will make him come back to me I just want to see their connection.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am afraid that you are picturing that once you have the baby he will give up the girlfriend and come back to you. Please don't set yourself up for heartache this way. You will want to enjoy the baby without false hopes of some miraculous change in your relationship. good luck
How old are you two?
WOW..........I am confused. I thought you were the other woman seeing him; you are the pregnant ex gf.
This father of the child; the ex bf.............Geesh, he is telling you a lot about what he and his current gf discuss? Oh my. Is he telling you to seek approval or just to get your opinion about what she says? Even if you are supposed to be best friends he needs some SERIOUS boundaries set in regards to talking about his current gf. Is he that clueless? He is probably talking about you with her as well..........trust me on that one. Keep your convos focused ON the child and nothing else.
He needs to stay away from ALL women until he sorts himself out. He doesn't sound over you yet he is in a new relationship.............he overlapping relationships without taking a breath which is NEVER a great idea. He shouldn't of started any new relationship until you both got through this pregnancy. I think he is PLAYING both of you using mind games.
"He told me because he made a post on facebook that upset my family about. Saying how grateful he was to have her long story short there was drama so I gave him a call. My family felt as though I should be getting the praise not her.. he was telling me that he knows how much I have done for him and the things I will do for him.".............Are you serious? The family needs to stay out of this too. You shouldn't of given anyone a call after they saw what was posted on FB. He is entitled to post this on FB. They are entitled to their opinions, however, they shouldn't be dictating what he is allowed to put on his FB. I absolutely abhor FB for these reasons.
Sounds like BOTH of you are going to lose and it will probably end bad for the both of you. This guy sounds like he is playing games. What makes things worse is there is a history of his father leaving the family.
Forget about having a little family with this one and just focus and you and your child. Forget anything romantic with this guy. And for heaven's sake ask your family to stay out of this. Quit chatting to his mother about him. Lastly, tell him you don't need to listen to anything in regards to what he and his current gf have discussed or are discussing, etc. Stay completely out of that as well. Who cares who is getting praise on a flipping FB page. Worry about more important things.
Like I stated in my initial response:
How would you feel about the situation?"...........Not good.
In my opinion this is probably going to end bad for you
I still feel this way.
WOW..........I am confused. I thought you were the other woman seeing him; you are the pregnant ex gf.
This father of the child; the ex bf.............Geesh, he is telling you a lot about what he and his current gf discuss? Oh my. Is he telling you to seek approval or just to get your opinion about what she says? Even if you are supposed to be best friends he needs some SERIOUS boundaries set in regards to talking about his current gf. Is he that clueless? He is probably talking about you with her as well..........trust me on that one. Keep your convos focused ON the child and nothing else.
He needs to stay away from ALL women until he sorts himself out. He doesn't sound over you yet he is in a new relationship.............he overlapping relationships without taking a breath which is NEVER a great idea. He shouldn't of started any new relationship until you both got through this pregnancy. I think he is PLAYING both of you using mind games.
"He told me because he made a post on facebook that upset my family about. Saying how grateful he was to have her long story short there was drama so I gave him a call. My family felt as though I should be getting the praise not her.. he was telling me that he knows how much I have done for him and the things I will do for him.".............Are you serious? The family needs to stay out of this too. You shouldn't of given anyone a call after they saw what was posted on FB. He is entitled to post this on FB. They are entitled to their opinions, however, they shouldn't be dictating what he is allowed to put on his FB. I absolutely abhor FB for these reasons.
Sounds like BOTH of you are going to lose and it will probably end bad for the both of you. This guy sounds like he is playing games. What makes things worse is there is a history of his father leaving the family.
Forget about having a little family with this one and just focus and you and your child. Forget anything romantic with this guy. And for heaven's sake ask your family to stay out of this. Quit chatting to his mother about him. Lastly, tell him you don't need to listen to anything in regards to what he and his current gf have discussed or are discussing, etc. Stay completely out of that as well. Who cares who is getting praise on a flipping FB page. Worry about more important things.
Like I stated in my initial response:
How would you feel about the situation?"...........Not good.
In my opinion this is probably going to end bad for you
I still feel this way.
Rena, that explains a lot. His dad did this too. I don't know whether it's nature or nurture or what combination, but I've seen this dynamic. Men whose dad's leave, leave their kids.
Same way as women who say "I will NEVER act like my mother" always seem to.
Stay strong.
Same way as women who say "I will NEVER act like my mother" always seem to.
Stay strong.
His mother is as shocked as I am. Especially since his dad left while she was pregnant with him she never thought he would act this way either. She is extremely disappointed and mad at him.
I also told him bestfriends don't do what he is doing to me. He is the one who considers me as his bestfriend. There is soo much to this story but I do appreciate the advice. I know what I should demand in a partner but I can not predict the future he was one person all these years & has now become a complete stranger.
Your first post said he considers you his best friend and is surprised if you don't call him for a couple days.
I hope you're getting support from his family. If I were his mother i'd be furious.
I hope you're getting support from his family. If I were his mother i'd be furious.
We only talk maybe once a week when he is asking about our god daughter Or our son.. he knows EXACTLY how I feel. My family feels like I deserve the praise because I was by his side for five years and I am carrying his baby & they do not talk to him. I know some things I know because I talk to his mom everyday.
I'm sorry, it sounds like I'm blasting you. I'm blasting him, and this whole idea that it's fine to get a woman pregnant and then wander off and get with some booty call new girl and think everyone should be good with it.
Because you didn't grow up in an intact home, I think you had lower expectations for what you should demand of a partner before you get pregnant.
Again, best wishes.
Because you didn't grow up in an intact home, I think you had lower expectations for what you should demand of a partner before you get pregnant.
Again, best wishes.
He doesn't know you don't agree with him. You consider him your best friend and you talk to him all the time on the phone, and your family expects praises from him about you on his facebook page.
In my family his name would be MUDDD. No one would speak to him, and he would get a summons for child support and be expected to go to court for possible visitation rights and we'd all be civil about the exchanges of kids, but there would be no more "best friend" status for this guy.
Honey, you're still happy about little bitty crumbs from his table like he thinks you're the kind who would hop a bus rather than need help.
I'm really sorry you're going through all this but I think you are letting him off way too lightly and not letting him feel how destructive his behavior is.
Best wishes for you.
In my family his name would be MUDDD. No one would speak to him, and he would get a summons for child support and be expected to go to court for possible visitation rights and we'd all be civil about the exchanges of kids, but there would be no more "best friend" status for this guy.
Honey, you're still happy about little bitty crumbs from his table like he thinks you're the kind who would hop a bus rather than need help.
I'm really sorry you're going through all this but I think you are letting him off way too lightly and not letting him feel how destructive his behavior is.
Best wishes for you.
He knows I don't agree with him. But I can't change his mind I can only try to better myself.
I was definitely not the easiest person to deal with while we were together. I was very negative and let little unnecessary things bother me. I do not at all agree with his decision for us to not be together and work on things as a family since my parents were not together & it was very hard on me. But I also have to look back at things I have done wrong.. we were together for five years & he was an amazing boyfriend. I know he sounds like a complete a**.. he just got a better job so he can help me more with our son.
When we had behavior rules everything was so much easier. :(
There were roles and rules.
I don't know how you navigate through this trying to figure out your place in this impossible mess.
How the ex girlfriend who is currently pregnant, and how the current unpregnant girlfriend should be treated by family and friends and by the dog who created this mess.
And I don't "respect" his decision at all. I really disrespect it. What a scum.
And I don't know why women in your position try to be so accommodating to this miserable behavior. Why are you letting him get away with this without kicking him completely to the curb?
There were roles and rules.
I don't know how you navigate through this trying to figure out your place in this impossible mess.
How the ex girlfriend who is currently pregnant, and how the current unpregnant girlfriend should be treated by family and friends and by the dog who created this mess.
And I don't "respect" his decision at all. I really disrespect it. What a scum.
And I don't know why women in your position try to be so accommodating to this miserable behavior. Why are you letting him get away with this without kicking him completely to the curb?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, then all conversation needs to be strictly about the child. Begin the process of seeking child support and do not chit chat with him and try to stay off his facebook page. If it is over between you two, then let it be over.
This is rough stuff and I really have a miserable opinion of men that put themselves between two women. I really do think they play them both and I am guessing that is what is going on here. Everyone just loves HIM, don't they? He's the big prize. Stop stroking his ego and see him for what he is. He dumped his pregnant girlfriend. That's no prize. good luck
This is rough stuff and I really have a miserable opinion of men that put themselves between two women. I really do think they play them both and I am guessing that is what is going on here. Everyone just loves HIM, don't they? He's the big prize. Stop stroking his ego and see him for what he is. He dumped his pregnant girlfriend. That's no prize. good luck
He told me because he made a post on facebook that upset my family about. Saying how grateful he was to have her long story short there was drama so I gave him a call. My family felt as though I should be getting the praise not her.. he was telling me that he knows how much I have done for him and the things I will do for him. Don't feel like he is playing a games with me he tells me he feels like she deserves a chance.. I am very much in love with him and want my family to be together. But I told him I respect his decision
COMMUNITY LEADER
OHHHH, so he is telling YOU what she says putting her in a bad light. Hm. Well, do you think he is playing a game with you? Are you interested in him?
& his question to her was asking what she would do if he were stranded somewhere and her car broke down how would she help him.
I am the ex girlfriend pregnant with his child. He just tells me the things they talk about and I wounder how she is ok with some of the things being said.
COMMUNITY LEADER
This man will always be attached to this other woman and they will have an even deeper bond as the baby is born.
His comment to you is that he knows her well and she can take care of herself and that is in contrast to your comment that you wouldn't know how to catch a bus (which I hope isn't true. We DO need to be able to take care of ourselves in life).
I don't know---- I don't know what his tone was or the meaning buried within.
Do you think he cares for his ex?
Londres may be right. this might not be a man fully ready to move on (and it obviously hasn't been long as the ex is pregnant).
Maybe it would be wise to slow things down. good luck
His comment to you is that he knows her well and she can take care of herself and that is in contrast to your comment that you wouldn't know how to catch a bus (which I hope isn't true. We DO need to be able to take care of ourselves in life).
I don't know---- I don't know what his tone was or the meaning buried within.
Do you think he cares for his ex?
Londres may be right. this might not be a man fully ready to move on (and it obviously hasn't been long as the ex is pregnant).
Maybe it would be wise to slow things down. good luck
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
