What exactly is this? Should I ask him?

[AHP84]

For Christmas my boyfriend (we've been together nearly a year and a half) got me this ring, but I don't know what to think about it, lol. Everyone who sees it is like, "Oooooh! Congratulations! You're engaged!" and I have to say, "No I'm not."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not disappointed. Just confused. He specifically told me it's not an engagement ring, but he didn't say it was a promise ring either. He did say I could wear it on my left hand though, which is "that hand."
Also everyone tells me the design is an engagement ring. And that the slots in the side are interlocking for a second piece. So what is this?! I've just been calling it a promise ring, and he knows I have, but hasn't said anything to acknowledge that it's a promise ring. He told me it was "just a ring."
This is driving me absolutely insane, and I don't know if I should ask him about it. One person told me not to say anything and just enjoy the ring and the relationship, and let things fall where they may. But that's so hard to do when I have so much excitement about it and everyone sees it and assumes I'm engaged. I don't know if I should ask him if this has any more meaning than "just a ring" on my LEFT finger, for goodness sake, or if I should just let it go and not say anything.
Should I ask him? Or should I just patiently wait and see what happens?
After all, it's on my left finger and clearly lets everyone know I'm "off the market."

[RockRose]

AJH,  he specifically told you it's not an engagement ring,  so I guess he considers it a nice piece of jewelry to give you - like,  earrings or a tennis bracelet.  

You could wear it on your right hand if you don't want to have to keep explaining that it isn't an engagement ring.

I'm kind of confused,  as you are,  that this ring appears to clearly be actually an engagement ring.  It's confusing that he bought you an engagement ring but states that's not what it is.  Hm.  

Good luck figuring this out!   I think I'd have the diamond reset into a pendant.

[BabyHardiman]

I would play with him and wear it on the right hand - I am curious to see if he gets sad because you are not wearing it on "that hand".  =)  Do it and see what happens.

[April2]

I think I'd agree with your friend. Just enjoy the ring and the relationship and see what happens. Don't drive yourself crazy! :)
It's a nice ring but he appears not quite ready to take that next step. I don't know if you'd scare him off by asking about engagements and marriage or not. I think he already knows how you feel but he may not be quite ready to go to that next step yet. Just give him time. It sounds like a great relationship and you two obviously care about each other.
I agree with the others. I think I'd move it to the right hand for now. See if he notices or cares. Then you won't have to constantly explain yourself either. When the time comes and he takes that step then you will have your moment in glory! :D

[mami1323]

It does look somewhat like an engagement type of ring but he's telling you it's not an engagement ring.  I agree, I would switch and put it on the right hand this way you don't need to explain yourself to anyone any more.  See what he does or says.  When he's ready he will ask you.  Just enjoy the beautiful ring as it is.  He will ask you some day, just try not to focus on it too much.

[g27gear]

Since he's a guy; to him, it's probably just a ring that he thought looked nice when he picked it out. He may have some hidden agenda thought. Time can only tell.

[AHP84]

Thanks everyone. The more I think about it, I think I understand somewhat where he's coming from.
When I opened the ring on Christmas, I took it out of the box and waited a moment for anything he might say about it, but he didn't say anything specific.
So I asked him before I even put it on if it was an engagement ring, and that's when he told me it wasn't. Then I asked if he preferred which hand I put it on (seeing as its design is clearly that of an engagement ring, so personally, I didn't want to put it on my right hand but would do so if he asked me to). He said whichever I wanted, so I very seriously asked him if he felt okay about me wearing it on my left hand if it wasn't an engagement ring.
To my surprise, the look on his face and tone in his voice told me that that's exactly how he wanted it, but didn't want to tell me or pressure me to do just that.
Since then I've been completely honest with him and have told him that people think we're engaged, and that I've been saying it's a promise ring. He doesn't seem at all bothered by this, but he hasn't said anything to clear this up for me.
Not only that, but I do wear the ring on my right hand in front of his family for the exact reason that he does not want them to think we're engaged or that he even got me the ring for Christmas, because he's in between jobs right now and doesn't want them to think he spent a big chunk of money (although he claims he's saved for this ring for the last few months when he was still working). He says he doesn't want to deal with them thinking and/or lecturing him that he's irresponsible with his money, or tying himself into a committment like engagement a year before he's graduated from college with someone like me (not that they don't like me, lol...they think very highly of me and adore Trevor, so their mindset is that if Brandon commits himself to us on that level that he should be better established for us).
He probably has that same mindset, which doesn't bother me, but I wish he'd say something to give me some idea of what he was thinking when he got this ring, and what he intends it to be, as he's accepting of it being on my left hand and not bothered at all by people always asking and congratulating us about our "engagement" and me referring to it as a promise ring.
I don't know if I want to mess with his head by putting it on my right hand just to see what happens, because I feel that could lead to pressuring him about this, especially since he knows my heart is already set on wearing it on the left hand. We're always very honest with each other and have great communication.
I just wish I could say I entirely understand this. That's why I don't know whether or not it would be of any benefit to ask him. I don't want to pressure him about any of this, but it would be nice to eliminate this bit of confusion.

[April2]

Why not just talk to him about this? You can just keep it light but say that you're thinking about moving the ring to your right hand so that people won't keep asking if it's an engagement ring and therefore to avoid any further confusion but tell him that you'd be happy to move it back if and when you all ever should decide to take that next step and that you'd be proud to be his fiancee but that you understand now isn't a good time.
I don't know, something like that. :) I'm still tired this morning so I might not be making much sense, lol.

[mayflowers]

AJH - it looks like an engagement ring to me however April's advice is really good.  Congrats!

[Agiesmom]

He has to be toe-dipping or something.  I mean most men aren't really knowledgeable about jewelry, but most know what an engagement ring looks like.  And I'd be willing to guess that the person who sold it to him mentioned the word marriage or engagement.  Then the whole which hand situation is odd, too.  Sounds like he's trying the whole thing on for size...for whatever reason.  Maybe it's because he wants to be engaged but feels it's not right since he's unemployed?  Or he's not sure and wanted to see how it might feel?  I don't know, but I'd be confused, too.  I'd talk to him about it.

[Agiesmom]

Oh, and if he doesn't want to talk about it or keeps giving you convoluted answers, I'd wear it on my right middle finger--with another ring on my right ring finger.

[AHP84]

Yeah, I definitely think I'll need to find a way to talk to him about this. Mostly because not knowing what this is--just a ring or something with more meaning--is bothering me even more than having to explain to people that I'm not engaged.
I really think he wants to be engaged to me as much as I do to him, but doesn't feel confident or secure enough about it being official since he's unemployed (hopefully that'll change within a month), still in college (one year left), and still living at home.
He's of the type that feels it would be irresponsible and selfish as a man to make that kind of committment to Trevor and me without being able to really provide anything. Can't say I fault that mindset; in fact, I prefer it--but I certainly wouldn't mind being engaged for a year or so until he gets to that point.
Then I end up with this ring and I just don't know what to think, because everything about how our relationship functions could easily pass as an engagement, which is why everyone sees the ring and that's the first thing that they think.

April, your advice made perfect sense, and I think I'll follow it. :-)
Agiesmom, what's the significance of wearing it on my right middle finger with another ring on my right ring finger?

[noaaiona]

If he told you specifically that it's not an engagement ring AND he did not propose when he gave you the ring, than it is not an engagement ring; it is merely a pretty piece of jewelry. Wear the ring on your right hand ( as disappointing as that may be) and consider it a really nice piece of jewelry. When the time is right, things will fall into place; if that's where they should lead.

[treazzure007]

put it on the other hand.  if he simply bought you a ring instead of a necklace or bracelet, you should have put it on the right hand or gotten it sized for a different finger on the left hand.  there is no confusion about a marriage proposal, you won't be left wondering what a ring meant when it's time, promise

[Agiesmom]

No significance.  If it's "just a ring" and doesn't mean anything, I just wouldn't wear it on either ring finger (some people may still ask about it, not realizing it's your right hand at first).  I'd wear it on a different finger and with other rings so it doesn't stand out--that should avoid any comments/questions and avoid your having to define it as a promise ring.  (I personally wouldn't want to call it that because I associate that term (promise ring) with people who are too young to officially get engaged).  All that said, if you talk to him and he is open about it, you may come to a different realization over it all and will know for certain what to do with it.

All the best to you.