What is she thinking?

[beautifulbritty712]

My boyfriend lives with his friend, his friends wife and their kids. Every once in a while she gives him food, like if she cooks and there's extra and that doesn't bother me that's just being nice. Well when I go grocery shopping I will pick up meat and stuff for my bf that's on sale because he doesn't like to shop- he usually picks it up from my house and goes home so they probably dont realize i got it for him but last night I was going to his house so I brought the groceries with me and we were putting it away while she was sitting right there and I took a pack of chicken thighs and put it in the fridge and told him not to freeze it so he doesn't have to worry about thawing it out the next day. When  I got to the bottom of the last bag I found a pack of chicken breasts I had bought for my house and I said just put it in the freezer I'll take it when I go home. Today I talked to him on my break at work and he said she took out my chicken breasts to thaw while he was at work and she said it was because she didn't want him to wait on his meat to thaw after work- I asked what happened to the chicken that was in the fridge he said it wasn't it was in the freezer. So she must have put the chicken I set out for him in the freezer and decided she wanted him to eat the breasts. I thought it was weird but said ok well I guess just save me a piece for when I get out of work. Well I get out and he acts like he doesn't have any chicken for me at first (it was a 4lb pack) then says he did save me some come get it. I got there and I know he didn't cook that chicken- he doesn't know how to cook much- it was cut off the bone into strips and seasoned breaded and fried. The only thing he knows to season with is salt and I've seen him fry chicken before he doesn't bread it. I don't know why it's bothering me so much but it is, and he got mad. I told him it makes me feel bad because when I used to be home during the day I cooked his meals every day now I work second shift I can't really cook him dinner. It is not her place to cook for him, it's different if she cooks and offers him some but she cooked for her family then also cooked for him, and her husband works second shift too I know she wouldn't be cooking for another man if he was at home. I know he's not cheating with her, that's not why it bothers me, I feel like she's trying to make me look bad- they are spanish and I know it's a big deal for spanish people because I had a friend whos bf family hated her because she didn't know how to cook and his sisters had to cook for him. This woman is not necessarily rude to me, she says hi but not much else. I feel like she kind of acts funny toward me though on days I don't work and I do bring him dinner. He thinks I'm overreacting but I really don't like how she did that, it was not her place. She was gone for a while and I would hang out with her kids, and she always goes to bed while I stay up and hang out with the guys- could these be reasons for her to act this way? I don't know what to think am I overreacting about this? I told him when I got out that I will cook for him after work, bring it to work with me and drop it off on my way home so he can eat it the next day because I think she feels bad for him like I'm a bad girlfriend or something and I don't want people to think that and they always ask why I don't move in and why I don't spend more time there, but we have talked about it and we are both happy where we are right now. I know I shouldn't care so much what they think but I feel like I am making him look bad to his friends. This has been driving me crazy since I went on break at 7pm and we talked about it and I felt a little better but now it's bothering me again. I think I don't like her.

[Totie]

I don't think there is anything to be mad about.

Anyway he can go to your house? The lady may feel like he is a guest, at least that is how I am. My house, but always feel like I must cook and clean, even if they do pay half the rent.

My mom (Spanish) is like that....actually all of my sibilings are. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, NO matter who is there at the time.

[Judy246]

Have a "discussion" with her about your concerns in a manner that is friendly, approachable and just concern and see what she has to say.  This conversation does not have to get ugly or confrontational, just talk as if your asking for advice. Don't make her an enemy unless she has good reason to do so ok...good luck

[beautifulbritty712]

Thanks everyone, I know its not really a big deal, but I just thought it was weird because she cooked for her family then also cooked for him. It doesn't bother me if she invites him to eat with them what she was already cooking, but its different for her to cook specifically for him. He does have a job and pays half the bills, and I know she wouldn't have cooked for him like that if her husband would have been home. I really just feel like she's trying to make me look bad- not just that but how her husband talks to me also like I'm a bad gf because I don't spend much time there but it is hard because he is in bed when I get out of work and he gets his kids every other weekend. I really feel better about it now, and I think I will say something to her- not confrontational because my bf might get mad but I think I'll just mention in front of her husband how good her chicken was and ask for the recipe I think that will solve the problem- is that a bad idea?

[sammy73]

I do understand why you're upset - this guy is your boyfriend, and it doesn't feel right for any other woman to do anything that seems like she's looking after him.

But from what you say, I really doubt she meant anything by it, I don't think anyone has done anything inappropriate here.  The only thing is that your boyfriend might have realised that you'd be sensitive about it, and so (unwisely, but with good intention) lied to you about there being some chicken left over for you.

Honestly, if a friend of mine was staying at my house (whether short or long-term), I'd be very surprised if my wife didn't cook for him from time to time, whether I was there or not.

[imanaddict]

I have lived with a family before and they ALWAYS included my food in with the meals and I would help clean up. My feelings would have extremely hurt if it were any other way, and I'm willing to bet the woman is just being polite. She has kids so she's probably just used to doing things like that anyway.

The others are 100% spot on about your boyfriend getting a place of his own. Is that in the near future?

If this continues to be a problem, you could always show your boyfriend how to cook for himself.

[heatherlynn22]

ok so why are you upset? i'm confused about that. are you mad she cooks and he eats what she cooks? or that she cooks the food that you buy?

mami is right it would be best for everyone if he found his own place. i can honestly say as wife if one of my husbands friends was staying with us i would include him in the family dinners. i'm the type of person to not cook for everyone. even if they're here for 5 minutes and it's at supper time i will ask if they want to stay.

[mami1323]

Honestly, it's an uncomfortable situation for all.  It is her house and really you can't say much to her.  I would simply insist that your bf find a place of his own and then you won't have to worry about these kind of things.  I think the wife feels like it is her house, her territory and basically marking it.  

[Judy246]

It's always a bad ideal for people to live with families that are not family nor his own home. Does your b/f have a job? I'm Hispanic, so I know where your coming from. I would go right up to both of them and simply ask what happened to the chicken and ask him why wasn't a piece saved for me as you would normall do?  That way it won't make you crazy thinking about it and get some answers. Go up to her and ask her personally (do it in a civil way also), so she is aware that you are aware of anything that is out of the norm. Also, rember that it is their house and he is simply a guest. She has a household, husband and kids to take care of and that a 24/7 job.  Good luck

[beautifulbritty712]

I also should add that when I go to their house they eat beans and rice or yesterday when I got there she had cooked some spaghetti noodles and dumped a jar of sauce in it, no meat or nothing. They eat hot dogs and stuff like that, I have never seen her take the time to cook a meal like how I always used to cook him and still do on my days off but she makes the effort to bone his chicken bread it and fry it- she doesn't even cook like that for her husband why does she do it for my boyfriend? I can see being nice and he said she was showing him how to do it not diong it for him, but there have been other things like this that have happened too.