I am quite concerned that what is happening sounds almost like slavery. Having to be on call to his relative? Getting beaten up all the time?
I agree that abuse takes two people, one to be horrible and abusive, and the other to accept that this is all she gets. And I agree that it would be a good idea to go to a counselor soon and examine why you thought it was acceptable to be treated like this. NOBODY deserves to be treated like this.
But sweetheart, and I say this like you're my sister, get out of there now. You are in the wrong place, with a man who is no longer what you wished he was, and probably never was the man he pretended to be. Don't leave and then call him and let him manipulate you to come back. Just leave.
I'd never live with someone I was in fear would hurt me. I'd be gone yesterday and when we don't leave someone like that, it makes one wonder about previous background in a person's life. Abuse takes two people to do the dance and this poster needs to understand that. She must get out and explore why she'd ever even consider being with him if he hurt her so that she can not have this reoccur. good luck to her andI hope she does it.
I know you probably really love him, and things were probably a lot different when you first met him and got married. I think you are still looking for that guy...but it seems like that guy might have gotten lost. I think that if you do not think that you can leave (which I really think you should, this stress is not good for your health, and neither are the living conditions), than you should tell him you need to take a break, like a separation, but not a divorce. You might want to ask a friend to come over though and be in the other room or something, just in case he gets angry, I wouldn't want him to hurt you, you don't want to risk that. It seems like you have tried to make it work though, and he is not cooperating. That is not marriage...marriage is supposed to be the both of you working together. You seem like you have put your all into this...sometimes that's not enough though if it is with the wrong person. I think with a separation, if he really loves you, he will get the help he needs. This seems very abusive though so I honestly think you should just get out while you can...you seem like a sweet girl...I'd hate for anything bad to happen to you on his account. It's not worth that, and it sounds like you are living in a hell on earth right now. Try to get out. <3
"I really want to make things work." Make what work dear? The abuse.
Find a place he knows NOTHING about, move while he is at work and file divorce papers.
Concur with all the above posters.
I agree with specialmom and RockRose wholeheartedly. To paraphrase what she said even more strongly,
People who don't make changes when they realize they have made a poor decision, sentence themselves to miserable, trapped lives. Keep going with this guy and that is the best you can hope for, a miserable, trapped life.
Family or friends will take you in. Get on the phone now. Get counseling also, so you don't do this again.
Good luck, sweetheart, you don't deserve ANY OF THIS.
Annie
I've read both your posts, and believe you've made a mistake marrying him.
There's no shame in making mistakes, everyone makes them, but smart people own up to them and work to solve them.
People who lead miserable trapped lives don't make changes when they realize they've made a poor decision.
I don't see a prayer that your relationship will work, and it was a true relief to get to the end of your post without you saying you're pregnant.
Since you mention you do have family, you need to call them, admit this was an error, and go live with them until you find full time work and can start out on your own.
In my opinion.
Best wishes.
Well, if you were trying to make your point that you should leave him, you did it!! Yeesh.
-- drinking problem.
-- physically abusive to you.
-- verbally abusive to you
-- controling
-- taking advantage with the aunt and expectations of you for her
-- he is unreasonable in his demands of you
etc. etc. etc.
How the heck did you decide to marry this guy in the first place??
Ask yourself that question and maybe explore it with a therapist when you get a job that provides insurance so you don't repeat the pattern of picking a bad guy but . .. get out now.
Of course you shouldn't have his child!! That would be absolutely insane. Instead of just you being miserable you'd be dragging an innocent child into your nightmare.
I'm being quite strong here because obviously this is not a good situation. Save yourself and get out now. Peace
Don't stay with someone who is always hitting you. Sorry, I don't know how you could love someone who does that. See a counselor and make some decisions. He's just manipulating you. You're better off alone and happy than with this guy and miserable.